


Daredevil on the slope

by Smokey310



Series: Stupid boys talking and maybe some smut [6]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Foursome - M/M/M/M, M/M, Mountains, Multi, Polyamory, Skiing, Threesome - M/M/M, Winter, any combination you can think of, yeeeh this one is just gonna have everything
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-23
Updated: 2016-05-29
Packaged: 2018-05-03 01:20:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 124,079
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5271227
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Smokey310/pseuds/Smokey310
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>„Seriously. What kind of supernatural being did I piss off to deserve this,“ sighed Tsukishima on their way up to the mountain. Akaashi sat next to him in the little chair lift and watched the trails of small paw prints disappear between the clusters of fir trees. The snow glittered in the sun, the air was icy fresh and everything would have been picture perfect if it wasn't for the intruder shaking his snowboard around in the third seat. </p><p>“Are you talking about me?” asked Tanaka, whom Tsukishima was very obviously talking about. </p><p>“Do you see any other people which the devil would have sent to punish me?”</p><p>“There's some right behind us,” said Tanaka, pointing to the following chair lift filled with an excitedly jumping Bokuto, a maniacally smiling Nishinoya and Kuroo who sat in the middle and looked like he contemplated jumping into the treetops below. </p><p>Well – he did have a point there.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I'm finally writing a multi-chaptered fic for the series! This one will tell the story of how BokuAka and KuroTsuki melt into one definitive BokuAkaKuroTsuki - and all the hardships they encounter on the way. Mainly Tanaka and Noya, because they didn't have their time to shine yet. By the way, if any of you are interested in that little backstory scene with Kageyama and Tsukki - I uploaded that today, but not as a part of this series. It's called "What are we drinking anyway". So if you like KageTsuki even a little, I'd love for you to check it out, because the pairing doesn't get all the love it deserves~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's some beautiful [art](http://tofuandnuts.tumblr.com/post/139842000272/are-you-okay-i-can-drive-for-a-while-if-youre) by [tofuandnuts](http://tofuandnuts.tumblr.com/) for the very first scene, by the way! <33

The downside of plotting things with Bokuto was that it was pretty much destined to fail from the beginning.

This usually wasn't a problem for Akaashi. He had a lot more fun going along with Bokuto's stupid ideas than he would care to admit, so it didn't really matter to him how it turned out in the end. It was just that sometimes, a thing would come up that was truly important. Too important to screw up. And it was these instances where teaming up with Bokuto became a total nightmare.

So the slight shudder that seized him on the way up to the mountain hut was not only due to the cold, but also to the prospect of teaming up with the worst possible candidate for this precarious project. Tsukishima, sitting in the passenger seat beside him, seemed to notice his distress.

“Are you okay? I can drive for a while if you're tired.”

“I'm fine,” said Akaashi. “You already drove the first half of the way, while these two lazy bums back there-” he glared at Bokuto and Kuroo via rear view mirror, “- have been playing travel connect 4 for five hours now.”

“Seriously,” said Tsukishima, turning around to the two of them. “How are you not bored?”

Bokuto just shushed him, looking at the board in total concentration.

“This is our 57th round and we're still tied”, explained Kuroo. “Don't think I'm giving up before I beat this idiot by at least two rounds! This is a matter of pride!”

“That's officially the worst excuse to get out of driving I've ever heard,” said Tsukishima. Akaashi had to agree, but he was secretly glad that neither Bokuto nor Kuroo was in charge of driving them up this snowy mountain road. They were too easily distracted.

“Anyway,” said Tsukishima. “Just behave when we get there. I don't want you to embarrass me in front of my brother and his wife. I actually still don't know why I asked you to come along instead of Yamaguchi and Yachi.”

Bokuto obviously had something to add to that – something that was important enough to break his concentrated stare on the board. “You asked us because we're your boyfriends, duh!”

Akaashi considered driving straight into the abyss in front of them.

“I'm sorry? I don't recall adopting you as my boyfriends, too. I already have my hands full with Mister Rooster Head over there.”

“I'm Mister Rooster Head,” said Kuroo proudly, putting a red disc into the board and throwing his hands up in victory.

“It wasn't even your turn!” yelled Bokuto.

“I know, but it felt cooler this way.”

They continued to bicker while Akaashi slowly regained his ability to breathe. Glancing sideways at Tsukishima, he concluded that nothing was out of order. Actually, his reaction had been better than what Akaashi anticipated. He still tried to send Bokuto a death glare over the rear view mirror, but to no avail. Bokuto was already absorbed in his game again and Akaashi should probably concentrate on the steep slope instead of his boyfriend's stupidity.

“Are you sure you're alright?” asked Tsukishima quietly. “You seem oddly twitchy today.”

Okay – how exactly was his behavior giving more away than Bokuto's? Damn Tsukishima for being so observant all the time! It was a miracle he hadn't figured out what Akaashi felt for him weeks ago.

“I already told you – I'm fine!”

He must have sounded pretty annoyed, because Tsukishima just turned away to look out of his window and didn't say anything else. Meanwhile, the two idiots behind him had finally decided to give up on this round and start a new one.

“You haven't changed your first move in 58 rounds – how the fuck do I keep losing to you?” said Kuroo.

“That just proves it's a great move.”

Akaashi tried to ignore them again. Maybe he should try and apologize to Tsukishima, but his mouth didn't seem to be working right at the moment. He really was nervous about this trip. Maybe this wasn't the right time after all. Bokuto had made it sound like a great idea, but then Akaashi should know better by now.

“Hey, Tsukki! How much longer is it gonna take?” inquired Kuroo from behind. “I kinda need to pee!”

“Just hold it in. There's nowhere to stop on this road.”

“Dude, you're a man, you know? You can pee wherever you want,” said Bokuto, earning himself two disgusted glances.

“I'm not going to pee into the snow, I'm not an animal. Also, I'd probably freeze my balls off out there.”

“Geez, don't be a baby!” Bokuto rolled his eyes. “It's not like anyone could see you.”

“Anyone _could_ see me! There's literally nothing here but snow – not even a tree I could hide behind. What if a family with children drove by just as I whipped it out?”

Tsukishima sighed and took his map out of the glove compartment to wrestle with it for a moment. “We're relatively close to a forest. It should take only a few minutes until we reach it, so just wait until then.”

Kuroo didn't seem too happy about having to pee out in the open after all, but he accepted his fate relatively quickly and went back to his next round of connect 4 with Bokuto. They still hadn't figured out a definitive winner by the time they reached the forest and Akaashi found a good place to park his car without it being in the way of any potential traffic.

“I really don't want to,” said Kuroo, looking outside. “It looks creepy.”

“Do you need me to hold your hand?” asked Bokuto and when Kuroo didn't reply immediately, Akaashi opened his car door.

“I'll come with you,” he said. He wasn't really looking forward to stalking through the woods until Kuroo had found a place he would be comfortable with peeing, but it was better than staying in the car with Tsukishima while the other two went peeing together. He couldn't trust himself today and Tsukishima was already suspicious.

Kuroo seemed surprised by his offer, but he climbed out of the car and followed him to the other side of the road, where the trees covered the upper side of the mountain.

“What's going on with you today?” asked Kuroo casually while they walked into the forest and Akaashi felt the growing need to groan. He had become too used to Bokuto and couldn't deal with Tsukishima's and Kuroo's observation skills very well.

“Did you need to pee or give an impromptu counseling?” he mumbled, but Kuroo apparently heard him.

“See, that's what I mean. You're kind of touchy today. So what's going on?”

“Nothing,” said Akaashi. “I'm just tired from the long drive. You can pee here, by the way, we don't have to go on a hike.” The ground was icy and muddy and it was pretty steep. Akaashi really didn't feel like getting his socks any wetter.

“But I can still see the car,” said Kuroo. “Which means that they can see me.”

“Are you a six year old boy?” Akaashi frowned, but Kuroo was having none of it. He just laughed and reached his arms out to push Akaashi along by the shoulders.

“You're so grumpy, it's almost cute!” he said. Well, obviously Kuroo would not be affected by grumpiness, but that didn't really improve Akaashi's mood while he stumbled over roots and stones. Having Kuroo so close behind him didn't help matters either. It wasn't like there was an easy way to confess to your two best friends that you would maybe like to enter something like a polyamorous relationship with them, even if the last few months had been filled with double dates and even straight out foursomes, but... it was situations like these that were more complicated. Where Akaashi simply wanted to lean back into Kuroo's embrace without it being weird that none of their boyfriends were there.

“This is far enough, surely?” Man – he was really running out of stamina from going uphill. But the car wasn't visible through the trees and bushes anymore and it was unlikely that anyone would come through here, so Kuroo didn't have any more excuses.

“I guess it's fine,” said Kuroo. “Now you have to turn away and cover your ears and sing.”

“Um...”

“Make it loud enough to not hear me peeing, but not so loud that you would miss my screams if a bear suddenly attacked me.”

“There are no bears here. Also, there wouldn't really be anything I could do if there were.”

“Maybe if your singing is bad enough, we don't have to be afraid,” said Kuroo. Akaashi got the hint, but he made sure to roll his eyes before he turned around and covered his ears. He couldn't even think of a single song except for itsy bitsy spider and he was sure that he could hear Kuroo laughing out loud once he began to sing it. He better had been laughing at his choice of song and not at his singing.

At least it didn't take long. Kuroo tapped his shoulder after half a minute and Akaashi turned around to his grinning face.

“I survived,” he said. “You have a really nice voice, by the way. You should sing something more serious sometime.”

God – was Kuroo aware that he was flirting and that it did _things_ to Akaashi?

“Like My Heart Will Go On or something like that.”

Okay, now Akaashi wasn't so sure if he was being serious anymore. Kuroo recognized the look. “What? I like Celine Dion! When did everyone decide that this song is some kind of joke? It's emotional and beautiful!”

It should really be illegal for this to be cute, Akaashi thought. Also, Kuroo was way too close. Like – Akaashi would only need to lean forward a bit to kiss him close. That wouldn't do, so he made a quick step back – only he had forgotten that he was standing on an icy, muddy hill and quick steps back would result in tumbling down said icy, muddy hill until stopped by a sturdy tree.

Kuroo was at his side three seconds later, looking like he felt responsible for personally pushing him down the hill and like he had lost a leg on the way down.

“Fuck, Akaashi, are you okay?”

“I guess.”

He really was fine, he thought… he had hit his head pretty hard, but after seeing stars for a bit, he would probably be okay. Kuroo did not believe him.

“No, you’re obviously not! Come here…”

Fuck – this was really not the time for Kuroo to scoop him up and hold him close. Not when his head wasn’t working straight. He tried to struggle out of Kuroo’s embrace, but he stood no chance.

“It’s fine! I can walk,” he tried to convey, but he wasn’t sure if the words actually left his mouth, because Kuroo didn’t seem to hear them at all.

“I will carry you on my back, so hold tight!”

“Kuroo, I said I’m fine!”

Maybe he really did not say the words, because his head definitely betrayed him. He had no memory of climbing onto Kuroo’s back, and yet he was suddenly there, arms wrapped around his neck and face pressed into his nape. By this point, it was too late anyway. He couldn’t do much more than repeat the mantra of “don’t kiss it, don’t kiss it, don’t kiss it” with reference to the skin moving under his lips – or maybe it was already considered a kiss as soon as your lips came in contact with someone else’s skin? No way, Akaashi didn’t pucker them, so it didn’t count. It didn’t, no matter how nice it felt. Even if Kuroo giggled and said “that tickles!” He definitely did not kiss him, because that would be inappropriate.

“Man, I’m really sorry. I should have made Bokuto come with me - his head is much thicker than yours.”

“I’m fine.”

“Stop saying you’re fine. I just hope you don’t have a concussion – Bokuto and Tsukki are going to kill me!”

“Naah, they love you too much.” Fuck, Akaashi really didn’t know what he was saying. His head really hurt.

Kuroo just laughed. “They definitely love you more, believe me. And I’m totally including Tsukki in this.”

Akaashi felt like he would pass out soon. He didn’t, though, and soon he could see his car coming into view from behind the trees. He wondered what Bokuto and Tsukishima had been up to. Knowing Bokuto, he had probably managed to somehow involve Tsukishima in a make-out session on the backseat while Akaashi was falling down hills just because he thought Kuroo was flirting with him.

They were actually in the backseat when Akaashi and Kuroo reached the car, but there was nothing inappropriate going on. Bokuto had coaxed Tsukishima into a round of connect 4, which was somehow even more surprising than finding them making out.

“Are you showing him how to beat me? That’s cheating!” said Kuroo. They both turned around to find him with Akaashi on his back and the game was quickly forgotten.

“What happened?” yelled Bokuto.

“Please don’t scream,” said Akaashi. “It hurts my head. And I’m fine!”

“He fell down the hill and he’s not fine,” said Kuroo, the traitor.

Tsukishima was already climbing out of the car. “Of course he’s not,” he said while helping him off of Kuroo’s back. Of course Akaashi now had to be practically sandwiched between the two guys he had a crush on – both of which were not his boyfriend. The world was so unfair right now. “Hey, Akaashi, try to focus on me for a moment, okay?”

No… no focusing on Tsukishima. That would be bad. He was too pretty. He was too…

“How many fingers am I holding up?”

“Twenty six,” said Akaashi, pressing his eyes closed. He did not want to look and he did not want to think. “I’m fine. I just did it to have a better excuse to get out of driving than these two.”

Kuroo sighed. “Fine, I’ll drive. Bokuto, make sure he stays conscious back there, okay? Tsukki, could you call your brother and ask him to get a doctor to the hut?”

Somehow, Akaashi was dumped into the backseat, where Bokuto took him into his arms and pressed a kiss to his temple. He instantly felt better.

“You’re not usually that clumsy,” whispered Bokuto. “Did you slip on Kuroo’s pee?”

Akaashi couldn’t help but snicker at that.

“No, I was just… nervous, I guess.”

“I told you there’s nothing to be nervous about. We should just tell them.”

“No, we can’t,” whispered Akaashi. “It will never be the same again if they don’t reciprocate.”

“Okay, but we still have to use this vacation to our advantage. There won’t be a better chance than this. We just have to somehow trigger all possible cliche situations in this Winter Wonderland.”

Akaashi had already heard all about the situations Bokuto planned on getting them into.

“I told you there’s no way we could influence the weather to snow us in so that we have to cuddle and share body warmth. Did you look outside yet? There’s not a single cloud to be seen!”

“Okay, but we could accidentally take a wrong route on the slope and get lost and end up stranded somewhere with no ski lift until the night falls and then we have to cuddle and share body warmth…”

“Do all of your plans include sharing body warmth?”

“Of course, that’s the best thing in winter, you know?” said Bokuto, cuddling him closer to prove his point. “But until we get into this kind of situation, we could just make them jealous...”

That was fine with Akaashi. More than fine. Bokuto could be extremely sweet sometimes and Akaashi was glad that he at least had him, definitely, unconditionally. The clouds in his head slowly lifted while he and Bokuto used the rest of the drive to make out in the backseat. Tsukishima and Kuroo only mentioned the word “disgusting” once or twice, but that was fine. He knew they didn’t really mean it.

Finally, the magic words were uttered.

“We’re here,” said Tsukishima while pointing to a single, little chalet in the distance. Bokuto almost jumped a dent into the low car roof. Despite the cold, he rolled down the window to put his head out like a dog and get a better view.

“That looks awesome!”

“You kept saying hut – I thought it would be akin to a garden shed,” confessed Kuroo. “But this looks almost luxurious!”

“My brother has some rich friends,” said Tsukishima.

“Rich and generous, indeed.” Kuroo made that face he always wore when he was unexpectedly pleased with something. His cat-that-got-the-canary face.

“I can't believe Kuroo is just using Tsukishima for his connections. Such a gold digger,” whispered Akaashi. Bokuto cackled, but Kuroo yelled an angry “Hey!”

“Well, _someone's_ head seems to be working normally again, if he can make stupid comments like that,” grumbled Kuroo. He was right – Akaashi actually didn't feel as nervous anymore.

“I told you that I'm fine, didn't I?”

“We'll see about that. There's a doctor waiting for you, after all.”

Akaashi grimaced. He really didn't want to see a doctor. They always stank of rubber gloves and didn’t trim their nose hairs.

“Anyway, I should warn you,” said Tsukishima. “My brother's wife also invited some people to stay with them and they're... kinda high-maintenance.”

“You mean more so than Bokuto? Are we trying to enter a contest?” said Kuroo.

“Bring it!” said Bokuto, who had obviously not listened to a single word that was just said.

“It's probably best to never let them be in the same room,” said Tsukishima darkly. “Or the universe might explode from all the... the hyper!”

“You're starting to worry me now,” said Akaashi. Kuroo had finally reached the driveway to the chalet and parked the car next to a matte black Mercedes which Akaashi eyed with mingled feelings. Who would bring a thing like that to the snowy mountains?

He didn't need to wait long for his answer. The door to the chalet opened as soon as the car came to a halt and a small black flash bolted in their direction.

“Tsukishimaaaaa!” yelled the black flash. “Is it really you? Fuck, you got even taller, I can't believe this!”

“Meanwhile, you're still the same little shrimp.” Tsukishima smirked. “Look at that. Is that stubble supposed to convince people that you're not a highschooler?”

Akaashi thought he vaguely remembered that face from their training camp years ago.

“Were you a Karasuno team member?” he asked, although the guy seemed more occupied yapping and jumping on Tsukishima, like an angry Chihuahua. Despite that, he apparently had enough manners to introduce himself.

“That's right! You were Fukurodani, weren't you? I'm Nishinoya Yuu – senpai to that annoying brat right here, and also, older brother.”

“Saeko is not your sister. It's enough that I am somehow related to that other idiot now.”

The “other idiot” must be the guy who just came out of the door to greet them. As with Nishinoya, Tsukishima was more than ready to throw some insults at his head as a way of greeting.

“Undercut and man bun, really? I thought it couldn't get worse than the perm from last time. Guess I was wrong.”

“It wasn't a perm! My hair is naturally curly!” yelled the guy, who was definitely also ex-Karasuno. Akaashi was sure that he had heard this voice before. Both of them weren't people you forgot too easily. “Hey!” said the new guy, looking at their little group. “I actually know all of you. So you are the guys who are taking care of Kei now?”

“Don't call me that!” complained Tsukishima.

“Why not? We're brothers now, just get used to it.”

Akaashi already had a feeling that they would be troublesome people. Luckily, he had Bokuto and Kuroo as means of distraction.

“You’re the Taketora double,” said Kuroo, which immediately sparked a rant about how manbun-guy was not a copy of anyone. This gave everyone an excuse to interrupt the conversation and carry their luggage over to the chalet while Tsukishima’s self-proclaimed brother introduced himself as Ryuunosuke Tanaka, best snowboarder slash ladykiller in the country. Nishinoya was the only one listening to him and Akaashi was sure that he heard it all before. He really must be a good friend.

“Where can we put these?” asked Bokuto, balancing two snowboards and a single ski in his arms.

“Don’t separate my skis! I don’t trust you with them and if I lose one, I will have to slide down the mountain on one leg for the rest of the week!” complained Kuroo.

Akaashi snorted. “See, this is why snowboarding is a thousand times better.”

“It is not! It looks stupid and it is for stupid people!”

“Ouch, the burn!” said Tsukishima dryly. “Akaashi, you shouldn’t be lifting things right now. Go inside and ask for the doctor!”

Akaashi really wanted to grumble, but then again, it was kind of sweet how much Tsukishima cared. Also, he got out of carrying stuff, so maybe the not-really-concussion wasn’t a bad thing after all. Akaashi could probably get used to everyone pampering him so much. He spent way too much time being the mother of the group, so it was only fair that they’d look after him for a change.

Luckily, he caught himself before he uttered any words which could make him sound like a passive-aggressive suburban mom on mother’s day and went to tentatively knock on the chalet door.

He was immediately welcomed by a smiling face once the door opened. It was unmistakable that this was Tsukishima’s brother. Tall, blonde, the same straight nose and honey brown eyes… Akaashi liked him before he had said a single word.

“So you’ve all arrived safely! Are you the one who needs to be looked at by a doctor? You can call me Akiteru, I’m Kei’s older brother, nice to meet you.”

Well, he definitely talked more than Tsukishima.

“I’m… uh. Keiji. Akaashi Keiji.”

Akiteru beamed at him before turning around and hollering for the doctor. Then he stepped away from the door to invite him in. Akaashi could immediately smell the telltale scent of a cozy fireplace somewhere in the house. Inside, everything was made from some kind of wood, but it didn’t look old and spry, it looked polished and expensive. The back wall of the house was practically just a huge window, allowing a view onto the terrace and the beautifully white-green treetops of the forest behind it. All Akaashi could think about was how easy it would be for a serial killer to watch them from the woods.

“You the guy with the concussion?” asked a gruff voice and Akaashi turned around to find that the serial killer apparently didn't need the woods, because he had already been invited in.

“I don't have a concussion. I think,” he said carefully. Akiteru was still standing there, smiling, so the guy had apparently not yet started to go on a rampage and dumped his wife somewhere in the snow for however long he'd been waiting here.

“We'll see about that,” said the guy. It sounded mildly menacing. Even more menacing was the fact that he pulled something long out of his back-pocket and held it in the air like he was ready to imitate the shower scene from the movie Psycho. “I need you to look into the light,” he said.

“I won't go into the light!”

“Hah?”

“I said... ah!” Akaashi was suddenly blinded and finally realized two things. First; the thing this guy was holding wasn't a knife, it was a flashlight. And second; that guy was the doctor. What the hell? He had never met a doctor with a baseball cap on! Also, he looked anything but sterile.

“... veterinarian?” mumbled Akaashi, mostly to himself, but the doctor must have heard him, because he immediately whacked the flashlight over Akaashi's head.

“Aren't you treating him for a concussion?” asked Akiteru, finally sounding worried.

“He doesn't have one!” said the doctor. “You called me here for nothing!”

“It's what I already told everyone,” grumbled Akaashi.

“Call me again when you're puking your brains out or can't sleep for three days. Until then, I'm going back to my house and wife.”

“Didn't you say she left you ten years ago?” said Akiteru, but by then, the doctor had already stormed off and Akiteru just huffed. “What a quack...”

“Are you sure he isn't a serial killer?” Akaashi was still worried. This whole scene did not exclude the possibility of a murderer in the house.

“He was the closest doctor I found in the phone book,” said Akiteru. “But he complained an awful lot. Well, I don't think he lied about your head, though. Just be sure to observe any changes in your sleep schedule and emotional state.”

Both things that he did not expect to be in a steady state for the week anyway. Not when he had to share a room with Tsukishima and Kuroo. Akiteru patted him on the shoulder and excused himself to go greet his younger brother before he could sneak off and hide in the cellar. “Saeko will show you where your room is,” he said. “There she comes.”

Akaashi really hoped he didn't mean the woman with the huge ax thrown over her shoulder and dragging a whole tree behind her, who was just walking into view from the forest. But since there was nobody else to be seen, he obviously did mean her.

“Hey!” she called as soon as she had opened the window, which was apparently also a glass door. Thankfully, she had left the ax and tree outside. “You're Kei's friend! The one who got his head hurt?”

“I'm fine,” said Akaashi. He was starting to feel like his own cockatoo, just with a slightly less dirty mouth. “The doctor said it wasn't a concussion.”

“You sure you trust that dirty old man? Looked more like a serial killer to me than a doctor,” said Saeko, shrugging out of her winter jacket.

“Let's settle for veterinarian,” said Akaashi. “Plausible and not as scary.”

Saeko laughed. “I like you! What's your name?”

“Akaashi Keiji.”

“So you're not the boyfriend? Pity. That Kuroo guy's beauty must be other-worldly if Kei can be friends with a pretty guy like you and not thirst all the time.”

Akaashi was pretty sure that the redness of his face must be other-worldly, too.

“Don't torment our guests, you wretch!” called a loud voice from behind him. He recognized it as Tanaka's, even though he was pretty sure he had already forgotten the guy's face again.

“I was complimenting him!”

“I can see the shimmer of evil in your eyes, so I'm not buying it.” Tanaka reached for Akaashi's arm and turned him around, even though Akaashi would have been happy to continue staring at the floor until his face was back to its usual shade. “I will free you from her and show you to your room, so come with me!” said Tanaka. Akaashi did an awkward wave in Saeko's direction and regretted it immediately. This woman really knew how to make you feel like an insecure teenager. At least he could blame everything on his questionably-severe head injury for now and didn't have to take full responsibility for his behavior.

Tanaka led him up a flight of stairs which the others had already taken, if the muddy footprints were any indication. After the stairs came a ladder.

“Up there, really?”

“Just go take a look, it's really awesome,” Tanaka grinned. “I'm actually jealous you guys got the best room in this house! If Noya and me had taken our girlfriends with us, then maybe we would have gotten that room.

“Neither one of you has a girlfriend,” said Tsukishima, whose head was looking out of the hatch the ladder led to. He asked about Akaashi's head before Tanaka had the time to protest.

“I'm fi... not hurt. No concussion, probably.”

“No concussion!” yelled Tsukishima into the room behind him. 

Some distant cheering could be heard, then Bokuto's voice sounded: “Come up here, Akaashi! It's so awesome!”

“Told you!” said Tanaka and gave him a little push towards the ladder. “Go see for yourself.”

Akaashi was not a big fan of ladders, but this one didn't look too dangerous, so he climbed it and poked his head into the room. Tsukishima sat next to him with a content look on his face, which was rare and beautiful, so Akaashi tore his eyes away to look at the room itself. It wasn't really a room, per se, just the space right under the roof, but less attic-y than most. Both walls supporting the roof were actually just huge, triangle-shaped windows, allowing the same kind of beautiful view as the windows below. The only difference was, that from here you could see in both directions, so instead of just the forest behind the house, the whole village and distant mountaintops could be seen, including the setting sun tinting the usually white summits a powerful yellow-pink. Akaashi slowly climbed through the hatch and sat on the floor of the roof. Bokuto and Kuroo were rolling around in the bed. Again, it wasn't a bed like you would find in most houses. A real bed probably wouldn't have fit in here, so there were just a bunch of mattresses lying on the floor, in a row, like you'd find in a youth hostel. One whole side of the wall was laid out with mattresses, the other side had a bunch of customized shelves to accommodate the pitch of the roof.

A sudden squeak came from Kuroo's direction and disrupted the peaceful sunset watch Tsukishima and Akaashi had settled down for. They turned around to find Bokuto pinning Kuroo to the mattress.

“So...” said Bokuto while Akaashi wished he could throw himself down the hole in the floor. “We're alone, we have our own room for ourselves and we basically just share one huge bed. I think we all know what that means.”

“Stop it!” said Tsukishima. Akaashi couldn't really tell if he was annoyed because Bokuto was making a move on his boyfriend or because Tsukishima simply liked to be annoyed sometimes. That was probably what you got for never talking about these things. And for being drunk 90% of the time you have sex together. “My kind-of family is literally right below us. They will hear everything, especially you, Bokuto!”

“I can be quiet! Besides, what's the point of an expensive chalet like this if it isn't even soundproof?”

Kuroo finally managed to free himself from Bokuto's arms and sat up, not caring that Bokuto was still straddling him. “He does have a point,” he said. “If it wasn't soundproof, how come we haven't heard those loud guys' voices yet?”

Bokuto was clearly ecstatic that Kuroo was suddenly on his side. Tsukishima was... less ecstatic.

“It's just weird!” he said.

“Look, if you're jealous about me seducing your boyfriend, then you have no other choice but to join,” said Bokuto, deliberately rocking into Kuroo's lap and eliciting a soft gasp. Tsukishima just snorted.

“I'm not jealous. You two can do whatever you want as long as you're quiet and let me enjoy the sunset over here.”

“Come on, you guys,” whined Kuroo. “This asshole got me horny now and it's too late for me, but at least don't leave me alone with him!”

Fuck, Akaashi really wanted to go over there. Maybe to slap Bokuto, maybe to kiss him, but mostly to be sandwiched between a bunch of warm bodies and touch as much bare skin as he could reach. But he couldn't risk making Tsukishima mad and he seemed adamant about not joining.

“Aren't you usually the first one to refuse whenever you feel like we're slightly too close to Kenma?” he said instead, although it pained him to do so.

“Now you're on his side, too?” complained Kuroo. “Besides, Kenma is small and innocent and our walls at home are thin!”

Tsukishima couldn't be swayed by just that, though. “Throw us a blanket!” he said, reaching his arm out. “Akaashi and I need to block you out.”

“Your loss!” said Bokuto and did as he asked. He somehow managed to free a blanket from underneath Kuroo's butt and threw it to Tsukishima. Well, maybe it wasn't all bad, thought Akaashi, as Tsukishima proceeded to drape the blanket around them, scooting closer in the process. He lifted a part of the blanket over their heads, like a joint hooded cloak that left room for watching the sunset but hid the view of their boyfriends making out on the mattress behind them. It couldn't completely black out the sounds, though. The heat rose high in Akaashi's cheeks as he listened to the soft moans and smack of lips and rustling of sheets. He really wished he could read Tsukishima's mind right now. How could he just sit there, pressed close to another body, while these kinds of sounds filled the room? Akaashi couldn't concentrate on the sunset at all – it was almost over anyway. They would probably be called down to eat soon and he was getting harder by the second. What a weird situation...

A loud moan suddenly startled him and he could practically hear Bokuto grin as he said: “Seriously, Kuroo – they told us to be quiet!”

“I swear, if you don't shut your mouth right- hmmpf!”

Akaashi gathered all of his courage to look at Tsukishima. He was still adamantly staring at the sunset, but this time Akaashi could easily read his expression.

“Are you sure you don't want to take a look?” he whispered. “I bet they're too distracted to notice.”

Tsukishima's answering look obviously called him a traitor, but Akaashi just couldn't leave this be.

“Don't you think it's kinda hot?” he said, full of hope.

Tsukishima didn't say anything for a while, just stared at him while the shadows on his face slowly got longer and the sounds from behind them grew more intense by the second. Finally, he caved.

“I don't need to,” he said. “Look at them, I mean.”

Okay... Akaashi really hoped that meant what he thought it meant. He didn't need to worry, though, if the hand brushing against his thigh was any indication. Tsukishima was still staring at him, the hand drawing a hot trace up Akaashi's thigh and _fuck_ , Akaashi was so hard now. He was also glad that he hadn't joined the other two. This was the first time they did something that could be counted as separate. Maybe, if this was okay, it would soon be okay to do it while half of their group was in another room or in another house or simply away. Maybe they could soon be comfortable with each other without being worried about jealousy and weirdness. Maybe this would all come naturally, maybe they didn't have to talk about it after all. Maybe some day, they would simply all wake up in the same bed and say “I love you” to whomever was lying next to them and it would be true and it wouldn't matter who got together first or who hung out more.

Akaashi's breath hitched when Tsukishima's hand finally found the hardness that had been growing over the last few minutes. It was rare to see Tsukishima smile like that. Akaashi really had to stop it with the daydreaming, especially in situations like these, which required his full concentration.

“So, is this what Bokuto usually considers to be quiet?” asked Tsukishima. Akaashi didn't really understand why he had to make small talk while his hand was massaging his dick through his trousers, but then he didn't want to complain. Bokuto's content little sighs rang through the roof and made Akaashi's hairs stand on end. He didn't want to seem too desperate and simply jump Tsukishima, but the pace was definitely too slow, especially when he compared themselves to the two guys rutting against each other on the mattress.

“No, this is actually quiet. For him,” he breathed. “You should know. You've heard him scream.”

Tsukishima's eyes actually widened at that and he licked his lips – enough reason for Akaashi to lean forward and catch his lips in a quick, open-mouthed kiss. They broke apart for only a second before Tsukishima leaned in to chase them. Akaashi probably didn't need to worry about looking desperate anymore, not when Tsukishima was pressing him down to the floor, blanket still draped over them, hand still massaging him through his trousers. He could really get used to this.

“Tsukishima...” he began, but he didn't really know what he was about to say and before anything embarrassing left his mouth, he buried his hands in Tsukishima's hair and pulled him closer, locking lips to keep any kind of sound from escaping. He arched his back to press against Tsukishima, test if he was just as hard and found his suspicion to be true. Tsukishima gave a strangled whine, still trying hard to be quiet. Not that it was necessary. A few feet over, Kuroo had started to make his tell-tale, rhythmic moan that revealed he was close. For a moment, Akaashi was so happy that he knew this sound, had heard it quite a few times and remembered it even though he had usually been drunk. It got to Tsukishima, too, their kiss became more heated, adjusted to Kuroo's rhythm and he didn't try to escape the friction anymore. It was almost too much for Akaashi when he felt Tsukishima rub against him. He needed to release something – a breath, a sound, anything, but at the same time, he didn't want to let go, didn't want to break away from the hot tongue in his mouth, no matter how uncomfortably Tsukishima's glasses pressed against the bridge of his nose.

Kuroo had reached the cursing stage of his pre-orgasm routine. All that could be heard from Bokuto was some muffled moaning and the filthy sounds of air being sucked into his mouth, next to Kuroo's dick. Akaashi was glad he was just listening to this, instead of watching, because he wouldn't have been able to last much longer otherwise. Bokuto was really, really good with his mouth.

“Hold... hold on a second,” gasped Tsukishima. Akaashi lay his head back on the floor, breathing heavily and letting a wave of fresh air hit his face while Tsukishima fiddled with his glasses. It had gotten almost completely dark – he wouldn't need them anymore. They just had to make sure that they didn't move too much and rolled over them in the dark. Tsukishima didn't immediately lean back down and used the opportunity to breathe, throwing his head back in the process. He was still rocking against Akaashi, though. The blanket had slid off them when he had sat up and Kuroo could be heard more clearly, the curses becoming incoherent, until they drifted into a long, drawn-out moan and he finally came.

Akaashi could feel Tsukishima shudder upon the sound. He reached forward to grab him by the hips and press him closer, quicken their rhythm now that Kuroo's voice had gone silent and only his fast, uneven breathing remained. Judging from the sounds, Bokuto was still busy sucking every last drop out of him.

“Fuck...” groaned Kuroo when he had found his voice again. “Bokuto, stop! I'm... ah!”

The filthy slurping sounds finally stopped and were followed by some rustling and a whisper and then Bokuto apparently tried to kiss Kuroo, because Kuroo loudly complained “Bah, that's nasty!” and turned around to bury his face in a pillow.

“Hey!” said Bokuto. “Not again, man! I'm not done yet.”

Kuroo grumbled something into his pillow, already sounding half asleep, while Bokuto shook him by the shoulders.

“Come on, it won't even take long, I promise!”

Kuroo answered with a snore.

“This is unreal!” yelled Bokuto.

Tsukishima snickered. “Shouldn't you know better by now?” he said. Akaashi was partly happy that Bokuto really should know better, but mostly he was annoyed that Tsukishima apparently planned on getting distracted, so he rocked his hips upwards and made him gasp a surprised “oh!”, which Bokuto did not miss.

“Hold on a second!” he said. “What exactly are the two of you doing over there?”

Tsukishima had obviously decided that he didn't care about hiding it anymore, because he kept rolling his hips in a way that made Akaashi’s toes curl and said: “Why don't you come here and find out?”

Bokuto left Kuroo happily snoozing away in the mattress and crawled to where he must have seen their silhouettes in the spare light still coming in through the windows.

“I knew we would get to you!” he said proudly.

“Shut up – if anyone got to me it was Akaashi with his stupidly pretty face. Do you have any idea how long those eyelashes can look when the light of a sunset hits his face?”

“Okay, I can believe that.”

“Stop talking so much,” said Akaashi. He was really bad at taking compliments – luckily, nobody could see his face in the dark. “I don't think we have too much time before we should show ourselves down there again.” He only said it to change the subject, but it was true. Right now they had the excuse of being tired from their trip, but everyone would expect them to join them for dinner later tonight. Bokuto seemed to understand, because he quickly leaned down to peck his lips before he straddled his chest, facing Tsukishima.

“Akaashi's right. So let’s get this somewhere!”

Tsukishima did not complain about any kind of nastiness when Bokuto moved in to kiss him. Fuck, he was probably used to Kuroo's taste by now. He also didn't complain when Bokuto fiddled with his jeans and pushed them down enough to reach into his boxers and stroke his erection. Akaashi gave a small sound to convey that he was missing out.

“Move back a little,” said Bokuto, leading Tsukishima by the hips until he sat on Akaashi's thighs. “And lose the hoodie, for God's sake. You two haven't gotten very far, have you?”

“Hey, you want to go back to your saw mill over there?” said Tsukishima.

“Isn't this _your_ saw mill?”

“No, we already traded. No take-backs.”

“You guys are talking again,” said Akaashi. “It's distracting.”

Bokuto immediately started to open Akaashi's pants as well, “Sorry, babe, I was already on it.” Akaashi got the same treatment Tsukishima had – he shuddered a bit when his erection met the cold air; after all the friction and the heat, it was almost piercing. But Bokuto didn't let him suffer for long. He scooted backwards until his own dick was on face-level with Akaashi, then he leaned down and the tip of Akaashi's erection was engulfed by a warm, wet mouth. And not only his.

“Fuck!” moaned Tsukishima. “So your big mouth is actually good for some things.”

Akaashi was surprised that Tsukishima was still able to form a coherent sentence. He himself definitely wouldn't be able to. And Tsukishima was obviously losing the ability as well, because he leaned back further, only propping himself up by his elbows by now, and watched the faintly illuminated highlights in Bokuto's hair bob up and down.

It wasn't easy to make out in the dark, but Akaashi was pretty sure that Bokuto was only in his boxers, so there wasn't a lot of fabric to get out of the way before he was able to lift his head and lick a long line on the underside of Bokuto's shaft, down to his balls. He blew some cold air on it and Bokuto loudly swallowed around both of their cocks. Akaashi knew that he wouldn't last long like this, but just for once, he wanted to make Bokuto come first, so he slung his arms around Bokuto's thick thighs to lift himself up and press his face closer against his boyfriend's balls, sucking hard on every piece of skin he could reach. Luckily, Bokuto's mouth was stuffed with two cocks, otherwise no expensive soundproof chalet walls in the world would have been able to mute him. He was already loud enough as it was. Akaashi couldn't help but smile and not even Tsukishima had it in him to complain. Probably because he was just reaching his orgasm. Hearing other people moan had a lot of influence on him, which was probably why he always claimed he didn't want to hear it.

“Fuck.. fuck! Let go, let go, let go!”

Akaashi could feel Tsukishima slip out of Bokuto's mouth and sliding down from this thighs before falling backwards to the floor. Bokuto's hand was still pumping him, finishing him off while Tsukishima sounded like he was biting down on his own arm. Finally, his body stilled and Bokuto took his hands off him.

“You didn't have to pull away,” said Bokuto. “I don't mind swallowing.”

“I don't want to come on anybody's face,” panted Tsukishima. “It feels... degrading, somehow.”

“Hmm... if you say so. I won't let Akaashi pull away, though.”

“I won't have to, if you keep talking,” said Akaashi. Bokuto took a second to chuckle, but then he went back to blowing Akaashi – and only him this time, which meant he had access to his deepthroating talent, which was really unfair, because now there was no chance that Bokuto would come before him.

And he didn't. Akaashi was done in only a few seconds. His orgasm was quiet, as usual – he never felt the need to put on a big show, but it was still enough to finally drive Bokuto over the edge, too. He turned around on his back as soon as Akaashi was finished and pumped himself to climax, taking Tsukishima as an example and muting himself with his own arm.

They all lay sprawled around for a few minutes, basking in the afterglow without falling asleep, like some other people. Not that Akaashi wasn't ready to simply close his eyes and cuddle up to the people surrounding him and sleep until the next morning, but the hard floor wasn't particularly cozy, no matter how expensive it was.

Tsukishima finally broke the silence.

“We should probably clean up,” he said. “And pray that nobody left any marks on anyone.”

“Akaashi might have given me a hickey on my balls. Is that bad?” said Bokuto.

“Akaashi – please, for the love of God, brush your teeth before dinner,” said Tsukishima.

Bokuto turned around on his stomach and laughed. “I don't think I need any dinner. I'm full now!”

“You're just the nastiest person in this room.”

“No, we both are covered in our own spunk, so it's a draw.”

Tsukishima groaned and somehow found the energy to get up on his feet and went to draw both curtains closed before he fumbled for the light switch in the total dark. Somehow, he found it. The sudden light shocked Akaashi more than the doctor with his flashlight earlier and he gave a surprised sound. Bokuto, too – he screamed like he had been shot.

“Turn that off, you demon!”

Tsukishima ignored him. “I need my glasses,” he said.

“We don't really see more than you with this blinding light on,” said Akaashi, but he squinted a bit and actually found Tsukishima's glasses not too far away, on the floor. Nobody had stepped on them, thankfully. It would have been a pain to put up with Tsukishima wearing contacts for a week. First because he never stopped complaining about dry eyes and second because he was too hot to resist. “Here,” he said, holding the glasses in Tsukishima's direction without getting up from the floor. “There should be a bathroom right at the left when you go down the ladder – I saw it earlier.”

“Should we wake up the sleepyhead?” asked Bokuto.

“Tell him he better be ready when I come back.” Tsukishima took the glasses out of Akaashi's hand and went to burrow through his bag for a moment until he found clean underwear and a sweater. Then he opened the hatch to check if anybody else was in sight. There wasn't, apparently, because Tsukishima was gone two seconds later.

“Alright then,” sighed Bokuto. “Time to get up!”

Akaashi didn't agree. He didn't have as much energy as Bokuto and it wasn't fair that he should get up at the same time as him. “Come on!” urged Bokuto. “We need to wake up Kuroo!”

“That's impossible anyway,” said Akaashi.

Bokuto huffed and leaned over him, throwing him a look. “Are you aware of what just happened? You should be jumping up and down in celebration!”

“It's not like this hasn't happened before,” whispered Akaashi – just in case Kuroo wasn't as deeply asleep as he seemed. “That's just a foursome – not a relationship.”

“Well, yes – but after all this, you can't tell me you don't see the possibility of it happening.”

“I know,” sighed Akaashi. “I just need to work up the courage to voice it somehow.”

“Come now!” Bokuto grabbed him by the armpits and lifted him up effortlessly. “I will just carry you around while no one is looking.” He didn't actually carry him too far, though. Just over to the bed, where Kuroo was still snoozing, head pressed between two pillows. Akaashi wondered how the hell he was able to breathe.

“Wakey wakey!” yelled Bokuto as soon as he had laid Akaashi down into the mattress. It didn't do anything except make Akaashi's ears ring.

“Leave him be,” he yawned. Kuroo looked warm and cuddly and innocent. He shouldn't be disturbed.

“But... Tsukishima said-”

“He can kick him out of bed himself. I bet he just ordered us to do it because he could never bring himself to.”

“Yeah, that makes sense,” said Bokuto, settling down to Kuroo's other side. “He can be pretty cute sometimes, this rooster head.”

“Maybe we could cuddle him awake,” said Akaashi, already half asleep himself.

“Sounds like a plan!”

By the time Tsukishima came back, they both clung to Kuroo's side with their eyes closed and pretended not to hear him clear his throat.

“Seriously, you guys?”, said Tsukishima. “You can't do anything!”

“Shhhh,” grumbled Akaashi.

“Don't shush me! There will be dinner soon and you all won't get anything to eat until tomorrow morning if you don't get up now.”

Akaashi had been wrong earlier – apparently Tsukishima was the real suburban mother of the group.

“Can't you see how cute we are?” whined Bokuto.

“No, I'm almost blind, remember?”

“There's no way to make Kuroo wake up, so we didn't have another choice,” said Akaashi.

“Fine,” said Tsukishima. “I'll show you a trick.”

He came over to where they were lying, bent down and tickled the back of Kuroo's left knee. A second later, Kuroo was floating in mid-air, giving a high-pitched scream that woke Bokuto and Akaashi, too.

“Tsukki!” Kuroo panted heavily. “Why?”

Tsukishima ignored him. “Imagine discovering that during sex,” he said to Bokuto and Akaashi. “Now go use the bathroom while I try to make this guy look presentable.”

Akaashi grumbled again, but he did as he was told. He really didn't want to hear the sex story. Mostly because he didn't want to know in which scenario Tsukishima would have had to tickle the back of Kuroo's knee.

He and Bokuto found some clean clothes and their toothbrushes in their bags, checked for light on the floor below and when there was none, they quickly hurried down the ladder and locked themselves in the bathroom.

“So, what do you think?” said Bokuto through a mouthful of toothpaste foam. “You think Kuroo will be angry?”

“I don't know... he's not really the jealous type. Besides, it's his own fault if he just passes out.”

Bokuto spit his foam into the sink and made a thoughtful face. “He was pretty jealous when the both of us made out with Tsukishima before he ever had,” he said.

Well, that was true... “I think he's probably happy with whatever makes Tsukishima happy,” said Akaashi while checking if Bokuto was fully clothed and presentable enough to go back up. He opened the door just as Bokuto said: “So you think all that we really need to do is seduce Tsu-” - he stopped when he noticed that the lights were suddenly on, although the room didn't seem to be any brighter than before. Which was probably due to the two scary, mean-looking faces glaring daggers at them from the foot of the ladder.

Akaashi fully understood why Karasuno was represented by crows.

“We may need to talk...” began Tanaka and Nishinoya effortlessly finished his sentence.

“... about your intentions with our little brother!”

Akaashi had known from the start that they would be troublesome guys.


	2. Chapter 2

“Seriously. What kind of supernatural being did I piss off to deserve this,“ sighed Tsukishima on their way up to the mountain. Akaashi sat next to him in the little chair lift and watched the trails of small paw prints disappear between the clusters of fir trees. The snow glittered in the sun, the air was icy fresh and everything would have been picture perfect if it wasn't for the intruder shaking his snowboard around in the third seat.

“Are you talking about me?” asked Tanaka, whom Tsukishima was very obviously talking about.

“Do you see any other people which the devil would have sent to punish me?”

“There's some right behind us,” said Tanaka, pointing to the following chair lift filled with an excitedly jumping Bokuto, a maniacally smiling Nishinoya and Kuroo who sat in the middle and looked like he contemplated jumping into the treetops below.

Well – he did have a point there.

“One of those is my boyfriend, you know? Also, I never asked for you and Noya to come along – that's why I brought my own friends with me.”

“Come on now, Kei – don't tell me you didn't miss us, deep down in your frozen heart. We're your brothers, after all.”

“I'm pretty sure that family does not work that way.”

“You're right,” said Tanaka. “You can only really call yourselves brothers when you protect each other. Isn't that right, Kei's quiet friend?”

Akaashi made sure to be too fascinated by the landscape and too well wrapped up in his scarf and beanie to hear what he said. He knew that Tanaka had his intimidating grimace on – he'd seen enough of it since last night. Breakfast had been hell. It wasn't very appetizing to watch Tanaka dismember his lovingly made pancake-men while sending him death glares over the table. Bokuto remained alarmingly undisturbed by the whole disaster, but Tsukishima's mood was starting to get worse the longer his self-proclaimed brothers were breathing down his neck like that. Akaashi couldn't confess to him that it was his and Bokuto's fault they felt the need to babysit him throughout the whole trip. He had to make this right somehow.

“Anyway,” said Tanaka, leaning back into the chair lift and kicking his snowboard up into the air. Akaashi secretly hoped it would come off and slide down the mountain without its owner buckled to its surface. “We three need to stick together, since we're all snowboarders and shouldn't associate with those lame old men over there.”

“Skis aren't lame!” yelled Bokuto from behind. “At least we don't block the whole slope with those huge-ass planks you insist on tying to your feet.”

“Alright, grandma! Just tell me when your arthritis is acting up again!”

“Could you please stop yelling?” asked Tsukishima, making a pained face. “My headache is bad enough already.”

So was Akaashi's. He had a headache, a stomachache and the jitters and none of this was due to his collision with a tree trunk yesterday. He also really wanted to hold Tsukishima's hand.

“I can see the top,” he said instead, because the station finally came into view and he was almost glad about it. As soon as he had Bokuto beside him, he could just cling to him like a fluffy, well-cushioned parasite and hide from the world. “We should get ready.”

They raised the safety bar as soon as they reached the net that was stretched out in front of the station, then their snowboards hit the ground and they all slid more or less elegantly out of the building. Bokuto, Kuroo and Nishinoya followed after only a few seconds.

“So,” said Tanaka while he buckled his free foot to the snowboard, “which slope do you guys want to take? Hard or easy?”

“Hard!” yelled Bokuto immediately and Tanaka whooped and high-fived him. Just... how the fuck did they get along so well after what happened yesterday? It was truly a miracle to Akaashi.

“I haven't done this in three years, so I'm going with the easier one,” said Kuroo. He probably only wanted to get a break from Bokuto after the awful chairlift ride up. Maybe Akaashi should have told him, but then again, it was kind of obvious that Bokuto would be jumpy. It was Bokuto after all.

“Obviously the easier one,” said Tsukishima, “I'm not going to break my neck just because I need to prove something even though I'm out of practice.”

“You guys are lame,” said Bokuto. “Akaashi, at least tell me that my own boyfriend is not too afraid to come with me?”

Right – as if there was even the slimmest of chances that he would go alone with Bokuto, Tanaka and probably Nishinoya – that guy looked like he couldn't wait to throw himself down the iciest, most dangerous of slopes.

“Not too afraid, just too smart,” answered Tsukishima for him and Akaashi just shrugged, sending his boyfriend an apologetic look.

“No fun!” pouted Bokuto. “Fine then, we'll split into a cool and a lame group – you two are both coming, right?”

Tanaka and Nishinoya looked at each other for a second – apparently that was enough to have a whole silent conversation, because Nishinoya immediately said: “It's okay, I will accompany the lame group for now, so they don't get lost.”

Tsukishima was obviously not happy with that decision. “And since when are you an expert of this area? I can read a map just fine.”

“Kei, Kei, Kei,” sang Nishinoya, drilling his pointer finger into Tsukishima's chest – with minimum effect, because of the thick jacket softening the blow. “Shouldn't you show your big brothers some more respect? We only want the best for you, after all.”

Yes, and the best for him was apparently keeping an eye on Akaashi and Bokuto at all times. Akaashi really just wanted to lay face-down on his snowboard and slide down the mountain while feeling miserable. Now he didn't even have Bokuto to hide behind. At least Nishinoya didn't seem half as dangerous as Tanaka.

“We'll meet again at the very first station, okay?” said Tanaka. “There's no good reception here, so we need to plan ahead.”

“We'll probably be there first, so we'll wait for you,” said Nishinoya. Bokuto was already drilling his skiing sticks into the snow and pushing away in the direction of the dangerous slope. Akaashi watched them go with a queasy feeling in his stomach.

“Should we really let them go together? Won’t they accidentally cause an avalanche with their screaming?” asked Kuroo, somewhat concerned. Akaashi could only share the concern.

Nishinoya did not. “It’s fine. Tanaka knows his way around here. We’ve arrived two days before you guys and we’ve used our time well.”

“Yes, let’s go,” urged Tsukishima. Akaashi turned around to say goodbye to his cheerfully waving boyfriend, hoping that he wouldn’t break both legs on his way down, then he and Tsukishima sat down to buckle in their left feet. Kuroo and Nishinoya both made a smug face at them and made comments about snowboarders being slow and helpless, but Kuroo still offered his stick to pull them over to a more vertical spot, where they could start from.

“Just follow me,” said Nishinoya. “It’s actually a really nice route, even though the other one is more fun.”

Since Akaashi didn’t mind that he was apparently missing out on the oh-so “fun” slope his boyfriend had taken, he could enjoy their easier route just fine. There weren’t too many people around, thank God – it would probably be worse on the weekends and Akaashi really didn’t want to think about how mixing Bokuto with a bunch of inexperienced but unafraid children on the slope would turn out. For now, he was happy enough following the elegant trail Tsukishima left behind with his snowboard. It was really nice to watch him glide through the snow, you could immediately see that he came from the kind of family that was well-off enough to go to the mountains each winter and send their children to skiing and/or snowboarding school. His whole outfit screamed expensive and functional whereas the rest of them had simply thrown together as many sweaters and hoodies as they could find and wore them under their usual jackets. He even wore prescription goggles, which wasn’t really a thing Akaashi would have labeled as useful, because he couldn’t take them off that way, or at least he had to fumble for his glasses before he could really enjoy the view in its natural color – all bright blue and white and stark contrasts.

Nishinoya led them off the broad slope to take a lonely little pathway through the woods. It was nice in theory, but Akaashi didn’t like these sorts of routes because they didn’t leave enough room for him to slow down his board. Tsukishima didn’t have the same problem, it seemed. Probably a thing you learned at snowboarding school. At least Kuroo unashamedly formed a triangle with his skis and didn’t care about making his style look effortless. He definitely never went to skiing school.

They ended up on a different slope after taking the forest path and this one was even more deserted than the first one. There were huge fields with deeper snow – a real joy for all snowboarders, so Tsukishima and Akaashi immediately steered over to glide over the frozen surface. It was really fun as long as you didn’t fall down, because it would take a while to dig yourself out of the snow. Akaashi had once tried to recover a ski that Bokuto had lost in there and it had taken him the whole day to finally dig it up only for Bokuto to fall a second time before they had reached the flat slope again. That was the day Akaashi had sworn to forever hold a grudge against skies. They just came off too easily.

He could feel his board gain velocity on the icy deep snow and from somewhere on the slope he heard Nishinoya’s loud laughter. Glancing over he saw him slide down straight ahead, sticks thrown high into the air and just… screaming. Kuroo followed with more careful turns. He was the last one to reach the bottom of the hill where Nishinoya waited to collect them and lead them back through another forest path that led right to the station they had agreed on meeting at.

Kuroo ripped off his goggles and beanie and just let himself fall into the snow, not caring about the people queuing for the chair lift giving him strange looks. “That was awesome!” he panted. “Let’s go even higher up next time!”

“There’s a gondola station which leads higher up, but we’ll have to take the hard slope to reach it,” said Nishinoya. “Are you ready for that?”

“I think I’m fine. This is a lot like riding a bicycle – you don’t really unlearn it too much. Also, Tsukki, you liar – you weren’t out of practice at all!”

“That’s true. I was just afraid that you’d be lonely if I went with them,” Tsukishima smirked and Kuroo tried to form a snowball to throw at him, but the snow down here was too hard and he only ended up with a few flakes. Akaashi sat down next to him without bothering to unbuckle his board.

“You need to teach me how to go through those narrow paths,” he said. “I’m always afraid that I’ll land in the chasm if I turn the board around to brake.”

“Why the hell do you hate yourself so much, Akaashi,” said Kuroo. “You’re too pretty for self-loathing.”

“You would hate skis, too, if you had to chase after them every time Bokuto tries to be cool and go over a ramp.”

“Undoubtedly true,” said Kuroo.

“Speaking of Bokuto – can anybody else hear the unnecessary screaming in the distance?” said Tsukishima and Nishinoya immediately turned around to wave at his best friend who was snowboarding into view from a steep hill that didn’t look like it was part of any slope at all. It truly was a lot of noise for a single person, and yet, Bokuto was nowhere to be seen.

Tanaka’s silhouette came closer and closer until he came to a halt beside them and the screaming stopped.

“Damn, that was amazing! I didn’t think he’d actually beat me down here.”

“Who beat you?” asked Nishinoya. “You’re the first one here. You’re the winner!”

“I’m the winner?” repeated Tanaka, looking around frantically. “But… how?”

By now, the queasy feeling in Akaashi’s stomach was back at full force. “What do you mean, how? Where’s Bokuto?” Tanaka didn’t stop looking around, but there was no way Bokuto could be seen before heard, so it was all in vain. Akaashi actually worked up the courage to grab Tanaka by the arm so that he had to look into his eyes. “Don’t tell me you lost him!”

“I…” said Tanaka. He was obviously sweating and Akaashi felt his stomach somersault. No – this could not be true. This asshole right here could not have lost Bokuto. How would that even work – Bokuto was literally impossible to ignore. He must have done this on purpose. Akaashi had thought that the whole threatening and intimidating shtick was just an act, but he was apparently serious.

“Did you get rid of him on purpose?” he bit out, just as Kuroo stood up from where he was lying in the snow and put an arm on his shoulders.

“Whoa,” he said. “Calm down, Akaashi. I’m sure Bokuto’s fine; he probably just took a dive in the deep snow.”

“No!” said Akaashi. He knew better. The other two didn’t know about what had happened yesterday, but he did. This guy right here wanted to teach them a lesson and this is how he chose to do it. After all, what would be scarier than to lose someone in this ice cold, dangerous mountains with no reception and forests that looked like they could be the homes of serial killers. Bokuto had made it sound like this would be the most romantic place in the world, but Akaashi had seen enough horror movies to know what was going on. “We need to go look for him!” he said.

“I'm sure that we just need to wait a while-” began Tsukishima, but Akaashi didn't even think twice about interrupting him.

“I don't trust this guy. He doesn't like Bokuto and me because of something stupid and now Bokuto just goes missing? Isn't that...” he hiccuped a little, or maybe the sound was even a sob, he couldn't say. All he knew was that he was suddenly so, so afraid. “Isn't that too much of a coincidence?”

“Shhhh...” Kuroo carefully embraced him from behind, which meant that he could probably feel his whole body shaking but Akaashi didn't care anymore. Tanaka was looking at them with wide eyes. “It's okay Akaashi, we'll go look for him, if you want to.”

“Yes, dude!” said Tanaka, “I'll go back right now and look for him – I didn't mean for this to happen, I swear! He was just... he was just so fast, you know? He's like a totally crazy daredevil on the slope, there's not much I could've done to stop him.”

“I don't want _you_ looking for him!”

“Look, what I said yesterday, I didn't really mean it, okay? I would never do something like that.”

“Okay,” interrupted Tsukishima. “What the hell are all of you talking about?”

Akaashi could feel the tears rise in his eyes, but he didn't care anymore. So what if Tsukishima knew about his crush on him – all he wanted right now was to have his boyfriend back. His actual boyfriend, whom he loved and never wanted to lose, no matter how many other, less noisy people he developed a stupid crush on.

“This guy said that he would kill us if we came too close to you and that it's very easy to stage an accident in the mountains,” he spat. He could feel Kuroo's hold on him getting tighter and he was really glad about it, because he didn't have much strength to keep himself up right now. He also kind of wanted to lunge forward and deck that manbun-asshole in the face, even if he hadn't been in a single fistfight in his life.

Tsukishima looked like he would need someone to hold him back, too. “Are you for fucking real, Tanaka?” It was rare to see Tsukishima swear like that and it was even rarer to see him flare up enough to ball his hands into fists and make a step forward until he was stopped by a calm hand on his wrist.

“Relax, all of you!” said Nishinoya. Akaashi had totally forgotten about him. “Obviously, we were bluffing and you know that, Kei. It's understandable that Akaashi wouldn't trust us after this, since he doesn't know us well enough, so you need to properly reassure him that we didn't do anything to his boyfriend. I'll explain the rest later, okay?”

Tsukishima was obviously seething, but he seemed to understand the importance of calming Akaashi down for now, so he did just that. “Tanaka and Noya are the biggest loudmouths on planet Earth and they like to think that people are intimidated by them, but the truth is that they couldn't hurt a fly. Do you understand, Akaashi? I'm absolutely positive about that. And I'm really sorry that I ever let you meet them, they honestly don't even deserve to be in your presence.”

“Hey now!” whispered Tanaka, but Tsukishima immediately shot him a death glare and he went quiet again. Akaashi could still feel quiet sobs shaking his throat, but Tsukishima's words did calm him a little.

“Alright,” said Kuroo. “We will go look for him now, but someone has to stay here in case he comes back while we’re gone. Akaashi, maybe you should stay, I don’t think you’re in any condition to go down the difficult slope right now.”

“No way – I’ll go with you!”

“I’ll stay,” said Nishinoya. Akaashi wasn’t entirely sure if he was okay with that, but he trusted Tsukishima at least, and if he thought it was a good idea…

“We called him the Guardian Deity back at Karasuno. He’s good at protecting our backs, so if Bokuto arrives here, he’ll see him, okay? I promise.”

Akaashi nodded his head yes and let out a long breath. Everybody was looking at him as if he would break into pieces any moment now. It was really annoying. He didn’t like being the center of attention. “Let’s just go,” he said, crouching down to free one foot from the snowboard. Kuroo let go of him, but he was back at his side the moment he stood back up and Akaashi didn’t complain. It was nice that Kuroo provided the same kind of touchy-feely support Bokuto would have, had he been here. Tsukishima, on the other hand, looked pretty awkward.

Tanaka followed behind them, the usual provocative expression replaced by a sheepish one. Akaashi noticed that he watched his and Kuroo’s connected hands and wondered what he thought about that. It was annoying when people didn’t understand, especially when it led to situations like these.

The line for the chairlift wasn’t very long and Akaashi soon sat in one of the chairs, cuddled between Kuroo and Tsukishima, while Tanaka followed in the chair behind them, jammed between an overweight father and his hyper-active son. Served him right!

“We’ll find him, don’t worry,” said Kuroo, squeezing his hand a little. “I bet he’s not hurt, even if he fell. Remember when I accidentally smashed his face with a skillet and he just yelled at me?”

“Yes, or when I tried to suffocate him with a pillow because he kept snoring in my ears when I had the biggest hangover,” said Tsukishima. “He survived that, too.”

Akaashi almost smiled at that. “Thank you. It’s good to know that everyone wants to murder my boyfriend but can’t succeed.”

“He’s too charming,” Kuroo grinned. “Also, I don’t think anybody could stand to see you cry. Did you see Tanaka’s expression? It’s like he shot Bambi’s mom.”

That was true, but it had not been Tanaka's expression yesterday, when he told them that he would not tolerate anything coming between Tsukishima and his boyfriend, so Akaashi did not feel particularly sorry for him. He really appreciated Kuroo's and Tsukishima's words, but he knew them well enough to see that they were nervous. They kept scanning the landscape beneath them for any signs of a lost skier stomping through the snow.

“We never should have left him out of our sight,” he sighed. “He's still a baby, after all.”

“He really is,” said Kuroo.

“Maybe we should get a leash,” said Tsukishima.

“No way, we're not those kinds of parents who put their children on leashes! We'll go buy a nice baby buggy!”

“I think he would prefer a leash,” said Akaashi and Tsukishima even snorted. This was good – the lighter their mood got, the calmer they would be afterwards, when they had to go down the difficult slope while looking out for hopefully still attached body parts sticking out of the snow. Looking up, Akaashi spotted the end station again and they all got ready to dismount.

Tanaka almost jumped out of his chair too early. Akaashi could see him stumble out of the station while trying to escape the family he had been stuck with on his way up. He managed not to fall or be run over by the overweight father. Pity. “So...” he began, when he had caught up to them. “We started from over there, but he kinda outdistanced me from the very start, so I can't say for sure where I could've lost him. I think I saw his silhouette until the beginning of the moguls.”

“What the hell are moguls doing on a mountain?” asked Kuroo.

“We’re not talking about businessmen, we’re talking about bumpy hills.”

“Then just say bumpy hill! Geez.” 

“So we should make sure to spread evenly and pay special attention to the borders of the slope, see if we can find any fresh ski tracks that could be his,” said Tsukishima. “Since Tanaka and I are more practiced with these kinds of slopes, we should probably take the borders.”

“I will take the border,” said Akaashi immediately. “Even if you say he couldn't do anything to Bokuto, I don't trust him to search carefully enough.”

Kuroo was at his side again, patting his shoulder. “Wow, I don't think I've ever seen so be so openly hostile towards anyone,” he said. “But it won't help you in this case – Tsukki is right, I'm sure a better boarder could take more time to pay attention to the search instead of not breaking both legs trying to get down there.”

“I don't care if I break both legs. I won't trust this guy,” said Akaashi. “He – he has a manbun! And his face looks like a dinosaur!”

“He does _not_ look like a dinosaur!” said Tsukishima adamantly and Tanaka threw him a grateful smile.

“Thank you, Kei!” he said, but then it didn't take him too long to get it. “Wait... you were defending the dinosaurs, weren't you?”

Akaashi wasn't in the mood to stand around and chit chat any longer, so he started to walk over to where the difficult slope really started. He did not feel any better after taking a good look at it.

“Why are there random rocks scattered over the whole slope? This is not a video game, things like that shouldn't exist in real life.”

“That does seem a bit over the top” agreed Kuroo, sounding concerned. “Also, how do we check every single one of these to see if Bokuto knocked himself out on one?”

“I already told you – I saw him master the rocks just fine. We need to get to the moguls,” said Tanaka. He and Tsukishima had already sat down to buckle in their feet and Akaashi followed their example.

“Alright then,” said Tsukishima, standing up. “Bumpy hill it is. Lead the way.”

Akaashi and Kuroo exchanged a quick glance to see if the other one was just as excited to set foot onto this murder slope, but then they didn't really have another choice if they wanted to find Bokuto, and Akaashi had not lied when he said he didn't care about breaking both legs. He just really, really wanted his boyfriend back in one piece.

At least Tanaka was sensible enough to find a relatively easy route through the hellscape of rocks. Akaashi secretly wondered if there were any more difficulty levels on this slope. Maybe after the bumpy hill came the land of fire, where random geysers would explode and after that the avalanche descent, where you were chased by a huge snowball gaining in diameter the longer it rolled. He just hoped there wouldn't be an underwater level.

When the moguls finally came into view, it was thankfully not as bad as Akaashi would have imagined. The bumps weren't even that big – a skier would be able to master them without problem. He and his snowboard would not have too much fun though, because he kept getting caught up in every dent in the snow and easily lost control of his course.

“Stay by me, please,” he begged Kuroo, who was obviously happy to not have to do this on his own. “The two of us can search the left border together, Tsukishima goes right and dinosaur-face can take the middle.”

“Can't you at least call him a lizard?” grumbled Tsukishima.

“Not if it annoys you less.”

Kuroo snickered and gave his boyfriend a quick peck on the lips as consolation, but then their goggles collided before their lips could connect and Tsukishima was already back to complaining. “Watch it, they were expensive!”

“If anything happens to them, it won't be Kuroo's fault – dinosaur-face will probably throw them down the slope for coming between you two,” said Akaashi spitefully. Kuroo had to hide his huge grin in his gloves, but Tsukishima was not amused anymore.

“Look, I can see how bullying Tanaka is great, but it won't help us with finding Bokuto, so let's just keep our comments to ourselves and go!”

“Yes, please,” sighed Tanaka. “At this point, I will cry myself to sleep.”

“I'll be waiting in front of your door to make sure you do,” whispered Akaashi so that Tsukishima wouldn't hear. Kuroo did though and judging by his smirk, he had a lot of fun to witness this rarely surfacing side in Akaashi.

On Tsukishima's command, they finally scattered to their respective parts of the slope. Akaashi got his board caught in the dents after only a few meters and had to sit down in the snow for a moment to keep going on the right course – Kuroo fell down only three seconds later, so Akaashi knew that he had made a worthy partner.

“My ass will be frozen by the end of the day,” he whined.

“Find Bokuto and he'll warm it up for you,” said Akaashi.

“He'll have a lot of asses to warm up, indeed.”

Just to prove his words, Akaashi sat down in the snow again and sighed. They hadn't even reached the border yet. Tsukishima and Tanaka on the other hand were effortlessly circling the moguls and watching the slope with eagle eyes at the same time. Kuroo offered him his stick to pull him back onto his feet. “Don't look at them,” he said. “They are just showoffs.”

They somehow made it all the way over to the border together. It was flatter here, and Akaashi could just keep his board horizontal and slowly slide down the hill. The border was marked by a bunch of fir trees that were buried up to the crowns in snow. It was not a place anyone would be able to ski, so any stray tracks should make a good clue for Bokuto's whereabouts.

Unfortunately – maybe – there were no stray tracks. The snow laid perfectly untouched, reflecting the sun off its icy surface and giving no clue whatsoever as to what could have happened to Bokuto. At least they also hadn't found any evidence of an accident. No red patches in the middle of the slope, no lost skis or gear being strewn about. There was also no sound of a helicopter anywhere and even though there weren't many other people, the hard slope wasn't entirely deserted, so somebody would have to have found Bokuto if he had just fallen down and hurt himself.

“What if he skied down into the abyss and nobody will ever find him again?” Akaashi said when Kuroo came to a halt beside him. 

“He hasn’t even been gone for that long. You don’t have to be so gloomy.”

“I mean it, though. What would I do if he was just gone… I’ve been with him since high school. I don’t even remember a time when he wasn’t there.”

“You don’t remember anything from before high school? Your long-term memory is really shit, huh?”

He sighed when Akaashi didn’t respond, took off his skis and stuck them into the snow so they wouldn’t slide down the slope without him.

“Sit down!” he said. Akaashi didn’t really want to waste time sitting around while Bokuto was lost, but Kuroo’s tone left no room for objection, so he did as he said and let himself fall back into the snow. Kuroo sat down behind him and held him like a big, fat baby. “Now breathe.”

Akaashi breathed. He breathed long and deep and wished that he could just close his eyes and sink into Kuroo and make this whole stupid situation go away. He had really looked forward to this trip, but so far he had hit his head on a tree and lost his boyfriend and didn’t even come a small step closer to his goal of confessing to the people he had a crush on.

“It’s all going to be fine, okay? I’ve got you.”

Kuroo was using his physiotherapist voice. Maybe that was why it worked so well. Akaashi really liked Kuroo’s physiotherapist voice – it was deep and even and soothing and it made him feel like everything was going to be alright after all.

“You’re still shaking.”

“Just cause I’m cold,” he lied.

“Liar.”

“Kuroo,” said Akaashi, trying to turn around in his embrace to look into his eyes. “Do you like Bokuto?”

“Of course I do.”

“But do you _like_ like him?”

Kuroo looked baffled, for a moment.

“Are you asking me if I’m into your boyfriend?”

“Yes.”

Kuroo raised a tentative hand and pressed it against his forehead, chuckling weakly. He still had his gloves on, so it was kind of a pointless gesture. “Akaashi… are you alright?”

So he wasn’t saying no. Akaashi smiled a little.

“I’m better now.”

“Okay…” Kuroo lowered his hand and for a moment they just stared at each other, both trying to guess what the other one was thinking. Then Akaashi leaned forward and kissed him on the lips.

Tsukishima and Tanaka were way out of sight and Akaashi just kissed Kuroo on the lips and maybe he should feel bad about it, about doing things this way instead of talking about it first, but this just felt so much better. So, so much better. It calmed his beating heart and racing thoughts and made him feel at home.

Kuroo didn't pull back, but he left his eyes open, still so confused and it made him look ten years younger. Akaashi remembered when Kuroo was ten years younger. He'd actually known him for ten years now. Wasn't that kind of crazy?

“Akaashi...” said Kuroo, gently taking his face between his hands. “Do you feel a bit light-headed?”

Now that he mentioned it... Akaashi really did feel like he was drunk. Not too bad, just a bit intoxicated. Like his feelings didn't go through any kind of filter anymore. Kuroo seemed to understand by just looking at him. “'We need to call that doctor again. Did he really say you had no concussion?”

“He said to call him when I was getting nauseous.”

“Okay, well, we should call him anyway. All this stress can't possibly be good for your head.”

“I'm fine,” said Akaashi, automatically. Kuroo smiled in a way that made it obvious that he didn't believe him, but it was okay, because he actually leaned forward and pecked Akaashi on the lips before he struggled back onto his feet and pulled Akaashi up with him. That was nice. That should be a normal thing and not just something he did because he thought Akaashi was hurt and confused.

“The others are probably waiting for us, so we should hurry. Maybe they even found Bokuto,” said Kuroo while he strapped his skis back on. Apparently his little therapy session had worked, because there was a sudden flash of hope lighting up in Akaashi. Maybe they actually had found Bokuto. Maybe all he had to do was slide to the end of that stupid bumpy slope and he would finally get to hold his boyfriend again.

They continued to search the border and its undisturbed layers of piled-up snow, but to no avail. There was still no human-shaped hole or ski tracks in sight and after a while, Tanaka and Tsukishima came into view, both waiting at the foot of the hill. There was no third silhouette, but Tanaka was excitedly waving his arms.

“Let's go see what he found,” said Kuroo, but Akaashi had already turned his board around and raced down the hill without caring about the moguls anymore. Tanaka welcomed him with a huge grin.

“Did you find him?”

“Well... not exactly. But I'm pretty sure I know what happened now,” said Tanaka while he turned around to point to the ongoing slope with a big gesture. Akaashi immediately understood what he meant and his knees almost gave in.

The slope went in two different directions. One of the forks was much smaller than the other and no normal person would have ever mistook it for the right way, but knowing Bokuto, he had definitely chosen this weird little murder-route in favor of the bigger one.

“I remember Noya mentioning something about a gondola station that could be only reached from here,” said Tsukishima. Akaashi recognized the expression on his face. It was practically the Tsukishima-equivalent of jumping for joy. “I bet he didn't realize that he ended up at a different station than the first one.”

Akaashi felt like kissing each and every person right now, including Tanaka.

“We better get there before he gets impatient and boards the gondola or something. I do not want to have to look for him from the peak to the bottom,” said Kuroo. Akaashi could only agree, so he ordered Kuroo to give him a little push with his skiing sticks and slid away in the direction of the new-found route.

“Are you sure you want to go first?” said Tsukishima. He sounded worried – with good reason, because the path was just as bumpy as the hill before them, but in this case it was so narrow that there was no way to dodge the bumps and you basically had to take a route consisting of nothing but ramps. So obviously Bokuto had gone that way. It was just his thing.

“I’ll be fine,” Akaashi lied. The truth was that he already got a headache just from looking at this crazy route, he just didn’t care. Kuroo, Tsukishima and Tanaka followed right behind him and Akaashi hoped that he wouldn’t fall or he’d be overrun by a pair of skies and two snowboards.

He actually managed to jump over the first few ramps just fine, but he knew that the muscles in his legs would ache for days. None of that mattered, though, if he got to have his boyfriend back in one piece, so he clenched his teeth and kept going.

“Great…” he heard Kuroo’s voice after a while. “A bottomless pit to accompany this damn route. Just what we needed.”

There was indeed an abyss coming into view and the route followed on its verge. At least it wasn’t that bumpy anymore – there wouldn’t be a way to keep this ski area open with dangerous slopes like these. Akaashi would have preferred the ramps, since they at least slowed him down a little, whereas there was no way for him to brake on this narrow path with the chasm right beside him. Maybe he really should think about switching to skis if he wanted to keep up with Bokuto in the future. For now, though, he had no other choice but to race along the path and hope that he wouldn’t steer his board into the abyss.

He somehow managed to go the whole way without falling down even once and his heart already started to beat faster when he saw a bunch of merry red gondolas in the distance. The path along the verge of the abyss finally led to a broader slope – still not as wide as the really big ones, but wide enough to curve and slow the board down a little. He didn’t make use of it, though. Because far away, he could see the station and in front of the station, looking up the slope, he saw someone standing and even though it was just a blurry speck from here, he knew that it was Bokuto. He knew it from the way the speck was dancing around and from the simple feeling the speck awoke in him and also maybe from the fact that the speck was the same bright yellow as Bokuto’s jacket.

Tanaka and Tsukishima were about to pass him, so he sped up even more, not watching the slope and the trees and anything else besides Bokuto. He wanted to be the first one to reach him. That was very important, for whatever reason.

Halfway down the slope, he became aware that he was screaming Bokuto’s name. Huh… weird. He hadn’t even realized the sound came from his own mouth. It wasn’t something he usually did – screaming. It felt right, though, so he did it again as soon as he could recognize Bokuto’s face; the huge smile that threatened to eat his ears, the sparkling eyes, the wide open arms. Akaashi realized too late that he couldn’t just race right into his arms and should probably brake at least a little before they collided at full speed.

Luckily, Bokuto was really strong, so he managed to catch him and spin him around for one and a half turns before he got caught up in his clunky ski boots and toppled over backwards, still holding on to Akaashi instead of softening his fall. He was laughing so loud that Akaashi’s ears rang and Akaashi loved him so, so much.

“I thought they killed you!” he sobbed. “You idiot!”

“I told you that I would never do anything to him!” yelled Tanaka from behind. They both ignored him in favor of locking lips and trying to cuddle even closer through all the sweaters and jackets they were wearing. Akaashi was pretty sure that he was just making out with Bokuto’s scarf instead of Bokuto himself, but who cared.

“Geez, it’s like you two were separated for five years,” laughed Kuroo when he finally reached them. He climbed out of his skis and chucked them to the side just to throw himself down on top of them. Akaashi generously moved a few centimeters to make room for him.

“I didn’t know you all missed me so much,” gasped Bokuto. He was very obviously happy about this, the bastard.

“It’s just that we were afraid you hurt yourself, since that was entirely in the range of possibilities,” explained Kuroo. “And don’t be so happy about worrying Akaashi, do you have any idea how much those puppy eyes sting?”

“What stings me the most right now is that I haven’t gotten a smooch from you yet, I mean… I could’ve been seriously hurt, Kuroo!”

“You have no tact at all, do you?” said Kuroo, but he obliged and pecked him on the lips while Akaashi smiled into Bokuto’s scarf and hoped that his heart wouldn’t explode from happiness.

“Where’s Tsukishima?” wondered Bokuto. “I demand that he shows his relief and elation right now!”

“I wasn’t worried at all,” said Tsukishima, standing to their side with his fingers entangled in each other and looking extremely awkward. That damn liar! Akaashi reached for him, which wasn’t really working, since he was way too tall, but he showed some mercy and held out his hand so that Akaashi could pull on it and make him fall down on top of Bokuto, too. Bokuto’s captivating smile kept him from picking himself up again.

“There you are!” he said.

Tsukishima knew exactly what Bokuto had planned for him, judging from his red tinted cheeks and the panic in his eyes. He was probably uncomfortable with Tanaka watching, so Akaashi wrestled with Bokuto’s scarf, which was in the way anyway, and threw it over their heads.

“Um…” he heard Tanaka mumble. “I will… uh… be over there, for a moment?”

Now the redness had spread evenly over Tsukishima’s whole face, including his ears.

“Just kiss him, Tsukki, before he eats you with his creepy stare,” Kuroo sighed.

“I really don’t know why I always go along with your bullshit,” said Tsukishima, trying to sound angry and only managing to sound besotted. Akaashi wished they could stay here forever, lying in the snow, all tangled up in each other, and sharing kisses and loving each other, but it would probably start getting cold sometime, so he didn’t say anything when Tsukishima and Kuroo started to get up again and pulled him and Bokuto back on their feet, too.

Tanaka was sitting a few feet away, drawing gruesome little drawings into the snow. Akaashi took a closer look at them and discovered that it wasn’t necessarily the content that was gruesome, just the quality.

“How did you not realize that you were at the wrong place, by the way?” he heard Kuroo ask Bokuto. “This station doesn’t look anything like the other.”

“Are you kidding? They could be twins!”

“They’re buildings…”

“They could have the same architect, so that at least makes them siblings!”

“One is a chair lift and this one is for gondolas.”

“Damn, Kuroo, stop riding my dick like that, at least metaphorically.”

“How did you know we were coming, though?” asked Tsukishima, quickly interrupting the direction the conversation was about to take.

“Some guy working at the station told me. He said that the other station called them to ask if I was waiting here and to tell me to stay put.”

Akaashi really wanted to know based on what description the guy had found him.

“That must have been Noya,” said Tsukishima, giving Akaashi a look that said “I told you so.”

Okay, maybe he wasn’t all bad. He still wasn’t too sure about dinosaur-face though. Tsukishima was just going over to him to trample over his drawings.

“Hey, what are you doing?”

“The world a favor,” said Tsukishima. “What if small children passed by and saw this? They would be forever scarred.”

Tanaka actually snarled like a dog, but he held out his hand and Tsukishima pulled him to his feet and maybe Akaashi could see how there was something brotherly about them.

“How do we get back to the other station from here?” asked Kuroo, eyeing the gondolas warily. He did not look like he wanted to go up another mountain today. Maybe it was for the best if they just returned home. Akaashi just wanted to be buried under a ton of blankets and sip on some hot chocolate.

“I’ll lead the way,” said Tanaka.

There seemed to be another slope connecting the two stations, so at least they didn’t have to go up again. After they had all put their gear back on and followed Tanaka down what turned out to be a surprisingly comfortable slope, they arrived at the other station relatively quickly. Nishinoya was there, chatting up two girls who seemed to be glad for the diversion when their whole group came into view and distracted him from his so-called flirting. They were gone as soon as Nishinoya had turned his back to them. Akaashi actually felt bad for him. He wasn’t bad looking or anything, and he was even a nice person, probably, but he was just so small. He wondered how inappropriate it would be to ask about his height.

“So I see you had the same idea as me,” he said when he noticed that Bokuto was with them. “Good, that means we don't have to go back up. After waiting around here for so long, I'm kinda cold, so maybe we should just go back and warm up at home?”

“That sounds like a great idea,” sighed Kuroo. So Akaashi wasn't the only one who was done with this for today. Bokuto looked a bit disappointed, though.

“I didn't even get to ride the gondola!” he whined.

“We'll be here the whole week, so don't worry, you'll have more time for this,” said Tsukishima. They all unbuckled their snowboards and skis and walked over to where they had parked their cars. Kuroo slipped on an icy patch on the way there and Tsukishima laughed about his stupid ski shoes and everything was suddenly normal again.

He was dumped into the backseat of the car with Bokuto again. Tanaka and Nishinoya had their own car, so the four of them were finally alone and Tsukishima was no longer awkward about physical contact, which was probably why he climbed into the back of the car as well, leaning against Bokuto without saying a single word. So he had been worried after all. Akaashi exchanged a look with Kuroo via rear view mirror. He still couldn't tell what he was thinking, damn it.

“We still need to call that doctor back,” said Kuroo. “Akaashi was feeling a bit light-headed earlier.”

Oh God, what did that even mean? Did he want their kiss to be due to a head injury or did he want to hear Akaashi say that he had really meant it? It was way too much pressure, so Akaashi simply didn't say anything and leaned against Bokuto's other side, closing his eyes. They drove back in relative silence – all of them were tired, even if they hadn't spent a lot of time on the slope. Peeking through his eyelashes from time to time, he could see Tsukishima's hand resting on Bokuto's thigh. It looked intimate and protective and Akaashi wondered why it was so hard to talk about something that was obviously already there. Then again, if it was obviously already there, why talk about it and risk ruining it? He really didn't know what to do. He just really, really didn't know what to do.

“I don't know what to do,” he confessed, an hour later. He was still cuddled up to Bokuto, but this time they were alone, sitting on the couch in front of the fireplace, wrapped in blankets and sipping on hot chocolate, just how Akaashi had wanted it. Kuroo and Tsukishima were in the kitchen, chatting with Akiteru and Saeko and trying to reach that quack doctor's phone.

Bokuto interrupted his concentrated stare into the flames to look at him.

“About what?” he asked.

“The situation,” said Akaashi.

“The relationship situation?”

“What other situation is there?”

“There are a lot of situations,” said Bokuto. “The concussion situation. The protective brothers situation. The I can't figure out if this fire is real or a projection situation.”

“It's obviously real, can't you smell the burning wood?”

“It could be a really convincing fake! I just don't wanna be fooled.”

Akaashi sighed. “I kinda kissed Kuroo when no one else was around,” he confessed. “Do you think that's bad?”

“Depends on how he reacted,” said Bokuto. He seemed to be excited, as if Akaashi's next words would either confirm or crush his hopes. But in reality they didn't get them anywhere.

“I think he just thought I was emotionally unstable,” said Akaashi. “Which I was, so it doesn't really count.”

“But he kissed you back?”

“He did...” Akaashi didn't really know why he could feel his cheeks heat up now. Bokuto pressed a laughing kiss against his temple. “But he was very confused about the whole situation. And I can't read him at all.”

“I can,” said Bokuto, sounding extremely sure of himself. “He just can't believe his luck that someone like you would actually be into him. It's so easy to see.”

“Don’t joke around,” mumbled Akaashi into his mug. 

“I’m not joking. You are definitely overthinking this whole thing.”

Maybe he was right, but then it didn’t mean much when Bokuto Koutarou told you not to overthink stuff, since he was a notorious underthinker. 

A loud “ohohohoho!” suddenly rang through the room and startled Akaashi enough to spill his hot chocolate on Bokuto’s lap. Bokuto was too busy looking around with sparkling eyes to notice.

“Ohohohoho!” he answered before he had even found the source of the first one and Akaashi sighed.

“Is this like a Morse code for obnoxious people?” he said when he saw Tanaka and Nishinoya walking into the room and coming to a halt in front of them. They both had a huge grin plastered to their faces.

“We came to apologize!” said Nishinoya. Weird – Akaashi never really associated apologies with such a cheerful expression. Usually people looked very glum when they had to apologize.

“Yes, we obviously misunderstood. You’re no bad guys at all! So we decided to help you.”

“Help us with what?” asked Akaashi suspiciously.

“Seducing our brother,” said Tanaka.

“And his boyfriend,” added Nishinoya.

Akaashi tried to exchange a horrified look with Bokuto, which failed because Bokuto seemed to be anything but horrified by that sudden declaration. 

“Sweet!” he said. 

“No, not sweet at all!” corrected Akaashi. “Why the hell would you do that?”

“Because we’ve seen him with you,” said Tanaka. “And he’s really happy when he’s with you.”

“And he’s much nicer when he’s happy,” said Nishinoya.

Akaashi didn’t really get it. “You call that nice?”

“That’s why-,“ Tanaka said, drowning out his objections, “we have formed the Warrant-Immediate-Naughty-Groupsex-Squad!”

“We call ourselves WINGS,” said Nishinoya. He didn’t really have to explain it – Akaashi had already figured out that they had come up with the worst acronym in the world.

“Because we’re Kei’s wing-brothers now.”

“Dude, that’s awesome!” said Bokuto while he threw his head back and laughed and didn’t stop until Akaashi’s ears started ringing again and he just wanted to bury himself in his blankets and groan until morning came.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look guys, another beautiful [drawing](http://tofuandnuts.tumblr.com/post/140207142757/luckily-bokuto-was-really-strong-so-he-managed#notes) by [tofuandnuts](http://tofuandnuts.tumblr.com/)!!!!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I should've probably mentioned it when he first appeared, seeing as he doesn't have a name (I think?), but the "doctor" in this story is actually that old guy who always comes to Karasuno's matches. Just thought you should know :D
> 
> and fuck me, this chapter is so long and I'm so sorry. I promise Saeko and Akiteru will actually talk more than just two words sometime xD

“Look, I get that you’re all worried, but there’s nothing I can do except chain him to the bed until his mood swings are gone,” said the quack doctor. He was facing a wall of six people glaring daggers at him and a nervous Akiteru scurrying back and forth with two mugs of tea in his hands, offering them to everyone in hopes of calming the mood.

“Then why didn’t you say so last time?” hissed Saeko.

“Because there was no obvious concussion to be diagnosed. His pupils worked fine – and they still do. All the symptoms he shows are emotional instability, a small susceptibility to noise, and a headache. There’s no pill against that – he just needs to rest a bit and observe the symptoms. One to two days after the injury is usually the peak of a concussion, so if it doesn’t get any worse than this, he’ll probably be fine.”

“You don’t look or sound very doctor-y,” said Nishinoya.

Tanaka nodded vehemently. “Yeah, where did you even study, you quack!”

“I don’t think you learn to look and sound doctor-y at university,” said Kuroo, “...but you should at least learn how to diagnose a concussion.”

“Look, I’m telling you - there is nothing short of a CT scan to properly diagnose a concussion; the rest is just guessing based on symptoms.” The doctor’s annoyance finally drove him to take the tea from Akiteru – maybe as a weapon in case one of the people before him decided to attack.

“So you guessed wrong?” said Bokuto. “Oh man! You really suck at your job!”

“You suck,” repeated Tsukishima, and then Kuroo and then Tanaka and Nishinoya and Saeko, too. Akaashi was starting to worry about the quack doctor exploding. They really shouldn’t ruffle his feathers too much. He didn’t look like the most forgiving of people.

The doctor looked at Akiteru as if this was somehow all his fault. “Never call me again!” he said.

“I’m sorry if they come on strong, they’re just worried…”

“I don't care! I'm going back to my wife and children!”

He turned around and stalked off, his medical bag angrily flapping in his wake. Akiteru watched him steal his mug and yet all he had to comment on was, “Now you suddenly have children?”

Akaashi gave his trademark world-weary sigh and suddenly everyone was looking at him. “Don't blame him,” he said. “It's a very light concussion. That's the same as fine.”

“It's not!” said Kuroo. “Even slight concussions can have really bad residual effects. It can be so bad that even your personality changes.”

“I still feel like telling you to shut up, so I think my personality's just fine.”

“We're going to treat you like a frail baby bird from now on and there's nothing you can do about it,” said Kuroo decidedly.

“Just don't try to feed me worms.”

“I won't, but I'll feed you tons of soup.”

“How will soup help with a concussion?” groaned Akaashi.

“Soup helps with everything,” said Bokuto. “Simple science.”

“And so does tea,” said Akiteru, planting his second mug in Akaashi's hand and looking proud of himself. Tanaka and Nishinoya were already running about, screaming something about hot-water bottles, unaware that their screaming was making things a lot worse than the hot-water bottle could actually help. Tsukishima was the only one who looked at least a little sympathetic to his situation.

“I'm afraid you won't have another choice but to let them pamper you for now,” he said. “My condolences.”

“Can you please lend me your headphones?” He didn't want to listen to any music, since it would only hurt his head, but at least they would drown the noise out. Tsukishima nodded and went to get his headphones from their attic room, while Saeko managed to talk Kuroo and Bokuto into helping her make a nice soup.

“Oh,” said Akiteru, watching them head for the kitchen with determined looks on their faces. “I better make sure that they won't burn the house down.” He turned back to Akaashi for a second to ask if he would be alright.

“Probably, if you can keep them from accidentally poisoning the soup.” They all seemed to have a very questionable understanding of medical practices, so there was a very real danger of them mixing in some weird pills or cough syrup with the soup. Bokuto probably would.

“There you go,” said Tsukishima when he returned. He had brought a book and two loudmouths with him, next to the headphones.

“We made you a hot-water bottle,” announced Nishinoya while Tanaka presented a fuzzy mess that looked like it might be roadkill. Upon further inspection it turned out to be a cover for the hot-water bottle. Akaashi wasn't sure if he wanted to lay his head on it.

“That was really not necessary,” he said.

“Oh, it really was!” said Tanaka. Something must have flown into his eyes, because he kept blinking rapidly and Akaashi only understood that he was trying to wink when Nishinoya told him to sit up and pushed Tsukishima onto the now free part of the couch.

“You need to keep your head up a bit. I... uh... I read about that.”

“You can read?” said Tsukishima. He looked annoyed at being pushed around like that, but he didn't move away. Nishinoya smacked him over the head with the fuzzy bottle cover before setting it onto his lap.

“What have I told you about showing your elder brothers some respect? Now, Akaashi, you need to lie down and stay like that for a while.” Akaashi didn't really have a choice since Tanaka was already pushing him backwards, taking the tea from his hands. “Don't move!” they warned Tsukishima. Something exploded from the kitchen and caught their attention long enough for Tsukishima and Akaashi to exchange an exasperated look.

“Maybe we should get the fire extinguisher,” Tanaka suggested.

“It wouldn't hurt keeping it at the ready, at least,” said Nishinoya. A second later, they were off and left Akaashi lying in Tsukishima's lap, their plan a full success, for now.

So maybe this wasn't too bad. Tsukishima was opening his book, so he obviously planned on staying here. Laying on his lap with his headphones on while everyone else was going crazy elsewhere sounded like a good idea. Even without any music on, the headphones turned out to be amazing at drowning out any kind of sound. He wasn't surprised – they belonged to Tsukishima, after all.

Tsukishima became quickly engrossed in his novel and apparently didn't mind Akaashi's twisting and turning until he found a comfortable position. He didn't like laying on his back, so he turned to the side and snuggled closer to Tsukishima, burying his nose in his sweater. He could smell Tsukishima's laundry detergent, mixed with the smell of the burning wood. The fuzzy bottle cover had already slid off to the side and Akaashi became aware that he was really, really close to an intimate area. Tsukishima didn't seem to mind. He just kept reading his book, blissfully unaware of the thousand thoughts running wild in Akaashi's mind. Like – where should he put his hands? Would it be okay to cling to Tsukishima's sweater? Would it be okay to snuggle his face just a little bit closer so that he would feel his belly moving through his clothes? Was Tsukishima able to feel Akaashi's breathing rhythm over his thighs?

All thoughts came to a halt when he suddenly felt a warm hand sweeping through his hair. Long, slender fingers brushed the little hairs on the nape of his neck and drew a line up to his temple. Akaashi had to suppress a shudder – a good one, because there weren't many better things than someone drawing slow circles through your hair, especially when it was a person you had a crush on. The fingers didn't stop moving – they massaged his scalp with just the right pressure, just the right amount of nails, moving from under the bow of his headphones down to his nape and back up again. Akaashi couldn't stop a content sigh from escaping. Tsukishima's hands in his hair were so soothing and relaxing and probably infinitely better than sex. He could feel his breathing slow down, his thoughts unwinding, and he finally pressed his face into Tsukishima's stomach and lifted a hand to grab at his thigh, because that was the most comfortable he could get. Tsukishima must have laid down his book, because there was suddenly a second hand in his hair and Akaashi finally understood what a cat must feel like. He almost started to purr, too.

He was close to dozing off, or maybe he already had without realizing it. There was no way of telling how much time had passed when he heard Bokuto's voice somewhere in the background. At least he assumed that it was Bokuto's voice, because nobody else could penetrate these headphones with a normally spoken sentence.

“They're so cute, I just want to eat them up!”

Akaashi could feel Tsukishima's fingers slow down and he probably made a sound of discontent at that – he wasn't sure, because he was still wearing the headphones and was half asleep, but the fingers were suddenly back to their previous rhythm, so he probably did and people probably heard.

“Holy shit,” yelled Bokuto in the background. “Kuroo, hold me, I'm going to swoon!”

Tsukishima was giving a retort to that – Akaashi could feel his belly moving and then Bokuto gave his usual carefree laugh, which meant that Tsukishima had most likely threatened to kill him. Akaashi was almost back asleep when someone carefully lifted the headphones from his hair. Looking up, he could see Kuroo's face smiling down at him.

“Do you still want soup?”

“I never did,” Akaashi yawned. He felt pretty dazed and confused and he must have looked it, because everyone was looking at him like he was a sleepy kitten. How annoying. “Fine, let’s just eat,” he said when he spotted Tanaka and Nishinoya in the door frame, performing a high-five that was at least twelve steps long. Akaashi didn’t feel like socializing right now, but he was a guest here and he should show some manners, especially since he had to compensate for his boyfriend.

“Your hair looks so fluffy,” Bokuto cooed, coming over to scoop him up and put him back on his feet. It wasn’t cold, but after being pressed so close to another body with a hot-water bottle under his head and buried under a bunch of blankets, he missed the warmth as soon as he stood up. Akaashi squinted at his boyfriend – his eyes had not yet adjusted to the light and with Bokuto’s expression, it seemed twice as bright.

“Is the house still standing?” he asked.

“Hardly,” said Tsukishima. “I really don’t want to know how cooking soup warrants so much screaming.”

“It’s because I was in charge of peeling the potatoes,” said Bokuto as if that made any sense at all.

“If you find something crunchy in there, it’s probably Bokuto’s fingernails,” said Kuroo. Bokuto held up his hands to present his deformed fingernails. By the looks of it he had peeled them off right with the potato skin.

“That’s disgusting,” said Tsukishima.

“Yes, you didn’t need to tell us,” Akaashi agreed.

Bokuto just shrugged. “Whatever, that just means the soup is high in proteins now.”

“Proteins that our enzymes can’t break down, so thanks a lot for your addition,” said Tsukishima. Bokuto patted him on the back with a sage expression on his face.

“Seriously, Tsukishima – it’s unhealthy to know useless facts like that. It will only lead to you having an aneurysm someday.”

“Direct exposure to you is a much higher risk factor for an aneurysm,” said Tsukishima just as Saeko’s head appeared in the door frame to ask if they were coming.

“The soup will get cold!”

“Yes, we can’t risk the delicious fingernails-soup to become cold, that would be a waste,” whispered Tsukishima as they wandered over into the kitchen. Akaashi noticed that his body gravitated heavily towards Tsukishima’s, but he was too tired to help it. He just wanted to climb back into his lap and sleep, but then his growling stomach reminded him that it was probably a better idea to ingest some high-protein soup.

Saeko, Akiteru, and the loudmouths were waiting at the set table, already handing out full bowls of soup, some of them stealthily checking their bowls for little pieces of fingernails. Bokuto noticed anyway.

“Stop freaking out over nothing! Most of them landed with the peelings, so it’s totally safe!”

“I just don’t want my death certificate to say ‘choked on a fingernail stuck in his throat’,” said Nishinoya, his nose practically swimming in the soup. “That would be so uncool.”

Saeko pounded the table with her fist. “Stop whining! Put fingernails in your soup, put real nails in your soup, put a chain saw in your soup, it doesn’t matter! That’s what real coolness is all about!”

“Aye, sister!” yelled Nishinoya and the two of them started slurping their soup with no further complaints. Akiteru gave an embarrassed laugh at his wife’s antics.

“Please try not to ruin people’s appetites,” he said.

Akaashi sat down next to Tsukishima, eyeing his bowl warily.

“Wait a minute before you start eating,” whispered Tsukishima. “If Noya throws up until then we'll know that it’s poisoned.”

“He might just throw up from eating so fast,” said Akaashi. At this point he wouldn’t be able to tell if he was getting nauseous from the concussion or from watching some of these people eat.

Dinner was truly a traumatic event, but it wasn’t the first one he’d had here, plus he was still used to seeing his volleyball team and its managers stuff themselves at the training camps. The soup itself was surprisingly good – maybe fingernails were a secret ingredient that no one had known about until now. He managed to finish his whole bowl and even ate some bread with it and he felt oddly content when he was finished.

“Thanks for the food,” he said softly – most people didn’t hear, because it was so loud at the table, but Kuroo and Bokuto both beamed at him.

“You’ll feel better in no time, now!” said Kuroo. “Just wait for our soup’s amazing healing properties to kick in.”

“I already do feel better,” said Akaashi – he didn’t mention that it was mostly due to Tsukishima’s head massage. “But if it’s okay, I would like to go lie down for now.”

“Of course!” said Akiteru, who had listened to them with one ear while his wife and the two loudmouths used two breadsticks to duel about who got to eat the last bowl of soup. “Just call me if you need anything.”

Bokuto and Tsukishima excused themselves as well while Kuroo stayed to help with the dishes.

“Do you want to sleep already?” asked Bokuto on their way up to the roof. “Or should we… you know.”

“He has a concussion!” said Tsukishima, scandalized.

“Which is exactly why we need to… care for him!”

Tsukishima groaned. “You’re a selfish fuck,” he said. It was kind of harsh and Akaashi felt the need to defend his boyfriend.

“He’s not; he really just wants to be nice. This is just what he’s good at.”

“Okay, but what do _you_ want?” asked Tsukishima. They had reached the ladder and Bokuto was already climbing it and opening the hatch. Akaashi followed behind him.

“I’d like…” he trailed off. He’d like another head massage, but he wasn’t sure if it was okay to demand something so intimate from someone who wasn’t officially his boyfriend. Bokuto would be of no help, from the looks of it. He was sulking because of Tsukishima’s comment.

“Cheer up,” he told his boyfriend while he climbed through the hatch. “He didn’t mean it.”

“You know he did,” said Bokuto. “And it's a goddamn lie. I’m not selfish.”

“You kind of are,” said Tsukishima, following behind them and closing the hatch.

“Akaashi likes sex, so how is it selfish of me to offer?”

“It’s not exactly appropriate for this situation and it’s not like you wouldn’t get anything out of it.”

Akaashi wondered if this was really the moment to get into an argument. He just wanted to cuddle up to them and put the headphones back on and try to sleep.

“Please don’t fight. It’s giving me a headache.”

Both of them turned to look at him with worried eyes and Akaashi suddenly realized that he had a _power._

“I’m sorry!” said Bokuto. “Are you okay?”

“I’d feel better if you two made up,” he said casually, walking over to the mattresses and sitting down on one. Bokuto and Tsukishima immediately followed him, trying to get a good look at his face to see if it was contorted into a pained grimace. They settled down beside him like two puppies being overly clingy after doing something bad.

“It's okay, me and Tsukishima will be on our best behavior tonight,” promised Bokuto.

“I won’t take back what I said, though,” said Tsukishima, knitting his brows. He didn't like it when someone else spoke for him. “So you’ll just have to get over it.”

Bokuto shot him a scandalized look and Tsukishima suddenly smirked. “I'm sure you can do that. For Akaashi, you know? Wouldn't that prove how unselfish you are?”

“He's being a little shit!” complained Bokuto to Akaashi, who had already changed his mind about them being cute puppies and decided on annoying children. He let himself fall back into the mattress, grabbed a random pillow and groaned into it. He only stopped when he felt a hand on his thigh.

“We're sorry!” said Bokuto, taking the pillow from his face. Tsukishima looked down at him, swallowing.

“Yeah,” he said. “I didn't want to get on your nerves, it's just that... Bokuto sometimes triggers something in me.”

“I push his asshole buttons,” nodded Bokuto. “Which I can't really help, since Tsukishima is practically just one big asshole button.”

“Excuse me?”

“I meant that in a nice way.”

“How could you possibly-”

“Oh my God!” said Akaashi. Both of them went quiet when he sat up to glare at them. “I know that you two can get along. I've seen you today, cuddling in the car.”

“We did not...” began Tsukishima, but Bokuto already interrupted.

“Yes we did! You were unusually nice to me after I got lost.”

“Just because Akaashi was so scared – actually, we should all be mad at you for worrying us.”

“So you admit that you were worried?” Bokuto sounded in a tone that said 'check and mate'.

Tsukishima looked like he wanted to strangle him with one of the blankets. “That's so not the point!”

Akaashi only had one pillow and he had a hard time deciding which of these idiots deserved to be hit by it.

“You can deny it all you want, but I know that you love me,” said Bokuto right before the pillow hit him in the face and he screeched.

“Enough!” said Akaashi. He was actually starting to get a headache now. “Please.”

Tsukishima looked like he really, really wanted to say something and had to literally bite his tongue to keep it in.

“Bokuto, apologize!”

Bokuto huffed and kneaded the pillow in his hands, but eventually he sat up and faced Tsukishima. “I'm sorry,” he bit out. Tsukishima was apparently still biting his tongue, because he turned his head to look at Akaashi instead of accusing Bokuto of not even knowing what he was apologizing for.

“Look, I know that he can be a handful,” said Akaashi, sighing, “but I know you like him that way. So maybe you could choose literally any other time to randomly argue with him.”

“I wasn't cuddling him in the car,” said Tsukishima, because he was a pain sometimes who just had to have the last word.

“You had your hand on his thigh the whole time,” said Akaashi.

“No, I-”

“You did!” yelled Bokuto, grabbing for Tsukishima's hand and pulling him closer until he could recreate the way Tsukishima had touched him in the car. “Like this. You were holding me like this. I definitely know, because I was battling a boner the whole time!”

“You...” snarled Tsukishima, his free hand fumbling for the pillow, ready to knock it over Bokuto's head until he heard bells ring. It took a moment too long for him to find it though, and he couldn't help but to look at Akaashi, wondering why he hadn't intervened yet. The reason was simple – he was too busy staring at the hand on his boyfriend's thigh, grabbing it so hard that it would most likely leave a bruise.

Tsukishima must have recognized that look, because he relaxed his hand under his stare, but he didn't let go. Bokuto’s breathing suddenly got heavier and appeared notably loud in the silence that filled the room ever since Tsukishima had stopped snarling.

Akaashi was aware that he made some kind of sound, he just couldn’t hear it. The other two could, though, and their tense bodies slowly relaxed. Bokuto opened his legs a little, leaning backwards, out of Tsukishima’s space and smirked when Tsukishima subconsciously followed him. He was still looking at Akaashi like a deer caught in the headlights.

“Fuck,” he breathed, finally. “Why do you have to be so pretty?”

Akaashi decided to ignore the stupid question in favor of watching the hand hesitatingly move its thumb, stroking a small circle over Bokuto's thigh. Bokuto released a shuddering breath, watching the thumb just as closely. None of them said another word. It was blessedly quiet except for Bokuto's irregular breathing, and that was something Akaashi was more than okay with.

Tsukishima's hand shifted yet a little more towards the inside, where Bokuto's thighs were the softest. Akaashi wished he wouldn't wear those stupidly colorful pajama pants. He wanted to see the muscles move under Tsukishima's touch, wanted to see every shudder and every hair standing on end. At least the loose pants allowed to see something else move. Bokuto made such an obscene sound that Tsukishima finally broke his stare on Akaashi to look down at him and discovered the slowly forming bulge outlined against the loose fabric. Akaashi understood all too well that he wasn't able to look away from it anymore. Bokuto's cock slowly coming alive from just having his thigh touched was probably one of the hottest things Akaashi had ever seen. Even Bokuto himself couldn't help but look down at his erection in wonder.

The moment was cruelly interrupted by the sound of a cough coming from the hatch. They all looked over in alarm, but it was only Kuroo, who was watching them with raised eyebrows.

“This is funny,” he said. Akaashi wished he still had his pillow to throw at him. “Three fully grown men, just sitting in silence and staring at one guy's crotch. Very sexy.”

“Damn, did you really have to ruin it?” whined Bokuto, while letting himself fall onto his back and kicking his legs out. His erection pointed straight upwards, revealing that he hadn't bothered with underwear today. Akaashi really wanted to strangle Kuroo.

“You guys really have some nerve, always stealing my boyfriend for your filthy affairs and never inviting me.”

Akaashi wasn't sure if Kuroo was serious or not and it was making him nervous. He could never read that damn poker face and now he was closing the hatch and casually strolling over, except that to Akaashi, it looked more like a lion's prowl.

“It's your own fault for falling asleep as soon as you're done!” accused Bokuto, pointing an angry finger at him. Kuroo kicked at the finger with his foot.

“I'm not asleep right now,” he said and crouched down next to Tsukishima to lay a possessive arm around his shoulders and looking dead-serious. “Don't tell me you're leaving me for that asshole!”

Oh God... they had fucked up. They had seriously fucked up. They had fucked up so badly that Kuroo would probably never forgive them. Akaashi sat up in alarm just as Tsukishima snorted. Somehow, neither he nor Bokuto seemed to take Kuroo too seriously.

“Not for him, but I would definitely leave you for Akaashi.”

Wrong thing to say, wrong thing to say, wrong thing to say – Akaashi repeated the mantra in his head while Kuroo grabbed Tsukishima's chin and kissed him passionately until even Tsukishima’s resistance was broken and he moaned into the kiss, clearly out of breath. Kuroo didn't break away for another few seconds.

“And now?” asked Kuroo, gasping for air.

Tsukishima smirked. “Please!”

Kuroo stood back up, stretching his arms into the air and yawned. “Oh well,” he said. “I really can't blame you for that.” He looked over to where Akaashi was just gaping at him. “He's so cute when he's shocked.”

“Stop playing games with my poor boyfriend – he has a concussion, you monster!” yelled Bokuto from the floor.

“You're the one yelling,” commented Kuroo, stalking over to where Akaashi was sitting on the mattress. He sat down with a huge grin plastered to his face. “I'm sorry,” he said. “Your face was too good.”

Akaashi didn't break eye contact with him when he said; “I think I seriously hate you” - and Kuroo actually looked hurt for a second. Tsukishima snorted again.

“There you go,” he said. “Collect the consequences for your stupid provocations.”

“I said I'm sorry!”

“That doesn't change the fact that you ruined the mood! I demand compensations!” yelled Bokuto, the last part of the sentence becoming softer as he remembered that he shouldn’t be yelling.

Kuroo was more concerned with his attempt to reconcile with Akaashi. “I’m sorry, I couldn’t help but tease you a bit… But I’ll make it up to you, promise!”

“I will punch you!” said Akaashi. He didn’t really mean it until Kuroo looked at him like he was a baby animal again.

“Look – I’m really good with my hands and… well, what Tsukki did to you earlier – I can do it professionally. It will feel really good.”

Maybe Akaashi didn’t want to punch him that badly, because he felt himself nodding and leaning back when Kuroo moved to sit behind him. Another head massage was all he had wanted ever since he got up here, so maybe Kuroo’s intervention was actually a blessing.

Tsukishima and Bokuto were still in the same position at the foot of the mattress, watching him. The tent in Bokuto’s pajama pants looked more ridiculous than hot by now, especially when Bokuto noticed him staring and started to move it around hands free to freak him out.

“You’re too disgusting for words,” groaned Tsukishima when he saw it. “I don’t understand how a childish head like yours can be attached to that body.”

“Are you saying I’m hot?” Bokuto grinned, wriggling his eyebrows.

Akaashi interrupted them with an involuntary moan – Kuroo’s fingers had just run through his hair, leaving a trail of goose bumps in their wake and Akaashi felt like he had been catapulted from hell into heaven. Tsukishima’s head massage had been nice, casual, and intimate – Kuroo’s had a purpose and it was apparently to melt him right into the mattress.

“Did…” said Bokuto, swallowing heavily. “Did his eyes just roll back into his head?”

“They definitely did,” said Tsukishima. He sounded like he understood all too well.

“Well shit,” said Bokuto. “No more half-mast play for me, then.”

Tsukishima groaned, but it sounded more relieved than annoyed.

“You should do something about that,” sounded Kuroo’s voice and both of them turned again. Akaashi felt a bit in the limelight with their eyes getting caught on his face – which he did not have control of at all. He felt so good, he would probably sink into the floor any moment now. Kuroo was warm and soft against his back, and his fingers kneaded and circled his scalp in the most soothing manner. “Tsukki,” he said, “since Akaashi and I are busy right now, why don’t you help Bokuto out?”

Tsukishima bristled immediately. “I’m not touching that!”

“I gave you at least one million blowjobs and you won’t even touch my dick?” whined Bokuto from the floor.

“I didn’t ask for a single one of them!” said Tsukishima.

“Do I have to remind you that it’s your fault I’m hard to begin with?”

Akaashi decided to intervene before Tsukishima would explode again. Unfortunately, his bliss stemming from the fingers in his hair prevented him from saying anything more coherent than, “Please…”

Tsukishima and Bokuto were looking at him again. He tried using his power – not that it would be very effective in the state he was in, but it was worth a try. “Do it!” he said.

Apparently, the state he was in was no handicap – quite the contrary. Tsukishima gave an incomprehensible sound and didn’t move away when Bokuto sat back up to grab him by the hips and pull until Tsukishima was straddling his lap. Akaashi tried to watch them, even when his eyelids kept fluttering shut. Tsukishima wasn’t looking in his direction anymore – not since Bokuto had sat up and pressed their foreheads against each other and drew his strong hands along the outside of Tsukishima's thighs. By the looks of it, all the fight had gone out of him as soon as Bokuto entered his personal space. Good… Akaashi sighed, leaning back into Kuroo. As long as Tsukishima and Bokuto got along, there wouldn’t be many hurdles on their way to a real relationship. Those two were definitely the most worrisome.

But not at the moment, it seemed.

“This position reminds me of the first time we made out,” said Bokuto, sounding almost nostalgic. “You were so cute back then.”

“That was half a year ago.”

“We’ve come a long way since then.”

Tsukishima sighed. “Are you trying to be romantic right after you swung your dick around in front of my poor, damaged eyes?”

“I’m always romantic,” said Bokuto, reaching for Tsukishima’s glasses to push them onto his head and out of the way.

“Don’t,” said Tsukishima when Bokuto leaned in to kiss him. Akaashi was afraid that he meant “don’t kiss me”, but then Tsukishima slid his glasses back onto his nose. “I want to see.”

“Who's being romantic now?” laughed Bokuto.

“I didn't say I want to see you – just see in general.”

They were talking too much again, but Akaashi didn't have the strength to bark at them. Kuroo's hands were still trying to make his soul leave his body and they almost succeeded. Akaashi had to close his eyes for a while and he must have dozed off, because the next time he opened them, Tsukishima and Bokuto were both shirtless and Tsukishima’s hand was in Bokuto’s pants and Kuroo was hard against his back. Akaashi drew in a sharp breath.

“So…” He heard Kuroo whisper when he noticed him being awake and staring. “I have a question.”

Akaashi knew what the question was going to be before Kuroo asked it.

“Do you _like_ like Tsukki?”

“Damn you,” said Akaashi, not sure if he meant to curse at Kuroo’s question or his hands abandoning his scalp to slowly glide over his body and down to his thighs. Kuroo was apparently out for revenge, because he gave him the same treatment Akaashi had given him on the slope – he took the answer as a yes and kissed him. Just on the neck, because he couldn’t reach his mouth from that angle, but it still made Akaashi gasp a little. 

He couldn’t remember much more after that. There were a few more glimpses of Tsukishima and Bokuto making out, some impressions of Kuroo’s hands stroking his thighs, and his mouth sucking on the skin beneath his jaw, but he couldn’t stay awake.

He woke up in Bokuto’s arms, wondering if anything that had happened the evening before was even real.

“Akaashi?” mumbled Bokuto, noticing him move. “Are you awake?”

Akaashi either said a coherent “no” or maybe just an “nnnggh” and then he was already back asleep, Bokuto pressing small kisses to the back of his neck and cuddling him closer.

The next time he woke up, Bokuto was gone.

He sat up in his mattress, looking around the room. The morning sun was creeping in through the windows and the whole room was empty. Akaashi crawled over to where he had dumped his bag. He and Bokuto had never bothered to unpack while Tsukishima and Kuroo had both stashed all their clothes into the shelves on the other side of the room in an orderly fashion. Sometimes they fit together in funny ways. He was just slipping a hoodie over his head when he heard the hatch open. Peeking out of the neck-hole, he saw Tsukishima climb into the room, freshly showered and a toothbrush still sticking out of his mouth.

“G’monin,” he said, trying not to spit foam. “’ow ou pheel?” 

“Like I slept for three days,” said Akaashi. He really wanted to ask about yesterday, but there was a good chance he had dreamed everything and if that was the case, it would be too embarrassing to reveal it. He had to wait until he was alone with Bokuto to know for sure. 

Tsukishima was pointing at his head, mouth too full of foam to open it again.

“Better, I guess,” said Akaashi. “Where are the others?”

Tsukishima pointed downwards. So they had already gone ahead to raid the kitchen. Akaashi could feel his stomach grumble just thinking about it. Tsukishima must have heard it too, because he quickly grabbed a shirt from his shelf and signaled for him to follow. 

Tsukishima stopped at the bathroom to spit the foam into the sink and slip into his shirt. “You’re hungry,” he said – a statement, not a question. “The others are gone for now, to get some stuff from the village, but there should be some bread left if Bokuto and Kuroo haven't found it yet. 

“So we're alone?” Akaashi hadn't really meant to say it out loud. He could feel his cheeks grow hotter, so he turned away and fiddled with his own toothbrush. He should probably brush his teeth anyway. 

“I guess?” said Tsukishima, watching him put toothpaste on his brush over the mirror. “Though I don't know when the others will return.”

Akaashi made a noncommittal sound, muting himself with his toothbrush. It was probably better if he didn't speak too much. He still couldn't trust his brain-mouth connection. Tsukishima was standing way too close behind him and Akaashi realized that his mouth wasn't the only problem when he subconsciously leaned back against him. He froze as soon as he felt his back coming into contact with Tsukishima's chest. He didn't dare look at him over the mirror, which was kind of stupid, because if Akaashi hadn't dreamed at least half a year of his life then this wouldn't be something weird at all. Tsukishima sure didn't seem to think so. His arms snuck around Akaashi's waist without a moment's hesitation and it was suddenly very hard to breathe. 

“We won't go back on the slope today. It's too dangerous for you,” said Tsukishima. His voice didn't betray the impossible domesticity of the situation. “Tanaka and Noya took it upon themselves to plan some mystery activity for us. All I know is that it requires swimming trunks.”

Akaashi remembered to mechanically move his toothbrush back and forth. He was so aware of the arms resting around his middle that his skin seemed to tingle everywhere they touched. There was not much else he could do except to concentrate on brushing his teeth without accidentally choking on the foam. Tsukishima continued talking as if he didn't notice Akaashi's breathing quicken. 

“I hope you and Bokuto packed yours? If not, we can apparently buy some when we're there.”

At least that was a subject Akaashi could talk about without accidentally confessing his feelings or pushing Tsukishima back against the wall to shut him up, so he made the mistake of leaning down to spit the foam into the sink. Tsukishima's arms shifted to give him space, but they didn't let go. His fingers brushed a piece of free skin on Akaashi's belly, where the hoodie had slid up, and even though it was such a simple touch, Akaashi almost moaned. At least he didn't press back against Tsukishima – so he did have a single slice of self-control left, thank God. He took a lot of time to wash his mouth out, just so he didn't have to react to whatever was happening right now. He still couldn't say for sure if he was dreaming or imagining it. Even when Tsukishima's thumbs slid under his hoodie to draw slow circles on his lower back, he wasn't sure if he read all the signs right. Akaashi tried to breathe normally. He should probably say something now, if he didn't want to come off as more awkward than he already did. 

“I didn't-” he began and it was as far as he got before Tsukishima turned him around to prove that Akaashi had not imagined anything. Akaashi was actually surprised that their lips met – he probably wouldn't have been able to aim so accurately in such a quick movement – but that was all the coherence his thoughts managed before they drifted off into an endless string of, _Oh... okay. Okay! Fuck, okay. Fuck!”_ He couldn't say how he ended up sitting on the edge of the sink. Tsukishima probably wasn't strong enough to lift him from the hips and he didn't remember jumping, but somehow he got there anyway, opening his legs so Tsukishima could press closer. It wasn't a particularly comfortable position and their kiss tasted mostly of toothpaste, but _fuck_ if it wasn't one of the best moments in Akaashi's life. This settled it – it had to. If Tsukishima didn't have feelings for him, he probably wouldn't jump him in a bathroom when none of their boyfriends were present, right? Even if the feelings were just sexual, he wouldn't do it; he usually had his urges in check. This was something more. This was something that made Tsukishima hide a smile in Akaashi's shoulder when he broke away to breathe. Akaashi leaned back to cool his head on the mirror and draw his hands down Tsukishima's shoulders. The faucet pressing against his back really hurt, but he didn't want to let go anytime soon.

“I'm sorry about that,” said Tsukishima when he finally looked up. 

“No, it's...” said Akaashi. This probably would have made a great moment to finally say the words he didn't have the courage to speak until now, but then his stomach decided to thwart his plans by grumbling so loudly, Tsukishima actually flinched. 

“Oh, right,” he said, backing out of Akaashi's embrace. “We should get something to eat.”

Akaashi just caught himself from whining a long “No!”, and watched Tsukishima turn away to grab the handle of the bathroom door. He saw his hand tremble and suddenly realized that Tsukishima was just as nervous about all of this as he was. Damn all of their inability to talk. Akaashi should just do it right now. What better moment was there? But then Tsukishima had opened the door and the spell broke. He couldn't start a conversation like this when Tsukishima's family could barge in any second. 

“Are you coming?” Tsukishima asked, looking back and suddenly blushing – probably because Akaashi was still sitting on the sink with his legs spread and slightly panting. Yes, he should probably move, so he jumped down, fought a second of dizziness, and followed Tsukishima out of the bathroom. It was weird how stiff everything was when they had just made out a minute ago. Now they were twice as careful to not accidentally touch and give anything away in case Tsukishima's family was there once they entered the living room. 

They weren't, thank God, because Bokuto and Kuroo were sitting all cuddled up together in an armchair, both shirtless, and feeding each other yogurt. Akaashi couldn't really decide if he was aroused or annoyed, although he was leaning more towards annoyed. He and Tsukishima hadn't even accidentally brushed against each other ever since they exited the bathroom and their boyfriends were giving a free show to anyone who might want to peek in from the window. 

“What the hell are you guys doing?” came Tsukishima's icy voice.

Bokuto had only just noticed them and gave a broad, yogurty smile. “Being adorable as fuck, obviously!” he said, shuffling a little. “One of you may still fit, so whoever's pissy face vanishes first is allowed to cuddle up to us hot studs.”

“You need to be shirtless though, it's a rule,” said Kuroo. 

Akaashi wondered if they were trying to rile up Tsukishima on purpose or if it was just a talent they possessed. 

“The others could come back anytime. Didn't I tell you to behave?” said Tsukishima through gritted teeth.

“We are!” said Bokuto. “And we'll hear the door in time – it's not like they'll enter by barging through the closed window!”

“There is a small chance of that, actually, with those loudmouths around,” said Kuroo, feeding Bokuto another spoonful of yogurt. “But it's very unlikely. Besides, you can't yell at us for cuddling when the two of you obviously just made out in the attic!”

“Bathroom,” corrected Akaashi automatically. He took a step back to evade Tsukishima's death glare. Bokuto shot up in his seat, eyes sparkling. 

“They have?” he yelled through his mouthful of yogurt. “Oh my God, it's true, Akaashi's lips are all red!”

“And without their boyfriends present.” Kuroo grinned his Cheshire Cat grin. “How naughty!”

“Shut up!” said Tsukishima. Akaashi could see his ears glowing red. “It's not like it's weird!”

“We didn't say that,” sang Kuroo. “It's cute how you two get along.”

Akaashi wondered if this would turn out to be the moment where they actually had the _talk_. He could see from Bokuto's face how he had become jittery, anxiously waiting for the conversation to shift. Maybe they should say something, too, but Akaashi's brain felt like it was empty save for a stray tumbleweed bouncing happily through the void. And just like he had predicted, the moment was ruined by a loud voice coming from the entrance door.

“We're baaaaaack!” yelled Tanaka, making everybody flinch. “Better put your clothes back on!” This was followed by an obnoxious laugh and Tsukishima looking like he wanted to slap Bokuto and Kuroo with their discarded shirts.

“Relax,” said Kuroo, giving Bokuto a slight shove and making him fall off the armchair. “He was just making a joke. Besides, it's not like you can't walk around in just your pajama pants to eat breakfast.”

“Yeah, Tanaka does it all the time,” said Bokuto just as Tanaka himself entered the living room.

“What am I doing all the time?”

“Walk around shirtless,” said Bokuto from the floor.

“Yeah, it's the best!” Tanaka had already slipped out of his jacket and shirt before anybody could stop him. He made a thoughtful face before throwing his shirt at Bokuto.

“You need to cover up, though. That's just obscene.” 

“For the love of God!” groaned Tsukishima. “I hate you all so much!”

Akaashi didn't really know what to say or do. He felt like all his chances had suddenly slipped away. Bokuto seemed to sense his distress, because he came over and planted a kiss on his forehead like a mother trying to console her child. Really now... Akaashi couldn't let any more role-reversal happen. He hadn't hurt his head that badly. 

“Um...” said Nishinoya, entering the living room with a bag of groceries. “Saeko and Akiteru could probably use some help.”

“I can't go out like this,” said Tanaka, and pointing at Bokuto, he added, “and that guy stole my shirt.”

“And he's not even wearing it? What a dick move,” grinned Nishinoya. Tsukishima looked like he was planning a brutal, shirt-related murder for everyone showing nipples right now, so Kuroo, who was the only truly helpful one out of them all, grabbed him by the hand.

“We will go help them,” he said. “Okay, Tsukki?”

“Fine, I can't be in this room any longer anyway.”

Kuroo took Tanaka's jacket off the floor and slipped into it, purposefully leaving it open until Tsukishima closed it for him. Kuroo was truly brave and it was a miracle that Tsukishima hadn't caught a nipple in the zipper. They must love each other very much. 

“You guys are terrible wingmen,” said Akaashi as soon as they were out of the room. Tanaka and Nishinoya looked shocked for a second, but then excited.

“Why, was something steamy going on?” asked Nishinoya, jumping up- and down with his groceries. “Holy shit! I didn't think it would be so fast, what with the huge stick in Kei's ass and all.”

“What are you talking about?” laughed Bokuto. “We're long past steamy.”

Akaashi had known from the start that Tanaka and Nishinoya hadn't known, especially considering the awful name for their little group. 

“We've all been fucking for half a year,” he said bluntly while Bokuto beamed at him. Fuck it. Akaashi was too annoyed for anymore injured baby bird behavior. 

“What?” said Tanaka. His hand moved as if to slap himself. “Also, ew! But mostly; what?”

“I said: We are not trying to have sex with your self-proclaimed brother. We're trying to date him.”

“Won't the others be back soon?” whispered Bokuto, trying to peek into the hallway. “They probably shouldn't hear us discussing this with them.”

“It's fine, the rest belongs in the cellar,” said Nishinoya, putting down the bag of groceries and using the opportunity to just sit down on the floor as if this revelation was a crushing reality. “I can't believe this,” he said. “I thought you guys wanted to seduce him! That's what we overheard, after all.”

“You shouldn't jump to stupid conclusions without context,” said Akaashi. “But anyway – you can stop the whole setting us up thing, because we don't need your help; we just need a good time to educate them about polyamorous relationships.”

“Poly- what?” said Tanaka, as if the word was too difficult to pronounce. 

“It's a relationship with multiple partners,” exclaimed Bokuto proudly – he wasn't usually the one who got to explain things to other people. “Basically, we all love each other and we want to make it official.”

“Damn it!” Tanaka suddenly screamed. “That's so stupid! I don't even get a single girlfriend and that shitty brat gets three boyfriends?”

“Is that shitty brat the same guy you described as your dear little brother whose innocence you need to protect?” asked Akaashi dryly. He was just really done with everyone's shit.

“There's obviously not an ounce of innocence left to protect,” said Nishinoya. 

“You're right about that,” said Bokuto. 

“So... all this time we've gone about things the wrong way 'round?” Tanaka looked deep in thought, trying to grasp the real situation. “We gave him exactly what he wanted. God, I can't believe you didn't tell us sooner.”

“It's not like you did anything,” said Akaashi. Okay, they had somehow initiated the head massage, if you could even count that. But aside from that, Akaashi and Bokuto had managed just fine without them.

“You don't understand,” said Nishinoya. “We tried to set you up for nasty groupsex...”

“Please don't say that,” sighed Akaashi.

“... and instead we should have worked on a lovely harem.”

“It's not a harem!” Akaashi protested.

“It's okay, we enjoyed the nasty groupsex,” said Bokuto. “So it's all good.”

“I want to die.”

Nishinoya hit the floor with his fist. “It's not all good! If you want to be in a relationship with Kei, then sleeping with him is exactly the wrong thing to do!”

Okay... now he had lost Nishinoya. How on earth would that be a bad thing? Tanaka seemed to notice that he didn't understand, because he put on a face like he was going to explain something really obvious.

“Look,” he said, “By relationship, I take it you mean that you want to hold hands with him in public, have him introduce you to his parents, maybe even share a flat with him someday – all that stuff couples do. Right?”

“Pretty much,” said Akaashi.

“And you still don't see how sleeping with him works against this?” asked Tanaka.

“No,” said Bokuto.

Tanaka nodded and looked to his friend on the floor. “Noya!”

“Coming right up,” said Nishinoya, burrowing through the bag of groceries until he found a net of oranges; he threw one at Bokuto's head.

“Ow! What the fuck?”

But Nishinoya was already taking a second orange from the net, aiming it at Akaashi – not a good idea, because it triggered Akaashi's setter-instincts from past times and before Akaashi himself even knew what was happening, he was setting an orange into the air, screaming, “Bokuto!”

Bokuto didn't leave him hanging. Akaashi could probably count himself lucky that he had landed a boyfriend who would actually jump at an orange instead of letting it fall to the floor and looking at him as if he had a screw loose. They still worked perfectly together. Bokuto's spike was still as powerful as ever – his aim was a bit off, though. The orange only brushed Tanaka's ears before it exploded on the floor. 

Tanaka, unsurprisingly, screamed. 

“Dude! What if that thing had hit me in the nuts?”

“Shouldn't you be more concerned about your face, considering that's where it almost hit you?” said Akaashi. Bokuto behind him was whooping that he “still got it!”

“I think it left a dent,” commented Nishinoya from where he sat. “I think you just left a dent in a wooden floor with an orange. That's awesome.”

“I know!” yelled Bokuto.

“So you just damaged the expensive chalet we're guests in,” said Akaashi. “I can't take you anywhere.”

“I could be dead!” howled Tanaka. Akaashi thought that he was being overly dramatic.

“Maybe you shouldn't go throwing oranges at people when you don't want the same thing happening to you,” he said. “It's an important lesson – you should probably thank us.”

He had planned on saying more, but Bokuto grabbed him from behind and spun him around – he was apparently still in the middle of his victory dance routine. Akaashi wasn't very happy about being a part of it, though, so he tried to struggle out of his embrace. 

“Babe,” said Bokuto, when he actually noticed Akaashi struggling. “Did you notice how your sadistic side was acting up again? I almost missed it! I was afraid it would be completely gone after you hurt your head.”

“Believe me,” said Tanaka. “It's not gone!”

“Weren't we talking about something important here?” asked Nishinoya. 

“Right,” said Tanaka. “You two!” He pointed at each of them, back to the intimidating expression on his face. This time it didn't work on Akaashi anymore. “You obviously haven't thought about who you're dealing with!”

“That's right,” agreed Nishinoya. “I mean, doing all this stuff behind closed doors? That's fine, you can get Kei to do that, because it takes practically no effort and it has a lot of positive side effects, like getting laid all the time. Damn, I feel like a virgin now. Anyway – it's all good fun and probably more, I mean, we both noticed that Kei likes you a lot, otherwise we wouldn't have agreed to help you. But a relationship? A real, public one, where he actually tells his parents that he has three boyfriends? Well...”

“It's not gonna happen,” said Tanaka. “Because why should he bother with all the negative repercussions, like...”

“People not understanding and publicly shunning him, multiple partners he has to always get along with in order to make the relationship last and not fuck it up for the others, possible jealousy inside his own relationship, more people who could snitch his favorite snacks when he's off to work...” counted Nishinoya.

“... when he can have all the positive things as soon as no one is looking?” finished Tanaka. “In short; you guys are totally spoiling him and you need to stop.”

Akaashi was pretty sure that he understood all of this. He was also pretty sure that he didn't want to understand anything. However – it pained to admit it, but... they were right. He couldn't believe that he had never even thought about all of this. He had been so concentrated on finding out if Tsukishima and Kuroo even liked them like that he had just immediately concluded that it was the only hurdle to take before getting together. Because that was the obvious thing you did when you loved each other, right? You got together. You went places together. You held hands on the streets. You kissed wherever you wanted. You introduced each other to family and friends. You didn't make out in a bathroom and then not even touch each other because you were afraid someone might suspect something. You didn't get mad at your boyfriend for cuddling with your other boyfriend because your brother might see it. It was all wrong.

“Damn,” gasped Bokuto. “You guys are so smart?”

“Well... we've just known Kei for a really long time, you know?” said Nishinoya, clearly flattered by Bokuto's words. 

“I see!” said Bokuto. “But, are you really sure that we can't get Tsukishima to at least try? It took a long time for him to get together with Kuroo, too.”

“It's useless,” said Tanaka, shaking his head. “Unless...”

“Unless!” said Nishinoya and hit the floor again. Akaashi wondered why he was still down there.

“Unless we somehow manage to extract the stick in Kei's ass.”

“And we have a long and intimate relationship with the stick in Kei's ass,” added Nishinoya.

“It's only thanks to our admirable educational methods that he became Karasuno's captain in his third year,” bragged Tanaka. “Because we were the best senpais in the world!”

“And now we're the best brothers.”

“So you may have a slight chance of succeeding if you leave it all to us!” Tanaka finally finished, throwing his arms out like he had just spoken the word of God. 

Akaashi was glad Bokuto still clung to him from behind, because he really wanted to spike an orange into both of their faces. And he wasn't even a spiker.

“Could you please stop the evil twins speech? It's seriously annoying.”

“Just what exactly-” said Tanaka.

“Do you mean?” grinned Nishinoya. 

“That's it. Bokuto, let me go, I need to get my keys and scratch a Mercedes.”

“Oh, awesome!” said Bokuto, looking like he was seriously eager to watch his annoyed boyfriend ruin an expensive car. Nishinoya finally jumped up from the floor in panic. 

“No wait, sorry, we'll stop! We will totally concentrate on your quest for now.”

“Absolutely,” nodded Tanaka. He looked like he was in deep thought again and Akaashi already braced himself for what was to come. “Well, the first step is obvious, I guess. We need to change our squad name.”

Well shit. There probably wasn't an option to wax his ears closed in time. 

“I got it!” said Tanaka after a minute of Akaashi frantically looking for an escape route. “Since we're helping you guys hold on to our cute but not-so-innocent little brother forever and never letting him go, we will be...” He imitated a drum roll on his thighs. “KLAWS! The Kei's Large Amorous-poly(but reversed) Wedding Squad!”

Akaashi heard himself yelling “Did you even TRY?” before he realized that he didn't usually do yelling and that it was making his ears ring after he had just started to feel better. Bokuto didn't seem to share his horror of Tanaka's acronym-skills. 

“Sounds like you know what you're doing,” said Bokuto. “We'll be in your hands then!”

“Great,” said Akaashi. “If you need me, I'll be over there, signing the divorce papers.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys!!! This chapter now has glorious art by [shiningdraw](http://shiningdraw.tumblr.com/) for the [orange scene](http://shiningdraw.tumblr.com/post/138869697381/please-read-this-hilarious-bokuakakurotsukki-fic)!!! <333
> 
> And also: All these cute [cuddles and smoochesss](http://tofuandnuts.tumblr.com/post/142934990847/some-of-my-favorite-scenes-from-chapter-three) by [tofuandnuts](http://tofuandnuts.tumblr.com/)aaah I'm dying!


	4. Chapter 4

“What the hell happened?“ asked Tanaka when they came back into the living room. He and Nishinoya had insisted on KLAWS holding a secret meeting in their room – the location being horrendous enough in Akaashi's opinion – to come up with a plan. The plan itself was what surpassed the whole “horrendous” thing and catapulted Akaashi into a world of never-ending suffering.

That was why he wasn't even surprised to find Kuroo sitting in the armchair, dripping wet, and just being stripped of his jacket by Tsukishima.

Kuroo answered Tanaka's question with a sneeze and a miserable expression.

“Apparently the cellar is partly flooded,” said Tsukishima. “And Kuroo decided to take a swim.”

“I didn't decide that, Tsukki! I just didn't notice when I opened the door!”

“Because you insisted on carrying everything at once and obstructed your own field of vision,” said Tsukishima coldly. Kuroo gave a false shudder – or, come to think of it, it might have been a real one; Akaashi couldn't really tell.

“I'm already cold enough! Shouldn't you be warming me up instead of bringing me down? I bet I could get Bokuto to do it, if you don't want to.”

Tsukishima bristled and yanked the jacket off Kuroo to throw it at Tanaka. “You can have that back!” he said just as his brother entered the living room with a huge blanket and some towels.

“I'm so sorry, we should have checked the cellar first!” said Akiteru while dumping everything on Kuroo. “I can't believe we just sent you in there.”

“This really isn't your fault at all,” reassured Kuroo. He was back to smiling because Tsukishima had taken one of the towels and tried to dry his hair. It didn't look very gentle, but it was still a nice gesture for Tsukishima. Even Akiteru paused for a moment to watch his brother with warm eyes.

Bokuto came up behind Akaashi to pull him into a hug. “I really wanna go and warm him up,” he whined. Thankfully, only Nishinoya heard and he kicked Bokuto in the shin.

“Don't you dare!”

“I know, I know!” Bokuto dramatically threw his head back. “No more weird shows of affection to people who are not my boyfriend. I'm not stupid, I understand the plan!”

“What are you guys whispering about?” asked Tsukishima, throwing them a suspicious look. Akaashi started to sweat.

“I have a question, too!” came Saeko's voice from the kitchen. “Why is there an orange exploded on the floor?”

Oh. Yeah, they hadn't cleaned that up yet. Akaashi turned to look at the others, sweating even more.

“Uhm...” said Tanaka. “It fell out of the bag?”

“From what height?” Saeko didn't sound very convinced.

“Sorry,” said Bokuto. “I accidentally spiked it. Please don't hurt me.”

But Saeko was already stomping over, glaring daggers. Not at Bokuto, though. Her mean stare was directed at her own brother and she caught him in a headlock as soon as she reached him, rubbing her knuckles on his head. “So you were lying, were you? Did you think I would actually believe such an obvious lie, huh?”

“Shouldn't you be wondering about the real reason it exploded?” commented Tsukishima. He was just wrapping his boyfriend into the huge blanket, leaving only Kuroo's face free – a face that looked like it had just transcended into heaven. Akaashi wished he would be able to make such a face sometime, but all that was reserved for him were more annoyed grimaces as their stupid plan began to unfold.

“I guess we might as well go for some more shopping. Half of our stuff drowned in the cellar, some other stuff is ingrained in our floor, and I'm just turning the rest to coal trying to make a stew,” said Saeko. The burning smell drifted into the living room just as she said it and Akiteru was already running.

“Why?” came his long-suffering scream as soon as he laid eyes upon the disaster he must have discovered in the kitchen.

“I'm just trying to be a good wife for you, babe,” yelled Saeko, grinning triumphantly.

“You suck,” said Tanaka – which was very brave of him, seeing as his head was still in Saeko's armpit.

Akiteru reappeared in the door frame to the living room. He seemed to hold something in the form of a burnt head of lettuce and confirmed Akaashi's suspicions by saying: “You don't cook lettuce! Seriously, this is not a thing I should have to tell a 30-year-old!”

“Of course you do!” protested Saeko. “The kitchen place I worked at did it all the time!”

“It's called cabbage. There's a difference!” Akiteru turned to dump the burnt lettuce in the trash. “Also, you could've at least chopped it up!” He sighed, made sure that the stove was turned off and came back into the living room to free Tanaka's head from his wife's armpit. “Didn't we agree that it's okay if you're not a perfect housewife and I'm not a badboy and that we love each other anyway? I mean – it was literally in our vows.”

“Yes, but I figured that if I succeeded at making an edible meal I could at least force you to wear a leather jacket for once!” grinned Saeko, tugging at his sweater vest and making him blush.

“I can wear a leather jacket,” he said softly. “You don't have to explode our kitchen for that.”

“Hmm, okay. And maybe a small tattoo, or two...”

“No way!” he shrieked. “Needles, Saeko, you know how I feel about needles!”

Saeko just snickered and pulled him down by the collar to kiss him, uncaring about the huge audience. Meanwhile, both Tsukishimas turned beet red and Tanaka pretended to barf.

“So, does this mean that there's nothing left to eat except for yogurt and some oranges?” asked Bokuto, which was a question Akaashi was actually interested in, seeing as neither he nor Tsukishima had gotten anything to eat yet and his stomach had already begun grumbling a while ago.

“I'll go and check the fridge,” said Tsukishima. He was probably glad for the excuse to no longer watch Akiteru and Saeko make out. “And Bokuto, you should clean up that orange.”

“Right away!” sang Bokuto, happily following him to the kitchen and leaving Akaashi with a sudden chilly feeling. Kuroo caught his eyes. He looked like he had grown together with his armchair – there wasn't a single limb to be seen under the blanket and he just looked so cozy and toasty. He smiled and opened the blanket a little, like a drug dealer would open his coat, revealing a sliver of naked skin and Akaashi wanted to cuddle up to him so, so badly. He caught himself making a step forward, and another one, but he couldn't stop himself. He had already passed Akiteru and Saeko, who were still making out, and there was only one step missing until he reached the armchair and could bury himself in Kuroo's blanket nest and make that same stupid happy face...

“NO!” yelled Nishinoya, suddenly darting forward and catching him by the hood. “Dammit, Ryu, help me!”

Tanaka was standing between him and Kuroo one second later, crossing his arms and looking like a dog trainer disappointed in his puppy's behavior.

“I can't believe you're falling for such obvious ploys,” he said, shaking his head. Akaashi could see Kuroo throw him a curious look. “Don't you see how he's trying to seduce you?”

“I'm just being nice and considerate!” protested Kuroo. “What the hell is your problem?”

Akaashi pondered if he should just deck Tanaka, but he probably couldn't win against him.

“Let me go!” he demanded, but Nishinoya and Tanaka stayed adamant.

“It's for the greater good,” they said at the same time, like a set of creepy, very different looking twins. Akaashi hated them so much.

“What's going on with you guys?” wondered Kuroo. “You're acting strange!”

“You're the one who's strange!” said Nishinoya. “Are you trying to make Kei jealous? Shouldn't you be a bit more dedicated to our cute little brother instead of cuddling with other guys as soon as he has his back turned?”

“That's right! You seem way too friendly with your friends, I mean – on the slope you even kissed that beefy guy right on the mouth!” said Tanaka.

“We just want to let you know that we won't stand for it. Our little brother is nobody's side bitch!” Nishinoya added. Kuroo just gaped at the two of them and Akaashi watched with a tear in his eye how he slowly wrapped the blanket back around himself.

Saeko and Akiteru must have noticed the mood changing, because they finally broke apart to throw them curious looks.

“What's going on?” asked Akiteru.

“I think the children are fighting,” said Saeko, an evil glint in her eyes. “I won't tolerate any fighting as long as there are no fists involved!”

“Don't encourage them!” said Akiteru.

“We're not fighting,” said Kuroo from his blanket-nest. “It was just a misunderstanding. Right guys?”

Tanaka and Nishinoya kept trying to look intimidating, but they nodded and said, “Right”.

“Aw!” Saeko looked honestly disappointed. “Fine then, I don't need to stand around and listen to you guys bitch at each other. I got better stuff to do.” She winked at Akaashi and grabbed her husband by the collar again, planning to lead him out of the room, but Akiteru simply lifted her up and carried her out, mumbling something about her embarrassing him. Saeko's laughter slowly died out as they shuffled over to their room and left the rest of them standing there in awkward silence.

“Well,” said Kuroo. His voice was slightly muffled and when Akaashi looked at him, he noticed that he had sunk even deeper into his blanket. “We may need to clarify some things.”

It would have to wait though, because Tsukishima and Bokuto just came back from the kitchen, carrying a plate with little sandwiches and a bucket filled with hot, soapy water. The huge grin on Bokuto's face was a dead giveaway – they had definitely done something in there. Tanaka and Nishinoya must have noticed it, too – Tsukishima's flush wasn't exactly discreet, either. But instead of a chewing-out, Bokuto simply earned himself two thumbs-ups. Akaashi bristled. Just... how was that even fair? Bokuto got to make out with Tsukishima in the kitchen and he couldn't even share a blanket with Kuroo? Those two were definitely playing favorites!

“Relax,” whispered Nishinoya. He must have noticed Akaashi's death glare. “They weren't in there for long, so all Bokuto did was to make Kei want more. It's crucial that he wants more and doesn't get it as long as there are people present for who he has to keep up his facade.”

“You don't have to explain the plan to me. I understood it just fine,” Akaashi said through gritted teeth. He just didn't _like_ it. He just didn't like it at all. Nishinoya patted his shoulder with a sympathetic expression and Akaashi had to refrain from brushing his hand away. Damn – when he had come up with a plan with only Bokuto, it had consisted of creating situations in which they would all be alone together and where they had to share body warmth and kisses all the time. Now the plan had somehow morphed into the exact opposite: never be alone together and even if it's unavoidable sometimes, make it so no one dares doing anything, because they're all too afraid of Tanaka and Nishinoya being onto them. It had definitely worked for Kuroo. He had sunken so deep into his blanket that only his eyes were visible by now and his blanket-covered arms reached for Tsukishima like a clingy ghost.

“What's wrong with you? Has some water leaked into the empty space in your brain?” said Tsukishima while he evaded the blanketed hands and came over to offer Akaashi a sandwich. Akaashi took one without really looking and had to keep from making a face when he bit into it and discovered that it was filled with boiled eggs.

“That's definitely not the one you want,” sighed Tsukishima, taking the chewed-on sandwich out of his hand and putting one with pickles in it. “There you go.” He pretended not to notice Tanaka's and Nishinoya's awed expressions and finally turned back to Kuroo. “And you, stop it with the suffering! You're not that cold anymore.”

“Yes I am, and I need you to warm me up,” came Kuroo's distant whine.

Tsukishima mumbled something of which Akaashi only understood the words “grown-ass man”, but he actually went over and let himself be pulled into the blanket nest, albeit looking extremely awkward. Bokuto decided to make it even more awkward by commenting, “Aw, so cute!” from where he was kneeling on the floor. “You should see your face! You look like a little tomato fairy.”

“What's that even supposed to mean,” said Kuroo just as Tsukishima kicked at Bokuto. He couldn't reach him from where he was sitting, but he promptly hit the bucket with the soapy water and made it spill all over Bokuto's borrowed shirt.

“Hey!” yelled Bokuto, looking down at himself. “Now I'm wet, too! Does this mean I'm allowed into the blanket nest?”

“No,” said Akaashi, because he had decided to be a huffy little bitch. “It's prohibited.”

“Well, it's not like I'm cold anyway. The water's hot. Actually, this feels pretty good,” said Bokuto, splashing some more water onto his shirt and grinning like an idiot. Akaashi could see the outline of his muscles become visible through the shirt, which was way too tight to begin with. He didn't even need to look over to know the reason Tsukishima hadn't yelled about spilling water on the expensive wooden floor yet.

“You're ruining my shirt!” complained Tanaka, who was probably the only one not following a certain train of thought right now. Nishinoya, next to him, snickered and clicked something on his cellphone. Suddenly, there was music. Music which could not be described by any other genre than “strip club music”. Tanaka laughed.

“Why do you even have something like this on your phone?” groaned Tsukishima. “Also, please turn it off, it's... uhm...” He got distracted for a moment, because Bokuto had already started to move to the beat, never able to sit still when music was playing. “It's dangerous,” he concluded once Bokuto's hips started to roll and the whole room was looking at him.

“Oh...” Tanaka swallowed. “I did not expect that.”

“Yeah, he's actually a good dancer,” said Akaashi. He knew he sounded proud, but there was no reason not to be. Bokuto definitely looked hot right now.

“That's not what I meant,” said Tanaka weakly. This time, Nishinoya patted him on the back.

“Stop it!” said Tsukishima just as Nishinoya whooped, “Lose the shirt!”

Bokuto obviously had fun in his role. His seductive face didn't reach its full potential because he kept grinning, but nobody was looking at his face anyway – not when he reached for the cloth in the bucket and wrung it out over his chest like a busty blonde in a car wash porno.

“Please,” he heard Tanaka mumble, “I'm afraid I'm not sure enough in my sexuality for this.”

Bokuto winked at him, reaching backwards to grab a hold of his shirt and pull it over his head in one swift motion, then he threw it in Tanaka's face.

“That'll take care of the nosebleed,” Akaashi whispered to him. He had to admit – he really enjoyed this. Getting back at those two loudmouths felt great, plus, it was a perfect addition to their plan. Bokuto was a genius in odd ways sometimes. Looking over at Kuroo and Tsukishima, he noticed that Tsukishima had somehow melted into the blanket and observed Bokuto's little dance shielded by a layer of fluffy cloth. Well, it wouldn't save him now. Bokuto could even make a pair of colorful pajama pants look sexy, and okay, Akaashi may be biased, but when even Tanaka and Nishinoya weren't able to look away, he knew that his judgment wasn't clouded.

His own cock reacted by the time Bokuto was rubbing the cloth between his legs and as if it emitted a telepathic signal, Bokuto made eye contact with him, smile spreading wider. Akaashi may have whimpered.

“You are probably the second luckiest man in the world,” whispered Nishinoya and Akaashi was conflicted about wondering who the first one was and almost liking him for these words, since they weren't usually what people said when they discovered who his boyfriend was. Generally, Akaashi received more sympathy than envy for his choice in lovers.

“I know,” he sighed when Bokuto threw the cloth aside to crawl towards him and finally abandoned his dance to get back up on his feet and pull him into a smiling kiss. Akaashi thrust his half-eaten sandwich in Nishinoya's hands so he could properly cling to Bokuto. Maybe he even liked the plan a little, right now. Bokuto lifted him up effortlessly and broke their kiss for a moment to announce that he had some urgent business to take care of.

“At least clean up the orange!” whined Kuroo.

“Help a bro out, yeah?” Bokuto grinned, already carrying Akaashi out of the room. Akaashi had to suppress a smile. The “bro” was a nice touch.

“You're a devious genius,” Akaashi told his boyfriend as soon as they were out of earshot. As expected, Bokuto had no idea about what he had done, but Akaashi's words still made him exceedingly happy.

“How so?” he asked. They had reached the ladder and he gave Akaashi a little push to make him climb it.

“Well – first you make everyone horny and then you carry me away in a fashion which makes it obvious what we're about to do, so Kuroo and Tsukishima can't follow us. It would look too weird in front of the loudmouths. Meaning that they are stranded there with blue balls, marking the first step in our plan a success.”

“Oh!” said Bokuto, his wild hair appearing through the hatch, followed by his broad grin. “I didn't know that was part of the plan!”

“It wasn't, which is why you're a genius.”

Bokuto made a low sound in his throat as he crawled over to where Akaashi was sitting on the floor. “I like it when you say things like that,” he said, closing the hatch with his foot. “I like it a lot!” Just to underline his words, he pressed his body flush against Akaashi, grinding his erection against Akaashi's thigh and kissing him long and slow. Akaashi sank back against the floor. Who cared, they wouldn't make it all the way to the mattresses anyway.

“So,” he gasped when Bokuto moved to nibble at his ear. “What did you and Tsukishima do in the kitchen?”

“You want me to tell you now?”

He could feel Bokuto grin against his ear and he rolled his hips upwards to affirm the question. It was a stupid question anyway. There probably wouldn't be a hotter moment for him to tell the story than right now.

“Hmmm,” said Bokuto, lazily drawing his tongue along the edge of Akaashi's jawbone. “Well, first he showed me where I could find a bucket and soap, because I was supposed to clean up the exploded orange.”

“Bokuto!”

“And I heated some water in the kettle while he made the sandwiches. I had nothing better to do for a moment, so I went over to help him. I think he was making a pickles sandwich just for you- that was so cute!”

“You're the worst storyteller in the world,” groaned Akaashi, which was a mistake, because Bokuto suddenly stopped nuzzling his neck and looked down at him with a defeated expression.

“It was just about to get hot!” he complained.

“Okay, okay, I believe you. Just... get down here!”

They kissed for a moment – Akaashi made sure to heat it up a little and inspire Bokuto to only tell the important details, so he pulled at Bokuto's hair to make him bend his head and give him free reign over his throat and jaw.

“Well?” Akaashi hummed against soft skin and Bokuto gave a breathless laugh.

“I... I snitched a pickle. I didn't even intend to eat it sexily, but he was already staring...”

Akaashi could just picture it – Bokuto almost never intended to do anything sexily and when he did, it usually didn't work the same way as when he was just being _Bokuto,_ but Akaashi had seen him deep-throating pickles before and it may or may not be the reason why he liked pickles so much.

“... so I kinda started to do it on purpose, like... sucking on it and circling its tip with my tongue...”

“Good,” said Akaashi. He pressed a kiss against Bokuto's Adam's apple and snuck one hand down his back into his pajama pants. “Continue.”

“Ah, well... he just scoffed at me, so I had to step up my game, you know?”

“What did you do?”

“I told him we should make use of the fact that we were alone.”

Akaashi almost laughed at that. Obviously he couldn't expect anything else than blunt honesty in this situation. Bokuto was too simple-minded for clever seduction practices, which was why Akaashi was so amazed by his unusual usefulness regarding their plan so far.

“I'm guessing he didn't take that well,” he said between pressing little kisses along Bokuto's jawline.

“He threw a pickle at me!”

“That monster!”

Bokuto gave a weak little laugh and curled his fingers in Akaashi's hair and Akaashi continued to suck on the spot he had found.

“Anyway, I... fuck, Akaashi!”

“Keep telling the story or I'll stop!”

“Oh man, fuck! Okay, damn it. I told him it was unfair that he makes out with you when no one is around, but not with me and... and he said it's because ‘Akaashi is irresistible and deserves it and you’ – in this case me – ‘are a big loser in stupid pants’, and he would eat a whole jar of pickles before he gave in to temptation with me.”

Akaashi couldn't help but to break away and laugh out loud while Bokuto looked down at him with a pout.

“It wasn't true!” he insisted.

“Yes, I figured. Did you sulk?”

“Not really,” said Bokuto, looking at a spot next to Akaashi's ear.

“You're a really bad liar.”

“Akaashi!”

“Let me guess,” said Akaashi, leaning up to console his boyfriend with a quick peck to the lips. “You got all huffy, turned his back to him, fiddled with the kettle, probably burned yourself on the hot water...”

“No way!”

“... and you somehow managed to make him feel so bad for you that he kissed you of his own.”

Bokuto had blushed a little and Akaashi knew that he had hit the nail on the head. 

“Well... I had planned that from the beginning!” he said. “And he tried to only give me a really short one and I managed to coerce him into using tongue!”

“Is that so?” said Akaashi, moving back to the spot on Bokuto's throat and sucking at it some more, until Bokuto's breaths came quicker and shorter and he forgot to sulk.

“He did say that I tasted of pickles and that it was gross, though.”

Akaashi made sure to shut him up with a kiss before he said things that made him feel even more like an idiot in love and after that, they didn't say much more for a while. Kuroo and Tsukishima came into the room about half an hour later and by that time, both Akaashi and Bokuto were sprawled on the floor, looking happy and sated.

“Boo!” said Kuroo, kicking at their weak limbs with his foot. “You couldn't even wait for us?”

“You took way too long,” said Bokuto, returning the kick with one of his own, but Kuroo had already moved to stand in front of them.

“Obviously,” said Tsukishima, “we can't just follow you in front of Tanaka and Nishinoya when you make it so clear what you're up to.”

“Your loss,” said Bokuto. “We had fun!”

“Fuck you!” said Kuroo, sitting down and rubbing his still wet socks against Bokuto's hair. “You didn’t even see how those two loudmouths jumped at me while you were in the kitchen. They're extremely protective of Tsukki.”

“We know,” said Akaashi. “We got the same lecture when we first came here. They're scary. That's why I thought they had hurt Bokuto.”

“Yeah, I was meaning to ask about that,” said Tsukishima.

“It's probably better if we stay low when they're around,” sighed Akaashi. He couldn't believe he had actually said the words, but there was no going back now. The plan was in the making.

“What a pain,” groaned Kuroo. “We can't even cuddle in front of them?”

“They don't take me for the cuddly type,” said Tsukishima.

“Why do we even care what they think?” said Kuroo. “Can't you just tell them that it's okay and that I'm not cheating on you? That it's just... I don't know... normal, for us?”

“I don't know...” Tsukishima was playing with his fingers again, looking awkward. “They're my family... well, not really, but they kind of belong with my family and it just... feels weird?”

“A lot of people are really close with their friends!” protested Kuroo.

“Yes, but... not like this!” said Tsukishima. Akaashi sat up from the floor. He had forgotten about how heavy his body felt.

“Like what?” he asked, looking up at Tsukishima with wide eyes. Shit, he was probably obvious as fuck, but he really wanted to hear Tsukishima say it. He didn't though. Say anything, that is. Instead, he knelt down in front of Akaashi, leaning into his space. He looked nervous, but he didn't stop. Akaashi leaned forward without meaning to, opened his legs a little so Tsukishima could reach him better and when they kissed he felt like it was a full confession. But it wasn't – not really. It was nothing new and it didn't change anything, no matter how good it felt. He could practically feel Kuroo and Bokuto chuckle from where they were laying.

“You guys are hopeless,” said Kuroo, still rubbing his feet in Bokuto's hair.

“And you guys are disgusting!” countered Tsukishima.

“That's not true, we're cute!” said Bokuto, grinning. “Right, bro?”

“Couldn't you at least drop the 'bro'?” sighed Akaashi. “At this point, it's getting pretty ridiculous.”

“We're nowhere as ridiculous as you two,” laughed Kuroo. “Watch us!” He finally retreated his wet socks from Bokuto's hair and leaned forward so he was facing Bokuto lopsidedly. “Hey, bro, tell me you love me!”

“I love you, bro,” Bokuto said without hesitating for a single second.

“I love you too, bro,” said Kuroo, leaning down to kiss him – or maybe just grin against his lips, it wasn't very clear. “See?” he said, throwing Akaashi and Tsukishima a smug look. “It's literally that easy.”

Akaashi really wanted to be mad, but in a way, they had all just confessed their love for each other, so he was conflicted. Mad or ecstatic? He settled for nervous, because even though it was all going well so far, it was going too well. What were those two loudmouthed idiots doing, leaving them alone for so long? Didn't they know that in about five minutes, they would be involved in another foursome and Akaashi would singlehandedly rip off the head of every person who wanted to interrupt them then?

He must have sent out a certain signal, because there was a loud knock coming from the hatch and they all fell over each other to arrange themselves in a more casual position.

“What?” yelled Tsukishima, sounding as if the person interrupting had just stepped on his glasses.

“We wanted to head out now,” came Tanaka's voice. “So hurry up!”

“We'll be right there!” said Kuroo, already running over to his shelf and searching for some clothes to wear. “Just give us another minute!” Whispering, he added: “Quick, grab your stuff right now and if we're lucky we'll still have some time to make out.”

“I can't move this fast, I'm all tired out,” moaned Akaashi. Bokuto noticed his glance, luckily, because he didn't jump up from the floor to throw himself at Kuroo yet.

“Yeah, all out of energy!” he grinned. “You know I don't half-ass this stuff.”

Tanaka was knocking on the hatch again, playing his annoying role perfectly.

“They don't seem like they want to wait any longer,” said Akaashi. He had to look away from the defeated look on Kuroo's face. Damn – he really, _really_ hated their plan. So did Tsukishima, apparently, even though he didn't know of its existence yet. He stomped over to the hatch, ripped it open and looked ready to kick his foot in Tanaka's face if Kuroo hadn't tackled him to the floor.

“Oh boy,” whispered Bokuto so that only Akaashi could hear. “I have a feeling that frustrating Tsukishima could result in some violent scenarios.”

“Well, Tanaka and Noya said they could handle him, so I guess we'll just have to trust them.”

Tanaka proved his ability of being able to “handle” Tsukishima by falling down the ladder, which did not really raise Akaashi's expectations too much. Kuroo was already climbing down to see if he had hurt himself while Tsukishima shot some murderous glares through the hole.

“Let's just get dressed,” said Akaashi. “I'm actually curious about what activity Tanaka has come up with that requires swimming trunks.” In any case – parading an almost-naked, wet Bokuto around while they couldn't openly touch him sounded like a great idea.

…

“This is the worst idea in the world, I'm sorry!” whispered Nishinoya as soon as they had all gotten dressed and met the others in the driveway. Tanaka still looked a bit dazed from falling down the ladder and Akaashi really hoped that there was no need to call that awful doctor back again.

“How so?” he asked.

“Because we planned this whole thing when we still thought you guys wanted to get it on with each other,” explained Tanaka. “So we created the perfect situation for that. I mean – we could simply tag along, but my _demon sister”_ \- he made sure to say the words “demon sister” loud enough for Saeko to hear - “forced us to help them with grocery shopping _again._ ”

“If you're not happy with this, brother dearest, then I suggest you find some other generous people to provide food and shelter for you.”

“It's not like this is your house! Akiteru should be the one who has the last say and I'm sure he'd never ask something of his cute little brothers who just want to go out and have some fun...” Both Tanaka and Nishinoya fluttered their eyelashes at Akiteru – with minimal effect, it seemed.

“Sorry guys. She, uh... somehow got me to promise to be harsher towards you. I can't help it, she completely has me under her thumb...” His love-struck face changed when both Tanaka and Nishinoya just patted his back with matching pitying expressions. “Stop that, I was just joking!”

“So we don't have to go with you?”

“Now all the more, you little brats!”

Akaashi turned away from the scene to exchange a curious look with Bokuto. He really wanted to know what these two had planned for them. Maybe they should offer to go grocery shopping with the others to avoid a perfect foursome-situation, but then again... he really didn't want to. Nishinoya turned back to them while Tanaka was getting involved in another brotherly fight with Saeko.

“Don't worry – we’ll think of something. We are the masterminds of this plan and we won't be shaken by little drawbacks like this one,” he promised. “We have your backs!”

“How reassuring...” mumbled Akaashi just as Tsukishima yelled at them from the car.

“How long are you going to stand there and squabble? It's almost noon, we’ve already wasted half a day!”

Akaashi didn't necessarily agree – making out with Tsukishima against the sink, watching Bokuto put on a strip show and then having sex with him in the attic didn't sound like wasting half a day to him. Especially compared with the outlook on having to avoid these exact situations for the rest of the day. Except for Bokuto's strip shows, maybe. Bokuto stripping was pretty much the reason they went swimming.

Saeko and Tanaka settled on driving them to their destination first, so they wouldn't get lost trying to read the map and Nishinoya was smart enough to squeeze into the last free seat in their car, so that Akaashi, Bokuto and him were sharing the backseat and Tsukishima had no chance to cuddle up to Bokuto, leaving him unable to touch him inappropriately again. He looked conveniently pissed with the arrangement.

“We don't need your directions, we can just follow the other car,” said Tsukishima, glaring at Nishinoya over the rear-view mirror.

“True, but I'd rather not listen to Saeko and Ryu fight all the way there. Plus, this guy here-,” he jabbed Bokuto with his elbow, “promised to tell me some awesome jokes.”

“I di-?.... id!,” said Bokuto, changing between a question and an affirmation in one single word. “Right. Because I know so many awesome jokes.” He gave a helpless little laugh and Akaashi secretly cheered his brain on to come up with a stupid joke – it was pretty much the _only_ time this was actually needed, so it couldn't just abandon him now.

“Absolutely not,” said Tsukishima. “Bokuto, if you tell one single joke, I will throw you out of this car and you can walk home.”

“We didn't even leave yet!” said Bokuto. “Don't threaten me like you're a stressed-out dad!”

“I will threaten whomever I please like a stressed-out dad!”

“You're a bit on edge, babe,” said Kuroo, leaning over to press a kiss against Tsukishima's temple. “I'll give you a massage later, so just calm down and let Bokuto tell his jokes, okay?”

“No, it's okay,” Bokuto piped in, looking sanctimonious. “I won't tell any jokes if Tsukishima doesn't want me to.”

So he could come up with stupid jokes in every single situation except for when it was needed. Amazing. At least Tsukishima seemed to be impressed.

“Good,” he said, and turning to Kuroo he added: “You can give me a massage either way. I'm sure there will be more instances that require me to wind down tonight.”

“Are you talking dirty?” asked Nishinoya. “Is this dirty talk? In front of my poor, innocent ears?”

“I was talking about all the headaches I’ll be getting today, most of which are spawned by you!”

Nishinoya scoffed. “Are you accusing me of giving you headaches while I am bringing you to the best place on earth? You have some nerve...”

Apparently Saeko, Tanaka, and Akiteru had finally come to some kind of understanding, because their car pulled out of the driveway. Kuroo followed right behind it, tuning out the rest of their voices to concentrate on the icy road in front of him and Akaashi was thankful for that. He let Tsukishima and Nishinoya squabble for now, leaned against the window and watched the idyllic scenery pass by. Bokuto joined the discussion with a cheerful comment now and again, but mostly he just leaned into Akaashi and drew his thumb along his shoulder. They reached the village after a while and Tsukishima still hadn't murdered anyone. In fact, he had actually calmed down when he noticed that no one was going to tell any bad jokes, and seemed very interested in finding out just where this “best place in the world” might be. They had already left the village again and followed a small road that led further up the mountain – it didn't really look like there would be any more civilization up there, but just as Akaashi started to wonder, a huge building came into view. It was mostly window, so there was no mistaking of what it was exactly. Children running about in colorful swimming trunks, a very twisted water slide and the bright blue patches of different basins revealed an indoor swimming pool. Akaashi could phantom-smell the chlorine and children-pee from here.

Tsukishima seemed just as disappointed as him. “Are you serious?” he said, turning to glare at Nishinoya. “This is supposed to be the best place on earth? I shouldn't have trusted someone with the mind of a child telling me this.”

“You got it wrong!” insisted Nishinoya. “But I won't ruin the surprise for you. Just say your names at the reception and they’ll lead you to the right place.”

“This sounds exciting!” laughed Bokuto. “Like in a movie.”

“Yes, how come you get to be so mafia-esque in this random location?” asked Kuroo while parking the car next to Akiteru's.

“Because Tanaka knows the owner's son. They got into a fight at that one karaoke bar earlier this week and emerged as lifetime bros.”

“I see,” said Kuroo, sounding like he actually understood how getting into a bar fight once would suddenly turn you into siblings. At least he hadn't got caught on the-

“KARAOKE BAR!” screamed Bokuto. “Why didn't you tell us sooner? We need to go there!”

“That's right, I need to hear Akaashi sing 'My Heart Will Go On',” said Kuroo, excitedly hopping out of the car to open Akaashi's door. “You will, won't you?”

“Why would it have to be that song?” groaned Akaashi, inwardly cursing his boyfriend. It would have gone right over Kuroo's head if Bokuto hadn't suddenly screamed.

“Dude, you're in for a treat!” said Bokuto, totally ignoring the daggers Akaashi was glaring at him. “Akaashi can sing like an angel – you'll have to give him a lot of alcohol though.”

“I got him to sing for me without alcohol,” said Kuroo smugly. Akaashi directed his daggers at him while climbing out of the car. They bothered him just as little as they did Bokuto.

“How? Did you threaten to sing yourself?” said Tsukishima.

“No, I was peeing.”

“You need to give more context, Kuroo,” said Akaashi, but he never got to elaborate, because the three in the other car joined them just then, already giving instructions about when and where they would meet again.

“I'm sure we’ll find the way back on our own,” said Kuroo. “It wasn't very complicated.”

“Well, if you're sure...” said Akiteru. “Ryu and Noya will probably want to stay in the village though, so it would be great if you could pick them up.”

“I don't know if both will fit,” said Tsukishima. “Then again, Noya doesn't take up too much space.” He snickered when Nishinoya started to yap at him again.

“I'm sure we’ll manage somehow,” said Akaashi. Good – this way they only had to get the short road between the pool and the village behind them without jumping each other. Provided that Tanaka and Nishinoya had actually found a way to make the perfect foursome-situation an imperfect foursome-situation. Judging from the way Tanaka was standing a bit to the side, talking into his cellphone and throwing him a thumbs-up, he had good hopes of that being the case.

“Fine then – have fun, you guys!” hummed Saeko. “Kei, you have Ryu's number, right?”

“Unfortunately.”

“Okay, so you can call each other and discuss where to meet and when. Just make sure you don't come back too soon, I'd like to spend some quality alone time with your brother.”

“I didn't need to know,” said Tsukishima. Saeko just winked at him and pulled a blushing Akiteru back to their car. Tanaka and Nishinoya followed them with a lot of waving and yelling and a minute later, they were finally all gone. They all released a long breath.

“I really hope this will be some kind of relaxing experience,” said Tsukishima, warily eyeing the children running around behind the pool windows. Akaashi found that he should worry more about the children they had brought themselves.

“Maybe they're playing strip poker in the basement,” said Bokuto.

“Or it's a Fight Club?” suggested Kuroo. “In any case, we should go and find out!”

They were already running to the entrance and left Akaashi with Tsukishima, who looked like he braced himself for a long and painful afternoon.

“If I have to bathe in children's pee, I will kill someone.”

“If I have to bathe in children's pee, I want to be the one you kill,” said Akaashi. They nodded at each other and followed their boyfriends with newfound determination.

Kuroo and Bokuto were waiting for them at the reception, where a chipper young girl explained that they just need to follow the signs to “Cave 3” when they excited the dressing rooms. This sounded ominous, but at least it didn't sound like something where children would be at, so Akaashi felt some relief.

“We need to buy some swimming trunks, though,” said Bokuto. “Akaashi and I didn't take any with us. Well... except if there is no actual... swimming going on in the cave?” He whispered the last part to the reception lady like she was part of some conspiracy and she blushed bright red while Akaashi and Tsukishima tried to act like they were there totally separate from the two lunatics leaning over the reception desk.

“Um, you will probably need them, I guess?” the girl giggled. “Well, I mean, it's private, so you _could_ go n...”

“We’ll go buy the swimming trunks, thanks!” interrupted Tsukishima.

“Okay,” nodded the girl and blushed some more. “There's a little shop right around the corner.”

“Thanks!” Tsukishima grabbed both Bokuto and Kuroo by the back of their jackets and pulled them to where the receptionist had pointed. Akaashi followed with an apologetic look to the girl. She didn't notice, since she was still looking at Bokuto's retreating form. Oh well – he was the last person to blame her.

The little shop deserved its name – it looked more like a kiosk than a shop and it had no fitting room to try the clothes on. Well, they only sold swimming trunks, so there was probably no fitting room needed.

“Can I choose yours?” asked Bokuto, already browsing the ware excitedly.

Akaashi shrugged. “Sure,” he said. It was probably a mistake, but then Akaashi would never wear these things again anyway, so who cared. “No,” he said a second later, when Bokuto pulled some bright red speedos out of the bin.

“Come on, Akaashi! They would look so hot!”

He eyed the little piece of fabric with disgust, but then both Kuroo and Tsukishima looked like they didn't hate the thing half as much as him, so he gave up. “Only if you wear them too,” he said.”

“I don't think they have my size,” said Bokuto, burrowing through the bin again to fish out some more red speedos.

“These look like they could fit,” said Kuroo, pointing at one that was definitely too small.

“Uhm,” said Bokuto.

“It's decided then!” Kuroo quickly grabbed both speedos and carried them over to the cashier sitting behind the register, watching them curiously. “I'll even buy them for you, because I'm so generous.”

“Generous my ass,” whispered Tsukishima, but it was all the protest he had to show, meaning that he probably really wanted to see them in the speedos. Akaashi just hadn't decided yet if it was out of sexy reasons or because he wanted to see them make fools of themselves.

Kuroo returned with a broad grin, holding the speedos out to him and Akaashi took them with a glare. He really hoped they sat well.

“Well then,” said Tsukishima. “Let's go change.”

The dressing rooms were the same the other patrons used, so they all had to go look for their own cubicle to change. Akaashi was glad, because that way he got to see what the speedos looked like on him before the others. The lighting in the room was horrifying, but it was still not as bad as he'd thought. Somehow, they held everything in place and maybe they even made his butt look a little rounder than it actually was. It still didn't look like something he should be parading around in front of children, so he wrapped the towel around himself before stepping out in the open. Kuroo and Tsukishima were already waiting in their normal swim trunks, which Akaashi was very jealous about, and Bokuto was just stepping out of his own cubicle. He also had his towel wrapped around himself and he looked like he had been laughing so much that his eyes were red. Or maybe he had cried – or a mix of both, which was the most likely option.

“Why are you guys hiding? We want to see!” whined Kuroo.

“Believe me. I'll get arrested if I remove this thing right here,” said Bokuto with a wavering voice. “I should probably just be naked, it would be less scandalous than this.”

“Now I want to see even more!” laughed Kuroo. “Let's get to Cave 3 right now.”

Tsukishima still had to put his contacts in, so they had to wait a little longer and Akaashi started to get really curious about how those speedos looked on Bokuto. “Which part of your junk is hanging out?” he whispered.

“I could somehow get this thing to cover the worst part, but now they're just eating my ass. It's like I'm giving myself a wedgie!” Bokuto whined. “I'm going to take them off as soon as we're alone.”

“Don't you dare!” said Akaashi. “This is your own fault!”

“You could just take them off, too,” said Bokuto, wriggling his eyebrows.

“No one is taking off their speedos, I paid for these things!” Kuroo piped in, almost giving Akaashi a heart attack.

“Stop listening to our whispered conversations!” he accused, swallowing a “nosy bastard!”. They really needed to be more careful – Kuroo's ears were everywhere.

“I heard the word “junk” and I couldn't help myself,” Kuroo shrugged. Tsukishima finally emerged from his cubicle, glasses gone. Right – Akaashi had forgotten to prepare for that. Good thing he wasn't a teenager anymore _and_ had just had sex not too long ago, because a boner in these swim briefs would probably make for a terrible moment of his life. Bokuto gave a kind of strangled moaning sound.

“That's so hot,” he said without shame. “Why do people with glasses always look hot without them? Why is the world so unfair?”

“For the same reason glasses look good on people who usually don't wear them. It's just the novelty of it,” said Tsukishima. He looked around, probably searching for the signs to Cave 3, whatever that was. “Over there,” he said, when he found it. “Let's go.”

They locked their stuff in a locker at the dressing room's exit. There were two doors – one led to the pool, on the other it just said “to the caves”.

“What do you think the caves are?” asked Bokuto. “Like – a darkroom?”

“I will kill Tanaka and Noya if they sent us to a darkroom,” said Tsukishima. Apparently it was not a thing he deemed unlikely.

“Why don't we just go in and find out?” said Kuroo, opening the door and looking inside. “Oh!” he said.

Akaashi followed behind him, eager to find out what they were getting themselves into. He had expected many things, but not an actual cave. It looked like they had just walked right into the mountain.

“Awesome,” said Bokuto and the cave echoed it back at him, making him beam. “Bokuto Koutarou is awesome!” he yelled into the cave, and jumped in joy when the echo came.

“This is probably why there are no children in here,” sighed Tsukishima. They closed the door behind them and followed Bokuto until they came to a fork where the cave parted into many smaller ones. They entered the one that said “Cave 3” above it. It didn't take much longer until they reached their destination – meaning it didn't take much longer for Bokuto to scream even louder than before.

“GUYS!” the cave echoed at them right before they turned the corner and saw for themselves. Akaashi only noticed the music when the echo had finally died out – which took a while. There were candles... everywhere. Akaashi wondered about the poor person that had to climb some of these rocks just to light the candles. A little waterfall flowed out of a hole in the rocks, filling up a cute, natural-looking basin with hot water. It wasn't actually natural, since this mountain was not famous for hot springs, but it still looked nice and... romantic. It just looked so romantic, like something out of a movie. Or maybe porn. Romantic porn.

“This is bad,” he whispered to himself. Kuroo heard him, of course.

“What's bad?”

“Um... Bokuto taking off the towel,” he said. Kuroo turned around just in time to see Bokuto throw his towel away, revealing... pretty much everything.

“DUDE!” yelled Kuroo. “Oh my God! I'm almost afraid of asking you to turn around.”

“Shut up! You're the one who bought them for me. Besides...” Bokuto turned around, proudly showing off his skills of _barely_ stuffing everything inside the speedos. He saw Tsukishima cover his mouth with his hand out of the corner of his eyes. “I managed!”

“Good call on not taking that off in front of the kids,” said Kuroo weakly. “I didn't think you had it in you.”

“Kuroo, when was the last time I told you that I love you?” whispered Tsukishima.

“This better not be the first time!” yelled Bokuto. “I'd be so mad!”

Kuroo was too busy clutching his heart to respond and Akaashi decided that everyone was distracted enough for him to take off his own towel without causing too much of a scene. It was a bad decision, he realized, when everybody turned to look at him as soon as his towel fell to the ground. And then they just didn't look away anymore.

“What?” he said, knowing fully well that his head was probably beet red. Why would... Bokuto was standing right there with his genitals perfectly outlined through the thin material of his swim briefs and his perfect body illuminated by candlelight and still they were all looking at _him_? He suddenly felt very self-conscious.

“I knew it!” Bokuto suddenly yelled. “Babe! You look so _hot_ in these!”

That didn't make Akaashi feel any better, since Bokuto also thought he looked “hot” in a full-body owl costume – Akaashi still regretted that one sentence was all it took to make him agree to play the school's mascot at that one festival. At least Tsukishima and Kuroo seemed to agree with Bokuto this time.

“Thighs...” was all Tsukishima said, sounding kind of choked off, and wasn't it ironic how he was able to point out the exact part of Akaashi's body that he was most insecure about. They were too plump and soft compared to Bokuto's perfectly sculpted Greek-God thighs and he really didn't know why he compared himself to his boyfriend so much, but he couldn't help feeling insecure about the difference in their body types sometimes. He really wanted to ask them not to stare so much, but then it was part of their plan to tempt them with all they had – he had just assumed that “all they had” meant mostly “Bokuto”.

“Let's... let's just get in before we get cold. I don't think anyone would want to see that,” he coughed, walking towards the pool. All eyes followed him there and for a moment he contemplated just jumping straight in and drowning. He also noticed that he probably shouldn't have turned his back to them, because there were suddenly more choking sounds resounding through the cave.

“It's called swallowing, Tsukishima. I could teach you, if you want,” said Bokuto.

“Shut your mouth!” said Tsukishima, sounding impressed. “And get in the goddamn water, I can literally see your balls shrinking.”

“Okay!” Following that exclamation was a big splash, soaking Akaashi from head to toes and he couldn't even be mad about it, because he should have done that exact thing a long while ago. “Whoa!” Bokuto breathed, when he came back to the surface. “It's so nice and warm. You should get in here!”

“I think we all noticed that it was warm,” said Kuroo. His hair clung to his face like a wet mop and Tsukishima had already reached for his glasses, only to realize that he wasn't wearing them. Akaashi decided to be a dick and he jumped in behind Bokuto. He probably couldn't create a splash as big as his, but it was still enough to reach Kuroo and Tsukishima.

“Thanks!” they yelled at him. Akaashi almost laughed from the relief of not standing out in the open anymore.

“Well done, babe!” Bokuto was beaming at him from under the waterfall and Akaashi swam to his side. He was sitting on an underwater rock carved into a comfortable seating shape – Akaashi could vaguely make out three more next to them, but Akaashi still straddled Bokuto instead. Warm water was falling down on their heads with just the right pressure to create a pleasant massaging effect and Akaashi leaned in to press his lips against his boyfriend's. Kuroo and Tsukishima were suddenly at their sides, both looking very pleased.

“This really was a great idea- just don't tell Tanaka I said that.” Tsukishima sat down in the seat next to Bokuto's and watched them kiss without an ounce of awkwardness, so Akaashi decided to put on a little show for him. Tanaka had really fucked up when he sent them into this stupid romantic cave without any supervision. There was no way he could come up with an excuse to make all of them keep their swimming trunks on, so he might as well make the best of it. Bokuto noticed his sudden enthusiasm and grabbed his buttocks to grind him closer.

“Thank God this water is so clear,” whispered Kuroo. “I think I'm in heaven right now.”

Tsukishima agreed by slowly drawing his hand up Akaashi's thighs. When Akaashi glanced at him from the corner of his eye, he saw him looking unsure, but determined. He looked so innocent and cute without his glasses on and Bokuto had just moved on to his neck to lap at the water flowing down from it – Akaashi couldn't help but give a small moan and he heard it echoed in Tsukishima's throat. Bokuto had already moved from his neck to Kuroo coming in from the other side, which left Akaashi with nothing better to do than to lean towards Tsukishima and press their lips together and thirstily lick at the water flowing between them. It was new to find his reach unobstructed by glasses and being able to press his nose into Tsukishima's cheek and let their foreheads touch. It felt infinitely more intimate, for some reason, although he wasn't even touching Tsukishima except for the hand on his thighs. Bokuto still rocked against him – Akaashi could feel that his speedos weren't able to hold everything anymore and had slipped to the side. Well, this settled it. There was no going back now.

He was wrong.

Apparently, when Nishinoya and Tanaka said they had their backs, they weren't lying.

“Is...” Kuroo was barely able to break away from Bokuto long enough to say what he wanted to say. “Is anybody else hearing this?”

Now that he mentioned it, Akaashi could hear it, too. At first he thought it was only the music, but it was too off-key to be played at a place like this.

“Somebody is humming,” said Tsukishima, looking towards the cave with panic in his eyes. “Somebody is coming!”

Akaashi had no idea how they managed to each sit in their own seat, looking perfectly innocent, albeit murderous, when the humming person finally came into view. He just hoped that this person's eyesight wasn't good enough to notice the state some of their swim briefs were in.

It was a young man who had decided to interrupt so rudely. He had a towel thrown over his shoulder, a smirk on his face and hair that shone bright red in the candlelight.

“What's this?” he drawled, looking around as if in search for something. “Tanaka couldn't make it?”

Nobody replied, but it didn't seem to bother him. He just shrugged, smiled, and threw his towel to the side. “Oh well, no matter. Maybe you guys will be fun, too.”

Tsukishima finally decided to break the silence that followed after the stranger hat let himself sink into the water and leaned against the rocks on the other side of the basin, keeping a good look on them. “Who the fuck are you?”

“Hm? You mean Tanaka didn't even mention me at all? What a rude fuck! Looks like I need to beat him at another round of karaoke and show him up in front of all the cute girls at the bar.”

Akaashi could only glance at the blurry outlines of Bokuto's slowly softening erection through the water to remind himself of how much he _hated_ their plan.

The stranger lifted his hand out of the water, spraying a few droplets while he waved at them. “I'm the son of this place's owner – Tendou Satori. Nice to meet you!”


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So [siredtosourwolf](http://archiveofourown.org/users/siredtosourwolf/pseuds/siredtosourwolf/works?fandom_id=758208) was kind enough to spontaneously beta this _really fucking fast_ , hallelujah! By the way, you should really check out her fics, because Bokurotsuki and because AWESOME!! <333

Sure, Akaashi was aware that Tendou Satori had just saved their plan and possibly contributed to his future happiness by interrupting his next mistake, but he was not exactly taking a liking to the guy. Tendou was creepy. His _stare_ was creepy. Akaashi was sure that, had he counted the times Tendou had blinked so far, he would still be able to use his hands to keep track. However, he didn't feel the urge to swim over and drown him until Tendou looked him dead in the eye and said, “Nice speedos, dude!”

“We were under the impression that this would be... a more private affair,” said Tsukishima, annoyance oozing out of every pore of his being. Tendou didn't seem to be bothered by it. On the contrary – he seemed to leech off of it, like a demon gaining his lifeblood via blowing people's fuses.

“A private affair, huh?” he drawled. “With four guys in a cave... seems like I just interrupted something nasty.”

He was undoubtedly a provocation expert, but he hadn't counted on them having their own provocation expert with them.

“You think there's something nasty going on and yet you're not too spooked,” grinned Kuroo. “Sorry to disappoint, but you're not our type.”

“That's okay, unfortunately I am only interested in cute girls... although Mr. Beefcake over there is not too shabby.”

“Me?” said Bokuto, already beaming. It seemed to be contagious, because Tendou was suddenly beaming, too and Akaashi was left wondering how one person could combine every single form of obnoxiousness in a single human body.

“Yeah, dude, you look like a sculpture!”

“Don't you dare suddenly befriend him!” hissed Tsukishima, but Bokuto had already dived to the other side of the cave to beam at Tendou from closer proximity. Tsukishima turned to look at Akaashi, like it was his fault for not training his boyfriend right, but Akaashi was busy trying to figure something else out.

“How come all these super-straight dudebro types are into Bokuto? You'd think they'd like more androgynous men.”

“Afraid of competition?” grinned Kuroo, leaning over to smirk at him.

“If I were afraid of competition, then I wouldn't have brought him before your hungry eyes in nothing but a pair of speedos,” said Akaashi. “You're ogling him way too obviously.”

Then again, he couldn't exactly blame them, since Bokuto was half out of the water, flexing for Tendou, who kneaded the hard muscle with real admiration.

“We're not ogling him!” protested Tsukishima.

“Not _only_ him, anyway,” Kuroo added, wriggling is eyebrows. Akaashi was almost sure that he was blushing again, especially when Tsukishima's hand suddenly sneaked back onto his thighs and squeezed lightly.

“Maybe, while Bokuto is over there, distracting the loud guy, we can...”

“So, are you guys in some kind of foursome-relationship?” Tendou asked suddenly. The energy he gained from seeing everyone flinch would probably last him for a year – at least that was the only explanation Akaashi could come up with as to why someone would ask such an invasive question.

“W- why would you say that?” asked Tsukishima, quickly retrieving his hand and hiding his face behind the waterfall. Even though the water was warm, Akaashi felt cold where the hand had been just a second ago.

“It was just a guess...” Tendou leaned back against the rocks, having forgotten all about Bokuto. Apparently he couldn't decide whether to be nice or nasty towards them. “Anyway, Tanaka said he'd bring two gay couples, but I can't even tell who's with who and I'm usually very good at guessing...”

“Well, I'm obviously with him,” said Tsukishima. Akaashi froze when he felt Tsukishima's arm on his shoulder and it took him a moment to realize that Tsukishima had just... claimed that they were together. In front of a stranger. He didn't usually feel like screaming, but this moment certainly came close. Kuroo was looking a bit taken aback, but he quickly recovered.

“Thanks man!” Akaashi heard Kuroo whispering.

“Sorry. I panicked,” Tsukishima whispered back. Kuroo forgave him quickly enough.

“Well, that just means I'm left with Bokuto – I can live with that, I guess.”

“Good luck,” said Akaashi as Kuroo threw him a lopsided smile and was suddenly gone from sight. He reappeared behind Bokuto a few seconds later, splashing him with water and before Akaashi had blinked, the three on the other side of the cave had started a water fight that extinguished most of the candles surrounding them. Well – there went the romantic atmosphere... But Akaashi didn't have time to mourn it for long before Tsukishima's hand was back on his thighs and he had no idea how he was supposed to react.

“So... I guess you're my boyfriend now,” he said when he looked up and noticed Tsukishima looking sheepish.

“Yeah, sorry about that...”

“No need to be sorry.” Akaashi smiled up at him. He battled the urge to open up his legs more and prompt Tsukishima's hand to wander closer to the speedo. That was probably uncalled for with a stranger battling their boyfriends only two meters away. It was also uncalled for, regarding their plan... he thought. He wasn't entirely sure, because he had never even dared to dream that something like this could happen. Before he could get cold feet again, Akaashi blurted: “I would love for you to be my boyfriend.”

He caught Tsukishima looking over to where their actual boyfriends were just trying to heave Tendou onto Bokuto's shoulders and Akaashi reached for Tsukishima's chin to turn his head back around. “It's not like we have to choose, you know?” he said. Damn, they were lucky enough to all be in love with each other, so he really didn't understand why it was so hard for them to just... get together. But by the panicked look on Tsukishima's face, he guessed that Tanaka and Nishinoya had been right about the stick in his ass. He wondered if he had said too much. Tsukishima just kept staring at him, with his impossibly wide eyes – they looked so much bigger without the glasses framing them. Despite his anxiousness, Akaashi caught himself in the middle of a smirk. “Tsukishima... are you, by any chance, a prude?”

“A prude?” spluttered Tsukishima, giving the hand on Akaashi's thigh a pointed look. “You really have some nerve!”

“I was just wondering why we aren't making out yet, seeing as we're officially boyfriends and have every right to show PDA.” He guessed it couldn't hurt to show Tsukishima what he could have all the time. Maybe it would be like a reward for going that extra step. Tsukishima huffed, but he didn't need to hear it a second time before he leaned down into Akaashi's space and brushed their lips together, softly, as if just trying it out for the first time. Akaashi let him do as he liked, and opened his mouth a little, so Tsukishima could nibble at his bottom lip. The hand on his thighs tensed up for a moment, but it quickly relaxed when Akaashi leaned into him and returned the kiss. Water was still running down their faces from the waterfall, which didn't make it easier to breathe. None of them cared. Akaashi barely noticed Tsukishima shift in his seat and climb onto his lap, one knee burrowing in between his legs so he would spread them wider and maybe this was a bit much, because Akaashi could practically feel the flow of his blood changing direction. He broke away from Tsukishima to catch some air.

“PDA is okay, but if you keep going like this, it will become really uncomfortable,” he gasped. Tsukishima, that asshole, was smirking at him.

“Funny how that works. I must have remembered the meaning of the word “prude” wrong...”

Akaashi should have known that he would take it as a challenge.

“Please be considerate – I'm wearing a speedo! It's really tight and won't conceal much if... you know...”

Instead of sassing him again, Tsukishima chose to blush and it was Akaashi's turn to smirk at him.

“I mean – I would love to get it out of the way, it's just...”

“Hey, you two!” yelled Kuroo, right on time. “Get a room!”

“We're not alone...” Akaashi finished.

Tsukishima cursed under his breath and climbed down from Akaashi's lap and back into his seat while glaring daggers at the three on the other side of the basin. Tendou was sitting on Bokuto's shoulders, arms stretched out to reach for one of the candles – whatever unholy reason they needed those for. “You two are disgusting!” he said, looking down at them over the bridge of his nose. “So we have two cool ones and two disgusting ones. I guess I can see how you belong together now.”

“Excuse me?” Tsukishima snarled. “No one asked for your opinion!”

“He is right though – this is very uncalled for,” said Kuroo. Akaashi wasn't sure if he was serious, but then the wavering frown gave him away. “Bokuto and I would never do something so outrageous, right babe?”

“Yeah, show some restraint!” grinned Bokuto. Akaashi could see that he was fighting hard to keep in his laughter and his trembling shoulders shook Tendou, who was still sitting on them. If they were lucky, he would fall down and hit his head somewhere. Akaashi quickly remembered that he should not be so horrible, even inside his own mind. He would soon have to be the sole voice of reason again, seeing as Tsukishima's head looked like it would soon explode from anger.

“Fine then, you can all stop being jealous that, unlike yours, our relationship still hasn't lost its spark,” said Akaashi. He was almost impressed at the way Kuroo's eyebrows wandered up to hide beneath his fringe.

“Oh?” he said.

“Oho ho ho?” Bokuto added.

“Are you saying that Bokuto and I are less sparky than you two?” grinned Kuroo. 

Akaashi was too busy watching Tendou's expression change from sardonic to something more horrified, but he didn't need to spur them on anyway, because there wasn't much that would have kept Bokuto and Kuroo from putting on a big show now. They didn't care that a third person was sitting on Bokuto's shoulders, kicking his legs and screaming: “Don't fall for that! Remember that you're cool!” - Kuroo had already grabbed Bokuto by the waist and pulled him in, almost making Tendou fall down backwards into the water.

Tsukishima's arm was back around his shoulders and he heard him whisper, “You're a genius”.

“Thank you,” Akaashi smiled, Tendou's screech echoing through the cave like music in his ears. He could almost understand it – Bokuto and Kuroo didn't hold back at all. They watched Kuroo's hand slowly glide from Bokuto's hips onto his ass, to fondle at the already worn-out elastic material of the speedos and gently push his fingers into the little dimples of his lower back. Bokuto's moan into the kiss was audible even through Tendou's screams and Akaashi was sure that he could feel Tsukishima's breathing become heavier.

“I don't get it...” Tsukishima said when he noticed Akaashi leaning into him more.

“Don't get what?”

“I mean – I always knew that Bokuto was hot, but... I figured the closer you get to him and the more you are exposed to his stupidity, the less impact it would have.” He got distracted for a moment, when Bokuto broke out into laughter from Tendou squirming on him so much and Kuroo, clearly unhappy with that, pushed Tendou off his shoulders. They were back on each other in a second, while Tendou's scream morphed into an outraged gurgle as he sunk to the bottom of the pool, and now that he was gone, they wasted no time to make their make-out session even more scandalous. Kuroo jumped into Bokuto's arms and Akaashi knew exactly that Tsukishima's eyes were following the strain of his biceps as he held Kuroo up and pulled him closer.

“I just don't get how I'm still so attracted to him,” Tsukishima admitted.

They watched Tendou reappear at the surface, spitting water and bile. He immediately started to splash the other two with water until they both broke out into laughter again and interrupted their kiss to jump on Tendou.

“Guess you know what it's like to be me now,” Akaashi said, shrugging.

“No way,” said Tsukishima. “I could never be you. You're a saint! Well... you're simultaneously a saint and a devil.”

The words somehow triggered something in Akaashi's brain and he didn't even notice that he had started humming until Tsukishima threw him a sideways-glance.

“Are you humming 'I'm a bitch, I'm a lover'?” he asked, eyes widening with mirth. It was a good look on him, so Akaashi decided to indulge him for a moment.

_“I'm a sinner, I'm a saint,”_ he sang. _“I do not feel ashamed.”_

Tsukishima tried to hide a snort behind his hands and Akaashi couldn't suppress a smile any longer as he leaned into Tsukishima's space to sing: _“I'm a blaah, I'm a something blah blah any other way!”_

“You don't even know the lyrics!” Tsukishima managed to accuse, even though he was practically crying from laughter by now.

“'course I do!,” Akaashi claimed. “Listen! _I'm a bitch, I'm a cheese!”_

“Stop it!”

_“Oh my God it's on my knees!”_

“Akaashi!”

_”And you wouldn't want it at the otter bay!”_

That was about the point at which Tsukishima breathed in half of the waterfall and decided to cough it out on Akaashi's face. It was a miracle that none of the other guys in the cave had noticed them being pure and utter idiots until now, which spoke volumes about their own level of idiocy. Once Tsukishima had managed to cough all the water out of his lungs and wipe the tears from his eyes, Akaashi had gone back to his poker face, leaning against the wall and watching the others push each other underwater. “This never happened!” he said.

“Right...” said Tsukishima, imitating his face and posture. Whispering, he added: “You do have a nice voice though.”

Tendou interrupted them by suddenly shooting out from the water and squeezing his ass between him and Tsukishima. “Hi,” he said, not even looking at their repulsed faces. “I decided that I like you guys better after all.”

“Boo!” yelled Kuroo from the other side of the cave. “That's a bad choice, dude! We're obviously superior to them!” He gestured at Bokuto, who was making a wonky handstand in the water, which was not such a great sight with the speedos he was still wearing.

“Stop torturing me! I already saw this guy's ass from more angles than I ever wanted to see a guy's ass!” Tendou sounded honestly distraught, so Akaashi patted his back halfheartedly.

“Why are you even still here? Don't you kinda own this place? I'm sure you can go for a swim in these caves whenever you like, there's no need for you to join a bunch of gays, if you're so disgusted by us,” said Tsukishima as he scooted over to the next seat and brought some distance between Tendou and himself.

Tendou shot him a hurt puppy look – so he was capable of that, too. Akaashi almost admired him for his range of expressions.

“How much fun do you think it is to do this alone?” he said. Something in his voice woke Akaashi's sympathy – he could easily believe that this guy didn't have many friends. He was obnoxious and he had a creepy stare and he looked kind of weird... Akaashi suddenly felt very sorry for him.

“Then make a date with Tanaka – isn't it a bit invasive to just invite yourself to a bath with people you don't even know?” grumbled Tsukishima.

Akaashi took one look at those huge round eyes and felt his mother instincts kick in.

“Don't be so mean to him, Tsukishima. Isn't it only thanks to him that we're even allowed to be here?”

“That's right!” grinned Tendou. “I'm the boss here!”

Tsukishima simply ignored him in favor of scowling at Akaashi. “Why are you suddenly taking his side?”

“Because Akaashi has a soft spot for loud people,” explained Kuroo, who had swum over to their side and left Bokuto to poke his legs out of the water. “And this guy is pretty much a mix between you, Bokuto and me, so obviously he would like him.”

“Are you crazy?” Tsukishima and Akaashi spat at the same time. Kuroo just looked happy to elicit such a violent reaction from the two of them and Tsukishima splashed him with water, like a priest would do with a mildly misbehaving demon. “Go back to your weird genital plant over there. It's shrinking in the cold.”

“Just how long can he hold his breath anyway?” wondered Tendou. “That's really impressive.”

They watched as Bokuto finally toppled over and reappeared at the surface with a loud gasp and an even louder “wohooooo! Did you guys see that?” - his excitement infected Tendou again, who gladly joined in the whooping and dived back over to his side.

“Please!” groaned Tsukishima. “We're inside a cave! My ears are gonna explode.”

“Let them have fun,” said Kuroo. “It's the next best thing to making out and I guess we can scratch that.” He leaned closer to them, hands brushing over both of their thighs, tongue darting out to lick at his lips. “Then again, the anticipation will only make it better later, right?”

“I'd rather have the thrill of a nice, quiet and relaxing bath,” said Tsukishima. “And I hope you haven't forgotten that you're supposed to massage me later.”

“Of course not, babe, I can't wait to make you moan.”

“I don't-”

“You do,” said Akaashi. Not that he had ever witnessed it before, but he didn't believe there could be a person who would not break out into very embarrassing sounds as soon as Kuroo's hands started to knead at the right places. Not even Tsukishima could be that stone cold.

Kuroo interrupted Tsukishima's protest with a very concerning observation. “Isn't it a bit too quiet?”

They all turned around to find Bokuto and Tendou gone.

“Oh no,” said Tsukishima. “Did they drown?”

“I can't see any bodies floating around. They probably ran off somewhere,” said Kuroo, trying to squint into the water to scan it for stray body parts. “Now the real question is, will they be gone long enough for us to take advantage of the situation?”

Some distant laughter could be heard echoing through the cave and Akaashi sighed deeply. “We should be more concerned with whether or not we should let two escaped monkeys run loose in an environment that has children and probably old people who could get a heart attack.”

“No worries,” said Kuroo, “I think they're already on their way back.”

Indeed, the laughter got louder and louder and one minute later, Bokuto and Tendou were back, both holding a pile of what seemed to be-

“ _POOL NOODLES!_ ” Bokuto shouted. “YOU GUYS!” He began throwing the things at them without aim and hit Tsukishima's nose with a green one. “This is the best thing ever!” Tsukishima didn't look like he agreed.

“We can have a noodle fight!” said Tendou in a tone which didn't leave room for discussion. “Bokuto can carry me on his shoulders and we'll defeat any one of you.”

Akaashi's brain had decided to think of something else when he heard the words “noodle fight” and he was too concerned with the path his constant state of self-cockblocking was leading him on to protest adamantly enough when he still had the chance.

“Dude, that's awesome!” Kuroo had switched sides in no time, excitedly jumping in the water and looking between Akaashi and Tsukishima, weighing which of their stares was less deadly. “One of you will have to team up with me, so just go with rock paper scissors!”

“I'm sorry,” said Tsukishima, “in what world could you possibly carry me on your shoulders?”

“Hey, don't be mean! I'm strong!”

“And I'm not stupid enough to climb on your shoulders and hit my head on the rocks once you undoubtedly drop me.”

Kuroo knew when he had to give up, so he directed his attempted puppy-eyed look at Akaashi instead. “What about you, are you stupid enough?”

Akaashi thought about the prospect of hitting Tendou in the face with a foam noodle and shrugged. “I guess so.”

Tsukishima groaned. “I don't know why I keep thinking that you won't get swept up in their bullshit,” he said while the other three spontaneously performed a very noisy victory dance.

“I try to keep up an image of rationality, but I've been corrupted years ago,” said Akaashi, because sometimes, ruffling Tsukishima's feathers was too much fun to resist. “There was never any hope for me.”

“Fine,” huffed Tsukishima. “Just make sure to send that annoying redhead flying.”

“Oh, I will.”

Tendou gave a terrifying laugh upon hearing this declaration, which Akaashi chose to ignore in favor of collecting a good luck kiss from Tsukishima.

“Do you need help mounting your horse?” asked Tsukishima while Kuroo crouched down until only his head was poking out of the water.

Akaashi looked at Kuroo's head and couldn't help snorting a bit. “Horse...” he said. “He would really make a good horse. He has the right hair for it.”

“Hey!” Kuroo protested.

“And no, I won't need any help.” Akaashi went to stand behind Kuroo and grabbed his shoulders for leverage. They were still floating in the water, so he didn't need to use a lot of strength to pull himself up. He was sitting on Kuroo's shoulders in no time – across from them, Bokuto was trying to balance Tendou, who was even taller than him. They looked ridiculous, but then Akaashi and Kuroo probably didn't make a better impression. Akaashi was just glad that no one else was here to see this. Maybe he had gotten a bit carried away.

“Grab your noodles!” Bokuto hollered so loudly that it would be little short of a miracle if none of the heart attack threatened old people in the neighboring caves had heard him. The worst part was that Akaashi seemed to be the only person who saw anything wrong with the wording.

“Hold on tight!” said Kuroo as he straightened up and Akaashi almost lost his balance. There wasn't much he could hold on to – he had no other choice than to press his thighs against Kuroo's cheeks and not think too much about what this position must feel like for Kuroo. His hands came up to steady Akaashi's legs and Akaashi was almost sure he heard him mumble, “I did not think this through.”

“Kuroo, are you okay?” asked Tsukishima, smirking like he could effortlessly read from Kuroo's face that he was not okay.

“Fine,” squeaked Kuroo.

“If I'm too heavy...” Akaashi began, but Kuroo immediately slapped his knee.

“Don't be stupid.”

“Yeah, that's definitely not the problem,” said Tsukishima, glancing over to where Tendou and Bokuto were getting into a heated discussion about which pool noodle color would up their chances of winning. “Kuroo just wishes he were an owl right now,” he added in a whisper. “So that he could turn his head around far enough to-”

“God, stop it, you're embarrassing me!” groaned Kuroo. “Like I would ever wish to be an _owl!_ \- which was probably not the thing he should be embarrassed about. “Sorry Akaashi, it's just that... I really love your thighs, okay? Like, really love... god!” Since Bokuto and Tendou were still distracted, he quickly turned his head and mouthed at the inner side of his thigh, sucking in the soft flesh in a way that would definitely leave a mark if Akaashi didn't interrupt him. He leaned forward over Kuroo's head and somehow managed to look at him upside-down without losing his balance.

“Stop that, you're going to give me a boner and _that_ would probably be the worst thing to happen in this position.”

“Fuck, that would be so hot!” Kuroo sighed. Akaashi really didn't see how that would be hot for either of them. Tsukishima still looked like he was trying hard not to break out into laughter.

“We have decided!” declared Tendou. “The color of your demise shall be as red as the blood flowing out of your empty chest when this battle is over.”

“Oh my,” snickered Tsukishima. “Sounds brutal. Akaashi, darling, shall I go and grab you the brown one?”

“That's okay, they won't even have time to empty their bowels before Akaashi impales them with his noodle,” said Kuroo.

Akaashi pressed his eyes closed for a moment. “Okay, am I the only one hearing this?”

Tsukishima handed him the green noodle which had hit him in the nose before and countered Tendou's intimidating grimace with one of his own. They were all set then. Kuroo and Bokuto moved so they stood across from each other and Tsukishima took over as the referee. “Ready, set – go!”

“Eat this!” screeched Tendou, swinging his noodle in a broad attack. Akaashi had all the time in the world to duck under it, lean forward and poke Bokuto in the nipple with his own noodle. Bokuto yelped, jumped and one second later, Tendou was falling off his shoulders and into the water again. Kuroo and Tsukishima broke out into wheezing laughter, which almost made Akaashi fall off as well. He managed to get a good grip on Kuroo's hair, making him feel even more like he rode a pony.

“Holy shit, you fucking _murdered_ him!” Kuroo croaked, voice already hoarse from laughing too much. “That didn't even take a second!”

“YOU CHEATER!” spat Tendou as soon as he was back on the surface, splashing about. “You goddamn cheater! You cheated, you fucking cheat!”

“I'm sorry, but I, as the referee, decide what goes and what doesn't. Akaashi won fair and square,” said Tsukishima, still wiping tears from his eyes. Tendou didn't look like he wanted to join their laughter anytime soon.

“You're not fit to be a referee when you're sleeping with one of the players!” he accused. Akaashi hoped that he was the only one who heard Bokuto repeat the word “one!” with a chuckle - “That's a heavy bias!” Tendou continued. “From now on, I will decide what goes and what doesn't!”

“Right, because you don't have any bias at all,” said Tsukishima, but then he just shrugged. “Oh well, let's see what you got, then.”

“Okay, so, first of all – the ponies are off limit!” grumbled Tendou while he tried to scramble back onto Bokuto's shoulders. He didn't stop there, however – instead of sitting down on them, he tried to stand and make himself even taller. Akaashi wondered how someone could seriously think that would be an advantage. He still had to balance one hand on Bokuto's head and it would probably take Akaashi exactly one well-pointed poke to make him fall off again. He doubted that Tendou was smart enough to make certain body parts off-limit as well.

“Second of all,” continued Tendou, “only red noodles are allowed to attack! Green ones are on standby!”

“Sounds fair,” said Tsukishima. Well, Akaashi didn't mind – in this situation, he just had to evade a single attack and Tendou's momentum would probably do the rest and send him flying again.

“So, does everyone remember the rules?” Tendou sneered.

“Sure,” said Akaashi.

“Alright then – here we go again. Ready, set – go!” He broke out into a screeching war cry, swinging his noodle through the cave and aiming for Akaashi's face. Kuroo ducked, luckily, because there was something very wrong with Tendou's weapon.

“Dude!” shouted Bokuto. “Your noodle is aflame!”

Indeed, Tendou had somehow managed to light his noodle on fire on one of the still burning candles and was now looking at it in total horror. “Shit!” he screamed. “If the fire alarm goes off, I'll be in so much trouble!” For some incomprehensible reason he didn't simply stick the noodle in the water, but threw it onto the rocks, where their towels were still lying. “We need to extinguish it with the towels!” he yelled. “Quick!”

“How the fuck does your mind work?” groaned Tsukishima. They watched as Tendou and Bokuto scrambled over to where the noodle was still burning, jumped out of the basin and grabbed a towel to flap it at the fire.

Unsurprisingly, the towel caught fire a second later and evoke even more screaming.

“Just dump everything in the water already!” yelled Kuroo, but by that time, it was already too late. The soothing music in the background changed into an ear-shattering siren and Tendou collapsed dramatically onto the ground, next to the burning pile of towels.

“If my dad finds out he'll kill me!”

Bokuto had finally realized that they were in a cave full of water and used some more pool noodles to wipe the burning mess into the basin, where it all extinguished with an uneventful sizzle. The sirens kept ringing.

“We should probably go,” sighed Tsukishima. “So much for our nice and relaxing bath.”

They all climbed out of the pool, only to realize that the towels had all burned to ashes, which left them cold and exposed. Tendou was too busy being dramatic to see the hateful stares he was shot. “Well,” said Kuroo, looking towards the cave's exit, where they could already hear the confused voices of the other guests. “We should probably flank Bokuto. Otherwise they might think the sirens are a warning for a pervert on the loose.”

Kuroo had to grab Tendou by his upper arm to make him follow their awkward shuffle towards the dressing rooms. There, it was quiet, thankfully – a mass evacuation was the last thing they wanted to be responsible for. The other guests from the cave emptied out into the locker room and after a bit of confused chatter and looking around for clues to the next step of this evacuation, decided to simply change back into their clothes and leave. A good idea, as far as Akaashi was concerned.

“Would you please shut up already?” groaned Kuroo once they had taken their clothes out of the lockers to go look for a free cubicle and Tendou was still freaking out. A group of elderly ladies, who had escaped from the cave behind them, side-eyed him nervously. “There's no way your dad will know that you're responsible for this.”

“He'll know!” Tendou sounded sure of it. “The same way he knew the last four times.”

“You are truly a miracle,” said Tsukishima before he locked himself into a cubicle. Akaashi just silently shook his head when Tendou looked up at him with pleading eyes. There was no way he could spare even the smallest drop of sympathy for someone who had managed to swing a burning noodle at people's faces a grand total of five times.

“See you around, buddy.” Kuroo at least had the decency to clap him on the back while Bokuto just laughed in his face, undoubtedly convinced that Tendou was joking.

A second later, Tendou was gone, the words “I gotta hide!” still hanging in the air.

“Oh…” said Bokuto, still chuckling. “He was serious?”

“It seems so,” said Kuroo.

“Oh. Then I guess I was kind of a dick just now.”

“Your self-reflection is improving,” Akaashi said, earning a broad smile and a happy “thanks!” from Bokuto. “Only slightly though – you seem to have forgotten that you’re still wearing those _things_.” He pulled his boyfriend into one of the cubicles to protect the poor group of elderly lady’s eyes – well, that’s what he told himself, but really, he had seen those dull eyes suddenly gaining in focus.

“He was fun,” chirped Bokuto. “I hope we see him again.”

“I don’t,” said Akaashi, drying himself on Bokuto’s undershirt while Bokuto was checking out his own butt in the mirror. The line of his mouth said ‘not bad’, but thankfully he didn’t say it out loud. “You should get dressed.”

By the time Bokuto turned back around, Akaashi had already slipped into his pants and shirt and was just about to close the zipper on his jacket.

“Seriously? How the hell do you get changed so fast?”

“Maybe because I don’t get distracted by my own butt.”

“That’s not fair!” Bokuto grumbled. “I can’t help it that I have a great butt.”

“Right.” Akaashi knew that saying the same thing twice wouldn’t work, so he simply pulled down Bokuto’s speedos, eliciting a loud “whoa!” from his boyfriend. The chatty old ladies outside had undoubtedly heard and one of them – Kuroo – scolded them with a “Come on, now!”

“Mind your own business!” said Akaashi and pressed a kiss against Bokuto’s happy trail, making him giggle. “Shouldn’t you go get changed, too?”

“I’m already done!” said Kuroo. “And not in the mood to wait while you two have fun in there!”

“See?” Akaashi told Bokuto, handing him his pants and underwear. “I’m not even fast, you’re just extremely slow.”

“No, don’t stop now!” Bokuto whined and screeched when Akaashi opened the door and stepped out of the cubicle to join Kuroo and the elderly ladies – which sounded like a band Tsukishima would listen to.

It took a while until Bokuto was done changing, but they were all used to it by now. Tsukishima had already taken out his contacts and put his glasses back on by the time Bokuto finally emerged from his stall, swinging his wet undershirt around. 

“So, what now?” Bokuto asked, “do we call the loudmouths?”

“Hold on, you’re in no position to call anyone a loudmouth,” said Tsukishima. It was almost sweet how he defended his not-brothers. “And no, it’s way too soon. I’m sure we’ll find something else to do for one or two hours.” He suddenly fell into a brisk walk and stalked ahead of them, towards the exit, but Akaashi had already caught a glimpse of the pink tinge to his cheeks. Well crap – he had not thought this far. Maybe he should try and sneak Tanaka a text message as a cry for help.

In the end, he didn’t have to go that far. They had barely climbed into the car when they heard footsteps approaching in a run. One second later, the door to Tsukishima’s right opened and a man threw himself into the car, screaming: “Drive!”

Akaashi recognized Tendou’s voice before he really saw his face and he was so ready to keep Kuroo from driving, but Kuroo had already acted on instinct and floored the gas pedal. Through the rear window, Akaashi saw an older man angrily shaking his fist at them.

“So, I assume that was your father?” said Tsukishima once everyone’s panicked screaming had subsided and Kuroo had managed to steer the swerving car onto the road without hitting anything or anyone. His voice had that angry calm to it that made Akaashi’s hairs stand on end. He did not want to be in Tendou's skin right now.

“No, my grandma. Geez!”

Tendou seemed unaffected by the death glare and made himself comfortable on the free seat next to Tsukishima. Akaashi only just noticed that Tsukishima had sat down in the middle so they could cuddle and even though he mourned the loss, he couldn't deny that this was the second time Tendou had contributed to their stupid plan. He wondered if it was an accident or if he was some kind of genius actor. In any case, he would never make it to Hollywood, because he didn't have much longer to live, if the sound of Tsukishima's voice was any indication.

“If you say even one more word,” Tsukishima warned, “we will have to bury your cold body under the snow.”

“Man, you're no fun at all!” complained Tendou, but then he actually managed to be quiet for a few minutes, eyes averted to look out of the window and not at Tsukishima, who was leaning over to breathe down Tendou's neck. 

They were just passing through a little forest when Tendou decided to make a final test of Tsukishima's nerves by whipping out his cellphone and calling Tanaka.

“What the hell are you doing?” Tsukishima snarled when Tendou suddenly screamed, “Ryuu, bro!” right next to his ear. Akaashi took precautions and started to prematurely mourn the loss of his life, because there was no way they would survive the next words coming out of Tendou's mouth – not with Tsukishima being close to a fit on this icy, tree-lined road and with easily distracted Kuroo as their driver. Maybe if he opened the door and jumped out of the car right now, he would be alive long enough to write instructions for his funeral into the snow. He really wanted his tombstone to say “I hope heaven is quiet”. 

But this wasn't heaven yet and it wasn't quiet – in fact, Tendou's voice was loud and clear when he uttered the words that would send all of them crashing into the next tree.

“Where are you guys? We're coming to you right now!”

“Kuroo!” bellowed Tsukishima. “Stop the car! We're kicking him out!”

Kuroo was calmer than Akaashi's pessimistic predictions had given him credit for. All he said was: “Relax, that was our plan anyway, wasn't it?” - which would have forced Tsukishima to voice his hopes of finding a private place for them to fool around for a while. Since Tsukishima would never say something like that out loud, he had no other choice than to continue his seething quietly while Tendou made plans to meet up with Tanaka and Nishinoya at an Italian place in the village.

“Good, I'm hungry as fuck!” said Bokuto – he had turned around in his seat and pressed his temple against the headrest while beaming right into Tsukishima's face. Akaashi had no idea how either of them was able to maintain their respective expressions while looking at each other and he was almost impressed by their relentless adherence to their feelings. Akaashi was much more easily swayed. 

“I'm hungry, too,” he said, hoping that it would somehow evoke sympathy in Tsukishima and surprisingly, his plan worked. Tsukishima just sighed and fumbled for his hand. 

“Fine,” he said, closing his fingers around Akaashi's in a much gentler gesture than Akaashi would have anticipated. “But Tendou's paying.”

“Oh, that reminds me,” said Tendou. “I didn't have time to grab my wallet.”

Amazingly, Tsukishima showed no reaction to that. He was staring at his own hand, which was still clasped around Akaashi's, and seemed completely enveloped in his thoughts. He didn't say anything when Tendou loudly demanded to have the car radio turned on. When not even the sound of three voices suddenly bawling Britney Spears' “Toxic” could shake him, Akaashi started to worry. 

“Is everything okay?” he started, right when Tsukishima lifted their hands up and looked at him with sudden fear in his eyes. 

“Oh...” said Akaashi, understanding finally dawning. Tsukishima must have realized that he had claimed they were together in front of Tendou – and now they were on their way to meet Tanaka and Nishinoya, who thought he was with Kuroo. Well, he didn't know that everyone already knew about their whole situation anyway, but Akaashi couldn't just tell him that. “Just... don't panic!” he said. Luckily, Tendou was too distracted by this impromptu round of karaoke to hear them. “We'll figure something out!”

“That's right. We still haven't reached civilization, so if we stop the car now and cut his throat-”

“We will not murder anybody. Have you never seen 'I know what you did last summer'?”

“It's winter, so we'll be fine,” Tsukishima insisted.

“Tsukishima – if you turn this trip into yet another sequel of an already second rate movie...”

“What, you'll kill me?” Tsukishima was suddenly smirking, which was only slightly better than the panicked look from before. “Talk about self-fulfilling prophecies."

Akaashi leveled him with a look, hoping to come off as intimidating. “I’ll join their singing.” he threatened right as three voices broke on the high note of _“with the taste of your lips”._

The line of Tsukishima's mouth wavered, but he managed to look semi-serious, too. “I understand. You win. No manslaughter on this trip.” 

“Good.” Akaashi nodded as he gripped Tsukishima's hand tighter. “All we have to do is distract them enough to not pay too close attention to our relationship. It shouldn't be that hard to do.” 

Tendou proved his point by leaning over Tsukishima's shoulders and howling a terrible, free-style rendition of the song's bridge into his ears. He obviously hadn't heard a word of their whole conversation. Tsukishima didn't even bat an eyelash at his antics, he just stared at Akaashi and said: “You're right, but just in case – if you suddenly change your mind and are down with murder, touch your left earlobe.”

“If I change my mind, you won't miss it. It'll be bloody.” 

That finally made Tsukishima smile, which was more than Akaashi could have hoped to accomplish with those three idiots croaking their lungs out in the background. Kuroo and Bokuto had probably not even realized what kind of situation they had ended up in. He would need to catch a quiet minute with them to warn them not to display open affection towards anyone. Or maybe...

“You know what? I think if we let Bokuto flirt with the straight guys, they won't even think about who else he might be with,” Akaashi whispered. The rest of the drive was a blur as Tsukishima leaned into him, Tendou used the increased space in the back for big gestures underlining his singing and Kuroo almost had to be exchanged for Bokuto as a driver because Kuroo wouldn't stop closing his eyes in bliss when “Unbreak my Heart” came on the radio – which was the reason why they usually didn't listen to any music in the car. Somehow they made it into the village alive and Tendou guided them to the Italian place Tanaka and Nishinoya were waiting at. 

Once they got out of the car, Tendou had forgotten all about his father. He basically vibrated with happiness, hummed under his breath and had a weird smile plastered to his face - at least until Tsukishima managed to make a mean comment about his singing voice, which gave Akaashi time to tug at Kuroo's and Bokuto's sleeves and make them aware of their problem. 

“Oh fuck!” yelled Bokuto, forgetting that he was supposed to be discreet. Also forgetting that he knew Tanaka, Nishinoya and Tendou were all aware of their real relationship status, so there wasn't an actual problem there. Akaashi sighed and followed them into the restaurant. It was small, but atmospheric. The walls were decorated with wine bottles and paintings of olive trees and the smell of fresh bruschetta hung in the air.

Tsukishima and Tendou were already inside and had joined Tanaka and Nishinoya at their table. Half the restaurant was looking in their direction, because Tanaka and Tendou were still in the middle of their brotherly handshake ritual. Seriously – they couldn't have seen each other more than about twice in their lives, so when had they even come up with this?

“So, how did you like the caves?” Nishinoya beamed when he caught sight of them. “Best place on earth, like I promised, huh?”

“We would have enjoyed it more if it wasn't for the cave troll,” said Tsukishima – he had deliberately chosen the chair farthest away from Tendou. “A cave troll who turned our relaxing bath into a noodle fight and then set off the alarm because his stupidity caused his noodle to catch on fire.”

Nishinoya blinked a few times, obviously needing time to process all this. “I'm not sure I understand what you're talking about,” he confessed. 

“He's talking about pool noodles,” said Akaashi. “Tendou got pool noodles from some storage room and accidentally lit them on the candles in the cave.”

“Dude!” Tanaka had apparently heard their story despite being in the middle of a very complicated handshake. “You're a fucking legend!”

“I know,” Tendou said smugly. How anyone could be smug about that was a mystery to Akaashi, but he didn't have time to voice it, because the conversation was suddenly drifting into dangerous territory. “I needed a distraction so those disgusting guys-” at this point, Tendou waved a hand in their general direction, “ - would stop sucking face.”

Akaashi could feel Tsukishima's whole body tensing up in fear. Tanaka must have realized it, too, because the carnivorous grin was back on his face. “Seriously? Kei showed public affection? What is the world coming to...” He turned to Kuroo, who had already paled in horror. “It's good to see those new sides you bring out of-” 

He was interrupted by Tsukishima suddenly standing up from his chair and slamming his hands on the table, making an approaching waiter turn right on his heels. “Bokuto – lose your shirt!” he said hurriedly. It was almost funny, if it hadn't been so sad. Akaashi had never seen him react so poorly at a time when he should have kept a clear head. He had been famous for his quick and focused thinking back in his volleyball days and this was what CLAWS and their stupid plan had managed to make of him. Bokuto was clearly confused, but his hands wandered to the hem of his shirt anyway, as if he never needed a reason not to take off his shirt, but was somewhat unsure of doing it inside a restaurant. Kuroo laid a hand on his arm to stop him.

“Uhm, Tanaka, Nishinoya... when we came over here, we heard those girls behind us say that they really wished you would go talk to them,” Akaashi told the two loudmouths, pointing over his shoulders at where he knew two relatively attractive girls were sitting. They definitely had said nothing of the sort when Akaashi had passed them and he made a note to have the waiter send them a nice gelato dessert with the word “sorry” written out in strawberry syrup later. In any case, his plan worked, because Tanaka and Nishinoya were suddenly gone from the table and Tsukishima sat down, his hands trembling. 

“Sooooo,” drawled Tendou. “This was interesting.” His eyebrows did a funny little dance, which fascinated Akaashi long enough not to notice how Tsukishima stopped trembling and stood back up. 

“We need to talk,” said Tsukishima. “Bokuto, Kuroo – grab him!”

The waiter was still hovering some distance away from their table, eyeing them like a lame antelope would eye a group of lions. He had just gathered enough courage to make a step towards them when Bokuto and Kuroo shot up from their chairs and wrestled Tendou out of his to drag him away in the direction of the washrooms while he screamed about being kidnapped. 

Akaashi turned around to where Tanaka and Nishinoya were sitting by the poor girls' table. Obviously they had noticed what had happened and Akaashi sent them a little shrug, to which he received a wink, so it was apparently all fine with their plan. He followed the others through a door into a little hallway. Tendou's screams alerted him that they hadn't made it all the way to the toilets and had instead escaped through a door that said “Private” on it. Great, invading the kitchen definitely wouldn't lead to another disaster...

When he opened the door, though, he realized that it just led out in the open to a little dumpster. Bokuto and Kuroo had Tendou pressed against an overflowing container and were looking at Tsukishima for more instructions.

“Remember-” Akaashi began, but Tsukishima just waved his hand at him.

“Yes, right, I know. No manslaughter. But you gotta admit, it would make a great setting.”

“I'm going to scream!” screamed Tendou.

“You're already screaming,” Kuroo pointed out. 

Akaashi noticed the face of the waiter appearing in a little window next to the container, but he just paled when he saw Akaashi stare, and fled. Hopefully, he wouldn't call the police on them. Akaashi didn't even want to think about what all of this must look like. 

“Look,” said Tsukishima. “This is a lot harder for us than it is for you, so relax.”

“You relax! I'm being pushed against a dumpster by two really muscular guys, so this is not exactly a relaxing atmosphere for me.”

Tendou did have a point there.

“Let go of him,” said Akaashi and Kuroo and Bokuto did what he said, although reluctantly.

Kuroo grinned. “Pity. This was really fun.”

Speak for yourself!” spat Tendou. “Anyway, are you going to tell me why you need to drag me out here and act all mysterious or can I go back in? I'm goddamn hungry and it's cold!” 

Tsukishima grimaced and for a few seconds Akaashi was sure that he wouldn't be able to spit it out, but once again, he had underestimated Tsukishima and his growth in personality.

“Fine. You were right, okay?”

“I'm right lots of times, you have to be more specific.” Tendou seemed to slowly realize that he had the upper hand after all, because he was back to his sardonic grin. Tsukishima decided to talk to the dumpster instead, so he wouldn't have to look at his face.

“About the thing. The... the foursome thing. 

Tendou's smile grew wider and wider until his lips were almost cracking from the strain and then he was suddenly on his knees, on the floor, hands balled into fists and screaming: “VICTORYYY!!!”

Akaashi laid a hand on Tsukishima's shoulder so he wouldn't kick him. 

“Claiming to be with you was the worst idea I ever had,” sighed Tsukishima. “Don't look so insulted.”

“I told you I was good at guessing!” Tendou had finally jumped back onto his feet and strutted around the little dumpster site like a particularly puffy rooster – his hair didn't help the image. “Also, you guys are super nasty, but first let me gloat a bit, because _I was right!_ ”

“Whatever,” said Tsukishima. “Tanaka and Noya don't know, so you can't tell anyone, understand? Or we actually _will_ kill you.”

“Oh please!” Tendou waved his hand around as if to say that there was no need to worry. “Do you think I can't keep a secret?”

“You don't look particularly trustworthy to me,” said Tsukishima. 

“You insult me.”

“That was the plan.”

“Anyway!” Tendou was back to his rooster-imitation. “I'll do my best to act like you guys aren't nasty freaks and in return...”

“Hold on!” said Tsukishima. “I was under the impression that this was us threatening you, not you blackmailing us.”

“And in _return_ ,” Tendou insisted, “you will be my friends and include me in all your activities in the duration of your stay here.”

If Akaashi hadn't already figured out that Tendou was probably really lonely, living in this secluded mountain village with nothing but tourists visiting from time to time, he would have been surprised. He already felt bad again and although he wasn't enthusiastic about the prospect of hanging out with Tendou every day, he didn't have it in him to say no.

“No.” Tsukishima, unsurprisingly, did have it in him. “It's truly sad. You even have to blackmail people into spending time with you. We won't encourage something like that.”

“Yeah!” said Bokuto, patting Tendou on the back. “You don't have to blackmail us into being your friends. We already are!”

Tsukishima groaned, but not even he seemed to be entirely immune to Tendou's blinding smile, so he just hissed, “Not a word!”

“Not a word!” sang Tendou as he walked over to the door labeled “Private” and skipped back inside, still singing. 

_Not a word, not a word, not a word~_


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thanks a lot to [doggoneit](http://archiveofourown.org/users/doggoneit) for betaing this in record time! <3 (also, if you're a fan of Kurotsuki, you should really click that link! :D)

Akaashi woke up from Bokuto’s soft snores rhythmically blowing a strand of black hair against his earlobe and tickling him awake. He hesitantly opened his eyes. There was sunlight already sneaking in through the windows, yet it was much too early to get up, he was sure of that. The others didn’t make any sound yet and Akaashi was usually the one to sleep in the longest. Especially tonight, when his sleep had been so restless. When they got back from the restaurant yesterday, he and Bokuto had feigned fatigue and went to bed while Kuroo had kept his promise to massage Tsukishima. Pretending to sleep while Tsukishima softly moaned into his pillow was something Akaashi felt like he should get an award for. Bokuto’s acting had been truly abysmal to the point where he openly ground against Akaashi’s back until Kuroo got annoyed and told him to either shut up or join them already.

Of course, that had been the exact point for Bokuto to reach his climax, so he was all settled. Akaashi, however, was still horny and unsatisfied and to top it off, tired as hell. He debated with himself if he should wake Bokuto up and make him take care of the problem or try and go back to sleep when he noticed Kuroo moving. He and Tsukishima were laying two mattresses further down the room, cuddling face-to-face like disgustingly new couples who still pretended the other’s breath didn’t smell bad in the morning. Akaashi opened his eyes some more when he suddenly heard a soft gasp coming from Tsukishima. Now that his eyes were focused, he noticed that they weren’t actually asleep. One of them had kicked off the blanket so that Akaashi had a nice view of Tsukishima’s back. His shirt had ridden up almost all the way to his shoulder blades, but much more interesting was Kuroo’s hand traveling over the pale skin, its path evidently leading past the waistband of Tsukishima’s pajama pants.

Wonderful, just… wonderful. Akaashi was starting to believe that those two had an agenda of their own, since they were always trying to seduce him and make him give up on the plan. Bokuto happily snored away against his ear while Akaashi watched Kuroo’s hand slowly inch closer to the pajama pants and finally disappear past the waistband. He could clearly see the outlines of Kuroo’s hand through the thin fabric, which is why he wasn’t surprised when Tsukishima gave another strangled gasp. Kuroo’s bedhead appeared at the edge of his vision – he had moved away from Tsukishima’s lips to mouth at the side of his neck, and give him more room to breathe. Akaashi had to suppress a groan which he couldn't say whether it was caused by annoyance or arousal. He managed to stay quiet somehow, even when Tsukishima's back arched, clearly grinding against Kuroo's other hand. There was a grin tugging at Kuroo’s mouth, showing off the teeth he used to nibble at Tsukishima’s skin. Slow, passionate morning sex was all that Akaashi wanted right now and yet he was stuck with being a voyeur while his own boyfriend was still asleep and snoring into his ear.

“Fuck, Kuroo…” he heard Tsukishima moan. “They’ll hear us.”

Kuroo’s mouth was still pressed against the side of Tsukishima’s neck, so all he managed in response was a muffled sounding chuckle – but when he lifted his head to speak properly, his eyes were suddenly looking right into Akaashi’s, the grin still prominently displayed on his face.

“Why…” drawled Kuroo, “do you not want them to hear?”

Tsukishima paused for a moment. He probably realized that Akaashi was awake from the way Kuroo had reacted, but he didn’t turn around to check. “I don’t want to wake them,” he said.

Kuroo was still grinning at Akaashi when he leaned back down to plant a soft kiss on Tsukishima’s cheek. “Don’t worry. I’m sure everyone would agree that hearing you moan is the best way to be woken up in the morning.”

Akaashi wondered if he should protest, say anything at all, or just continue watching them with the knowledge that they knew he was doing so. Maybe they tried to put on a show for him – Kuroo definitely would. His hand inside the pajama pants was doing something that made Tsukishima moan again and Akaashi had half a mind to free himself from Bokuto's arm and simply roll over to where they were laying. He didn’t understand himself sometimes. When they first came here, he had thought they would somehow get involved in another foursome, if they were lucky. He had gotten much more than he had bargained for and yet he was constantly frustrated. Just when had he become so incredibly ungrateful?

“-kaashi. Akaashi!”

Still mesmerized from the moving hand in Tsukishima’s pajama pants, he hadn’t noticed that Kuroo was saying his name. He grunted as a sign that he had finally heard and looked up to where Kuroo was smiling at him.

“If you don’t want to join us, that’s okay. But could we at least borrow your lube?”

Akaashi opened his mouth before knowing what he was going to say and was left gaping like a fish for a second. “We… uh. We don’t have any,” he said, recovering himself.

“You don’t…” began Kuroo, confused. Tsukishima finally turned around to face him. He wasn’t wearing his glasses, which made him squint and only added to the suspicion in his glare. Kuroo looked skeptical, too. “You mean that you two – the most sex-driven people I know – didn’t bring any lube with you?”

Most sex-driven people? Was Kuroo being serious? Sure, he liked sex, but this made him sound like some kind of maniac. “We usually don’t need it,” he grunted.

Tsukishima fumbled for his glasses so he didn’t have to continue squinting at Akaashi – thank God, because it had looked like they didn’t believe him when Akaashi was actually telling the truth.

“How?” asked Tsukishima – he sounded like he was asking for some kind of secret from the sex guru himself and Akaashi almost chuckled, despite being annoyed.

“Because Akaashi doesn’t like buttsex from either end,” said Bokuto. Akaashi hadn’t noticed when the snores had stopped and how long Bokuto had listened to them and he lightly kicked Bokuto in the shin with his heel.

“I don’t like penetrative sex and Bokuto likes using his mouth, so… no lube needed. Sorry.”

Tsukishima freed himself from Kuroo’s hold to fully turn around and gawk at him. “What the fuck?” he said and Akaashi felt a little sting at these words. He never thought it was weird, but… it probably was, wasn’t it? He saw Kuroo swat at Tsukishima’s shoulder, apparently unhappy with his boyfriend’s lack of tact. “No, wait,” said Tsukishima, quickly correcting himself. “I didn’t mean… I just… how the fuck did we not know?”

“None of you ever tried to stick anything up my butt, so I didn’t find it worth mentioning,” said Akaashi. It was kind of fun to watch Tsukishima blush whenever he talked so bluntly– even when Tsukishima had been the one to almost have sex in front of them a minute ago.

“Don’t worry though, Tsukishima – you can stick anything you want up _my_ butt,” cackled Bokuto.

“No thank you.”

“I would,” offered Kuroo. “The only problem is that none of us thought about bringing lube, so…”

Akaashi could feel Bokuto cling to him in excitement. Of course this would be a fun conversation for him. Well, in all honesty, it was a fun conversation for Akaashi, too. They never really talked about these kinds of things, they always just acted on instinct, usually when drunk, and ended up not knowing that much about each other. Well, he knew that nipple play did nothing for Tsukishima and that Kuroo was ticklish at the back of his knees, but that was nothing compared to what he knew about Bokuto.

“So what about your butt, bro?” asked Bokuto. “Is it open for access, or…”

“Gross,” said Tsukishima while Kuroo guffawed and Bokuto wiggled his eyebrows.

Kuroo calmed down after a while and dried a few escaped tears on Tsukishima’s shirt. “I mean… I’m open to it, I guess. I don’t have a lot of experience with it.”

“What does ‘not a lot’ mean?” Akaashi wondered. He knew it was the right question to ask when he saw Tsukishima smirk.

“Uh… well.” Kuroo’s head was still red from laughing, but the blush spreading from his neck was visible either way. “There was… uh. A drunken experience back in college. I… I wanted to know what it felt like, but I didn’t have anyone to try it with, so… I went to the fridge, and-“

Bokuto already started laughing even before Kuroo finished his story and all Akaashi could hear were the words “zucchini” and “burn”, but he had a pretty good idea he knew how the story ended anyway. He turned around to snicker into Bokuto’s rumbling chest and they just lay there, shaking together until a pillow came flying their way and Tsukishima complained, “Hey, that was _my_ pillow!”

“Bro, even I know that you’re not supposed to stick vegetables up your butt!” wheezed Bokuto – which was a bald-faced lie, as Akaashi knew.

“Banana!” was all he had to say to that.

“Come on, Akaashi! Everyone knows a banana isn’t a vegetable. It’s a fruit!” Bokuto said wisely, which prompted Tsukishima to throw another pillow – presumably Kuroo’s.

“Don’t go and stick anything edible up your butt, you gross, gross people! Knowing you, you’ll just leave it lying around and one of us will accidentally eat it!” complained Tsukishima half-laughing, half-serious. Kuroo had abandoned him for a second to go look for another pillow and returned with a wise remark.

“I told you, Tsukki – you shouldn’t be eating things that smell like ass in the first place.”

“For the last time, broccoli does not smell like ass, it’s healthy and tasty and versatile-“

The shrill ringing of a cellphone interrupted their conversation and Akaashi was just about to get annoyed when he realized that it was his own. Bokuto managed to reach it from where it was dangling off a way too high socket in the wall and looked at the number before handing it to Akaashi. “Unknown,” he said. “Who could…”

“I have a pretty good idea,” grumbled Akaashi as he pressed the phone to his ear and his suspicion proved to be true with a loud, “Heeeeeey, am I interrupting something disgusting again?”

“Why is this the first thing you want to know?” groaned Akaashi. “Also, how the hell did you get my number?”

Everyone else in the room had already realized that it was Tendou and two of them joined his groaning while the third one gave an excited yelp.

“Is he coming over?” asked Bokuto, but apparently one second was too long to wait for an answer, which is why he repeated his question by screaming it into the phone. “Are you coming over?”

“I'm already here!” sang Tendou. “Having breakfast with the family right now.”

The family... was he talking about Tsukishima's family? If so, Akaashi probably shouldn't repeat his words and pray that Tsukishima hadn't heard.

“In any case – Ryu and Noya can't come to the slope today, so I'm going with you. Get dressed already, I'll give you half an hour. Toodles!”

He had hung up before Akaashi could get a single word in, but his groan probably said everything.

“So we're skiing with Tendou today, huh?” sighed Kuroo. “Well, he can ride the chair lift with Bokuto so it's less dangerous for us sensible human beings.”

Akaashi freed himself from Bokuto's clingy arm and began to dig through the contents of his bag, which were now strewn across the foot of the mattress. He got a hold of a clean shirt and boxers, and announced that he was going to take a shower. “Tendou is already here – he said he'll give us half an hour, but he's probably going to burst in here after five minutes.”

“Bah!” said Kuroo. “I'm not done sleeping.”

Bokuto supported his stance by sprawling his body across the now free mattress and farting loudly, prompting Tsukishima to throw another pillow at him. Akaashi closed the hatch to Kuroo's loud whining about the loss of his second pillow this morning.

Clean, fresh air greeted him to the second floor and it felt so good that Akaashi decided to take a cold shower. That would probably clear his head a little. It was feeling awfully cloudy in there. He gave up after only five seconds of ice cold water hitting his body, turned the regulator to warm and sat down in the shower with a hand between his thighs. Maybe he really was a sex maniac, he thought, as he moved his hand slowly. He had never really considered it, but... he and Bokuto were together for ten years now and they had sex almost every day. Sure, it was not as elaborate as other couples', since that would be way too much work, but it was a lot either way. He couldn't even remember the last time he had jacked off alone, like this. It felt... Akaashi might have forgotten how to do it, because it didn't really feel like anything, just a deed to be done. He couldn't even concentrate on anything sexy.

When he thought of Tsukishima and Kuroo, his thoughts instantly wandered into depressing territory. What if he didn't actually love them the way he loved Bokuto? What if he just craved some variation in his sex life and misunderstood it as a crush? He didn't have a lot of experience with crushes or dating or being with anyone else but Bokuto. With him, everything had been so _easy_. They had been stupid teenagers and hadn't thought any further than, “I like him, he's hot, we should totally make out in the locker room after everyone else is gone.” Now, there were suddenly so many _things_ to consider. What he felt for Tsukishima and Kuroo was definitely different than what he felt for Bokuto, but then it probably wasn't possible to have the same feelings for them as he had for his boyfriend of ten years. He just wanted to know if it was love or not. He really wanted it to be love.

He couldn't get anywhere with his task, so he tried to close his eyes and clear his head of thoughts. The warm water raining down on him and the hand between his thighs instantly took him back to yesterday, when they sat under the waterfall and Tsukishima had laid an arm around his shoulder and said: “ _I'm obviously with him_.” He remembered how he felt then – the butterflies going wild in his stomach, the sudden need to scream – it was a very similar feeling to the one he'd had back when he saw Bokuto's bright yellow jacket at the end of the slope, after he thought he'd been hurt. Suddenly, Akaashi felt very, very stupid.

“Stupid concussion,” he mumbled to himself, even though he knew fully well that this had little to do with his concussion. He had always been prone to worrying too much. Of course he loved Tsukishima and Kuroo – each in their own, individual way. He had no right to sit in the shower and feel sorry for himself just because he was getting antsy from his self-inflicted sex deprivation. This was not about sex. It would be much, much easier if it was just about sex.

Feeling relieved despite the adamant throbbing between his thighs, he clenched his teeth together and turned the water to cold again. Cold showers really were the worst, but at least it had the desired effect. His head was successfully cleaned of any filthy thoughts and he felt a lot better, despite having to perform the rest of his bathroom routine with erratic movements and accidentally biting down on his toothbrush three times because his teeth were still clattering.

When he climbed back through the hatch, there was an unexpected icy wind blowing through the attic and he almost whined out loud. Why the hell had they opened both windows? He had looked forward to snuggling back into his bed and catch up on some sleep, not completing his metamorphosis into an icicle. Tsukishima sat next to the hatch, wrapped up into a blanket and evidently waiting his turn to go to the bathroom.

“Sorry about that,” he said when he noticed Akaashi's discontent. “Bokuto and Kuroo entered a farting contest after you were gone, until Bokuto got knocked out from what I can only assume were toxic fumes.”

Indeed, Bokuto was sprawled over multiple mattresses, already snoring again and not caring about the icy wind at all. Kuroo on the other hand had burritoed himself into at least three blankets and shot Tsukishima a hateful look through the small opening he had left for his eyes. “It's only natural!” he protested. “No need to get so uptight about it.”

“This wind is only natural too!” said Tsukishima, and turning to Akaashi, he added: “I am so glad that I have you.”

Akaashi couldn't help but smile at that. “Yes... you do have me,” he said.

Tsukishima leaned into him to quickly peck him on the lips before he fled down the ladder and left Akaashi with a warm, peaceful feeling in his stomach. This morning was so casual and beautiful and he just wanted it to last forever. He went to close the windows first, because the icy wind damped the coziness quite a lot.

“Hey!” he heard Kuroo's soft voice after he had closed both windows. “Come here!”

When he looked over to where Kuroo was laying, he immediately got déjà vu from the shady coat guy sitting in an armchair yesterday morning. Kuroo had lifted his blankets again, showing off a warm and toasty place for Akaashi to cuddle into. This time, Akaashi was more suspicious of it.

“What, you don't want to cuddle with me?” pouted Kuroo when he noticed Akaashi squinting.

“It depends. How many farts are you storing in there?”

“Rude!” said Kuroo. “I'm all out of gas, so don't you worry your pretty little head.”

“I'm just saying...” Akaashi went over to him and crawled into the offered space either way, because how could he not? “I just woke up and I don't want to be knocked out again like Bokuto.”

“My farts are all fair-trade, organic farts. Not like Bokuto's radioactive ones,” said Kuroo as he covered him with the blanket and conveniently left his arm lying around Akaashi's middle. Not that Akaashi wanted to protest.

“That doesn't make any sense at all,” he pointed out.

“Hmm...” Kuroo just closed his eyes and buried his nose in Akaashi's cheeks so that their lips brushed when he talked. “'t's too early to make sense.”

Akaashi suddenly felt like talking a lot. “Don't fall back asleep!” he warned. “Tsukishima will be furious. You don't want a repetition of the knee-tickling incident.”

“Hah!” said Kuroo and Akaashi caught himself shifting slightly so that their lips brushed even more. “I'm wrapped into three blankets – I don't think I could get myself out at this point, so Tsukki doesn't stand a chance.”

“I have a pretty good reach,” said Akaashi.

“You wouldn't do something like that,” Kuroo mumbled. “You're too nice.”

“You really think so?”

“Hmm, no...” said Kuroo, his lips parting into a devilish smile. “But I think you're easily distracted.” He leaned forward and pressed their lips together without any force behind it, and okay, maybe Akaashi really was easily distracted, that was fair – but he wasn't going to let pride ruin this for him, so he returned the kiss in the same lazy way Kuroo had initiated it, with sloppy nibbles and soft brushes and warm breaths exchanged between the two of them. They both had chapped lips from the cold and it felt dry and warm and so, so cozy. Akaashi could have easily fallen asleep like this, with their lips slowly moving together and Kuroo's hand drawing small circles on his back, all without intent, all just because it was the obvious thing to do. No heat, just warmth. Kuroo suddenly gave a drawn-out, happy sigh, kissed him on the nose and opened his eyes to look at him.

“How's your head today? You feel ready to go back to the slope?”

“I... yeah.” Akaashi already missed Kuroo's lips on his. “I have some mood swings, but it's mostly okay. I can go back snowboarding.”

“Really...” said Kuroo, his nose already back to poke Akaashi's cheek and his lips in reach. “And how's your mood right now?”

“Guess,” Akaashi chuckled, leaning forward and continuing from where they had left off. Tsukishima came back after a while and Akaashi almost turned his head, but Kuroo kept him in place. It seemed like he wanted Tsukishima to see.

“You guys are disgusting,” was all Tsukishima had to say to their little display and Akaashi tried to analyze his tone for any kind of negativity. But Tsukishima was the master of neutral tones and Akaashi was very distracted anyway, so he couldn't be sure. “Well, then,” Tsukishima continued, “since you are busy, I'll just wake up Bokuto to go to the bathroom next.”

“Good luck with that,” laughed Kuroo, interrupting their kiss to glance up at his boyfriend. “This'll be entertaining.”

Akaashi agreed. He was eager to see what Tsukishima would come up with to make Bokuto go and take a shower right now. Apparently, his method involved hitting Bokuto with a pillow – a method that would prove ineffective, as Akaashi knew from experience. When that wouldn't work, Tsukishima resorted to kicking him in the shin. “Wake up, asshole!”

Bokuto gave a loud, fake snore to emphasize his disinterest.

“Go and take a shower - you smell!”

“Hey!” whined Bokuto. “Don't you dare insult my manly musk!”

“Good, you're awake, now go to the bathroom so we can leave already,” said Tsukishima, hitting him with the pillow again for good measure. Akaashi stopped listening to them for a while, because Kuroo's lips had found their way back on his and all he could say about what was happening behind his back was that it was a very worrisome sequence of sounds.

“Okay, okay, I give up!” shouted Bokuto after a while. “I will go to the bathroom, but you have to pull me up!”

“How?” said Tsukishima, “You weigh at least a ton, you elephant!”

“I won't go if you don't pull me up, that's my last word.”

Akaashi didn't expect Tsukishima to fall for that, but judging by the sounds, he actually took Bokuto's outstretched hand, because the next thing he heard was a loud yelp as Bokuto tugged at the hand and made him fall down on top of him – probably rolling over Tsukishima and pinning him down on the mattress in the same movement. Tsukishima expressed his opinion on this move with a string of surprisingly creative curses.

“Now, now, now,” said Bokuto with a bad imitation of a super-villain laugh. “What do we have here?”

“Go away, you're crushing me!” complained Tsukishima, but the sigh at the end of the sentence revealed that he already knew it wouldn't work on Bokuto.

“I won't,” said Bokuto proudly. It was followed by a choked “umph” as he probably flopped down on Tsukishima like a heavy, immovable blanket. “Besides, you smell nice.”

“You would smell nice, too, if you took a shower,” said Tsukishima. “Hint hint.”

This time Akaashi had to break away from his kiss with Kuroo to laugh out loud – hearing Tsukishima say “hint hint” was hilarious to him for some reason. Kuroo joined him until Tsukishima yelled at them for laughing at his expense. Bokuto managed to shut him up with what Akaashi could only assume was his mouth.

“Bokuto is way better at this than me,” Kuroo whispered. “I'm insulted. I'm sure I kiss better than Bokuto.”

“He's way more enthusiastic about it,” said Akaashi.

“It's too early for enthusiasm!”

Akaashi listened to the wet sounds coming from two mattresses behind him and found that he agreed with Kuroo. Lazy, sloppy kissing was exactly what he needed right now and if it was accompanied by Tsukishima's soft whines as Bokuto worked him into a mood – even better.

“Slow down, Bokuto,” they heard Tsukishima sigh after a while. He didn't sound too adamant about it. “We don't actually have time for this.”

“I can't believe you idiots didn't bring any lube,” Bokuto huffed, not listening to a single word. “We could have so much fun right now.” He paused for a moment, presumably to prevent Tsukishima from giving his opinion on the subject. They parted with another wet sound. “Hey, by the way. I have a question. We all talked about our... uh, preferences before. So what's yours? You know... your ass access policy?”

“Oh my God!” groaned Tsukishima. “I can't believe-”

“It's not a hard question, come on! Like, would you let me-”

“My ass is not goddamn open source!”

Kuroo turned their nice, dry kiss into a wet one when he snorted right into Akaashi's face, but Akaashi didn't even mind. This was too good to be true.

“What if I had the right code, though? Like, push some buttons, twist a nipple...” said Bokuto. It sounded like he actually pressed his finger into some random body parts and Tsukishima gave a little yelp every time. Akaashi wondered if he had actually twisted a nipple.

“I can't believe you,” said Tsukishima, sounding like he was so offended that it somehow amazed him. “For your information, my ass is a super expensive, private software. Unhackable. You can't just enter a code, I have to decide to sell it to you!”

“What if I have the right hardware for it, though?”

“Do you have any idea what you're talking about?” By now, Tsukishima sounded like he was trying hard to suppress a laugh.

“Okay,” said Bokuto, “I have another idea. What if you let me have like a forty day free trial? And when the time is up, I'll just tell you to remind me later and we go on as before.”

“Are you saying that my ass is fucking Winrar?”

Akaashi was pretty sure that Kuroo was crying at this point, his body rocking the cocoon they had made for themselves, and Akaashi didn't mind that their lazy, dry kiss had turned into a giggly, wet one. “They should have their own show,” he whispered, making Kuroo burst out into even more laughter. “We could make a fortune.”

Apparently, Bokuto wasn't done with bad metaphors yet. “Yes, and I want to unpack it.”

Akaashi could _hear_ the proud grin in Bokuto's voice as he said it and he just knew it morphed into a bright smile as Tsukishima's retort came out with an unplanned, shaky laugh. “This is the worst dialog I've ever had, with anybody.”

“He's so charmed,” giggled Kuroo. “Hey, Akaashi – if you close your eyes and concentrate, I bet you can feel the room heat up from his blush.”

Akaashi decided to shut Kuroo up again, lest Tsukishima would be too distracted by screaming at them again, even though, at the moment, it didn't look like he noticed anything else in the room.

“So...” said Bokuto, “does that mean I can?”

“First, you unpack your own ass. Then we'll see,” said Tsukishima. Bokuto was probably pants-less three seconds later, because Tsukishima finally gave up and laughed without holding back this time, and if it wasn't the most beautiful sound in the world...

It was quickly interrupted by a loud scream when the hatch was thrown open and Tendou's head shot out of it only to be greeted with the sight of Bokuto's naked ass grinding down on Tsukishima. Bokuto joined in with a screech, Tsukishima cursed loudly and Kuroo and Akaashi contributed to the cacophony by breaking out into a laughing fit that accidentally banged their heads together.

“MY EYES!” yelled Tendou as he shot backwards to cover his eyes with his hands, and almost lost his footing on the ladder. He fell down one step before he was able to catch himself somehow. “I TOLD YOU GUYS THAT I WAS COMING!” he sobbed. “HOW DARE YOU?”

“Quit screaming, everybody will hear you!” hissed Tsukishima. He had kicked Bokuto off him in a sudden fit of strength and rolled him up into a blanket.

“Give me a minute,” said Kuroo as he let go of Akaashi and freed him from the blanket – he failed to untangle himself, though, so he stumbled over to Tendou like a clumsy caterpillar and pulled him into the room with his one free hand. “Stop being so melodramatic!” he said when Tendou flopped down onto the floor and acted like his eyes were bleeding out. “You could just knock, you know?”

“I already warned you that I was here. How could you do this to a poor, innocent guy like me? I will never be the same again. That ass will haunt me FOREVER!”

True to his word, he was still complaining about it when they sat in the chair lift two hours later, his head resting on Bokuto's shoulder in a painfully unironic gesture as he went on and on about them being sick freaks. Tsukishima, Kuroo and Akaashi were riding in the chair behind them, getting more and more annoyed.

“That's it!” said Tsukishima, bending down to scrape some snow off his board to form into a snowball, presumably to hit Tendou's head with. Kuroo pulled him back up.

“Stop it, you'll fall down and break your neck!”

“That's better than having to listen to this asshole any longer!” said Tsukishima, looking at Akaashi for support.

Akaashi just shrugged. “I guess we should just give him his own time to come to terms with this revelation,” he said. “Bokuto's anatomy can be a hard thing to swallow.”

“Oh my God!” groaned Tsukishima when Kuroo started giggling again. “I can't believe I'm saying this, but I almost wish Tanaka and Noya were here.”

Apparently, the two of them were on a date with the girls from the restaurant yesterday. Akaashi thought it very, very unlikely that this was actually true. Then again, he had seen one of the girls wink at Tanaka when Akaashi had sent the very intimidated waiter to bring them gelato as an apology. Now that he thought about it, leaving only Tendou with them wasn't the best idea, since Tendou was officially in on their secret and they didn't have to hide anything from him. Despite that, he was oddly useful.

“I mean-” Tsukishima continued, “just look at him! He's all over Bokuto.”

Kuroo seemed to have the same idea as Akaashi, because a surprised grin suddenly spread on his face. “Oh my God! Are you actually jealous?”

“What? Are you crazy? I'm just annoyed that he has the nerve to call us freaks when he's obviously so into Bokuto!”

“Suuure,” drawled Kuroo. “Hold on to that thought – we're already here.”

Akaashi had almost missed the station and just barely managed to hop off the lift before it would have transported him back down again. He inelegantly stumbled out onto the slope, following the trail of Tendou's snowboard.

“So, I guess the dangerous slope is out of the question today, right?” said Kuroo as the snowboarders sat down to buckle in their free feet.

Akaashi had expected Bokuto to protest, but instead he excitedly brandished a skiing stick. “That's okay, Tendou was just telling me about something fun!”

“Yeah, I know these mountains really well,” Tendou said smugly. “I'll show you the way!”

“That's great,” said Tsukishima. “You can show Bokuto the way to your “fun” thing and he can show you the way out of the closet. Meanwhile,” he gestured to Kuroo and Akaashi, “the three of us will go down the normal, nice slope. We haven't seen much of it yet.”

“Awww, come on! Don't be such a stick- I mean, telephone-pole-in-the-mud!” whined Bokuto, poking Tsukishima in the side with his skiing stick. “Tendou says there's some kickers and rails and a half-pipe.”

Tsukishima grabbed the stick and managed to pull it out of Bokuto's hand – he looked surprised about it for a second before he threw it over his shoulder and let Bokuto chase after it for a few meters. To everyone's surprise, he yelled a “Fine!” after Bokuto's retreating form. “But I hope you break your neck when you go over the kicker!”

Akaashi threw him a questioning look to which he received a shrug and a simple, “I like half-pipes.”

“... and I cannot lie!” Kuroo rapped before furrowing his brows, disappointed. “Nah, that doesn't work.”

“I like big rails and I cannot lie,” tried Tendou. “Hm. Could be better.”

“We'll find something,” promised Kuroo. “Also – uh... you should probably lead the way, Bokuto and Tsukki are already halfway down the slope.”

Tendou gave a strangled screech and then he was suddenly gone, leaving Akaashi and Kuroo to sigh in sync and exchange an annoyed look. At least Akaashi was not the only one who was kind of slow. Without Kuroo here, he would have probably given up and spent the week alone on the beginner's slope just so he wouldn't feel stupid.

The others had the decency to actually wait for them in front of an easily overlooked forest trail. It was not the same one they had taken with Nishinoya, because even though the entrance into the forest was narrow, the slope quickly broadened enough for Akaashi to slow down his board if he needed to. He observed Tendou for a while, because Tendou had a really fun boarding style that didn't seem to follow any logic. Whenever there was a bump on the trail he would steer right through it, lose his balance for a second, and make some kind of weird maneuver that kept him on his feet, but looked dangerously unstable. He didn't fall down even once and Akaashi secretly cheered him on.

The slope got broader and broader until there was no forest bordering it anymore and the midday sun beat down on them at full force. Akaashi started to sweat under his thick woolen cap and it made his forehead itch. He was just about to request a break when Tendou made a sudden sharp turn and led them over a small patch of deep snow, which all of them crossed without falling down, thankfully. They reached a smaller, deserted slope – Akaashi was glad about the decreased number of other people around – fewer little kids for Bokuto to collide with. Tendou headed for a little enclosed area at the border of the slope and Akaashi could see a small snowpark with a halfpipe, some kickers of differing heights, rails and boxes. He didn’t know how to use any of these things, but he was glad about the prospect of taking a break and getting rid of his stupid cap.

“Fucking awesome!” he heard Bokuto holler. He should probably promise himself to not chase after Bokuto’s skis this time – there were enough other people around to do so. He just wanted to relax a bit, so he came to a halt next to the halfpipe and let himself sink down onto the slope. Tsukishima, Tendou and Bokuto had already entered the halfpipe and were stumbling all over each other, because they were obviously out of practice.

“Get off me!” Tsukishima complained. “Have you ever even been in a halfpipe, Bokuto?”

“No, but man, it’s harder than it looks!”

Tendou was already relieving himself of most of his outfit. Akaashi couldn’t see into the pipe, but a bunch of clothes came flying over to where he and Kuroo were sitting in the snow. A purple jacket hit Kuroo right in the head. When Tendou appeared again at the bottom of the pipe, he was only left in his T-Shirt and goggles. Bokuto followed his example but got tangled up in his sleeves and almost collided with a box further down. Tsukishima completed the pipe last with a pretty impressive frontside 360.

“Holy shit, how did you do that?” yelled Bokuto.

Tsukishima came to a halt beside him and began to unbuckle his board. “I’m surprised you even saw this with half your sweater stuck in your goggles.” He took off his gloves and started to fiddle with Bokuto’s sweater until he managed to free it from the goggles. Kuroo leaned into Akaashi to exchange a knowing grin. “These two are oddly cute today.”

“Bokuto can be surprisingly charming when he doesn’t try too hard,” sighed Akaashi. He knew the feeling all too well. Back in high school, Konoha had once said that if you looked at Bokuto’s stupidity from a different angle, it became kind of genius and it was the truest thing he had ever heard. You definitely had to be some kind of genius to make bad pick-up lines work on Tsukishima.

“Or maybe…” said Kuroo, glancing over to where Tendou was hiking up the hill, staring straight ahead and trying to ignore Tsukishima undressing Bokuto. “Maybe Tsukki is just being a provocative little shit again.” He took the jacket that had landed on his head and tossed it at Tendou, yelling: “Don’t try to look cool so hard – you’re gonna catch a cold!”

“So will your boyfriend,” said Tendou, pointing to where Bokuto was hoisting his skis, now only in his T-shirt, too.

“Bokuto doesn’t get sick,” said Kuroo. “I don’t think the world would be ready for that.”

Actually, Akaashi had witnessed a sick Bokuto before, but Kuroo was mostly right. The world wasn’t ready for that. Akaashi still didn't know how he had survived it.

They tried the halfpipe a few more times and Tsukishima had actually built up enough patience to try and teach Bokuto some moves. Akaashi had freed himself of his cap and opened his jacket and contented himself with lying on his back and warming his face in the sun. Kuroo was beside him, watching the others in the pipe – sometimes Tsukishima or Tendou would shoot over the lip and do a trick, other times they could hear Bokuto’s frustrated scream when he messed up again. Tsukishima tried to give some advice. “Keep your knees bent! Don’t go all the way up yet, make some slide turns first. Don’t wave your damn sticks around!”

Tendou tried to outdo him with less helpful advice: “And then you lift up and prepare for the flip!”

“Are you trying to kill him? He’ll actually do it, you know?” yelled Tsukishima. “God damn it, Bokuto, put that ski back on! One single ski does not equal a snowboard.”

“Hey, do you think I could try to go down the slope with two snowboards tied to my feet?”

“We’ll have to find out,” said Tendou, cue more yelling from Tsukishima. Akaashi closed his eyes to the sound and managed to doze off for a while. The next time he opened his eyes, Bokuto, Tsukishima, and Tendou were all standing beside him, chattering with Kuroo.

“Did you learn something,” Akaashi yawned when Bokuto caught him with his eyes open.

“I did an ollie!” beamed Bokuto. Akaashi tried to look impressed, but in reality he had no idea what that was. “Tsukishima taught me – he’s like a walking wiki-how article!”

“That’s not a compliment,” said Tsukishima, looking extremely complimented.

“Better than when he called you a huge sexy leg,” said Kuroo.

“Or when he called you one big asshole button,” Akaashi agreed.

“Just before, he called you a telephone-pole-in-the-mud,” said Tendou, grinning. “But I gotta admit, you’re not bad for someone who didn’t grow up in the mountains. Where did you learn this stuff?”

“My brother taught me,” said Tsukishima begrudgingly. “The holiday lodge we always stayed at had one of these things right next to it.”

“So can you skate, too?” asked Tendou, looking excited.

“Not at all. Akiteru tried it once and broke three fingers, so my mother never let us do it again.” Tsukishima got distracted from his story when there was a loud cacophony of voices coming closer from uphill. When Akaashi turned around, he immediately noticed a huge group of teenagers on snowboards heading for the little park. He saw Kuroo making a face at that and Akaashi could only agree – teenagers were the worst and these right here seemed to be particularly energetic. They hit the park like a wave, stopping their boards in a way that sprayed their little group with a gallon of snow. None of them apologized.

“Hey, what the hell?” yelled Tendou – apparently, he was the only one brave enough to confront the teenagers. Not that they cared. They simply unbuckled their snowboards, stuck them into the snow and spread across the park like a particularly loud type of mold. Some of them were unpacking beer bottles from their backpacks. “What's this supposed to be? Kindergartener's lunch break? Did you confuse this for your playground?” Tendou continued yelling.

One of the teenagers – a blond one with an undercut – lifted his bottle in cheers. “What's the matter, old man?” he cackled, opening his mouth far enough for Akaashi to catch a glimpse of a tongue piercing. “Yelling at the clouds?”

“You're not even using the pipe – can't you just sit on one of the kickers and let us use it?” said Tsukishima. Akaashi noticed him trying to stand even taller, but the teenager was sitting on the halfpipe's lip and just eyed him with a lazy grin.

“Your eyes don't seem to be working well. We're using it, too – see?” He gestured over to one of his friends who was doing a forward roll down the pipe while the other boys almost pissed their pants laughing – what exactly was so funny about this escaped Akaashi.

“You're leaving dents in the snow, nobody will be able to use it afterwards,” said Tsukishima, but the teenager was apparently done listening to them, because he handed his beer to one of his friends and followed the other boy down into the pipe with a whoop.

“Bokuto!” said Tsukishima, like he was sending his Pokemon into battle. Bokuto nodded grimly and was already rolling up his sleeve to his shoulders when Kuroo stopped him.

“Tsukki, stop using him as your goon! And Bokuto, I hope you're not seriously considering beating up a whole group of teenagers!”

“I'm seriously considering it,” said Bokuto.

“That's right!” Tendou piped in. “Who the fuck do they think they are?”

“They're just stupid teenagers,” said Akaashi. “Come on, let's leave. Didn't Akiteru say he wanted to meet up with us?”

“Not for another hour,” said Tsukishima. Akaashi could see that he was still eyeing the teenagers and probably tried to come up with a plan to make them pay.

“Okay, but we still need to get there somehow.” Akaashi hoped that common sense would keep Tsukishima from avenging his hurt pride. “So where is it and how long will it take us to get there?”

“Not long. It's that restaurant right at the top of the mountain, where the chair lift ends. This big hut-”

He didn't get any further, because Kuroo and Tendou suddenly screamed: _“I like big huts and I cannot lie!”_ before high-fiveing each other – which was ironically a much better move to distract Tsukishima from the teenagers, because now his icy glare was directed at his own boyfriend.

“Kuroo!” he said sweetly – well, as sweetly as he could manage with his teeth bared in anger. “What did I say about befriending obnoxious redheads?”

“That you enjoy double standards, because you're obviously friends with Hinata, too,” grinned Kuroo.

“I'm not!” Tsukishima denied. “Plus, this one is even worse than Hinata!”

“Aww, come on!” Kuroo patted Tendou's head while Tendou fluttered his eyelids and made a funny, cat-like face. “He's so cute!”

“He really is,” said Bokuto. “And he has great hair!”

“That's not a compliment coming from you!” said Tsukishima.

“Besides...” Kuroo reached for Tsukishima's scarf to pull him closer. “It's so much fun to freak him out with little things like sucking face in front of him.”

Tendou gave an outraged cry when they kissed only millimeters from his nose and almost fell backwards on his butt if Bokuto hadn't held him in place. His horror only spurred Tsukishima on – he seemed to have forgotten about being angry as he deepened the kiss and Kuroo gladly welcomed the tongue in his mouth.

“Smooth,” commented Akaashi. “But if you keep this up, we will probably be chased away with stone-packed snowballs.” He had noticed that some of the teenagers' heads were poking over the halfpipe lip, watching them with either wonder or disgust. Tsukishima apparently didn't like being watched by so many people, so he sat down to fasten his snowboard. Akaashi dug his cap out of the snow, Bokuto and Tendou tied their jackets around their hips and when they had all of their belongings together, they left the snowpark behind them.

The rest of the way down was a very simple slope and Akaashi had no idea how they ended up back at the station without having to go back through a narrow forest path again. Tendou really did know these mountains well. Everyone, including Tsukishima, seemed to have forgotten all about the teenagers, but Akaashi should have known that he was being fooled. It was only when they were standing in line to the chair lifts that he realized something was off.

“I just wanna go down that first slope again – that was a nice one,” Kuroo just told him when Akaashi noticed what was weird.

“Where... where's Tsukishima?” he asked.

Kuroo immediately turned his head in search of his boyfriend, but Akaashi already had a hunch of where to look – the least likely place. Namely, right in front of him, in between Bokuto and Tendou, who were just going through the barrier to board the next chair lift together.

“Fuck,” he whispered, shuffling up to stand behind the barrier next. Kuroo had finally caught sight of Tsukishima and his expression mirrored Akaashi's.

“Fuck,” Kuroo agreed, when Tsukishima turned around to throw them a smirk. “Akaashi, we are so dead.”

The chairlift came and scooped them up and they couldn't do anything expect watch helplessly as Bokuto and Tendou leaned in to listen to whatever Tsukishima was instructing them to do. In other circumstances, it wouldn't have been a bad thing to see those three bonding. But when they were teaming up to get revenge on a bunch of wild teenagers?

It could only mean chaos.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks a lot to [teenage-kouhai](http://teenage-kouhai.tumblr.com/) for proofreading this! <3

They arrived at the top of the mountain with little hope of stopping the three idiots from starting a war with a bunch of scary looking teenagers, but they tried their best. Or, well... most adequate. 

“If you do this, then Akaashi and I won't have sex with you for the rest of the trip. We won't even kiss you. We won't even look at you!“ threatened Kuroo.

Tsukishima was not impressed. “My!” He said. “Whatever will we do, Bokuto?”

“I could think of a thing or two,” grinned Bokuto.

“He could think of a thing or two,” Tsukishima repeated with a shrug. “Anything else?” He looked at Akaashi as if he expected something better from him.

“Uhm...” said Akaashi. He didn't really feel up to the challenge today. “We will... feed Tanaka and Nishinoya every piece of sugar we come across?”

“I went to high school with those guys and Hinata for three years, and I'm literally teaming up with Tendou and Bokuto right now, so... I have nerves of steel,” Tsukishima lied. “Anyway, if that's the best you can do...” He reached for Bokuto's skiing stick to pull himself up and let his snowboard slide away.

“Fuck!” cursed Kuroo. “We only have one choice left!” He turned to Akaashi with grim determination. “I'll take down Bokuto, you try your best with Tendou.”

Right. Akaashi rolled his eyes, but Tendou and Bokuto both ripped off their jackets to take on a battle stance. “Bring it!” said Tendou.

“Yeah, we're not afraid of you!” Bokuto agreed, before turning to his partner in crime. “Seriously though, Tendou, if you punch my boyfriend, I'll have to kill you.”

“Wait, I forgot which one your boyfriend was.”

“The pretty one,” said Bokuto.

“Alright, fine, I won't punch Akaashi.”

“Hey!” complained Kuroo. “What the fuck? Are you saying I'm not pretty?”

Tsukishima's annoyed voice sounded from way down the slope to ask if they were coming already and Tendou and Bokuto both took the opportunity to flee from Kuroo's question by grabbing their jackets and following Tsukishima down the slope.

Kuroo turned to Akaashi in disbelief. “Am I not pretty?” he asked.

“You're very pretty,” Akaashi sighed. “You did just let them get away, though.”

“Well shit!” said Kuroo. "Guess that's that, then." Since they had no other choice, they followed behind the others, hoping against hope that they didn't go too far with whatever they had in stock for those teenagers. At least Akaashi was quite sure that Tsukishima wasn't actually crazy. He was also quite sure that Bokuto wouldn't punch any teenagers, no matter how annoying they may be. However, both Tsukishima and Bokuto were likely to go to new extremes when they were with each other – it was not often that those two teamed up, and now that he thought about it, those two teaming up was pretty much how their whole foursome thing started, so maybe it wasn't always a bad thing. It did, however, always leave an impact.

“I'll be happy as long as no one is killed,” said Kuroo as they turned into the forest path. He was being a bit over-dramatic, Akaashi hoped. 

“If someone dies, it will most likely be you, because of your old, frail heart,” Akaashi told him.

“That's true,” said Kuroo. “Make sure to sing 'My Heart Will Go On' at my funeral, okay?”

“Never,” said Akaashi.

“Wow, that's harsh! I would totally respect your last wishes, you know?”

“What if my last wish was for you to adopt Fuku-chan?”

“Then I would totally do that. I mean, who would say no to getting a free ingredient for their Chicken Masala?”

Akaashi had always known that Kuroo hated his pet bird. Years of going to a school represented by cats must have really fucked with his brain. After all – who in their right minds would dislike a cute, innocent cockatoo like Fuku-chan? 

“If you have any other wishes for your funeral, you should voice them quickly,” said Kuroo. “We're almost there.”

Indeed, they were closing in on the snowpark, and as far as he could see, the teenagers hadn't gotten bored of it yet. They were still lounging all over the halfpipe with their beers and their piercings and their bad haircuts. Akaashi tried to mentally prepare himself for what was about to follow.

“Hey, asshats!” called Tendou as soon as they were close enough for the teenagers to hear them. Akaashi and Kuroo made sure to keep their distance in case it got physical. The undercut guy's head appeared above the lip of the halfpipe when he heard Tendou yelling. He must be something like their leader.

“Would you look at that – the old men are back,” he greeted. The teenagers around him erupted in laughter as if he had just made the zinger of the century. “Are you still angry about the halfpipe? We're just trying to keep you from breaking your brittle bones.”

“Look at the little chihuaua yapping,” said Tendou. Akaashi wondered where he was going with this. “You guys are so funny, you must really be the heartthrobs at your school.”

“What do you care?” asked undercut-guy. He looked like he was already getting bored. “Anyway, are you here for a reason or are you just going to stand there and look stupid?”

“Actually, I'm here to teach you a lesson,” said Tendou with an ominous grin.

“Oh?” Now undercut-guy was paying attention again. “And what might that lesson be?”

“Well, let's say it's a variation of a classic. I'm sure you've heard of 'Don't drink and drive'.”

Kuroo must have realized what that meant before Akaashi did, because he was suddenly gripping Akaashi's upper arm with a pale face. When Akaashi followed his gaze, he noticed Tsukishima and Bokuto standing at the other end of the halfpipe. They had somehow managed to get there unnoticed while Tendou acted as a decoy.

“Except this one,” Tendou continued. “Is called 'Don't drink and snowboard'.”

As if they'd had a mass realization, they all turned around at the same time to where Bokuto and Tsukishima were standing, both wearing matching smirks and giving a provocative wave. Behind them, a bunch of snowboards were sliding down the hill, riderless.

“Since you have so much energy, I'm sure you won't mind a hike down the mountain,” said Tendou. Akaashi wondered why he wasn't running yet. The looks on the teenagers' faces quickly turned from horrified to murderous and even if they couldn't catch up to Tendou on foot, he was definitely in bottle-throwing distance. Apparently, he was having too much fun talking. “You really should keep your snowboards on in a halfpipe, you know? It's way more fun!”

The first bottle whirred by his ear and Tendou finally noticed that it was time to run.

“See ya!” he called joyfully, sliding away on his snowboard. Some of the teenagers were trying to run after him, but they stood no chance with their big boots.

Kuroo nudged Akaashi to make him turn away from the scene and follow the other three down the slope before the teenagers directed their artillery at them. 

If Akaashi remembered right, the slope just went all the way down to the station from here on – no chance for the snowboards to get stuck anywhere. The teenagers' best bet would be to hike back to the top of the mountain and then catch a ride on the chair lift and hope that someone found their snowboards and delivered them to some kind of lost and found. Either that or rolling down the whole mountain while passing children laughed at them. Akaashi found that both options were very satisfying to imagine.

“That could have been worse, I guess,” said Kuroo once they had caught up to Bokuto, Tsukishima and Tendou, who were waiting for them further down. “But now we'll have to be careful not to run into them again for the rest of our stay here.”

“Come on, these mountains are huge!” said Bokuto. “What are the chances!”

“Besides, they'll have to get their snowboards back first,” said Tsukishima, looking extremely pleased with himself.

“Yeah, did you see their faces?” Tendou whooped, throwing up his hands for Bokuto to high five.

Bokuto gladly obliged and turned around to Tsukishima, who just rolled his eyes.

“Hey! Don't leave me hanging, come on!” said Bokuto. He looked ridiculous with the huge smile on his face and the skiing sticks dangling from his wrists, and Tsukishima definitely couldn't resist his charm. He pretended to only do it so Bokuto would leave him alone, but Akaashi noticed the tug at the edge of his mouth once he returned the high five.

“Don't get used to it!” Tsukishima said as Bokuto cheered. “Now let's go, Akiteru's waiting.”

They were only slightly late to arrive at the restaurant at the top of the mountain. The others had found a big enough table for all of them and managed to save them some space – it was only thanks to Nishinoya and Tanaka, who were somehow taking up space for ten people without even trying.

“I thought you guys were on a date?” asked Tendou, clearly elated to spot his friends after not expecting them here.

“We were,” said Tanaka. “But, due to certain circumstances...” he side-eyed Nishinoya heavily when he said it. “We had to cut it short.”

“Right...” said Tsukishima, untangling his scarf from his head. “Circumstances.”

“It wasn't their fault!” Saeko piped in. “They were doing great, weren't you?”

“It is somehow my fault, I guess,” sighed Nishinoya. “I can't concentrate on anything new when I just found a loophole to have the relationship I always wanted to have.”

“Sounds ominous,” said Tsukishima as he sat down next to Akaashi. “And how did Tanaka fuck up?”

“Hey!” Tanaka protested.

“He didn't fuck up at all,” said Nishinoya. “Really, Ryuu, you should have stayed.”

“Are you kidding, bro? Why would I want to go on a date without you?”

Akaashi noticed Tsukishima look at the ceiling like he hoped to have random lightning strike him. Understandably so - Akaashi was getting annoyed by all these oblivious idiots surrounding him, too. 

Bokuto, who had no filter, decided to address the elephant in the room. “You should just date each other,” he said, dumping his clothes on an empty chair next to Tendou's. His comment seemed to stupefy Tanaka for a moment, and Bokuto used it to steal a croquette from Tanaka's plate with his bare fingers.

“Aren't they basically already married?” grinned Saeko, taking Bokuto's example and stealing another croquette from Tanaka's plate. This time Tanaka had the presence of mind to ram the fork into his food, almost spearing Saeko's fingers.

“Look, I'm sorry that none of you understand the concept of platonic friendships, but me and Noya have a broship that surpasses all of yours,” said Tanaka grimly.

Akiteru stuffed his wife's mouth with one of his own croquettes and laughed good-naturedly. “I don't know about that – those four,” he nodded towards his brother, Akaashi, Bokuto, and Kuroo, “they are all really close, too. I'm sure they understand.”

“Yes, I'm sure they do,” drawled Tanaka, looking directly at Tsukishima.

Tsukishima returned the stare for a while, but when Tendou couldn't hold a little snort, he got up and stalked away, announcing that he was going to get something to eat. Akaashi, Bokuto, Kuroo, and Tendou followed behind him.

The buffet area of the restaurant was even fuller than the tables had been, and with everyone wearing clunky boots and thick, wet clothes, Akaashi could only agree with Tendou, who complained about feeling like he was getting his food in a canteen for stormtroopers who smelled of wet dog. Everyone kept bumping into each other and it was a miracle that they all managed not to spill their drinks. They lined in for the serving counter, chose one of the many high-calorie dishes, and then returned to their table.

The others had already finished their meal by the time they had made it back, and Nishinoya was just sprinting past them to check if the restaurant sold popsicles. Akaashi really hoped they didn't, because that would mean that there were enough crazy people who ate popsicles in winter to warrant sales.

He ate in silence for a while, listening to the chitchat around him. Bokuto and Tendou had just learned that Akiteru and Seako were sledding today, and discussed the possibility of going down the slope while standing on a sled. Saeko seemed very interested in this conversation. Her husband wasn't chaperoning her for a second, because Tsukishima had just told him about the halfpipe.

“I didn't know there's a halfpipe here!” Akiteru beamed. “I'll have to come with my snowboard tomorrow.”

“Well, it's probably useless now, because of those asshole teenagers,” said Tsukishima, making a face. Akaashi only noticed that the grimace he pulled was due to a piece of mushroom he had bitten down on when he suddenly started to pick out a few other pieces from his dish, and dumped them onto Akaashi's plate. 

“Ah, thanks,” said Akaashi automatically. A foot hit him under the table. Akaashi assumed that it was Tanaka's, because he was also trying to send him a signal by wriggling his eyebrows meaningfully and pointing towards Akiteru.

It took Akaashi a few moments until he decoded the message. Tanaka was probably trying to remind him of their plan. One of the points they had discussed was to make Akiteru – as a member of the Tsukishima family – aware of how great a polyamorous relationship would be for his little brother. They hoped that Akiteru would nudge Tsukishima in the right direction – he seemed to have quite a big influence on him, after all. The problem was that Akaashi had no idea how to do it without Tsukishima getting angry at him for being too obvious.

“Uhm, you can get this in return...” He quickly tried to scan his plate for something Tsukishima would like and ended up with a meatball on his fork. That was romantic, right? Tsukishima just opened his mouth to politely decline, so Akaashi took the opportunity to put the fork in his mouth. 

Tsukishima raised an eyebrow at his antics, but he didn't say anything about it - just silently chewed on his meatball and stared at Akaashi's face. 

"Is... is something wrong?" Akaashi asked nervously.

"I'm just surprised that your table manners are even worse than Bokuto's," said Tsukishima. "Your whole face is full of tomato sauce."

Okay, that was slightly embarrassing - but it helped their cause in a way Akaashi would have never predicted. He could practically hear Tanaka's breathing stop when Tsukishima raised his napkin and wiped the sauce from Akaashi's face. Akiteru, too, was staring in stunned silence - he quickly caught himself when Tsukishima turned back to him and continued the conversation as if nothing had happened.

Akaashi could feel a slight tingle in his bottom lip and turned to exchange a surprised look with Tanaka.

Tanaka threw him a thumbs-up and a grin over the edge of the table. It was relatively discreet, for Tanaka, but not discreet enough. Kuroo, who had not participated in any kind of conversation in favor of stuffing his mouth with food and watching everyone like they were part of a very entertaining reality TV show, had seen it. Akaashi just noticed his brows furrowing and turned away to avoid a questioning look. Shit… If only Kuroo weren't so damn perceptive. Tsukishima was bad enough on his own, but with Kuroo, it was damn near impossible to keep a secret.

Maybe… maybe it was time they let him in on the plan. He'd have to talk with Bokuto first, because Akaashi was shit at reading Kuroo – to him, Kuroo had something mysterious, something sly, and beautiful, and dangerous. Bokuto and Tsukishima never seemed to agree with him on this, and Akaashi could see why. Kuroo definitely had a dorky side, but sometimes there was a look in his eyes. An intelligence Akaashi knew he was hiding. Despite what he sometimes acted like, to Akaashi, he always had this air of control. It was partly unsettling, and partly sexy. Incredibly, irresistibly sexy. Even now, Akaashi found his eyes wander back to where he knew Kuroo was looking at him, and he had been right – it was the one, the _look_. Akaashi swallowed a mouthful of mushrooms and promptly choked on it.

"Fuck, are you alright?" asked Kuroo. He had shot out of his chair and ran around the table – probably ready to perform the Heimlich maneuver on him. When Akaashi looked at him again, his face only expressed worry.

"Yeah… totally fine," he said. "Just forgot how to swallow for a moment." He threw a piece of mushroom he had coughed up at Bokuto's head to keep him from yelling another "I could teach you!" like he had done in the caves.

"This is why I don't like mushrooms," said Tsukishima, handing him his glass of water. "They're the food of the devil."

"They're not worse than broccoli, though," said Kuroo.

"Broccoli didn't almost kill Akaashi!" said Tsukishima.

Bokuto joined the conversation with a cheerful smirk. "Hey Kuroo, what's worse – broccoli or zucchini?"

"Both of those are impossible to spell," mused Tanaka. "So they're both awful."

"If you only ate what you can spell, you'd have starved a long time ago," said Tsukishima while Saeko erupted into laughter.

Nishinoya came back with an actual popsicle in his hands just then, and wanted to know what they were all laughing about. They all made a lot of noise, so Akaashi didn't pay it any mind when he saw a whole group of people turn and stare out of the corners of his eyes.

It was only when a familiar sounding voice spoke up, that he let his fork fall into his plate.

"You guys are _so_ dead!" the voice said.

Turning his head slowly, he ascertained if this cruel irony was actually happening and not just his damaged brain playing tricks on him. But there was no doubt – the partly bleached hair, the furious eyes… it was definitely that awful teenager and his gang. They were carrying trays with food on them. They must have been hungry after hiking all the way back and decided to eat something before going back down on the lift. Akaashi really felt like face-palming. They should have guessed as much.

"Uhm…" Akiteru looked between the teenagers and his brother, trying to understand what was going on. "Do you know these guys?"

Tendou quickly got up from his chair to make himself taller, whereas Tsukishima slid down in his.

"Look at that – are you the only one in this group of apes who is capable of speech?” Tendou sneered.

“Do you really think pissing us off even more is what you should be doing right now?” asked undercut-guy.

Akaashi could see that he had clenched his fingers around the tray so hard it almost broke in the middle. The only reason he hadn't killed them all yet, was that their own group didn't look too helpless. Kuroo would probably try to talk this out, but as long as he didn't open his mouth, he looked pretty intimidating. Both Tsukishimas wouldn't be helpful in a fight, but they were both extremely tall, and Akiteru was kind of broad, too. Bokuto could probably lift them all up at once and throw them through the closed window – not that he would ever do that, but they didn't have to know. Saeko, Nishinoya and Tanaka looked like they didn't even need an explanation about what had happened – they would gladly beat up anyone who was stupid enough to pick a fight with their friends.

Tendou seemed to be aware of this fact, because he didn't even bat an eye at the teenager's threat. Instead, he lifted his hands for a provocative little wave. “Are you just gonna talk big?" he smirked. "Come at me, bro!”

The teenagers came at him.

Akaashi's eyes couldn't even follow fast enough – in a matter of seconds half of their group was on their feet, the table almost toppling over. Akiteru screeched something about sitting back down to his wife, but Saeko had already left the range of his reach and ran towards where the blond teenager had thrown a fistful of his mashed potatoes at Tendou's face. “Food fight!” she yelled, yanking Nishinoya's popsicle out of his hands and flinging it towards a smaller, nervous looking boy. Someone had snatched Akaashi's plate before he was able to get it to safety, and next thing he knew, his spaghetti was giving a brown-haired teenager a better haircut than he had had before. A hand tugged at Akaashi's arm and almost made him fall out of his chair, but it was only Tsukishima, who tried to get him out of the firing line.

“Get behind Akiteru!” he commanded. Akaashi wondered how much effect it would have to hide behind someone who was already cowering behind his chair. Kuroo would be a safer bet, but he was nowhere to be seen – until Akaashi spotted him at the next table, exchanging a bunch of bills for a flabbergasted man's huge plate of mac and cheese.

“I'll protect you!” Kuroo promised as he positioned himself in front of Akaashi and Tsukishima, throwing a fistful of mac and cheese at anyone who dared get too close to them.

“Oh wow, our knight in shining armor,” Tsukishima deadpanned.

“Hey! You got us into this mess – so you could at least act like you're grateful for your awesome boyfriend!” barked Kuroo.

“I just did,” said Tsukishima. “I'm a bad actor, is all.”

Kuroo tried to glare at him, but the effect was dimmed by a piece of cake colliding with the side of his face. Little pieces of it slowly dripped down onto his shoulders and Tsukishima, despite his best efforts, couldn't help a snort.

“I see how it is,” said Kuroo, his eyes darkening. “You're on!”

Tsukishima just smirked and lifted a hand to imitate Tendou's little wave. “You know how they say – come at me, bro!”

The next few seconds were a flurry of mac and cheese flung in their direction as Tsukishima ducked out of the firing line and grabbed his water from the table, dumping it over Kuroo's head.

Someone tugged at Akaashi's sweater and then he was pulled behind Akiteru's chair, just in time to evade another piece of cake flying his way.

“I'm so sorry about all of this,” said Akiteru, like it was somehow his entire fault. Akaashi dared to look over the edge of the table for a moment. As far as he could see, Bokuto was now standing back-to-back with the blond teenager, Saeko was riding on spaghetti-haired guy's shoulders like King Kong, throwing overcooked vegetables at Tanaka and Tendou. Nishinoya had run off to get a new popsicle. Tanaka had somehow lost his shirt again and when asked about it by Tsukishima, claimed that it had kale on it and was therefore no longer fit to decorate him.

“We're inside a restaurant!” yelled Tsukishima. “Not even Bokuto would-” He was muted by Bokuto's shirt landing on his head. “Goddamnit, Bokuto!”

Akaashi glanced at Akiteru for a moment. “It looks like fun...” he said. Some of the patrons seemed to agree, because Akaashi was sure that not everyone participating in the food fight had originally belonged to the teenager's group. A grandpa flinging peanuts from his table seemed especially suspicious. “Are you sure you don't want to participate?”

Akiteru gave him a betrayed look. “I thought I could trust you!” he said.

“Too bad,” said Akaashi, grabbing a piece of cake that lay scattered across their table and pressing it into Akiteru's face. He fled to hide behind Tsukishima when Akiteru roared.

“What's wrong?” asked Tsukishima. Something slimy was dripping from his glasses.

“I got caught up in the moment and caked your brother,” Akaashi confessed. Tsukishima looked pretty delighted about it, until Akiteru appeared before him and started to whine.

“How come you were more of a grown-up when you were a teenager than you are now?”

“I got involved with the wrong people,” said Tsukishima, calmly adding some more cake to Akiteru’s face. “Don’t act like the same thing didn’t happen to you.”

Saeko chose that moment to cackle loudly and jump down from spaghetti-hair’s shoulders onto Nishinoya and his freshly bought popsicle.

“See?” said Tsukishima while Akiteru grumpily wiped the cake off his face.

“Fine,” said Akiteru. “If you can't fight them, join them. Besides, I have to admit that these boys are kind of contagious.” 

He was right about that – Akaashi found his eyes drawn to the blond teenager’s huge grin. There was nothing malicious left in it – he seemed to genuinely enjoy himself as he jumped out of the way of incoming attacks, used Bokuto as a living shield, and stuffed mashed potatoes down his own friends’ shirts.

“However,” Akiteru continued, “we should really run now.” He pointed over his shoulder to where a bunch of buff looking cooks stalked towards them. They were swinging soup ladles and oven mitts and although Akaashi wasn’t sure what those would do, it looked oddly menacing.

Kuroo had seen them, too. “RUN!” he yelled, looking back to check if Tsukishima and Akaashi were out of harm’s way. “Come here, you two!”

They didn’t really have a choice in the matter - Kuroo had already let go of a teenager he had been holding upside-down to grab both of their hands and pull them towards the exit. Akaashi was barely able to grab his jacket. Bokuto and Tendou quickly grabbed every piece of clothing strewn around their table while Akiteru ran to pick up Saeko and threw her over his shoulder while she threw handsful of a cake-spaghetti-mix at the cooks. Their escape was awkward and clumsy, due to half of them wearing ski boots, but they managed somehow. 

The cooks only chased them out of the doors, but they didn't dare run down the slippery stairs leading down to the slopes. They must have taken the wrong way around, because this didn't look anything like where they had entered - the front of the restaurant had been riddled with skis and snowboards that stuck out of the snow, so that it looked like a very colorful graveyard. Back here, there was nothing except for a bit of kitchen smells and noises wafting outside from behind half-open windows. 

Akaashi let himself fall into a pile of snow behind the restaurant as soon as they were outside, and pulled Kuroo down with him. Everyone was laughing and he couldn’t keep himself from joining them. He felt bad about leaving the restaurant in such a state, but he was too relieved about the way this had all turned out to care too much. The blond teenager was just stumbling towards them, falling into the snow next to Kuroo. 

“Fuck!” the teenager panted. “That was awesome.”

“It’s not so awesome for the poor people who have to clean it all up again,” said Kuroo. 

“The teenager expressed his opinion on that statement by throwing a fistful of snow into Kuroo’s face. “Don’t be such a killjoy,” he said, followed by a grin and an extended hand. “My name’s Terushima.”

“Kuroo…” He took the hand and shook it carefully. “Sorry about your snowboards. That was not cool of us. I hope you find them again.”

“Sorry about your halfpipe,” said Terushima, sounding like he had already forgiven them. 

Well. That had been easier than expected. Kuroo really had a gift with people. Akaashi sat up in his pile of snow to observe the others. Everyone was trying to get food out of their hair and clothes. Some people, among them both Tanakas and Tendou, had already started a snowball fight. Tsukishima was trying to make Bokuto put his shirt back on, and Akiteru had gone back inside to get Nishinoya a third popsicle after his wife had ruined the first two. It was a nice scene. Loud and lively, but nice. Akaashi leaned back and closed his eyes and listened to the voices for a while. He hadn’t put his jacket back on, but it was too hot for a jacket anyway. After some time, the voices sounded further away. He opened his eyes when he felt someone brush his hair out of his face.

Kuroo was smiling down at him. “Hey, sleepyhead. Are you trying to spend the whole day randomly dozing off?”

“I didn’t sleep well,” Akaashi yawned. “Where is everyone?”

“Trying dangerous tricks on Saeko’s and Akiteru’s sleds,” said Kuroo. “I stayed here because I don’t have the stomach to watch Bokuto accidentally amputate himself.”

He actually wasn’t the only one who had stayed. For some incomprehensible reason, Terushima was still here, sneaking around the back entrance of the restaurant and peeking through a little window. 

“And what’s he doing?” Akaashi asked.

“Being a creep,” said Kuroo, frowning. 

Just then, the little door Terushima had been sneaking around opened up and a beautiful, brown-haired girl around his age came out. Terushima jumped backwards when he noticed her furious face.

“What the hell do you still want, asshole?” she shouted. “Isn’t it enough that I get to clean up that whole mess you guys left again? I’m really sick of your antics, you know? This is not _fun_ for anyone but you!”

“Aw, come on, Misaki. Your grandpa had fun – he really hauled out the big guns with those peanuts he kept throwing,” Terushima cackled.

Misaki, as she was apparently called, did not share his good mood. “He was trying to drive you out!” she yelled, stomping her feet.

“Well, he was doing a shit job then,” Terushima shrugged and seamlessly changed the subject. “So, hey, about that date you promised me last week-“

The girl didn’t look like she ever promised him a date. In fact, she looked like the only occasion she ever wanted to be seen with him was his own funeral. Presumably to stand in front of his coffin and laugh like a villain.

“I don’t remember promising you any such thing!” she snarled. “Why would I want to go out with you? All you ever do is making my life harder.”

Terushima gave a fake little pout. “Don’t be like that, baby,” he said. This alone made Akaashi’s hairs stand on end, but Terushima wasn’t done yet with his cringe-worthy flirting. “Don’t you get paid for cleaning? I’m basically just making sure you have a job.”

Misaki threw the door back in his face, and Akaashi was almost sure that he heard faint screaming coming from the other side. Terushima came strolling back towards them with a self-satisfied smirk on his face. “God, she’s so into me,” he said. 

Kuroo threw him an answering grin, but Akaashi could see his eyes – and goddamn it, if only Tsukishima and Bokuto were here, because they would finally _understand_. Akaashi didn’t know why nobody else could see it. Terushima, too, didn’t suspect anything. He lifted his hand for a high five and next thing he knew, Kuroo had him face-down in the pile of snow with one fluid movement. 

Akaashi was pretty sure that he had yelped. Just… _how_ exactly did Kuroo know martial arts?

Maybe Kuroo was leading some kind of double life. Maybe he wasn’t actually a physiotherapist, maybe he was a secret agent. He was certainly perceptive enough to be one – even now, he noticed Akaashi’s shocked face.

“Are you alright?” he asked worriedly.

“Basically?” Akaashi swallowed. He could barely believe that those next words actually came out of his mouth. “I’d be more alright if you fucked me right here and now.”

Terushima let a long groan sink into the snow while something short-circuited in Kuroo’s brain and painted his face a shining pink. Okay, so maybe he still had to work on his coolness a bit. But then so did Akaashi, if the heat in his face was any indication to what color his own head was sporting right now.

“Hey, fuck!” Terushima began to struggle under Kuroo. He probably wasn’t getting a lot of air, with his face pressed into the snow like that. “Let go of me!”

Kuroo withdrew his hand like he had burned it on the back of Terushima’s head. “Right, sorry!” he said. “Seriously though. You deserved that.”

“What for?” Terushima struggled back onto his feet and gave Kuroo the stink eye – it wasn’t very impressive, because his hair limply stuck to his forehead and his whole face was red and wet.

“For being an asshole,” Akaashi said helpfully. 

“Excuse me?” Terushima spat. “When was I being an asshole exactly?”

“With the girl, you walnut!” said Kuroo. 

Akaashi lightly kicked Kuroo's clunky boots. “Is that kind of language really necessary?”

“Sorry,” Kuroo huffed. “I wasn't being a good example. Anyway, Terushima, you were really mean just now!”

“I was trying to say that it's embarrassing to listen to you swear,” said Akaashi. “Like, what's that even supposed to mean? _'You were being a total fucking asshole with the girl, you walnut'!”_

“I never said fucking or asshole!”

“You did just now,” said Terushima. “I'm forever scarred.”

Kuroo threw both of them an annoyed look. “Okay? Are we done now?”

“I was not being a fucking asshole with Misaki!” Terushima claimed. “This is just how we flirt.”

“Oh no, no, no, no. No. No, no.” Kuroo gave an unbelieving little laugh. Akaashi would have liked to do the same, really. Based on Terushima's furrowed brows, he actually believed the bullshit his own mouth spewed. “This is not what flirting looks like,” said Kuroo. “Believe me – I like a bit of playful banter myself, but _this_? You really need some perspective. This is like... if Tendou, you know – the old man redhead, who's responsible for the pile of snowboards at the bottom of this mountain – had taken the bottle you threw at him as a form of flirting. Was that what it was? Were your thoughts at that moment; _'man, I really wanna bone him'_?”

“I _did_ want to see his bones in some way,” Terushima shrugged. “But, you know – in a bloody way. Though I'm not sure if this is another metaphor for gay sex, I don't really know much about that.”

“In the best case, it's not bloody,” said Akaashi dryly.

“Yeah, anyway...” Terushima waved his hands as if that would make all the gay talk go away. “So you think that Misaki doesn't realize she's head over heels for me?”

“She definitely isn't,” said Kuroo. 

“Then how do you explain the way she looks at me?”

“Actually, the look of hatred is really easily explainable," said Akaashi. "Are you sure you want us to go into detail?” 

“Why would she hate me? Everybody loves me, I'm super charming.”

Akaashi looked at Kuroo questioningly. “Did you like him the first time you saw him? Because I sure didn't.”

“Nah,” said Kuroo. “He was being a pest.”

“He has shit taste in beer, too,” Akaashi nodded.

“And his hair is stupid.”

“Hey!” barked Terushima. “I do not want to hear that from you!” He turned around on his heels and let himself fall backwards into the pile of snow with a drawn-out sigh, looking up to the sun. He seemed to be contemplating something difficult. After a while, he looked back at Kuroo and scoffed. “Fine. Just out of curiosity – how the hell would you go about this whole thing?”

Akaashi didn't even have to look to know that the cat-that-got-the-canary-grin was back on Kuroo's face. 

“Do you actually like her?” asked Kuroo. 

“Does it matter?” Terushima was obviously fighting a blush. It was almost cute.

“This whole thing won't work if you don't like her,” said Kuroo.

“Ugh, fine” Terushima burrowed his face in his hands and looked like he was about to roll back into his face-down in the snow position from before. “I _like_ her, okay? She has dimples when she laughs and she's really amazing with her grandpa, and she's hard-working and smart and not afraid of voicing her thoughts, whether they're too harsh or too embarrassing. And she cuts her bangs too fucking short, every damn time, and keeps getting angry at me when I make fun of her for it, but the truth is that it really suits her. She's just... she's great, you know? So yeah, I fucking like her.”

Akaashi almost snickered. No one had told him to hold a whole speech. So maybe he was actually capable of being cute. Akaashi almost wanted to pinch his cheeks. Just a little bit, because it was ridiculous how goddamn sugary sweet this wannabe badass turned out to be. He almost found himself imitating Kuroo's “Aaah, young love!”, but caught himself at the last second. Still. It was so, so cute.

So, so... not really cute. No. Not _that_ cute. Akaashi had almost forgotten that Terushima was still kind of an asshole. Maybe not on purpose, but that didn't excuse it. So, really, it wasn't that cute – not cute enough to warrant Akaashi kneeling next to Kuroo and Terushima half an hour later, wearing an apron and wringing out a rag over a bucket of soapy water.

“Why exactly am I even helping you?” he whined. “I didn't participate in the food fight.”

“Really? Because Akiteru was pretty shocked that you caked him. He said he'd expected better from you,” grinned Kuroo. He was happily scooping up the remnants of different meals strewn across the floor and tables with his rubber gloves, and dumped them into a trash bag.

“It was just... a spasm of the hand,” grumbled Akaashi. “Anyway, it's not fair, because _you_ like cleaning, and that loser over there is trying to regain the respect of his crush, so in the end I'm the only one who doesn't get anything out of this.”

“You get to be a decent human being, isn't that good enough?” said Kuroo.

“I was a decent human being to begin with!” Akaashi pointed out.

“Really now?” Kuroo looked at him from the corners of his eyes and Akaashi knew what the angle of his grin meant. It was time for one of Kuroo's dreadful truth bombs. Kuroo had this uncanny ability of pointing out exactly what was wrong with you and why and what you had to change about it. He never meant it to be malicious, but it still left Akaashi considering his worth as a human being 90% of the time. Luckily, Kuroo didn't make use of this ability often – he could live with people's faults just fine, and after a number of breakdowns from Bokuto, he had stopped doing it altogether. So Akaashi wondered what had prompted it this time.

“No wait, I'm not,” he said quickly, trying to evade what was about to come. “I'm the worst.”

“Bullshit,” said Kuroo. “You are actually really decent.” He made the word 'decent' sound like a bad thing. “You're not like Bokuto. You usually have a good estimate of what goes too far and what doesn't, right?”

“I do tread the line sometimes,” Akaashi admitted. It was better to admit these things in advance than to have Kuroo plant his point on you like a fist in the guts. 

“Yes, but you always feel bad about it,” Kuroo said. “That's what makes you so decent.”

Akaashi was still waiting for the blow to come, but Kuroo was already walking over to where Terushima was sculpting a dick from a patch of mashed potatoes scattered across the ground. Akaashi was left blinking confusedly. 

“Hold on!” he called after Kuroo. 

Kuroo had just reached out his hand to grab Terushima by the back of his collar, and turned around to throw him a questioning look. “Huh?”

“So – what's your point?”

“My point?” Kuroo repeated. “What are you talking about?”

Akaashi wondered if Bokuto and Tsukishima had been right all along and all the mystery and sapience he saw in Kuroo was just wishful thinking. Maybe another thing he missed in Bokuto and projected onto another person because he found it kind of hot. 

“You know... the punchline. Of that whole thing. That one sentence you usually say that makes me evaluate my whole life and makes me realize what a huge dick I actually am.”

Kuroo looked genuinely shocked. He even forgot to get a hold on Terushima, which ended with the mashed potatoes dick becoming a whole swarm of mashed potatoes dicks. 

“I do that?” Kuroo asked. It sounded like he just had a revelation. “Oh my God, I actually do that?”

Wait... did Akaashi just accidentally turn the tables on him? 

“Don't give me that!” he said, pointing a finger like a little kid. “Don't tell me it's not on purpose!”

“I'm so sorry, Akaashi!” said Kuroo. He let Terushima do as he pleased and came back, looking distraught. “I would never be mean to you on purpose, I swear.”

Akaashi knew that, but he was too confused to voice it and apparently that made Kuroo freak out even more. 

“Shit, I'm really, really sorry, Akaashi– I keep acting like an idiot in front of you. You're too beautiful, it throws me off my game.”

Maybe this was some kind of reverse psychology bullshit. Surely, Kuroo wanted him to realize something important and Akaashi was just too stupid to get it. 

A shrill voice ringing through the restaurant kept him from sorting out his thoughts. Misaki had come out from the kitchen and saw what exactly Terushima was contributing with his offer of help. 

“There are children eating here!” she shrieked. “What the fucking hell were you thinking?”

The actual children sitting at the tables seemed more interested in her screaming than in the hardly recognizable dicks sculpted from mashed potatoes, but Akaashi wasn't about to point that out to her.

“Ah, sorry!” said Kuroo, instantly running back towards Terushima. “I took my eyes off him for only a second...”

“What's your problem? This is modern art!” grinned Terushima. “And I have an even better idea – you could serve these on actual plates and advertise with the sentence “Come eat a dick” - I've made the observation that dick eating is a very popular pastime with some tourists here.”

“Can you please punch him?” asked Akaashi – he wasn't sure if he wanted to direct this question at Misaki or Kuroo or both of them. 

Misaki seemed to heavily consider his words, but in the end, she kept her composure. “Look – if you only came back to get on my nerves even more, then you can just leave," she said. She sounded so disappointed that even Akaashi felt bad for Terushima. "I never want to see your mug again.” That said, she turned around and stalked back towards the kitchen.

“Wait!” Terushima scrambled off the floor, trying to run after her, and promptly slipped on the mashed potatoes dicks. He didn't just fall down – he tried to regain his balance halfway through, which only made him skid farther, until he collided with Misaki's retreating form, and took her down with him. At least she fell on him and not the other way round. That way, Terushima functioned like a sled, transporting her with pinpoint accuracy into a woman trying to balance a tray with food for five children piled up on it.

Akaashi couldn't tear his eyes from the unfolding chaos, no matter how hard he tried. In a way, it was almost comforting. No matter what, Akaashi would never be able to fuck up a courting ritual as badly as this teenager had. That was some kind of Kuroo-tier bullshit he would never accomplish. Akaashi found that he was duly impressed.

“I really should have held him back,” whispered Kuroo, biting his bottom lip. 

At least the children whose mother the two teenagers had just run over, weren't too upset about their lunch being splattered all over the floor and the people laying on it. They helped their mother back onto her feet, laughing at her furious face. It was nowhere as furious as Misaki's, though. Akaashi had never seen someone look so scary while being covered in spaghetti. 

“Te.... ru... shi... ma...” Misaki stammered. She was too angry to speak properly. Terushima was lying under her and tried to bury himself under the spaghetti. “I... will... kill... you!”

“I'm sorry!” squeaked Terushima – it was muffled through the layers of spaghetti, but it seemed to surprise Misaki either way. Not enough to wipe the furious look off her face, but enough to keep her from immediately strangling him. Akaashi guessed that Terushima wasn't usually a guy who said sorry.

“Do you think being sorry wipes the slate clean?” she spat. “Do you think being sorry will pay for these children's food or this poor mother's therapy?”

“No...” came Terushima's muffled voice. It took him a moment to gather the courage, but he was finally done hiding behind the spaghetti, so he shot up and almost catapulted two meatballs into Misaki's face with the sudden movement. Luckily, she had the foresight to evade it. “I will wipe everything that needs to be wiped, even your grandpa's ass, if you ask me to. And I'll pay for the children's food and the therapist and their tuition fees, if need be. _And_ I'm sorry.”

“This would almost be a touching speech if you hadn't used the opportunity to mention my grandpa's ass,” said Misaki. She still sounded angry, but a lot calmer, thankfully. 

Terushima must have suddenly realized that she was still sitting on him and that they were very close, because he seemed almost paralyzed and didn't give another smart-ass reply to this. It was probably for the best. 

“Well. If you're actually going to clean this all up, I might just forgive you,” said Misaki, scrambling back onto her feet, and after a moment of consideration she actually reached a hand out for him. 

Terushima let a huge, blinding smile grow on his face before he took the hand and let her pull him back up. “And then we can have our date?” he asked.

“NO!”

Terushima laughed good-naturedly. Apparently, his mood had hit its peak again. He was almost as energetic as Bokuto when he was like this. “Yeah, okay, I get it. I'm doing this to be a decent human being, not to gain something from it.”

Huh – so he had listened in on Akaashi's and Kuroo's conversation from before. And what was even more astounding – he had understood it better than Akaashi had.

Akaashi watched in silent amazement as Terushima skipped back over to them, picked a mop up from the floor and plunged it into the bucket of water. 

“See?” said Kuroo. “Kids actually listen to what us adults say – this is why we shouldn't swear in front of them.”

Akaashi didn't bother to give a retort to that – he finally began to understand what kind of truth bomb Kuroo was trying to unleash on him earlier. Even when Akaashi knew that a line was crossed and felt sorry for the people suffering from it, he always distanced himself from it. He always hid behind Bokuto, or Kuroo, or other people who were more at fault than him, or maybe just stood out more, and apologized in their stead. But that was it – he never did anything active. He felt sympathy and embarrassment and even beat himself up over some things, but he never set out to do anything about it. The worst thing was that _this_ \- this cowardly inactivity – made him seem like the good guy. He was always the voice of reason, or the poor guy who had to apologize for his over-energetic friends, or the endlessly patient boyfriend who had to deal with so much crap. But that wasn't true – Bokuto's crap was always his crap, too – at least parts of it. And sometimes it was even the other way round. People acted as if he were an angel who could do no wrong and he enabled them, bathed in it, exploited it in any way he could. 

God. He was _such_ an asshole. 

Ah – and there it was. The full effect of Kuroo's truth bomb. Akaashi wondered if he had planned it all along. Surely, he couldn't just say one or two sentences, give a certain look, and have someone experience such a clear moment of self-awareness. Still, with Kuroo, nothing seemed impossible. 

“Is everything okay?” asked Kuroo – he was scrubbing the tables, looking all-too innocent, but accidentally splashed himself with water under Akaashi's suspicious glare. 

“Why shouldn't it be?” Akaashi said carefully.

“You're staring... It's very distracting.” Kuroo tried an unsure smile when Akaashi squinted at him.

“I'm just trying to figure you out,” said Akaashi. 

“O...kay. I hope you like what you're figuring out?”

“Hm...” Akaashi pretended to be pensive. “I think I do. I think you... somehow make me a better person.”

Kuroo's mouth opened a little, but no sound came out for a while. Then, there was a sudden, short laugh.

“Akaashi! If you become any more perfect, I'm afraid there will be wings growing from your back soon.”

“No, that was terrible. Try again.”

“Uhm... you will... turn into a star and then we will only be able to see you at nighttime and it will break everyone's hearts?”

“Too cheesy,” rated Akaashi. 

“You will grow fins and gills and... oh, you're a tuna now, swimming through the sea, until you're suddenly stuck in a huge net, and some fishermen will pull you into a boat, and-”

“Is this somehow leading up to the punchline that canned tuna is the ultimate perfection?” asked Akaashi warily. 

“I panicked!” Kuroo huffed. “You put too much pressure on me!” He got distracted from their little talk because Terushima was just whirring past him, with his mop in hands, and his cleaning style didn't seem to be to Kuroo's liking. “Hey! Don't mop the table, that's _not_ how you clean!”

In the end, they actually managed to clean the whole mess up, even though Kuroo kept criticizing their methods, and Terushima seemed to have just a little too much fun with his task. Akaashi was glad that Kuroo had made him come along. He felt accomplished, somehow. This was much better than just feeling sorry for what he did. 

Even Misaki was impressed. 

“I did not think this would actually end well,” she confessed when she came to inspect their table. Terushima was following on her tail, excitedly jumping up and down and waiting for some more nice words. He reminded Akaashi of a golden retriever. Misaki decided to throw him a bone. “That was nice of you.”

“Of course-” she added, when Terushima's smile got just a little too bright, “this all wouldn't have happened if you hadn't been an ass in the first place, but... you owned up to it, so... you're forgiven.”

Again, she had to clarify, because Terushima just kept smiling wider. “Forgiven for _today_! There's still a lot of instances you have to make up for. And don't even think that I owe you anything just because you put effort into repenting your sins. Are we clear?”

“Crystal clear!” Terushima nodded. 

“Good,” said Misaki, turning away from them. She went a few steps before she hesitated and turned back towards Terushima. “By the way – when you were cleaning, it looked like a lot of fun. I liked that.”

People around them began to cheer loudly and Misaki seemed to only just realize that they had all been listening. Terushima's cleaning had been such a big show that the whole restaurant's eyes had been on him for the last fifteen minutes. She blushed aggressively and fled to the kitchen while Terushima threw his arms up to bathe in the attention.

Akaashi could hear Kuroo's soft chuckles and when he looked over, he noticed him staring at Terushima like a proud father. Kuroo would actually make a great father, now that Akaashi thought about it. Even if he didn't pass the Fuku-chan test.

The first thing they did after meeting up with the others at the station was to go on a big search for the missing snowboards. Most of them had been delivered to the ticket shop, where the ski passes were sold. The rest were scattered along the end of the slope, where some trees and rocks marked the curve to the line for the chair lifts. 

Bokuto, Tendou, and Tsukishima stubbornly refused to help with the search and built a little protest ring by sitting down in the snow and making mean comments about the teenagers.

“Really now,” sighed Kuroo, “those teenagers were more reasonable than you guys. Aren't you supposed to be grown-ups?”

“ _They_ aren't up there fixing the halfpipe right now, so why should we care about their stupid snowboards?” said Tsukishima. 

“Because the halfpipe is not your private property,” said Akaashi. “It will eventually be mended by professionals. But there's no one who will pay them for their lost snowboards.”

Bokuto let himself fall onto his back with a long groan. “Akaaaaashi!” he protested. “I don't wanna look for the snowboards now – my feet hurt! I'll just buy them a new one.”

“No way!” said Tendou. “Just let them look for their own snowboards, they deserve that. It's not like we threw them down into an abyss or anything.”

“Fine,” huffed Kuroo, grabbing Akaashi's arm and pulling him along to go back and help with the search. “I can't believe we're the parents in this relationship,” he said.

Akaashi almost stopped in his tracks.

Kuroo... had just said the word “relationship”. Akaashi hadn't just imagined that. Sure, he may have meant something totally different, but still. There may have been a little skip in Akaashi's step from that point onward.

Much, much later – after they had found all the snowboards and driven back to their respective homes and eaten dinner – they were lounging in their attic room, waiting for the tiredness to set in.

Tsukishima was engrossed by his novel, Bokuto and Kuroo were massaging each other's feet, and Akaashi, who got inspired by today's cleaning, tried to finally put all of his things into the shelves instead of letting them stay loosely strewn across the room.

“Bokuto, I know I can't expect you to do this like a professional, but really – my feet shouldn't _crunch_ when you knead them,” said Kuroo with a pained grimace.

“It's probably because those awful skiing boots crushed your bones to dust,” Tsukishima commented, calmly turning a page of his novel. 

“That's not it!” said Bokuto. “Kuroo just has weird goblin feet.”

“Excuse me? What does that even-” Kuroo gave Bokuto a resentful look and wriggled his toes. “They're not weirdly small or big, they're not hairy, they're not green – what the hell is supposed to be goblin-like about my feet?”

“I don't know,” shrugged Bokuto. “The fact that they crunch.”

“God, thank you, I was almost afraid you wouldn't make sense.” Kuroo rolled his eyes and drew his thumb along the ball of Bokuto's foot.

“Shit!” yelped Bokuto.

“What, did that tickle?”

“Nah, turns me on.”

“What _doesn't_ turn you on?” groaned Kuroo. 

Bokuto ignored the fact that his question had been rhetorical and answered earnestly: “That my boyfriend is over there acting like some kind of trophy wife. What the hell did you do to him? Don't you dare make him boring!”

“So not being a damn slob is boring now?” said Kuroo.

Akaashi had just put the last shirt onto the shelves anyway, so he returned to where they were sitting on the mattress and leaned against Bokuto, who put an arm around him and pressed a kiss to his temple. “Don't worry,” Akaashi said. “Kuroo isn't that boring. He slam dunked Terushima right into the snow when you weren't looking.”

Tsukishima put down his book to regard him with a skeptically lifted eyebrow. “Am I sensing your 'Kuroo is so cool and mysterious' vibes again?” he asked.

Akaashi could feel his face heat up. “I'm just saying! He's... he's sexy. You're sexy!” he told Kuroo, because damn these guys for always making him think that Kuroo's charm was just that of an endearing idiot. 

“Thank you!” Kuroo looked touched. “They know that, though. They're just pests, who can't stand it when others have more self-confidence than them.”

“No, we're just telling the truth,” Tsukishima smirked. “Right, Bokuto?”

“Absolutely!” Bokuto said, trying to look sincere. “How could someone with crunchy goblin feet be cool? That sounds like a bad cereal mascot. Bad cereal mascots aren't cool.”

“You think furbies and boybands and snails are cool!” accused Kuroo. “So I don't really trust your evaluation.”

“Kuroo. They _carry their own house on their backs!_ That's badass.”

“So do turtles,” said Tsukishima. 

“And campers,” said Kuroo. 

“And trees with treehouses in them,” said Akaashi.

“Well, then those are all cool!” Bokuto decided, deliberately crunching Kuroo's toes between his fingers.

Kuroo finally drew his foot back with a pout. “That's a weird prerequisite for coolness,” he said. “So to make you recognize my coolness, I'd have to carry a house on my shoulders?”

“Not necessarily,” said Tsukishima. “Furbies and boybands don't carry a house either. I guess you'd have to be either creepy as fuck or sing badly. Actually, I don't really see why Bokuto doesn't think you're cool, when I look at it this way.”

“Tsukki – you hurt me!”

“I think you're plenty cool,” Akaashi yawned. “I didn't know you could do martial arts, and martial arts are cool.”

“Oh please!” Tsukishima scoffed. “You're impressed because he pushed a teenager into the snow?”

“Well, I guess he could have just pushed him, but he did a _move_! You should have seen it,” said Akaashi. 

“The only 'move' he knows is because he once tried to sign Kenma up for a self-defense class and was stood up, so he had to go in his stead and got singled out as the model attacker, and then a whole gym full of sweaty ladies slam dunked him into a crash mat for two hours.”

“I told you to keep this a secret!” screeched Kuroo while Bokuto's laughter shook the room. 

“I would have, if you hadn't tried to sell your coolness so bad,” Tsukishima said smugly. 

“You really are a rotten person! Why do I love you again?”

“Because you're even more rotten,” Tsukishima shrugged.

“Am I really?” Kuroo asked, looking at Akaashi and Bokuto. Bokuto nodded while Akaashi shook his head. “There you have it!” he yelled over his shoulder. “They both said no!”

“I actually have eyes, you know?” said Tsukishima. 

Kuroo laid down on his back to look at him upside-down and pretended to be surprised. “Oh my, you do – and four of them, even!”

Tsukishima threw his novel at him and hit him in the nose, and even though it must have hurt, Kuroo just laughed. 

Akaashi watched him for a little while. Really – he still couldn't read Kuroo for shit. Which was kind of exciting, if he was being honest. But it did make it risky to involve him into their plan. However, when he watched Kuroo like this, it kind of felt like it would be really hard to make him angry. Truly angry, not just disgruntled. 

What he knew without a doubt, though – and he was sure that even Tsukishima and Bokuto would agree with him on this – was that a truly angry Kuroo would be absolutely frightful.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was once again edited by [doggoneit](http://archiveofourown.org/users/doggoneit/pseuds/doggoneit) \- and one more time: If you love Kurotsukki, _click that link!_! ;D

On the fifth day of their trip, the mountains finally decided that they had enough winter wonderland, and that they were due for some Snowpiercer-style apocalypse.

Akaashi still didn’t understand how the weather worked in these mountains – just yesterday, it had been so hot that he had wondered how the slope hadn’t turned into a huge waterfall yet, and it only took one night to create a blanket of snow that almost made Bokuto’s fantasy of being snowed in come true. It would have been nice, if it weren’t such a huge inconvenience. The snow had covered all of their cars and their driveway, so it was impossible to get to the slope that day. Well, it _would_ have been possible, but no one wanted to clear the driveway of snow first thing in the morning, so they decided to spend a lazy day in. The sky was still gray anyway, and there would probably be thick fog higher up.

Since Tanaka and Nishinoya had announced that they still needed to go somewhere with their car this evening, someone had to clear the driveway of snow eventually. Kuroo had been the first one to offer his services, and somehow managed to coax Bokuto into it as well. They all lazed around for most of the day, playing board games and trying to get the TV to work. It was only in the later afternoon, when Bokuto lost at UNO for the seventh time in a row, that they decided it was better not to find out what an 8-times loser Bokuto would be like, so Kuroo pulled him outside to let his frustration out on the snow. Tanaka, Nishinoya, and Saeko went to get more wood for the fireplace, while the Tsukishima brothers cleaned the dishes from their big lunch.

Akaashi didn’t want to be the asshole that lay on the couch while everyone else worked, so he joined Bokuto and Kuroo outside, already knowing that not much work would be done. Contrary to expectation, they had managed to clear the snow enough for a car to barely pass through – however, Akaashi hadn’t been completely wrong, since they were already busy constructing a snow fort when he went to check on them.

“Oh good, this is where you can live when Tsukishima and I throw you out of the house next time you pollute our room with your farts,” he said, strolling up to them.

They both ignored his comment in favor of welcoming him with matching grins.

“Akaashi! You can be the guard to our sex dungeon!” Bokuto called excitedly.

Akaashi grimaced. “You’re going to have sex in this thing?”

“Of course not,” said Kuroo, rolling his eyes at Bokuto’s falling face. “We just want to be _romantic_ without having to worry about those loudmouths suddenly showing up and jumping my throat again. They formed a Tsukki protection squad, remember?”

“It’s not easy to forget,” said Akaashi.

“Anyway, this asshole-” Kuroo shoved at Bokuto's shoulder, “took it as a challenge and tried to grope me all day long. Like – drawing his foot up my leg under the table, all that bullshit.”

Akaashi had to keep himself from giving Bokuto a disbelieving look, because if this was supposed to be some kind of contribution to their plan-

“He got me all hot and bothered for nothing!”

… then it apparently worked?

“You got hot and bothered because Bokuto rubbed his stinky socks against your jeans?” Akaashi asked to clarify.

Kuroo seemingly felt the need to be defensive of his questionable kinks. “He's really good at it! You've been with him for such a long time, surely you know?”

“I never had to resort to such cheap tactics with Akaashi,” Bokuto said smugly. “I just look at him a certain way and his pants fall down.”

“My pants are about to meld with my skin just now,” said Akaashi.

Bokuto ignored him completely. “Anyway, Kuroo – the foot on your legs – that wasn't me. Someone must have confused you for someone else.”

“Shut up!” said Kuroo, shoving at him again.

“I mean it, though! Or maybe Tanaka has a weird crush on you? He was sitting right in front of you.”

“Actually, wasn't Akiteru next to Kuroo?” Akaashi decided to join in on the fun. “Maybe Saeko accidentally confused your junks?”

“I think I could tell the difference between Saeko's and Bokuto's legs!” Kuroo claimed. He was starting to look annoyed, but in an amused way. It was something only Kuroo was capable of.

“I don't know...” Akaashi mused. “Saeko _does_ have very muscular legs.”

“Yeah, dude, I bet she could crack nuts with those things,” said Bokuto.

Kuroo stared at him for a moment, and just when Akaashi thought that he was sick of the jokes, he said: “Dude... can _you_ do that?”

“I don't know...”

“We have to try!” Kuroo decided, looking ready to stalk back to the house just to scavenge the pantry for some nuts.

Bokuto grabbed him by the arm and pulled him back into the snow fort. “Do you seriously plan on abandoning me here after you promised to woo me?”

“Woo?” repeated Akaashi. Just what the hell had those two been up to?

“I said I'll show you how to properly romance somebody,” said Kuroo. “Without losing your shirt or pants in the first two minutes!”

“How boring!”

“Well, if you don't want me to...”

“I never said that!” Bokuto blurted. “Come on, bring on the sugar!”

Kuroo sighed, but let himself be pulled down into a sitting position in front of Bokuto, who was wearing an expectant grin. Their hands were intertwined – it looked like Kuroo was about to read his palms.

“Fine,” he said. “First of all – I just want to tell you how beautiful you are, okay?”

“That’s gay,” said Bokuto. “Also, I already know that I’m hot, thank you very much.”

“Sure, you know that. But do you know that your eyes are like liquid amber? Have you ever seen them in the sunlight, when you’re laughing and radiant, and they look like they’re trying to compete with the sun?”

Akaashi had a difficult time trying not to gag.

“And your lips,” said Kuroo, lifting one hand to draw his thumb along Bokuto’s bottom lip, which had dropped slightly open. “They bring so much joy with one single smile. So let me just sit here and stare for a while.”

“Is this supposed to be poetry?” Akaashi asked.

Kuroo beamed at him for a second. “I just came up with this!”

“You don't say...”

“Go on, I wanna hear more!” Bokuto pushed. “Tell me something about my hair?”

“Majestic and handsome, like a great horned owl-”

“You howl and you scowl like this fowl most foul?” Akaashi offered.

“There's no one I know who's more beautifowl!” Kuroo insisted.

Akaashi really wanted to punch both of them. Kuroo for his winning grin – just _how_ did he think he was the winner here? - And Bokuto for looking like he wanted to jump Kuroo and cover him in kisses. But instead of kissing him, Bokuto suddenly turned around and crawled out of the snow fort to throw himself at Akaashi, whispering at a volume that no whisper should be able to reach: “We need him!”

Akaashi didn't see how it was necessary to be buried under a fully grown beefcake with sparkly eyes in order to understand those words. Maybe he shouldn't have given up on trying to make Bokuto aware of the fact that he was not a lapdog.

“Bokuto, you're crushing me!”

“Akaashi!” said Bokuto earnestly, as if Akaashi had dared to deny his words and wasn't complaining about something entirely unrelated. “He's so good at this – did you hear the honey in his mouth? I wanted to lean in and suck it off his tongue!”

“Yeah, me too, if that would have made him shut up!” groaned Akaashi. “Seriously, Bokuto – that stuff only works on you. Tsukishima would probably pee his pants laughing.”

“That's true, unfortunately,” Kuroo chimed in. “We almost had an incident, once... but that's because Tsukki doesn't have a single romantic bone in his body.” He came crawling out of the fort behind Bokuto and wiped some snow off his clothes. Akaashi didn't dare look at his face. “Anyway, what are you two talking about?”

 _”Great going!”_ Akaashi told Bokuto, hoping that the telepathic signal would reach him. Bokuto just kept staring at him, his mouth pressed into a hard, determined line. Akaashi lifted a warning eyebrow. Bokuto squinted. _”Don't you dare!”_ Akaashi thought-screamed at him.

“Sorry!” mouthed Bokuto. Akaashi really shouldn't have tried to stop him via telepathic signals. “We need him!”

At least he finally stood up and let Akaashi breathe again. That way he could enjoy those last few breaths he was able to take before he'd die of a heart attack. Bokuto was probably right – they needed Kuroo. It was pretty much obvious that Kuroo would have nothing against a poly-relationship – he was too much of a PDA kind of guy. Hell – he had even built a snow fort just so he could woo Bokuto with bad poetry. And yet, Akaashi couldn't be _completely_ sure. He was aware that he was just a coward who wanted the other people to make the first step. Unfortunately, his boyfriend was having none of it.

“Kuroo!” Bokuto said with determination.

“Bokuto!” Kuroo mock-repeated his tone. The look of mischief fell right off his face when Bokuto stalked towards him, grabbed him by the hips, like some kind of hero from a bad erotica novel's cover, and kissed him passionately.

Akaashi watched as Kuroo's knees visibly weakened, and he had to stumble a step back, until he was pressed against the snow fort. He threw his arms around Bokuto's neck, leaned back against the fort and eagerly returned the kiss - little, hot puffs of breath escaping between them and turning into fog in the cold winter air. Akaashi tried to hold his breath in time with theirs and almost passed out. Maybe all those diving scenes in movies he had scoffed at were realistic after all.

Bokuto and Kuroo kept sucking face – well, it couldn't really be called sucking face, because it looked quite romantic. The way they had furrowed their brows, their hands clasping at each other's faces, the soft, almost silent whines in the back of their throats. Akaashi couldn't tear his eyes away. Bokuto was even holding back on the tongue, which was saying a lot, and Akaashi almost wished they'd stop already, because if _this_ was Bokuto's confession, then how the fuck was Akaashi supposed to keep up with that? He couldn't just walk up to Kuroo, pat his shoulder and say, “Same!”

When they finally parted, Akaashi realized that he wasn't ready after all. His legs kept twitching, wanting to run, and at the same time he felt paralyzed. But they didn't seem to notice his crisis, since they both had their eyes closed, their foreheads still touching, both of them just silently breathing the same air, until Kuroo wheezed a, “Wow...”

“I love you!” said Bokuto. Just like that. Unashamedly, earnestly, easily. He didn't even add a “bro” at the end.

Kuroo's face exploded in a sudden smile. Akaashi was almost blinded by the teeth for a moment.

“I... yeah. I get that,” he sighed and laughed weakly. “I swear, my heart is beating so fast.”

“Dude, you should feel mine!”

“I do, man – it's impressive!”

Maybe Akaashi wanted to slap them a bit. How he didn't faint from the secondhand embarrassment was beyond him. He was probably too used to this by now. It took a sudden strain in his lips for him to realize that he had been smiling for almost a full minute now.

“So...” said Kuroo, tearing his eyes away from Bokuto to look at Akaashi, who had luckily been able to get a hold of his misbehaving mouth, and sported an indifferent expression. “What about you?”

“Oh, yeah...” said Akaashi, carefully, so his lips wouldn't slip again. “... same!”

He had decided that he actually _could_ do that.

Kuroo's eyes widened for a moment, then his hands left Bokuto's neck to clasp at his own chest, and he leaned into the fort like he was swooning. It wasn't even a mocking gesture, judging by his delirious grin.

Akaashi couldn't help himself – he walked over and threw himself between Bokuto and Kuroo, so that he could hide his reddening face in the crook of Kuroo's neck. He could feel Bokuto's arms pulling them into a group hug. For a moment, he felt a surge of pure happiness– like back on the slope, when he had reunited with Bokuto. Now, too, they were huddled against each other, in the snow, all wearing too thick jackets and wishing that they had more room to touch. Even the relief and happiness mirrored the scene from back then. There was just one thing missing...

“You guys!” Kuroo said, pushing them away a little so that he could scowl at them. “You _do_ love Tsukki, too, right?”

“Of course!” Bokuto said emphatically.

“Okay, good...” Kuroo seemed to be relieved and confused at the same time. “Then you should probably go and tell him right now?”

“We can't!” said Bokuto. “Because of the stick in his ass.”

Kuroo threw him a scandalized glare. “Excuse me?”

“We're afraid he's not ready,” Akaashi tried to clarify. Bokuto obviously couldn't be trusted with this. “You know... we don't just want to be the close friends you guys have foursomes with on a regular basis. We want... we want to be with you. In the same way that you are together. In... in a relationship. A poly-”

“Polyamorous relationship, yeah,” said Kuroo. “I figured. Why exactly do you think Tsukki isn't ready for that? Isn't it really obvious that he loves you?”

Akaashi started to sweat under his thick clothes. He was back to that uncertainty Kuroo always managed to evoke in him. Where he couldn't read him at all. Where he wanted to tread carefully and blurt out the truth at the same time.

Bokuto didn't seem to have that problem. “Kuroo – he doesn't even want his family to know about us! How can we be in a relationship when he's so uncomfortable with that?”

“Well, considering how those loudmouths reacted-” Kuroo began, but Bokuto cut him off.

“That was just an act. They already know!”

Now Kuroo was definitely starting to get pissed.

“They already know? Know _what?_ ”

“About the four of us!” said Bokuto.

“How can they know about something that doesn't even exist yet?”

There were red lights flashing behind Akaashi's eyes, accompanied by the words “abort mission”, but he couldn't just run away, and he couldn't let Bokuto talk, so he had no choice but to say something himself. “It's... like you said. Really obvious,” he tried, swallowing hard when Kuroo's eyes suddenly landed on him. “They realized what was going on after we lost Bokuto. Well... actually, they thought we wanted to just get it on, you know? So, we... we told them. About what we were trying to accomplish.”

“And what _were_ you trying to accomplish?” said Kuroo icily.

“A... a relationship?” Akaashi stammered. “You know – going on dates together, holding hands in public... being comfortable with each other. Not having to hide all the time...”

Kuroo closed his eyes for a moment, and when he opened them again, he seemed somewhat calmer. Akaashi drew in a shuddering breath.

“So, the whole time, those loudmouths knew,” Kuroo said. “Which means that they were just acting when they got pissed at me for being too close with you guys.”

“Uhm... yes,” said Akaashi.

“But _why_?”

Akaashi was too afraid to speak any further, so he let Bokuto take over again. That way, at least Kuroo's piercing eyes weren't directed at him anymore.

“Because of the plan!” said Bokuto.

“The... plan,” Kuroo repeated. His face was completely blank. No matter how hard Akaashi tried, he could not say what was going on in that head of his. “What plan?”

Akaashi only just noticed that he had inadvertently shifted his body to hide behind Bokuto, or maybe Bokuto had sensed his distress and moved to stand before him – either way, Akaashi had to fight the urge to lift Bokuto's jacket and bury his head in it. There was no going back now. They had to tell him.

Kuroo didn't say anything as Bokuto explained the plan to him. How they were trying to make them crave public affection by toning down the things they did in private. How they were trying to make it seem like there was no other choice but to come out to everyone. How they were trying to make Tsukishima come to the conclusion that an official relationship was easier than hiding and denying. How they even tried to make Akiteru aware of how close they really were. How they really, _really_ hoped Kuroo would understand and... maybe... help them out?

There was a moment after Bokuto had ended his speech, when Akaashi came to a sudden realization. Kuroo hadn't stirred, his face a mask of blankness, and Akaashi had thought it meant that Kuroo hadn't yet come to a conclusion as to what to think about all of this. But that wasn't true. For a while now, the blankness had been pure, cold rage, and the stillness an inner fight to hold himself back. Akaashi had no idea how he suddenly knew – how he could suddenly read Kuroo so clearly. How he... just blinked once and suddenly noticed the ice in that glare. But there was no mistaking it. Kuroo was _furious_.

One second after Akaashi's moment of clarity, Kuroo had already moved. Akaashi didn't catch much more of the movement except that first Bokuto was there, and then he was suddenly gone, his face pressed deep into a bank of snow. It was the same move Kuroo had used on Terushima, and although Akaashi had waited for an opportunity to make Bokuto realize just how badass Kuroo could be – this was not how he had imagined it.

Bokuto just laid there, limply. Akaashi was almost worried that he was dead – but Kuroo hadn't hit him, just made him fall into the snow, so Bokuto's limpness was only due to the shock of being physically attacked.

Akaashi pressed his eyes closed in anticipation of the same fate, but nothing happened. He slowly blinked his eyes back open. Kuroo was standing there, his piercing eyes hitting him full force, and Akaashi almost wished he could be buried into the snow as well.

When Kuroo finally opened his mouth, his words cut like a knife.

“Of all the _manipulative_ shit you've ever pulled, Akaashi! Did you really think you could _trick_ Tsukki into a relationship? Do you have any idea how _fucked up_ that is?”

That one sentence was all it took to make Akaashi view their plan from an entirely different light. He couldn't say if that was just Kuroo's magic, or if he had known it all along and decided to ignore it. But now that it was spelled out so clearly, he had no other choice than to accept it.

He had tried to _trick_ someone into being with him. He had tried to _manipulate_...

Akaashi's first instinct was to blurt that it hadn't been his idea. He caught himself at the last second. This – this was exactly the kind of thing he always did. Making everyone else responsible for his mistakes. He knew why Kuroo was only talking to him – Bokuto would have never done such a thing. Bokuto had wanted to tell them immediately and had only gone along with Akaashi's shit because Akaashi was too much of a coward.

He couldn't even blame Tanaka and Nishinoya. They honestly thought they were doing something good for Tsukishima, whereas Akaashi only sought his own happiness. All this time, he was being an egoistic, manipulative asshole, and he hadn't even realized it until Kuroo came along and put it into perspective.

“I can't believe you would actually...” Kuroo heaved, his face growing blotchy red. “How _dare_ you! What makes you think you can just push your own, personal ideals onto other people? It's not your place to decide how any of us deals with having _three_ boyfriends! Do you think relationships are always as easy as the one you two have? You're wrong – relationships are complicated and complex and you can't just _manipulate_ Tsukki in the same way you do with Bokuto. He's a different person. He notices these things and he will resent you for it. And if he doesn't, then _I_ will!”

Fuck! That was... that was harsh. And true. Akaashi really _did_ manipulate Bokuto – not in a huge way, like this, but in little ways. Trying to stay clear of his mood swings. Trying to get him to do housework, or make him excited for things Akaashi wanted to do. It had always been like this – ever since they played volleyball together in high school. Akaashi had always known how to _drive_ him – like a puppet on a string. He had thought it was cute. Cute, how well he knew Bokuto, how he knew exactly which strings to pull. It didn't sound cute anymore. Akaashi's hands began to tremble. He could already feel the sting of tears in his eyes. Fuck... he couldn't cry now. He just couldn't!

Kuroo wasn't done yet. “And anyway, I can't believe this sort of double standard – I don't think you told _your_ family that you wanted to be with three guys at once, did you? Did you tell Bokuto's? Did you call up my mom and told her, huh? Did you call in at work and tell them you would need to check a “plus three” on the next firm event? Did you ring the doorbell on every apartment in our block and tell them to buy more earplugs, because the sounds coming from your flat will be amplified by two more voices from now on? Why the _fuck_ is Tsukki the only one who has to prove his commitment to this relationship by having the whole world know, even though he is clearly uncomfortable with it? _Before_ there even is a relationship to commit to? Damn it, Akaashi – people don't help others overcome their insecurities by plotting huge, idiotic plans – they do it by being supportive and patient. Especially when they love each other!”

Tears were definitely gathering in his eyes now. Akaashi tried to angrily blink them away. He did not _deserve_ to cry right now. At least Kuroo didn't mention them, or interrupt his monologue because he felt sorry.

“I admire that you don't care what other people think of you, but you have to understand that this thing – a poly relationship – is actually huge! How much do you know about these kinds of things? This is new for all of us, and it's... it's not like there's a convenient handbook. It's not like there's a 'Polyamory for Dummies' out there, telling us exactly how this whole thing should be dealt with. Or is there? Did you read it?”

Kuroo paused and stared at him, clearly expecting Akaashi to say something. Except, Akaashi didn't have anything to say, and he was afraid that as soon as he opened his mouth, nothing but a sob would come out.

“There's...” - Okay, he had been wrong. His mouth was saying words. Why was his mouth saying words? He did not give clearance. “There's at least three different 'For Dummies' books on crocheting...” A hiccup tried to stop him from talking, but it wasn't enough. Maybe Akaashi's subconscious desire to be slapped was too strong. “So there should be one on polyamory, too.”

“Good, then I know what to get you for your next birthday,” said Kuroo. “Because so far, you've done a _miserable_ job!”

“I know,” Akaashi whispered.

Finally, Kuroo tore his eyes away from him to frown at Bokuto, who had somehow sunken even deeper into the snow.

“And what the fuck do you think you're doing?” Kuroo barked.

Bokuto's voice was faint, as his whole head was surrounded by snow. Akaashi was surprised he hadn't suffocated yet.

“I'm trying to bury myself in the ground,” Bokuto said. “I can't face any humans anymore. I need to go home to the demons who let me loose on this world.”

“You won't get far,” Kuroo pointed out. “The ground is completely frozen. You'll just scratch your fingernails bloody.”

“It's okay. I deserve it,” Bokuto whimpered.

Akaashi bent down and tried to pull him up into a sitting position. It wasn't easy – Bokuto was really heavy. “You'll catch a cold,” he said, his voice shaking. “And this is not your fault. It's all on me.”

“No, it _is_ his fault, too! Don't try to make him feel better just because he's a pain to be around when he feels bad!” Kuroo said sharply. “I don't care about what reasons and excuses any of you have, there are consequences and you're going to bear them.”

Of course. Akaashi's lips finally began to quiver and the first tear escaped his eye in a hot, fast trail down his cheek. They had fucked up so bad. Just minutes before, he had thought they had finally reached their goal, they had finally confessed their feelings, and it didn't even last a quarter hour until it all shattered to pieces again.

Bokuto finally shot up from the hole he had buried. His face was an unhealthily dark shade of red from the cold.

“Are you already breaking up with us?” he sobbed.

Kuroo looked down at them both, his mouth still in a hard line. Akaashi tried to wipe his stupid tears away, because he didn't want to look like he needed sympathy. Finally, Kuroo lifted his hands to cover his face and gave a drawn-out groan. When his hands sunk back down, his eyes didn't look as icy anymore.

“You guys _really_ need to learn some things, you know? You think I suddenly don't love you anymore just because I'm angry at you?” Some kind of energy seemed to finally seep out of him and he sat down in the snow tiredly. “You guys have been together ever since you were kids, really. Your relationship is unlike anything I've ever seen. It's beautiful, in a way, but it doesn't work with other people. You grew up with each other, you practically formed each other. You don't know the first thing about how adults get into a relationship, because back when you got together, your hormones did all the work for you– and you never had to experience the process of getting together ever since. And let me tell you – it's a lot harder when you're grown-ups, with a hundred things to consider. Especially something new and barely heard-of like a poly relationship. You can't just rush straight into it. We don't even know if we will work out, so before we risk our jobs and friendships and whatever else might suffer from people being uneducated about love and all its forms, we should really figure out if it's worth it.”

“I already know that it's worth it!” Bokuto declared, hitting the snow with his fist and creating a little explosion. “We have been friends for so long, there's no doubt that we will work out. All that changes is that we also sleep with each other now!”

“Really?” Kuroo's icy glare was back. Akaashi wished he would stop already – he had already understood. He knew what had to be done. He wasn't sure if he could take any more truth bombs today. “Isn't it nice that this is all so easy for you. But honestly, I'm not surprised that you didn't take two seconds to think beyond your goddamn libido. You think everything will be the same? You think loving three people is just as easy as loving one? You honestly think you love Tsukki and me the same way you love Akaashi? Because I have news for you, buddy: I definitely don't love you the same way as I do Tsukki. I never even thought about romance with any of you before we started this whole affair, so maybe my crush on you is just due to the fact that I can't separate sex and romance. What if I suddenly wake up someday and realize that I don't actually want to be with you, romantically? Because that happens, you know? People fall out of love – being with your high school crush for ten years is definitely not the norm. How awful would that be for _all_ of us? Would I end up on my own? Would I have to make Tsukki leave the two of you, too? There is so much more room for drama – and let's face it, we're not the most compatible people to begin with!”

Bokuto looked like he had been punched in the guts – his eyes huge and round, his lips trembling. Akaashi knew that he wouldn't be able to take much more, but Kuroo wasn't able to stop now. All the things he had apparently been thinking about in such detail, all the things Akaashi and Bokuto had conveniently ignored in favor of pursuing their pipe dreams – they were all spilling out of him. One crushing reality after the other.

“There are so many things we would drive each other crazy over. You guys are huge slobs. You also have a sex drive that Tsukki and I can't possibly keep up with. We're all super bad at communication, as this whole situation undoubtedly proves, and it's going to be a huge problem. We all won't be spending the same amount of time with each other, due to living in different apartments and different working schedules. We... we will get on each other's nerves constantly, we will have to take sides in arguments that we aren't even personally involved in, we will have to think about the future, about how to deal with coming out to other people in a way that everybody is okay with – and we can't do any of this when some people don't know what it means to strike a compromise. And _also_ \- I hate your fucking bird!”

There was a challenge in Kuroo's eyes now – a challenge which Bokuto did not miss, despite the tears veiling his vision. Maybe Kuroo had tried to make him angry to begin with – an angry Bokuto was easier to handle than a sad one.

Akaashi tried his luck with a disapproving glare, because this was cowardly, and Kuroo knew it. But it was too late to hold Bokuto back.

“Don't involve Fuku-chan in this,” he roared and pounced on Kuroo with one, well-aimed shove. The two of them were half-swallowed by the snow in a matter of seconds, limbs flailing everywhere. Despite his build, Bokuto never really used his fists – he pushed handfuls of snow into Kuroo's face and jacket instead, but not in a playful way. Kuroo pulled on his hair, tried to get him off him, managed to turn him to the side at least, and pushed his head back into the snow. It wasn't bloody – it wasn't even particularly violent, but it was desperate and feral, and Akaashi hated it.

“Stop it!” he yelled, crawling closer to where they were rolling over each other, and backing away when he was immediately sprayed with snow. There was no way he could physically separate them, and they didn't seem to hear him, either.

“You told me I had beautiful, amber eyes only minutes ago, you asshole!” Bokuto growled. “And now I'm suddenly the worst thing to ever walk upon the earth? Fuck you!” He emphasized his point by stuffing a fistful of snow down the back of Kuroo's jacket and earned a long howl and a knee in his gut for his troubles.

“Your eyes are fine, but your hair is stupid!” came Kuroo's voice, muffled behind the scarf Bokuto was currently choking him with.

Bokuto gave a horrified gasp. “You didn't-” he breathed, just as Kuroo finally reared up and threw him off.

Just like when they had confessed to each other, their fighting was exaggerated and embarrassing, and Akaashi was sick of it. This was a serious matter, and they were going to handle it with grace. No crying, no blaming, no petty insults, and especially no fighting in the snow like little children. However, he still didn't know how to break them up, so he had no other choice but to try and bury them under the snow, and hoping that they even realized he was still there.

“I said stop!” he tried, again and again, running towards one of the shovels they had left lying on the ground, and used it to shovel even more snow onto them. They moved too much to be properly buried. “We are all grown-ups here!” he reminded them, shoveling even more snow. “You hear me?”

They did not hear him.

For a moment, Akaashi heavily contemplated knocking them out with the shovel, but that would probably not get the point of them being adults across. There was only one thing he could do – he had to put himself on the line. He at least trusted both of them not to hurt him on purpose, but he had no idea how it would turn out, when they were like this. In any case, he couldn't think of anything else, so he tossed the shovel away, and took a running jump at the fighting pair.

He collided face-first with a boot. Luckily, it hadn't been kicking out on purpose, just kind of flailing about, but it was enough to make Akaashi instantly regret his stupid idea. It was also enough to earn him a bloody nose, apparently, if the two shocked faces hovering over him were anything to go by.

“You killed Akaashi!” screeched Bokuto, looking ready to pounce back on Kuroo. Akaashi couldn't let that happen, so he gave a long groan to confirm his status among the living. “Akaashi!” Bokuto sobbed immediately. “Are you okay?”

Kuroo was still too shocked to say anything. His face was pale beneath the red blotches on his skin. He looked pretty ridiculous with the amount of snow stuck in his hair and clothes. But Akaashi didn't plan on using his bloody nose as a means to make him forgive more easily. He was past any manipulative shit for now.

“Listen!” he said sharply, making both of them flinch. “Kuroo – the first part of your speech was absolutely right. We fucked up – massively – with that stupid plan. And we have every intention of facing the consequences for it.”

Bokuto slowly nodded his head. “That's right,” he said.

“The second part, however!” Akaashi continued. “The second part-”

“- is pretty much why it took you ten fucking years to get together with Tsukishima,” Bokuto finished for him.

Good – so Bokuto had actually thought about what had been said, and hadn't just gotten angry because Kuroo had insulted their pet.

“Man...” Bokuto continued. “I thought Akaashi was the one overthinking. But you really take the cake.”

“It's not like what you said is wrong, but it's still a really shitty thing to say,” nodded Akaashi. “Do you think we don't _know_ that relationships are hard? I survived countless visits to Bokuto's family, and I was ready to throw myself out the window every time, but I never did.”

“I get in trouble for half the shit Akaashi starts, because he just has to bat his eyelashes and people are like: 'It has to be that boyfriend's influence' – and I never once complained,” Bokuto said.

“I nod and smile when Bokuto says things like 'I never once complained', even though he complains all the time,” Akaashi added.

“I have to eat his poison cooking every day.”

“I have to cook for an ungrateful little shit who dubs my cooking poison, but gobbles down everything before I even had my fair share,” Akaashi countered.

Bokuto had the gall to look proud at that, and Akaashi almost broke into a smile. “I am always the one to clean Fuku-chans cage, even though we promised to do it together when we bought him,” said Bokuto. “ _And_ Akaashi always flushes the toilet when he thinks I've been in the shower for too long – I end up falling out of the shower every time and I have countless bruises to prove it!”

“Well, you got me there,” Akaashi shrugged. “So tell me, Bokuto. Do you want to leave me now?”

Bokuto's face was still blotchy red, and wet, and full of snot, but when he smiled, it was radiant. “Of course not – because I love you and I would eat anything you make for me, even if it's a plate full of worms, or broccoli.”

“That analogy would have worked better if you cared more about what goes in your mouth, but I think it gets our point across anyway,” Akaashi smiled, looking at Kuroo, who had listened to the whole exchange with wide eyes and the same shocked expression from before. He turned back to Bokuto, and threw his arms around him. “I love you too,” he said, softly, and Bokuto pulled him into one of the most awful tasting kisses they had ever shared – a cocktail of snot and tears and blood exchanged between their lips. At the same time, it was one of their best kisses ever.

When he looked back at him, Kuroo had somehow deflated, his knees drawn up to his chest. At least the shocked expression had vanished from his face.

“I don’t understand how you can be so afraid of this – you’re so easy-going about everything. If you can even handle Tsukishima – what makes you think you can’t handle us?” Akaashi asked. He was honestly curious about this.

Kuroo gave a half-hearted shrug, not meeting his eyes. “It’s… it’s just some things Tsukki and I have been talking about. We actually came to the conclusion that we don’t care about any of this, that we’d want to try either way, but… I got so angry at you, I kinda went too far,” he said, finally looking up. “I’m sorry!”

“We forgive you!” Bokuto wailed immediately and tackled Kuroo back down into the snow. “And we’re even more sorry for trying to trick you!” he sobbed into Kuroo’s scarf. “We are the worst.”

“No, you’re not,” sighed Kuroo, lifting a hand to awkwardly pat Bokuto’s hair. “You’re just… very misguided about how important sex is for other people. This plan would have never worked.” He actually chuckled a little, and despite the ice and snow, Akaashi suddenly felt very warm.

“So…” said Akaashi. Kuroo was tugging at his sleeve, and made him lie down in the snow, wriggling himself in between Kuroo’s and Bokuto’s bodies, so he wouldn’t freeze. “You and Tsukishima were already talking about this?”

Kuroo hummed in affirmation.

“About all of us… being in a relationship together?”

“Well, yes,” said Kuroo. “I mean – we didn’t say we wanted to move in with you and adopt five children, the way you apparently planned it, but-” he snorted when Akaashi pushed a handful of snow into his face.

“We did _not_ plan that!””

“Right, right, sorry,” laughed Kuroo. “What I’m saying is – we noticed that you were… acting weird. And we kinda hoped that you would confess to us, you know? Tsukki actually confessed his crush on you guys to me a while ago, but he was sure that you were just in it for the sex, so… he was a bit grumpy about it sometimes.”

It was kind of disillusioning just how _bad_ Akaashi apparently was at reading people.

“So, yeah… when you started your weird plan…” Kuroo snorted again. “I mean – you did manage to frustrate him a little, but he was actually _happy_ about it, you know? That evening after we met Tendou, and you just went right to sleep – or yesterday morning, when you wouldn’t even join us… That really made him happy. You must have noticed that he was in a great mood.”

“Of course I did!” beamed Bokuto. “He even joined forces with me against those teenagers.”

Kuroo and Akaashi groaned, just thinking about it, and Bokuto pressed a proud, wet kiss against Kuroo's cheek.

“He won't be happy that this was all stone-cold calculation, though,” Kuroo said.

“Don't exaggerate it,” Akaashi grumbled into his jacket. He was still trembling a little, but it was mostly due to the cold by now. Fighting with Kuroo was really awful, because he was able to make you feel like a piece of shit by simply stating the truth. But it was good to see that he could also fuck up. That he was not some perfect, truth-flinging ice sculpture. It would make their fights pretty one-sided, and Akaashi didn't know if he could take being the bad guy every damn time. They were all flawed and stupid and a huge mess altogether, but they were balanced. He was confident that their balance would hold. “Did our morning kisses yesterday feel like a stone-cold calculation to you?”

“I may need some more for comparison,” Kuroo grinned. He immediately made a face when Akaashi lifted his head from his chest, to show off his bloody nose. “Maybe after you cleaned that up...”

Bokuto pushed another handful of snow in his face. “Hey! You are the reason for that bloody nose, so you might as well kiss it better!”

“Ugh, fine!” groaned Kuroo. “Come here, Akaashi!” 

Well, if that didn’t sound like the most romantic post-confession kiss ever! Akaashi at least tried to clean the blood off with snow, before he shuffled upwards until he was face-to-face with Kuroo. 

“I’m sorry, by the way,” said Kuroo. “Please forget what I said about your manipulative ways, okay?”

“But you were right,” said Akaashi – he had no problem admitting to it – he had perceived his error and vowed to change, so there was no need for Kuroo to take back his words in order to not hurt Akaashi’s feelings. 

“No, I wasn’t. What you did was wrong, but it was unfair to criticize your relationship with Bokuto. You guys are perfect the way you are. You aren’t a manipulative asshole, you’re just you, and there is no need for you to change.”

“That’s right!” Bokuto hollered. “You’re perfect, Akaashi!”

“You know…” Kuroo said thoughtfully. “I’m really proud of you for standing your ground just now. You see things a lot clearer when _others_ get blamed unfairly. But whenever you are criticized, you believe every word that’s said.”

Bokuto nodded sagely, even though Akaashi was sure that he hadn’t understood any of that.

“What do you mean?” he asked.

“You’re kind of… susceptible,” said Kuroo. “You always think the worst of yourself, so when others suddenly agree with you, instead of always going on about how perfect you are, you get all angsty about it.”

“Susceptible...” Akaashi repeated, like he was tasting the word on his tongue. Was Kuroo saying that he never actually threw any truth bombs at him – that it was all Akaashi's imagination, because he thought he was being criticized and tried to make sense of what was being said? He tried to search Kuroo's eyes for a better explanation, which wasn't easy when you were being squinted at.

“You're doing it again, aren't you?” Kuroo accused, and Akaashi almost flinched.

No way! That shithead _was_ doing it on purpose! 

“That actually makes sense,” said Bokuto thoughtfully. “We immediately accepted that we had misunderstood Tsukishima's personality, when the loudmouths told us so. I mean – what they said all made sense to me, you know? But I bet Akaashi only agreed with them, because they accidentally criticized his approach.”

Okay, if even Bokuto was starting to psychoanalyze him, something was definitely wrong. 

“I think I need to have my head checked again,” Akaashi moaned. 

“Look,” said Kuroo. “The loudmouths knew Tsukki back when he was a teenager. And he was not an easy teenager, we all know that. But it's been almost ten years since then, and you can't just go and label his insecurities as teenage angst – or a 'stick in the ass', as you so eloquently put it. He's a grown man, his personality is already formed, his moods and viewpoints are all valid. You can't just use some petty tactics under the guise of knowing better. It's _his_ decision whether or not he wants this relationship, and whatever it is, you have to accept it. Is that clear?”

Akaashi and Bokuto both nodded their heads slowly, and Kuroo finally broke out into a grin.

“Good, then...” he looked up at Akaashi and smiled. “I still haven't gotten my kiss, have I?”

“You really want it?” Akaashi asked, but Kuroo had already lifted his head off the snow and brushed their lips together. Akaashi's head was getting heavy anyway, so he let it sink down against Kuroo's lips, pressing him back into the snow. The kiss still tasted awfully salty, and both of their lips were blue and trembling from the cold, even though Bokuto tried his best to wrap himself around both of them. They parted relatively quickly, both of them smiling faintly. 

Bokuto joined their silly smiles. “So what's the plan now?” he asked

“No more plans!” Kuroo and Akaashi chorused. 

Bokuto furrowed his brows at them, when they both chuckled. “I mean – what are we going to do now? We can't just keep lying here forever. We'll freeze to death!”

“Weren't you trying to dig a hole to hell? It's probably warmer there,” said Kuroo. 

“I actually did break a nail,” Bokuto admitted. “Though it was so deformed from my potato peeling, it probably looks better now.”

“The trip to hell was a small success then,” Akaashi sighed. “Though I'm afraid we'll have to face a different demon now.”

“He's not a demon! Well... he's not an angel either, but...” Kuroo started. 

Akaashi sneaked out of his embrace before Kuroo made him sing _I'm a bitch, I'm a lover_ again. It seemed awfully fitting right now. 

“So...” said Bokuto, his voice already shaking, as he scrambled back onto his feet, too. “We're going to confess to Tsukishima now?”

“We're going to confess to Tsukishima now,” Akaashi confirmed, steeling himself. “That we love him and want to spend the rest of our lives with him. And then the entirety of our fuckuppery.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok so that was kind of a roller coaster, but hey - maybe this beautiful [art piece](http://kurotsukiau.tumblr.com/post/140932598621/hoot-hoot-topftopf-s-amazing-fanfiction) by [kurotsukiau](kurotsukiau.tumblr.com) can cheer you up :3


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, this was supposed to be much longer, but I had to break it up into two chapters, or it would have been too long! So basically, the next chapter will be only karaoke! And I can't wait to write it! But for now - have some confession scenes~

They had hoped to sneak back into the house unseen, but no such luck. They opened the door to Akiteru just walking past it with a hamper of freshly washed clothes in his arms, whistling a little tune under his breath. Once he saw them, he immediately jerked to a halt to give them a horrified look.

Akaashi couldn’t blame him – he would have been just as shocked, had three half-frozen people with blue lips and bloody noses suddenly walked in on his laundry routine.

“What _happened?_ ”

“Uhm…” Kuroo said, very obviously trying to find an excuse and giving a weak shrug when he couldn’t come up with anything. “We got into a fight,” he finally admitted.

“Oh my God!”

Akiteru was already putting down his hamper, looking like he wanted to run off and call the doctor again – which was pretty much the last thing Akaashi wanted to happen, so he said, “We’re all fine – don’t worry. We’re just… we’re looking for your brother?”

Akiteru stared at them for a while, trying to decide if they really were okay. Finally, he pointed upwards. “He’s in the attic,” he said. “But, uhm… maybe you should at least take a warm shower before you go up there? You look like your limbs are just gonna shatter to pieces if you hit them with a hammer.”

“Then we’ll hope that no one hits our limbs with hammers on our way up there,” Akaashi said. God, he was being extremely rude to their host, but he couldn’t help it right now. His brain-to-mouth filter seemed to have frozen solid, and he was trembling from the cold and from nervousness. Honestly, he just wanted to get all of this behind him, just snap his fingers and wake up tomorrow, whatever the outcome was.

Bokuto at least tried to save face for him.

“Don’t mind him – he’s been hit in the face with a boot, so he knows that he won’t shatter.”

Pity that he was extremely bad at it.

“Okay, I’m definitely calling the doctor,” mumbled Akiteru. “Please, close the door – you need to warm up immediately. How could I ever face my parents when they hear I let my guests turn into popsicles without doing anything about it? How could I face my little brother?”

Escaping Akiteru’s clutches proved to be impossible, so they went along with it long enough to stop him from actually calling the quack doctor. They slipped out of their wet clothes until they reached a layer that wasn’t soaked through yet – for Bokuto and Kuroo, that layer was their underpants. They were quickly wrapped up in a blanket, until they looked like preschoolers dressed up as Romans. Once Akaashi had a piece of paper towel stuffed up his nostril, and they were all holding a cup of tea, Akiteru finally let them go.

“And don't get into any more fights,” he chided. “Keiji still has a slight concussion – remember that too much stress is bad for him!”

“Maybe that's what we should tell Tsukishima,” whispered Bokuto on the way back to their attic room. “Just... a little reminder. You know? Couldn't hurt.”

Kuroo bumped him into the wall with his hip, making both of them spill half of their tea onto their blanket-robes.

“No more manipulative shit!” he said. “Be straight for once.”

“Kuroo! How could I possibly be straight when I'm trying to confess my love for a dude, right after I confessed my love to another dude, all in front of the dude I've been with for ten years?”

“You could add a 'bro' at the end,” Akaashi suggested, thinking of the master-bros he had been surrounded by these last few days.

“That doesn’t make it any less gay, it just ups the incest level,” said Kuroo, just as they reached the ladder which led up to the attic. Since they couldn't climb a ladder with tea in their hands, they set their cups down on the floor – most of it was already soaking Kuroo's and Bokuto's blankets anyway, and Akaashi felt like every sip made his insides burn even more.

Akaashi’s heart felt like it would beat out of his chest, the fast _badump badump_ of it sounding hollow in his head. Maybe it was just a headache, who knew. He certainly didn’t. He didn’t know _anything_ , especially not how to confess to Tsukishima.

Kuroo was the first one to go through the hatch, followed by Bokuto and then Akaashi. Bokuto already started to holler Tsukishima’s name before he had even climbed all the way through the hatch – the end came out as a garbled mess, probably because Kuroo had pressed his palm against Bokuto’s mouth.

Akaashi wondered if Tsukishima was asleep, but when his fingers finally stopped trembling enough for him to climb the ladder, he saw Tsukishima lying on his side, on the mattress, eyes hastily reading over a page in his book. He had one finger lifted, as if to put a stop on time itself until he was done reading the paragraph. Unaware of everyone in the room holding their breaths, he finished reading, and finally let his finger sink back down.

It was like a machine being set into motion. Kuroo released Bokuto’s mouth, Bokuto unwrapped his blanket and transformed it into a cape, took a deep, shuddering breath, and ran towards Tsukishima, screaming.

“TSUKISHIMAAAAAAH!”

There was no time for Tsukishima to evade the attack – one second later, Bokuto had thrown himself at him, wrapped the blanket around the both of them, and rolled along the whole length of the mattresses and back again. They were both screaming all the way through.

Next to Akaashi, Kuroo released a long breath.

“What the hell, what the hell, what the hell?” blared Tsukishima. “Why are you naked? Why is your hair full of snow? Why are you crying – just – what the _fuck_ is going on?”

Well... this would certainly make for a memorable confession scene.

“We're so sorry!” Bokuto's sobs came out as a muffled moan against Tsukishima's skin. He was clinging to him so tightly that Akaashi was afraid Tsukishima would get seriously flattened this time. That wouldn't be good. Tsukishima was already long and yellow – if he was also flat, there wouldn't be much separating him from a noodle. At least Akaashi really liked noodles.

Kuroo must have noticed his breath stopping, because he put a supporting hand against the small of Akaashi's back.

“Relax,” he said. “Don't worry too much; it'll be fine.”

“I'm not worried,” Akaashi lied. “I like noodles. I... I would still love him, even if he was a noodle.”

“Romantic,” said Kuroo, narrowing his eyes again, as if he was trying to figure out the state of Akaashi's brain. Akaashi could only hope that his brain-to-mouth connection would defrost sometime soon.

Meanwhile, Tsukishima was still busy trying to push Bokuto off – he didn't seem to appreciate having a head full of snow-clumped hair pressed against his face.

“Seriously, Bokuto – If you don't tell me what's going on _right now_ -”

Bokuto slightly lifted his body so he could look down at Tsukishima with teary eyes. Akaashi secretly tried to get a good look at Tsukishima's body – see if it was flatter than before, but Bokuto was completely obstructing the view.

“You look pale,” whispered Kuroo, holding him closer. Akaashi was glad for the support. He seriously felt like his knees would give in any second now. He knew what was coming next. He knew exactly what was coming-

“AKAASHI AND ME BOTH LOVE YOU, AND WE WANT TO BE WITH YOU AND KUROO, AND WE'RE SO, SO SORRY!” Bokuto blared, entirely forgetting about all the other people in and around the house. His voice was so loud that the following quiet hung heavy in the air, until it was almost unbearable.

Akaashi's knees were even closer to giving in when no one said anything. Nobody moved; nobody even breathed. Then Tsukishima raised his arms, grabbed Bokuto around the neck and slowly pulled him back down to hide his own, reddening face in Bokuto's chest. They were both shuddering with something. Tension or relief, or maybe a bit of both.

In the smallest voice Akaashi had ever heard, Tsukishima said, “Me too. You dolt.”

Kuroo caught Akaashi just as his knees finally decided to forget how to work, and carried him over to the other two – well, he _dragged_ him over, since Akaashi just limply hung in his arms and refused to move another muscle.

“This time, maybe you'll have something more to say than just 'same'?” Kuroo chuckled as he dumped Akaashi onto the mattress, where Bokuto instantly shuffled over and made some space for him to cuddle up to Tsukishima as well.

“Yeah...” Akaashi managed. His voice was hoarse and squeaky at the same time. He really didn't want to speak with this voice, but he had to. “I'm so, so sorry, Tsukishima.”

“You guys really need to stop saying that...” Tsukishima still had his face buried in Bokuto's chest, but Akaashi could see the pink tinge on his left ear. “If it isn't clear – I'm really happy right now.”

“Bokuto and Akaashi still have something else to tell you,” said Kuroo, nudging Akaashi in the side. His touch was gentle, but his voice was firm. “Don't you?”

“No.”

Akaashi had just been about to open his mouth, and closed it in surprise. It took a moment for him to process that it had been Tsukishima, who had said it.

Kuroo, who had laid down behind Akaashi, lifted his head to raise an eyebrow at his boyfriend. “What do you mean, 'no'?”

“I mean...” said Tsukishima, pushing at Bokuto's chest to make him sit up, and following suit. “I don't want to hear it.” He lifted a hand to brush some of the snow out of Bokuto's hair and smiled down at Akaashi. “I bet it was a stupid plan anyway.”

“You knew about their plan?” Kuroo asked incredulously.

“Not exactly,” Tsukishima shrugged. “I mean – I noticed they were up to something, but it must have been so stupid that I couldn't even read any intent out of it.”

“Well, you're right about that,” grumbled Kuroo. “Still, you could have said something.”

“Try using your own brain, idiot!”

“Hey! Why am I the idiot now, after I defended you so profusely? Look at how happy you are right now – this is all thanks to me kicking their asses to finally grow a pair and confess!”

“Yeah, he kicked our asses quite literally,” Bokuto whined. He ruffled Akaashi's hair for emphasis and pointed out the piece of paper towel that stuck out of Akaashi's nose.

Tsukishima's eyes widened when he saw it. “What the _fuck_ , Kuroo?”

Akaashi decided it was time to pull the paper towel out of his nose and throw it at Bokuto's head, which resulted in a small cacophony of screeches, until the bloody towel was kicked to a distance that everyone was comfortable with.

“Bokuto, you asshole!” Kuroo complained, already reaching for a pillow to hit him with. “We said no more manipulative shit!”

“Hey, hey now!” Bokuto hollered. “Stop throwing these big words around, already! If this is manipulative, then isn't what you did to Akaashi _abusive_? There you go, I know some big words, too!”

“I'm going to punch you!” hissed Kuroo.

Akaashi and Tsukishima rolled their eyes in unison. It was just like them to get so exuberant after an emotional scene – it was the opposite for Akaashi. He just wanted to crawl into some kind of hole and wait until his energy levels were restored.

“Seriously though,” sighed Tsukishima. “What _happened_?”

He said it in the same way Akiteru had said it, and Akaashi couldn't help a fond smile. “Nothing,” he said. “I fell into a boot.”

“Okay, even I can hear how wrong that sounds,” groaned Kuroo. “Fuck, Akaashi, I'm so sorry! I never wanted to hurt you.”

Akaashi decided that he had the heart to clarify. “Those two were fighting and I tried to break them up by throwing myself between them,” he said. “So it might just as well have been Bokuto's boot.”

Bokuto threw him a betrayed look. He was still straddling Tsukishima's lap, and seemed suddenly uncomfortable with the close proximity to the death glare pointed at him.

“This is why we should all learn how to _talk_ ,” Tsukishima said, spitting the word “talk” right into Bokuto's face. “Discuss things, instead of beating each other up!”

“We did talk!” Bokuto pouted. “Well – Kuroo screamed at us until we cried, and then he insulted Fuku-chan, so I had no other choice but to deck him.”

“You made Akaashi cry?” Tsukishima immediately spat at Kuroo. It sounded like he would have liked to add “you monster!” but decided it would make his outburst too comical.

Kuroo actually looked ashamed.

“That's right!” Bokuto exclaimed, throwing his arms around Tsukishima like he needed the comfort just thinking about it. “He said really mean things,” he fake-sobbed. “Things like _'How dare you!'_ and _'I have news for you, buddy!'_ and it really made me shit my pants a little.”

“Okay, that's it!” Kuroo roared, finally raising the pillow he had grabbed in preparation. “You're going down!”

Bokuto quickly retreated from Tsukishima, but not fast enough – Kuroo had already tackled him right off his boyfriend, and the two of them were rolling along the mattresses, screaming obscenities at each other. Akaashi had just seen how they were when they were fighting for real, so he could easily tell that this was all in good fun. Tsukishima however, was already getting mad.

“What did I just say, you assholes?”

Unlike their fight before, they both heard what Tsukishima was saying, and stilled for a second. Kuroo was kneeling on Bokuto's ass, pushing his head into the mattress with a pillow. He let go of the pillow so Bokuto could turn his head, which sported the most disheveled mess of hair and snow Akaashi had ever seen. They wore matching innocent expressions, which could only mean one thing.

Puns.

“I don't know what the problem is, Tsukki,” Kuroo fluted. “We're doing exactly what you told us to do. Bokuto, what did he tell us?”

“That we should discuss things, instead of beating each other up.”

“Sounds about right to me,” Kuroo nodded. “And what are we doing right now?”

Bokuto reared up with a roar, grabbing the pillow behind his head and throwing it in the air in victory. “We're having a dis _cushion_!” he yelled, right before the both of them fell into maniacal laughter and high-fived each other. Kuroo used the high-five to grab Bokuto's hand and push him back into the mattress, and one second later, they were back to beating each other up with pillows.

Tsukishima looked ready to murder somebody. “Alright,” he said. “I'm breaking up with everybody in this room, except Akaashi!”

They didn't hear him.

“Leave them be,” Akaashi yawned, cuddling closer to Tsukishima. This was better – as long as those two spent their spare energy and tired each other out, he and Tsukishima had time to load up. “It's just the relief. Bokuto will explode if he can't let it out.”

“I know,” sighed Tsukishima, and let himself sink back into the mattress, tugging at Akaashi's blanket to ask for entrance. “Was it really that bad?”

“I really think you should let us tell you,” Akaashi admitted. He had been glad at first, but now he was getting antsy. He just wanted to get this off his chest.

“No.” Tsukishima stayed adamant about it. “Look... I'm really bad with forgiving people sometimes, even when I know that I should. So if it wasn't enough to make Kuroo hate you, then I'm fine. I trust him. Besides, it's not like I'm any better. I was too much of a coward to confess to you, too, so I... Well, I kind of tried to make it obvious to you – the problem is just that not one of you people ever _reads_.”

Akaashi gave him a questioning look, because this made no sense to him at all.

“Over there...” Tsukishima nodded to a point behind Akaashi, and when Akaashi turned around, his eyes fell onto the novel Tsukishima always seemed to be reading. He grabbed it to examine it more closely, and almost threw it across the room once he read the title.

It wasn't actually a novel. It was something like a self-help book, probably. The title was printed above a picture of a heart-shaped tree – it just read “More than Two”, which could have meant anything. But right next to it, in much smaller letters, there was a subheading: “A practical guide to ethical polyamory,” it said.

This could _not_ be real. All this time, Tsukishima had practically been reading “Polyamory for Dummies” right in front of their noses, and they were too stupid to get it.

“That's nice,” Akaashi said, as calmly as he could. “I feel like the biggest idiot in the world right now.”

“Welcome to the club, then,” Tsukishima snickered. “The best part is that even though that book couldn't attract your attention, it sure as hell attracted my brother's. I just had the most awkward conversation with him while cleaning the dishes.”

Okay, somehow, this was just one earth-shattering incident after the other.

“Akiteru knows?” Akaashi didn't dare saying it louder than a whisper.

“If he hadn't, he would have now that Bokuto screamed it through the house,” Tsukishima huffed.

“But... weren't you really uncomfortable with that? I mean... every time we...”

“I was mainly uncomfortable with everyone thinking that I'm in some kind of foursome sex thing with my best friends. That's just not something your family needs to know. That's something to keep private,” Tsukishima said, turning onto his side to snuggle up to Akaashi, until the blanket fully enveloped him. “I mean... it's still weird, you know? People accepted the gay thing relatively easily, but... polyamorous relationships are on yet another level. So I'd rather not go shouting it from the rooftops. I don't really care what strangers like Tendou think, but when it comes to family and friends – even if I know they would accept it, it's still... weird. I don't want them to feel different towards me. I didn't exactly grow up in a big city, like all of you guys. People back home don't know what it means to mind their own business and I don't want my parents to suffer from funny rumors going around about their son. They're from a different generation, so I'm not sure how well they would understand. I'm just... slow, when it comes to these things. I haven't even introduced Kuroo to them yet, so for me going up to them like, 'Oh, by the way, my boyfriend, who I was telling you about – he just multiplied by three'... they'd probably have a heart attack.”

Akaashi gave a snort at that. Fine – so he could understand what Tsukishima meant. Tsukishima probably had a closer relationship to his family than Akaashi had to his own, so he cared more about what they thought. And it was true that their parents' generation was more prone to be shocked by things outside of the norm. They also cared a lot about what everyone else thought of them, especially outside of the big cities. Maybe it wasn't even a generational thing – maybe it was just age-related. Maybe, when you were younger, you still had the energy to stand all the bad opinions other people have of you. Maybe you just grow tired of them with time. So what if they grew tired of it with time, too? If everything went well, they would be together for a long time – wouldn't it be awful to constantly have to deal with these opinions?

Then again, he probably shouldn't start philosophizing about the future when he just called out Kuroo on overthinking everything. For now, it was enough that he understood Tsukishima.

“I'm sorry,” he breathed against Tsukishima's lips, which had somehow sneaked upon his. “About your brother.”

“Don't worry. Akiteru doesn't have any right to judge me, and he knows it. He was actually really supportive. Embarrassing, but supportive.”

“Isn't that pretty much the job of any good elder brother?” Akaashi smiled. He had already guessed that Akiteru would be alright with this. Akiteru was just that type of person. He would probably even be okay with Tsukishima being a serial killer, or a brony.

“Hm... you're thinking weird stuff again, aren't you?” mumbled Tsukishima. Akaashi wondered if he had spoken out loud again. Anyway, he was in no place to deny it, so he reached for Tsukishima's glasses and took them off, so that they could angle their not-quite-kiss better.

“We should go out,” said Tsukishima, as Akaashi traced his bottom lip with little kisses. “As long as we're still here and nobody knows who we are. Test the waters, you know?”

That idea actually sounded amazing. Akaashi couldn't help a smile tugging at his lips. “Hmm... I don't think anyone would try to mess with us. Not with those two scary looking delinquents over there.”

Tsukishima tried to act like he didn't know who Akaashi was talking about, lifting his head a little and squinting through the room. “You mean the delinquents who are almost pissing themselves from being tickled?”

So that's what it was. Akaashi had been wondering why Kuroo had been braying like a tortured donkey for a while now.

“They just have to look their part,” said Akaashi. “We all know that you are the true mastermind here. Ordering your goons to press your enemies into trashcans, or to throw kids' snowboards down the slope. You're ruthless!”

“Shut up!” Tsukishima snorted. “What does that make you in this scenario?”

“Isn't it obvious?” grinned Akaashi. He was starting to feel a little mischievous again. Apparently, Tsukishima had some kind of power to restore his energy levels in no time, when it usually took him at least a few hours of sleep to feel better. But Akaashi could not repress his playful mood right now, so he rolled over, until he was straddling Tsukishima, and the blanket was slowly sliding down over his shoulders. Unfortunately, he didn't have to strip to his underwear like Kuroo and Bokuto – he was still wearing a t-shirt and long johns, which maybe wasn't the sexiest outfit in the world, but Tsukishima didn't seem to mind. His hands immediately reached out to grab Akaashi's thighs and pull him closer.

“I'm the deceitful seductress, using my body to make you spill all of your secrets,” Akaashi breathed, leaning down to teasingly brush their lips together. Tsukishima hummed in agreement. 

“That you certainly are. I don’t mind, though.”

“Hey hey hey!” Bokuto’s voice suddenly rang through the room – it almost made Akaashi lose his balance and topple off Tsukishima in a way that was definitely not deceitfully seductive. “What the hell is going on over there?”

“Nothing,” Tsukishima said quickly. He knew that he had to distract Bokuto from their position, or they wouldn't be able to leave the house again today. “Actually, we wanted to go out – before it gets dark, preferably.” 

“Okay, but this didn’t look like going out – in fact, it looked like the opposite of going out!” Bokuto insisted. “And I liked that. The weather is shit anyway!”

“It’s not snowing anymore,” Kuroo chimed in. His head was poking out from a prison of pillows, blankets, and whole mattresses. It seemed he had lost the fight. “Actually, going on a date is a great idea. Nobody knows us here, so who cares what they think when they see four guys together?”

Not much, probably. The way Bokuto's and Kuroo's hair looked right now, nobody would see four guys here – rather, they would see two men walking a pair of funny looking bearded collies. 

In the end, the deciding factor was Akaashi’s cellphone, which started to ring at that exact moment. Nobody knew where the ringing was coming from, until Bokuto managed to retrieve the cellphone from between two mattresses, where it had somehow been buried during their pillow fight. There was no name saved for the number, but they all knew who was calling anyway, so Bokuto answered with an expectant grin. 

It only took one word to change Bokuto’s mind.

“KARAOKE!” he hollered, directing his beaming smile at every person for a few seconds, as if to infect them with the same excitement. “Tendou says we have to come and sing with him! He’s already there, so let's hurry!”

Tsukishima sighed and let his hands slide over Akaashi’s thighs again, as if to say goodbye. “Tell him we’ll be there in an hour,” he said, to everyone’s surprise. He countered Akaashi’s raised eyebrow with one of his own. “What?” he asked. “After all of this, I suddenly feel the need to get drunk tonight.”

“I see how it is – so you can only stand us when you're drunk!” Akaashi gave a mock disappointed sigh. “I feel so loved.”

“Get used to it!” Tsukishima rolled them over, until he was towering over Akaashi and pressed a quick, final kiss to his lips, before he got up to free Kuroo from his pillow-prison.

Bokuto was already whirring past them with a bunch of clothes in his hands, calling for Kuroo to hurry up so they could shower together. That would probably be nice to watch, but Akaashi was too lazy to get up, and by the time he felt ready to budge, Tsukishima was already climbing down the ladder behind the other two. The bathroom was too small for four people anyway, so Akaashi just rolled himself back into his blanket and decided to laze around some more.

It was weird, somehow. Up until now, nothing really felt different. Even though they had said that they loved each other and wanted to be together – it felt like it had always been like this. The last few days at least. Did he really have three boyfriends now? Were they really all squeezed in the same small bathroom, taking turns in the shower and doing each other's hair? Or was this all just another concussion-induced dream? Akaashi really shouldn't have stayed up here – they probably wouldn't mind him squeezing into the same bathroom, no matter how cramped it would be. 

When he felt like he had restored enough energy to get up again, he went to search for some clothes that would not make him look like a fat toddler desperately trying to stay warm. Akaashi hadn't even remembered that he had packed it, but when he sorted his clothes into the shelves the day before, he had noticed a pair of jeans that fit more in the show-off-curves department than in the keep-warm department. It was probably Bokuto who had sneaked it into his bag. Well, Akaashi definitely owed his boyfriend a favor, so he took off his long johns and squeezed into the jeans, glad that no one was here to watch his awkward little dance.

Akaashi never knew if he could trust Bokuto's taste, and Bokuto just proved his point by climbing back through the hatch, rocking his trademark salmon pink shirt. It had originally been a simple white T-shirt which Akaashi had somehow managed to shrink and dye pink in the wash. Akaashi remembered that they had just moved in together and he had been devastated at his failing at simple housework tasks, so Bokuto had simply claimed that he liked it better now anyway, and to this day, he labeled it his "sexy shirt" and wore it to any possible occasion he could get away with wearing a shirt that was three sizes too small. Maybe Akaashi had been conditioned to actually agree on the "sexy" part, because he loved seeing Bokuto in it. He just wasn't sure if the rest of humanity did, too.

"Did you pack these jeans for me?" he asked, when Bokuto strolled over to crush him in a random hug. 

"Of course, those are your sexy jeans, you should never leave the house without them!"

"I thought the black ones were my sexy jeans," said Akaashi.

"Let's be real here - all jeans look sexy on you!" Bokuto sent him one of his blinding smiles. "But I especially like this pair, because its back pockets are big enough for me to do this." He sneaked his arms around Akaashi and burrowed his hands deep in the jeans' back pockets to grab Akaashi’s butt, and almost lifted him up with the movement. Akaashi automatically threw his arms around Bokuto's neck to meet him in a kiss. There was something inside him – some kind of switch that finally got turned. The realization of what had happened finally seeped through to his brain and it felt like a swarm of butterflies exploded in his stomach.

This was it. They were... they were all together now – nobody had to put a label on it or try and classify what they were exactly. They were just _them_ , and they would go out on a date and be _them_ , and it would finally feel natural and easy. The swarm of butterflies made its way out of Akaashi's stomach in a series of breathless, hiccuping giggles, and Bokuto swallowed them all up. 

"Today is a good day," Bokuto breathed once they parted. "Let's keep it that way. Let's get you and your beautiful angel voice to sing!“

“Hmm, maybe I will. If you get me drunk enough,” Akaashi smiled.

“Shouldn’t you already be lovedrunk enough?” 

“Shouldn’t you be at least a little bit embarrassed by the things you sometimes say?”

There was some movement over by the hatch, and when Akaashi turned his head, he detected Kuroo and Tsukishima, who were both grinning at their display.

Kuroo had somehow managed to comb his extreme mess of a bedhead to just the normal amount of mess. “As if Bokuto would ever be embarrassed by anything,” he said, as he walked up to them to slap Bokuto’s ass. 

“You’re not one to talk,” commented Tsukishima, slapping Kuroo's ass in turn and ignoring the huge smile he earned for his troubles. “Anyway, are you all ready? We shouldn’t keep Tendou waiting, he’s probably going to burn down the place if he gets bored again.”

Since there was a worryingly high probability of this actually happening (after all, the guy _had_ almost managed to burn down a pool, which was a feat in and of itself), they all grabbed their stuff and left the room. Bokuto and Kuroo had to wear a few layers of sweaters to stay warm, since their jackets were still soaked through. They didn't mind how ridiculous they looked.

The rest of the house seemed to be empty - there were no sounds hinting at the whereabouts of the others, so Tsukishima simply called, "We're going out!". Nobody answered, so he just shrugged and led them outside. They found Akiteru there, finishing Kuroo's and Bokuto's half-assed shoveling job. 

"Oh... where are you going?" he asked, when he saw them climb into their car.

"Out," said Tsukishima. 

“Out?” Akiteru repeated, dumbstruck. “Uhm... okay. Don't be too long, though – and don't get too drunk, if that's what you were planning, because...” He faltered when he was faced with Tsukishima's scowl. “It was actually supposed to be a surprise, but... we're getting some more visitors.”

Tsukishima's scowl deepened. 

“It's... You know, they've been asking about you a lot and I thought you'd be happy to see them, so I told them to just come for the weekend, and it was all very spontaneous, but they managed to find a train that stops in a village at the foot of the mountain, and long story short, Ryu and Noya are going to pick them up later today.”

Akaashi wondered if Akiteru was aware that he had never said who exactly their visitors would be, but judging from Tsukishima's face, he didn't have to. 

“Are you telling me,” Tsukishima hissed, “that you didn't feel the need to warn me that _mom and dad_ are visiting?”

“I wanted it to be a surprise!” Akiteru said defensively, and jumped once Tsukishima bellowed his name.

“ _Akiteru!_ ” Tsukishima made broad hand gesture towards Akaashi, Bokuto and Kuroo. Akaashi tried not to look too uncomfortable under Akiteru's confused stare.

“What?” he asked, looking back at his little brother for clarification. When he was only met with an aggressive blush, understanding finally dawned on him. “Wait... no way!”

So he had not been in the house when Bokuto had yelled their confession. Good – it was less embarrassing this way. Tsukishima didn't seem to agree, judging by the color of his face.

“That's great news!” Akiteru beamed, tossing the shovel aside. There was an awkward moment where he seemed unsure if he had understood right, but as soon as Tsukishima burrowed his face in his hands, Akiteru put the smile back on his face and went to give every single one of his brother's boyfriends a warm hug. Akaashi was too afraid that Tsukishima's head would explode to fully appreciate the moment, but Bokuto had probably already cracked one of Akiteru's ribs, because by the time he went to hug Akaashi, he had adopted a more fleeting hugging style. 

“This is not great news at all!” Tsukishima protested. “What if they notice?”

“Oh, Kei!” Akiteru gave an amused chuckle, but Tsukishima obviously didn't share his amusement. “You really think they would care?”

“That's not for you to decide!”

“Okay, okay!” Akiteru lifted his hands in defeat. “I get that. You don't have to tell them, if you don't feel ready. I'm just saying... they will still love you, even if you have three boyfriends, okay?”

“Great – but maybe I don't want to be loved ' _even if_ ',” Tsukishima huffed. He didn't give his brother another chance to rephrase his words – instead, he climbed into the driver's seat and forcibly shut the door. The motor was running three seconds later, so Akaashi, Kuroo, and Bokuto didn't have any other choice but to climb into the car as well. 

“Oh my God, leave him alive!” Kuroo squeaked, when Tsukishima pulled away and made his brother jump out of the way and right into a bank of snow. They could feel the shovel being crushed under their wheels. “And I'm pretty sure that wasn't his shovel either,” sighed Kuroo. He was sitting in the backseat with Akaashi, and frantically fiddled with Akaashi's seat belt. “You shouldn't drive when you're angry – maybe we should switch?”

“I can drive perfectly fine,” Tsukishima spat. “You can drive us all back, since I am surely going to get pissed!”

Surprisingly enough, it was Bokuto who managed to calm him down – he was sitting in the passenger seat, placing a placating hand on Tsukishima's knee. “Don't worry, babe. We'll just concentrate on going out and having fun now. I'll even sing something just for you!” 

“Are you trying to comfort me, or was that a threat?” snorted Tsukishima. Bokuto had probably taken the wind out of his sails by calling him 'babe' so unashamedly. 

“I'll have you know that I'm always the main attraction at any karaoke night!” Bokuto boasted. 

“I don't doubt that,” said Tsukishima. “I just doubt that it's for the quality of your singing voice.”

Bokuto's confidence was unflappable, for once. “You'll see,” he said, and this time, it really did sound like a threat. 

Akaashi secretly snickered into his jacket. He knew exactly what was awaiting Tsukishima. He couldn't wait to see it.

“You're in a very good mood, suddenly,” Kuroo whispered to him. He was probably feeling bad about earlier, because he wouldn't stop clinging to Akaashi, and even though Akaashi didn't mind the hand that had snuck its way under the jacket and shirt he was wearing, to draw circles on his back, it was really damn _cold_.

“Why wouldn't I be, when all my dreams just came true?” Akaashi whispered back. “Except maybe for that icy claw on my skin.”

Kuroo's jaw dropped open in a scandalized 'o', and Akaashi took advantage of it by sealing his lips with a kiss. Ever since he was relieved of driving duty for this trip, Akaashi had made it his new hobby to just make out with whoever he was sharing the backseat with, and he didn't plan on stopping this today. Kuroo gladly welcomed the mouth on his, and even retrieved his cold hand from Akaashi's back to grab at his butt instead. 

“I really like these jeans,” Kuroo mumbled. Akaashi tried to make him shut up by pulling at his bottom lip with his teeth, but Kuroo wasn't easily silenced. “Makes your ass look like an apple I wanna bite into.”

God – why did each and every one of his boyfriends insist on talking so much in situations that didn't require talking? Akaashi pointedly pressed their lips together in a way that didn't leave room for air to pass between them, and Kuroo resorted to express his opinion on the 'sexy jeans' by grabbing his butt so tightly, he would probably leave a hand-shaped bruise there. Akaashi found a lot less reason to complain about this, especially when Kuroo's other hand parted his thighs enough for Kuroo to lean into him and press him up against the car door. 

“Slow down, back there! This isn't even a long drive, so we don't have time for any uncomfortable boners!” Bokuto chuckled.

Kuroo, of course, couldn't just ignore that comment, like any good, horny adult – he had to break away from Akaashi long enough to say, “Do you really think we have such little control of our-”. The rest of the sentence transformed into a moan as Akaashi forcefully pulled his head back into position and filled Kuroo's mouth with his tongue. 

“Oh man!” said Bokuto. “I wasn't even talking about you! Why do you have such little regard for my little friend, huh?”

Tsukishima gave a long, pained sigh. “I still don't understand how you manage to make all of _this_ -” Akaashi assumed that Tsukishima was waving a hand in the general direction of Bokuto's body at this point. “-seem unerotic with just a few words.”

“Nice try with the insult there, but you missed by a long shot,” Bokuto said proudly. 

“I'm impressed,” said Tsukishima. “Did you take a seminar on how to take insults like a grown-up in preparation of asking me out? Was that your stupid plan?”

“Please! I have years of experience of watching you with Kuroo to know when your insults are just thinly veiled love confessions,” Bokuto grinned. “I love you too, by the way.”

“I suddenly feel like I made some really bad decisions in my life.”

There was a wet, smooching sound when Bokuto leaned over to kiss Tsukishima's cheek. “I love you too, too!”

“You're so embarrassing, I swear.”

“I love you too, too, too!”

This time, Akaashi fully consented with Kuroo breaking away from their kiss just to give a long groan. “If you two are going to be any more disgustingly sweet, Akaashi and I will have no other choice but to open the door and roll out of the car!”

“You're in no position of taking the word 'disgusting' into your mouth!” Tsukishima said, glaring at them over the rear view mirror. 

Kuroo looked down at where his knee was lodged between Akaashi's thighs, and Akaashi's arms were slung around his neck. “Yeah, whatever position I'm in right now, I like it a lot.”

“Just so you know, I have dibs on sharing the backseat with Akaashi on our way back,” said Tsukishima. “Anyway – I think this is it. We're here.”

God... had they _teleported_ here? Akaashi really didn't want to let go of Kuroo so soon. If Tsukishima's parents were there when they got back, they would have to control themselves again, so Akaashi wanted to take advantage of all the time they had for now. He couldn't believe that they had willingly abstained from these situations for some kind of plan that would have never worked. Akaashi had a lot to make up for, so he quickly pulled Kuroo back down, to make good use of the last few seconds they had before Tsukishima and Bokuto would force them to stop.

They chose a very effective method of breaking them apart, by opening the car door Akaashi was pressed up against. Akaashi was only saved from falling out by the seat belt he had become tangled up in. 

Tsukishima was grinning at him upside-down, as Akaashi blinked slowly.

“So – are you decent enough for the public eye or do we have to sneak you into the washroom first?”

“Ah...” said Akaashi, swallowing heavily. Kuroo was still laying on top of him, his head somewhere around Akaashi's navel. His jacket had been opened at some point, so there was only the thin fabric of a t-shirt remaining. This would all have been very different, if Kuroo hadn't felt the need to blow a raspberry against his stomach. “I think I'm good now,” Akaashi said.

“It's for the best – I don't think your dick would survive a boner in these pants,” Kuroo grinned, releasing his seat belt. It almost made Akaashi slip out of the car completely. Bokuto caught him just in time and pulled him out of the car.

“Hey, hey, hey! Not a word against these pants, you hear?”

“You're right, I'm sorry. The pants are great,” Kuroo admitted, finally climbing out of the car and looking around. “Uhm... are you sure we're at the right place?”

It really didn't look like a place for a karaoke bar to be located. Then again, this was just a small village, and there wasn't exactly a hot spot for clubbing and party. The building they had parked in front of looked like just another old-fashioned restaurant. 

“This is the address Tendou gave us,” said Tsukishima. “Anyway, there's only one way to find out.”

“That's right!” Bokuto hollered, and grabbed Tsukishima's hand to pull him over to the door. “Come on! I can't wait to make you fall for me all over again!”

“Do I have to be worried?” asked Kuroo, as he linked hands with Akaashi and they followed behind the other two. 

Akaashi decided to give a mysterious grin. 

“Very.”


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Once again - thank you, [Sarolonde](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Sarolonde/pseuds/Sarolonde), for betaing this on such short notice! <3
> 
> Also, I feel like doing a shout-out to omgimwritingfanfics' wonderful [Akatsukki-Fic](http://archiveofourown.org/works/5295320/chapters/12223676) \- if you haven't read it yet, you definitely should!
> 
> And I'm sorry that I'm so slow with replying to all of your lovely comments!! I hope to answer the remaining few for the last chapter today! :) 
> 
>  
> 
> Anyway... have the chapter that was responsible for a week of terrible, terrible earworms *cries*  
> (also, I'll have you know that I unironically listened to all of these songs at some point!! (maybe still do? hm.))

The inside of the bar was exactly what Akaashi had not expected it to be. Somehow, this was not what he had thought of when he had heard that Tanaka and Tendou had met here during a bar brawl. He had thought of neon lights and people wearing sunglasses indoors. Not a softly lit, brightly colored, actually quite comfortable looking place. There were actual tables, not just narrow booths in the walls - judging from the menus presented on each of them, you could even eat a meal here.

Aside from Tendou, there was not a single person under 50 present.

"My guys!"

Tendou waved at them from where he was squished between a group of elderly ladies - probably the ones from the caves. Akaashi distinctly remembered that one lady who had accidentally chosen a hue of gray dye that made her hair look blue. Then again, there was another lady with the exact same hair currently performing some seventies hit that Akaashi was too young to remember, so maybe this was a common occurrence.

"Tendou!" Bokuto had ditched Tsukishima in an instant to run towards his redheaded friend and scooped him up in a tight embrace. The ladies around them cooed and cackled. "You'll never guess what happened!"

"Put him down, Bokuto. He'll get a nosebleed," said Kuroo, tugging at Akaashi's hand to follow Tsukishima to an empty table. Apparently he did not wish to sit with Tendou's new squad. 

Bokuto didn't listen at all and carried Tendou - who looked positively stupefied - over to their own table. It was situated at a wall, two chairs, one bench - he set Tendou down on the bench, next to Akaashi. Tsukishima had been clever enough to sit down on a chair - it left more room for escape. Akaashi on the other hand was now squeezed between a very clingy Kuroo and a very limp Tendou.

"It's nice being carried by him, I know," said Akaashi, when Tendou's head sagged down onto his shoulder.

"You're the luckiest guy on earth," Tendou sighed.

"One of the luckiest guys," Akaashi corrected. Tendou didn't seem to hear him - he was too busy staring at Bokuto, who now sat in the chair across from him, and was already back at courting Tsukishima with ridiculous suggestions about what he should order. ("God damnit, Bokuto, I'm not going to order pineapple juice just so... I'm not even going to say it. I already told you, you don't _have_ to swallow!" - quote Tsukishima.)

"What do you want to drink, Akaashi? I'll pay for anything if it makes you sing 'My Heart Will Go On'," Kuroo whispered. His chin was propped on Akaashi's other shoulder, and he lazily rubbed his face against Akaashi's cheek, like an actual damn cat. Akaashi felt like some kind of three-headed monster. What a cruel fate it would be to be the only head with common sense, trapped between these two ridiculous people. Well, it did have its perks - Akaashi only had to turn his head slightly to meet Kuroo's lips and make him shut up for a while. On his other shoulder, Tendou's head gave a wistful sigh.

"I thought you didn't like guys?" huffed Tsukishima, who was apparently annoyed by Tendou's blatant pining. "Because I'm telling you - three is more than enough, applications are closed!"

"I _don't!_ " griped Tendou. "God, can't a guy appreciate another guy's impeccable physique without being branded a homo? I just like me some beef, is all!"

"Why are you talking like you're 500% more annoying than you already are?" said Tsukishima, even though Akaashi knew that it pained him to use an inaccurate expression like '500 percent'.

Tendou was still too gone to dignify Tsukishima's troubles with an actual response, and settled for sticking out his tongue and staring at Bokuto even harder. He gave a pained moan, when Tsukishima took it as a challenge and leaned in to suck face with Bokuto.

“Fuck, I forgot how disgusting you guys are. Can’t you stop lapping at each other for just a minute when there are innocent third parties and old ladies with frail hearts present?”

“They seem to like it,” Akaashi observed. 

Indeed, the ladies were still cooing and giggling, and one of the blue-haired ones winked at Akaashi when she noticed him staring. Akaashi quickly turned his head away. 

“Bokuto, please go get us something to drink – something with actual alcohol in it!” said Tsukishima.

“Sure babe, what do you want?”

“I don’t know,” Tsukishima shrugged. “You’re good at choosing drinks, so I’ll trust you with this. Don’t fuck it up.”

Judging from his blush, Tsukishima was well aware that he had been incredibly nice. Kuroo chuckled softly into Akaashi’s ear as Bokuto jumped out of his chair and beamed at all of them. It was almost ridiculous how perfect this all was. How happy they all were. It pained Akaashi to think that as soon as they got back, they would have to hide again.

“I’ll get something for all of you!” Bokuto promised. “But Kuroo has to pay, he’s richer than me.”

“I’m not rich!” protested Kuroo. “And I'm not even drinking tonight!”

“Thanks babe!” Bokuto was already skipping away towards the bar, flashing a peace sign at Kuroo. 

Kuroo grumbled, but not for long. “It’s weird when he calls me ‘babe’, he said. “I was always ‘bro’.”

“You like to think of yourself as the master of puns, so why don’t you try fusing the two? I’m sure we don’t have enough embarrassment in this relationship yet,” said Tsukishima.

“Good thinking,” Kuroo nodded earnestly. “Maybe… brabe,” he tried. “Brobe. Babro?”

“Weren’t you saying something about upped incest levels just hours before?” said Akaashi. 

“You can’t say bro if it’s romantic,” Tendou said wisely. “If you say ‘bro’, it’s automatically not gay.”

Kuroo playfully nudged Akaashi’s cheek with his nose to make him share an amused look. “You can always tell yourself that,” he told Tendou. “You’re just in deep, deep denial.”

“I’m not in denial!”

“Right…” Tsukishima drawled. “Hey, can you give me a blowjob, bro? – Doesn’t sound gay at all, sure. That makes sense.”

“I get that _you_ never said those words without being horribly gay,” Tendou sniffed. “Just so you know, it’s never gay when you _receive_ a blowjob! Guys don’t have different mouths from girls!”

Akaashi wasn’t sure if his whole body vibrated from his own silent laughter, or if Kuroo’s just shook him that much. He patted Tendou’s knee consolingly. What a poor, misled creature. 

“You can even have anal penetration with a girl, so basically, with that same logic, you’d argue that you could pound a guy’s ass and it would still be totally heterosexual,” said Tsukishima. 

“As long as I don't have to touch his dick and I have my eyes closed, sure!” 

“Oh my God!” Tsukishima couldn’t keep it in anymore and broke out into wheezing laughter. “You are so full of shit!”

“Don’t mind him, my dear heterosexual friend,” grinned Kuroo, leaning over Akaashi to plant a sweet kiss on Tendou’s cheek. “The gayness has already corrupted his brain. I bet he couldn't even walk a straight line without getting an obsessive urge to waver. He's gonna have a huge problem with the cops someday.”

“Fuck you,” snorted Tsukishima, and threw a toothpick at Kuroo's head. 

“I'm just saying!” Tendou tried to be unbothered by their teasing, but the slight blush spreading on his cheeks gave him away. “There aren't that many girls living here, so sometimes you gotta settle.”

“So were you about to settle with those crispy young ladies over there when we walked in?” grinned Tsukishima, nodding towards the little stage, where four blue-haired women were performing a song with way too many high notes. Akaashi wondered if there was something wrong with the light in here, or if they were multiplying. 

“Be careful what you say about them, they can fuck you up, beanstalk,” Tendou snarled. 

Akaashi had no doubt that they could, but Tsukishima did not have another chance to snark back at Tendou, because Bokuto finally returned, setting a single bottle in the middle of their table, and handing out a bunch of shot glasses. 

Kuroo took the bottle to frown at the label. “You bought a whole damn bottle of Sambuca with my money?” he whined. “In a _restaurant_? We could have just bought that at the supermarket and payed a quarter of the price!”

“It's fine!” Bokuto grinned and let himself fall back into his chair. “I made a good deal with the owner. He's really nice!”

Akaashi glanced over to the man behind the bar – he looked to be a hundred years old, so he was hopefully too blind to be accidentally seduced. Bokuto did that a lot without noticing. 

“Anyway, Kuroo, this is not just simple Sambuca – it's coffee flavored! How great is that?” Bokuto hopped up and down in his chair and turned to face Tsukishima with an expectant glow in his eyes.

“You did well,” said Tsukishima. He reached over to pull the bottle out of Kuroo's hands and poured a glass for Bokuto and himself. “You're my favorite boyfriend right now,” he said. They both linked their arms and downed their shots with one gulp while Kuroo gawked.

“You're already pitting us against each other? How vile!”

“There has to be one advantage to having three boyfriends,” Tsukishima shrugged, already pouring himself a second glass. “You're all so easily motivated to please me.”

Kuroo rubbed his face even closer against Akaashi's. “I can't believe I screamed at you for being manipulative towards this guy,” he whispered. “I'm even more sorry now.”

“It's okay, I needed a good wake-up call. Besides, he's just joking.” Akaashi gladly accepted the glass Tsukishima had filled for him and managed to somehow slide over the table without spilling its contents. Akaashi was the one to almost spill it because Tendou let himself fall down onto the bench out of nowhere and scared him half to death. Akaashi hadn't even noticed he was gone. Probably as soon as Bokuto came back, to hide his boner or something. 

“Look at what I haaa~ve,” Tendou sang, and threw a huge binder onto the table. Akaashi's suspicions about the binder's contents were proven right when Kuroo opened it and immediately started vibrating with excitement.

“It's the songs list! Akaashi, Akaashi!” 

“Yes, I'm sitting right next to you,” Akaashi sighed – it was really not necessary for Kuroo to shake him like that. 

Bokuto seemed just as interested in the list. “Gimme that, I gotta make my battle plan!”

Akaashi downed his thankfully still unspilled shot of Sambuca. 

“Wait, wait, wait – getting Akaashi to sing is much more important right now!” Kuroo claimed, pulling the binder away from Bokuto's grabby hands. 

“Not true! He won't sing anything before he's drunk off his ass anyway, so you better work on that first!”

“Ugh, fine!” Kuroo gave in and handed Bokuto the binder – he was probably curious what Bokuto would come up with anyway. “Where's the bot- Tsukki!” He took the bottle from Tsukishima's hands with an exasperated huff. “At least use a damn glass! We're in a restaurant!”

“Told you I'm just here to get drunk.”

“Right, right,” Kuroo waved an annoyed hand at him. “If you really want to disappoint your parents so bad, you might as well tell them about us.”

Tsukishima pointedly leaned against Bokuto to peek into the binder. “Do they have 'Fuck you' by Lily Allen?” he asked. 

“Nobody wants to hear _you_ sing!” said Kuroo. “You sound like a monotonous computer voice announcing the next bus stop!”

“Fuck you very, very much,” Tsukishima said dryly.

“Oh, I'm sorry, was that a statement or were you already singing the song?”

“This is a very interesting form of flirting,” commented Tendou. Turning towards Kuroo, he added: “I thought you'd be the sappy sort.”

“Don't be fooled,” said Akaashi. “They've been playing footsies all the way through. It's disgusting, really.”

“You're disgusting!” Tsukishima threw another toothpick – at Kuroo, not at Akaashi. 

Kuroo grimly moved the menu on the table to be shielded from more attacks. “Be careful,” he told Akaashi. “We're facing the infamous should-not-be-taken-to-a-restaurant-under-any-circumstances-front!”

Bokuto missed his cue to take off his shirt because he was still frantically browsing the binder for a song to court Tsukishima with. Not that the shirt he was currently wearing needed any taking-off to reveal what lay underneath. Akaashi was almost sure he could feel a wet patch forming on his shoulder, which Tendou was undoubtedly salivating upon. “I think I need another shot,” Akaashi mumbled. 

“I second that!” Tendou waved his own glass in front of Kuroo's face to make him fill it up, took the shot the second it had been filled, and waved his glass again. 

The next hour was dedicated to emptying the bottle of Sambuca, followed by a second one, which they got halfway through before Akaashi was finally ready to let himself be bullied into singing.

Bokuto had shot out of his chair at one point with a screech, and ran away to talk to the owner with big gestures. He had left the binder behind, so Kuroo had nothing to hold him back, and he started to look through the binder with what Akaashi could only describe as a predatory grin.

“I will never sing 'My Heart Will Go On', no matter how drunk I am,” Akaashi said quickly and earned himself a thankful smile from Tsukishima. 

“Aww, come on!” whined Kuroo. He had become even clingier throughout the evening, despite his status as the Sole Sober S(h)itter, and was practically sitting in Akaashi's lap by now. On his other side, Tendou was pressed against him so tightly that Akaashi could feel his phone vibrate in his pockets every few minutes – he had almost jumped out of his skin the first time. By now, Akaashi was ready to go and sing just so he could _breathe_. Kuroo had a better suggestion, though. “You know what? I'll sing something for you, and then you can pay me back, okay?”

“It won't help his singing if he goes deaf first,” said Tsukishima. 

“No need to get jealous, babe - I'll choose something that applies to all of you!”

“That's not fair,” said Tsukishima just as Bokuto came back. He obviously had gotten whatever he had wanted, because he was almost shaking with excitement. “I already have this guy threatening me with bad boyband songs, I don't need any more embarrassment.”

“Hey, hey, hey! I'll have you know that I was super mindful just now – I even chose a rock song for you!” Bokuto protested. “You're gonna love it! Anyway, Kuroo, are you going to sing something?”

“I think I found the perfect song!” Kuroo said, staring into the binder. Akaashi was too afraid to check which song his eyes were on. “This is one of the most emotional songs in the world!”

“The last unicorn?” guessed Tendou. 

“I'm afraid it will be worse than that,” Tsukishima sighed. “Just... please have some mercy with our ears. Nothing above a one-and-a-half octave range, please. Preferably one octave. Ideally just one long, low note.”

“Hey! It was actually a super easy song, but now I'm suddenly swaying more towards Mariah Carey!”

“Please don't.”

“I might! You're being super mean to me, so I don't think you deserve this beautiful, emotional song I had in mind,” Kuroo sniffed. 

Tsukishima made a noise that sounded suspiciously like 'ugh' and downed another shot. “Fine,” he said. “I'm sorry. I love you. You're the best.”

“I don't buy it,” said Kuroo. “You're making such a huge show out of having to get drunk before you can be nice to me!”

“What do you want then?”

“A kiss!” said Kuroo, leaning forward to pucker his lips. Akaashi expected Tsukishima to press his empty shot glass to Kuroo's mouth, but instead he actually leaned forward and kissed Kuroo – quite romantically, even, with his hands framing Kuroo's face and lips slightly open. Kuroo was surprised, too.

“Oh – I did not expect that.”

“I don't know why you're surprised, there's little I wouldn't do to be spared your screeching. It's simple survival,” grinned Tsukishima. 

“You're being a pest again, but my heart is still beating a little faster from that kiss just now, so I'll forgive you,” Kuroo said generously. Sliding the binder towards Akaashi, he added: “Here, you can already look for a nice song to sing to me, since you'll surely be swept off your feet!”

They watched as Kuroo went to the bar to announce to the owner what song he wanted to sing. The ladies were just finishing up a song that might have been 'Girls just wanna have fun' or something by Meatloaf – it was impossible to tell – in any case, Kuroo didn't have to wait too long for his turn. 

Akaashi browsed the binder lazily – he didn't really think he'd find something he would want to sing in there. Most songs were incredibly old, anyway. 

“We could sing together, if you're too shy,” offered Tendou. “I steal every show anyway, so I'd be the perfect partner for you.”

Finally, a sensible suggestion. 

“You choose something, then. I only know the chorus to most of these songs, so I don't really care,” Akaashi shrugged. His attention was drawn away from the binder when [music](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WQnAxOQxQIU) started to play. Incredibly tacky music. Music that Akaashi was sure he recognized.

_I'll be your dream, I'll be your wish, I'll be your fantasy~_

Kuroo was standing on the stage, one hand pressed to his chest, face scrunched into a mask of pure emotion. Tsukishima sprayed a shot of Sambuca over the table. 

_I'll be your hope, I'll be your love, be everything that you need~_

“Is he seriously singing 'Truly, Madly, Deeply' at us?” Tsukishima snorted. “Because that is the lamest thing I've ever-”

_I love you more with every breath truly madly deeply do~_

“Come on, it's super romantic!” Bokuto gushed, mimicking Kuroo's pose and expression with zero sarcasm and mouthing the words to the song.

_I will be strong, I will be faithful, 'cause I'm counting on a new beginning_

Bokuto leaned back towards Tsukishima to mouth the song at him with gusto. 

_A reason for living, a deeper meaning, yeah~”_

Kuroo and Bokuto really were ridiculous, sometimes, but Akaashi fully understood why Tsukishima couldn't help but laugh and sneak his hands around Bokuto's middle, and rest his chin on Bokuto's shoulder to nuzzle at his temple. They were ridiculous and corny and rather embarrassing, but they were so full of love that not even Tsukishima could resist. Especially not when weakened by alcohol. 

“I knew he'd be the sappy sort,” said Tendou, as he rearranged his position to mirror Bokuto's. At least now the annoying phone wasn't vibrating against Akaashi's thighs anymore, but he felt even more like the back of a chair. 

“Do you have to lean on me so much?”

“What they're doing looks comfortable, but in an unexpected turn of events, the glasses guy is much more affectionate than squishy cheeks,” Tendou groused. “Come on, I won't get a boner, I _told_ you, I'm not-”

“Gay. Right, right. How could I forget,” sighed Akaashi. 

_I wanna stand with you on a mountain_  
_I wanna bathe with you in the sea_  
_I wanna lay like this forever_  
_Until the sky falls down on me_

Akaashi tried to get an eye-roll out of Tsukishima, but he was too far gone already, swinging back-and forth in his seat with Bokuto in his arms. Fine then – Akaashi had no other choice but to down another shot and cuddle with Tendou as long as Kuroo was still standing on the stage, making bedroom eyes at him. 

_And when the stars are shining brightly in the velvet sky_  
_I'll make a wish send it to heaven and make you want to cry_

“I doubt that you found something even cheesier than that,” Akaashi heard Tsukishima whisper to Bokuto. 

“Babe – my song is the exact opposite of cheesy! Believe me,” snickered Bokuto. 

“I'm not quite sure what you think the opposite of cheesy is, but I am very, very afraid.”

“You'll love it,” Bokuto promised and pressed a quick kiss to Tsukishima's nose before he went back to lip-syncing with Kuroo's out-of-tune voice.

_I'll be your dream, I'll be your wish, I'll be your fantasy~_

The song lasted forever, as songs like this one tended to, especially when sung by someone with such little regard for human dignity – and Kuroo wasn't even drunk. It was truly amazing. He even did the reach-out-to-the-stars move at some point. Akaashi wasn't sure if he loved this guy despite or because of things like these. 

Tendou hummed and swayed along to the song in Akaashi's arms. He seemed to be really happy – he probably didn't get to be so close with people his age too often, and he made the impression of being kind of touch-starved. Akaashi noticed that he didn't really find him all that annoying anymore. 

“Did you already think of a song for us to sing?” Akaashi asked. 

“Oh, right. I got distracted!” Tendou reached for the binder and opened it so that Akaashi could read it over his shoulder. “Anything you recognize?”

Akaashi scanned the list, but once again, there was nothing he felt comfortable with – until Tendou turned the page and his eyes got stuck on a song title. It was the only title that didn't seem to revolve around love. 

“Wait! How does that one go?”

“Oh, I'm sure you know that one! It's like hmmmm mmmhmmm-” Tendou tried to hum the chorus, and Akaashi was almost sure that he recognized it. No – he was entirely sure that he recognized it – even parts of the lyrics came to him and he mentally snickered. That one was perfect.

“We're singing it!” Akaashi decided, just in time, because Kuroo was finally done with the song and came dancing back to them, a huge grin plastered to his face.

“Soooo?” he chirped.

“That was awesome!” Bokuto hollered, reaching out his arms so that Kuroo could tackle him in a hug and press a kiss to his lips. 

“It's such a great song, isn't it?” Kuroo beamed and muted Tsukishima's groan by kissing him, too. “I knew you'd all love me even more after this!”

“You're a huge embarrassment!” said Tsukishima, but Kuroo was already dancing to the other side of the table, where Tendou and Akaashi were sitting.

“Look, my emotional song even made these two cuddle!” gushed Kuroo and repeated his kiss attack by pressing one to Tendou's forehead. He was met with a gurgling protest. “Relax, no homo, no homo,” said Kuroo, even while he was fully lying on Tendou so he could reach Akaashi's lips. “And one serving of full homo for you!” Akaashi got much more than just a peck – he got hair-ruffling and eyes-closing and tongue. It was good – almost enough to make him feel bad about the song he picked.

“Gross, gross, gross!” came Tendou's muffled cries from where he was sandwiched between Kuroo and Akaashi. “Help me! I'm being assaulted!”

“Shush, you!” Kuroo mumbled against Akaashi's lips. “I said no homo, didn't I?”

“Ah, right.” Tendou stopped struggling – and since he didn't really have anything left to lose, slapped Kuroo's butt and made him squeal. “It's fine then.”

“You should probably go and announce your song before the ladies hog the stage again,” commented Tsukishima. 

“Oh, that's true!” Kuroo quickly retreated from Tendou and Akaashi. “I really want to see what song I inspired you to sing!”

“What makes you think it's about you?” grinned Tendou. “Just so you know, I'll support your dear Akaashi with this, and I probably won't sing about you. Or will I?”

“Please, Tendou, we all know who you're singing for,” said Tsukishima. 

“Yeah, for you!” Tendou cackled. “Just listen well!” He took Akaashi by the sleeve and pulled him off the bench and towards the owner. Akaashi only just noticed that he had troubles standing up straight – that Sambuca had been stronger than it had tasted. No wonder he had no more qualms to stand on this stage, even if he knew that he would regret this tomorrow. 

There was a humming noise coming from somewhere, and by the time he figured out that it came out of Tendou's pants, they were already standing on the stage, microphones in hand. 

“Who are you texting all this time?” he asked, but Tendou didn't have time to answer, because the [music](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b6UAYGxiRwU) started, and he was in charge of everything but the chorus. 

Flashing a bright smile towards Tsukishima, Tendou began to sing: _You walked into the party, like you were walking onto a yacht~_

Tsukishima broke out into laughter, which was a much better reaction than Kuroo's, who looked at Akaashi with betrayed eyes once it was time for the chorus.

_You're so vain_  
_You probably think this song is about you_

Akaashi sent a smirk his way, and Kuroo pretended to faint. 

_You're so vain_  
_You probably think this song is about you_  
_Don't you?_  
_Don't you?_

Akaashi actually ended up having fun with the song, although he didn't know how to sing anything but the chorus, but it seemed to be enough for his boyfriends, because by the time they were done and went back to their table, all of them were grinning brightly, even Tsukishima. 

“That was amazing, Akaashi – and not embarrassing in the least, thank God. I just decided, I like you the most!” Tsukishima said, and ducked under a flurry of toothpicks flying his way. 

“Next time I want to hear something heartfelt, though!” Bokuto decided. “I'll even sing it with you, babe!”

“No way, Akaashi is _my_ duet partner now,” said Tendou. “Go get your own!”

“I told you, applications are closed, stop falling in love with all of my boyfriends!” groaned Tsukishima. 

“All of your- Hey! I thought you guys weren't officially boyfriends!”

“We are as of today,” Kuroo beamed. 

“Congratulations, I literally don't see a single difference to how you were before,” said Tendou. “Well, okay, maybe you're a tad more disgusting.”

Akaashi slid back onto the bench where Kuroo welcomed him with a tight hug. “That was pretty salty, you know? I thought you'd sing something _nice_ for me! But eh – joke's on you. I obviously like salty, otherwise I would have never fallen for that huge saltstick over there.”

“Did you just call me a huge saltstick?” asked Tsukishima, incredulous.

“French fry,” Kuroo added. “Oversalted spaghetti.”

“I'm too drunk to throw any more toothpicks at you without hitting Akaashi, but when we get home, I will fuck you up!”

“Hold that thought.” Kuroo winked. 

Tendou let himself sink back onto the bench next to Akaashi and gave a long-suffering groan. “You know, Akaashi – today I really learned to appreciate your habit of talking so little. I think you're the only one here who doesn't give me a headache every time he opens his mouth.”

Before Akaashi had time to come up with something that would give Tendou a headache, the room suddenly got dark – not completely can't-see-hand-before-eyes dark, but dim, like in an actual night club. While everybody was still looking around in surprise, Bokuto was already jumping out of his chair.

“This is me!” he announced with a grin that could only mean danger. He obviously thought himself a _genius_ right now. Akaashi wondered what he had found in that binder. 

“Babe!” Bokuto pointed at Tsukishima, who hung limply over the table. It looked like he was trying to build a house of cards, but with toothpicks instead of cards, and failed to get even two of them to stand up. Upon hearing Bokuto's declaration, he raised an expectant eyebrow. “This one's for you, so pay attention, okay?”

“Please be gentle with the secondhand embarrassment,” grinned Tsukishima. “Kuroo already left me half dead.”

“Don't worry, you'll feel very alive after this!” Bokuto promised and quickly leaned down to peck Tsukishima on the lips before he ran off towards the stage. The elderly ladies sitting at the table before him already started to cheer, before he had even begun, and Bokuto rewarded them with a wink and a fingergun. 

Tendou's phone vibrated _again_ , but he kept ignoring it, too focused on Bokuto's broad silhouette standing on the still dark stage. 

A spotlight hit him at the same time as a beat started playing, and Tsukishima yelled, “BOKUTO, NO!”

Akaashi didn't recognize the song quite as fast. He had taken up a habit where he would put on his headphones as soon as Bokuto got into the mood to listen to music. There was only one thing that could properly drown out Bokuto, so Akaashi had had no other choice but to adopt a taste for death metal, which meant that he was not as up-to-date with Bokuto's music as one would assume. In any case, it was always fun to watch Bokuto dance through the apartment and shake his ass to death metal. 

This time, Akaashi had to listen to the actual song, but judging from the way Tsukishima was already burrowing his face in his hands, this would be good. 

Bokuto spent the first twenty seconds of the [intro](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=639eG5Y9JTg) showing off his body – not that he had to do a lot in that shirt, except to move to the beat with a smoothness that had the blue-haired ladies squealing. Tendou looked like he was about to join them. The spotlight made Bokuto's shirt look like it was about to rip at the seams – Akaashi hoped that wouldn't actually happen, because he really, really liked that shirt. 

“I'm going to kill him!” Tsukishima groaned just before Bokuto came in with the lyrics.

_It seems so obvious_  
_There's something up with us_

Akaashi was pretty sure that he didn't know the song, but Bokuto didn't even have to look at the screen. He was pointing at Tsukishima again, making it unmistakable who he was singing this for. Tsukishima looked at him from between his fingers, shaking his head slightly. 

_I swear I feel it from across the room_ , Bokuto sang. One second later, he was no longer standing on the stage – he had jumped onto the ladies' table, sinking down onto his knees. 

_So can I ask you this_

The ladies had zero qualms to touch him, but Bokuto didn't seem to mind. He raised his hand to gently caress one of the ladies' faces and winked at her, while Tsukishima looked like he would either barf or break out into laughter any second now.

 _Not to be forward, miss..._  
_But I think I'd kill myself, if I never kneeEW_ , he roared into the microphone, jumping up again, and somehow managing not to fall despite the numerous ladies clinging to his legs. 

This was about the point where Akaashi finally recognized the song, because that chorus was not easy to forget.

_What do I have to do_  
_To get inside of you_  
_To get inside of youuu_

Kuroo gave a loud, delighted squeak right next to Akaashi's ear, Tsukishima tried to shield his face with the menu, and Tendou sank down in his seat, leaning heavily into Akaashi.

“I am... so gay,” he whined, pressing the ball of his hands against his eyes. “Akaashi, help me!”

Akaashi laid a comforting arm around his shoulder, because damn, Bokuto really didn't leave the poor guy a shred of a chance to keep on living in denial. He stood on the back of a chair and smoothly rode the falling chair to a second table, where he let his hips swing suggestively.

_Cuz' I love the way you move_  
_When I'm inside of you_  
_When I'm inside of youuu_

It really was the perfect song for Bokuto, because it didn't ask for a nice voice or the ability to hit notes, it just asked for a lot of energy and passion, of which Bokuto had more than enough. He jumped over even more tables, only stopping on a few to thrust his hips in Tsukishima's direction.

_Just ask and I will do_  
_Anything you want me to_  
_There is no limit to how far I will go_

He was moving around so much that the already too small shirt rode up even higher and revealed a nice sliver of skin that had Tendou moan. The moan only prolonged when the phone in his pocket started to vibrate again.

“Okay, this is getting a bit weird,” Akaashi said, but Tendou just let his head loll down onto his shoulder again. 

_And I'm sure I can pretend_  
_To be a gentleman_  
_But before I begin_  
_I just gotta knooOW_

Bokuto had reached the bar now, and swung around on one of the pillars at the counter's side.

 _What do I have to do_ , he sang, thrusting his hips against the pillar. _To get inside of you, to get inside of youuu~_

Tsukishima was still shaking his head, but a grin had broken through his feigned terror, leaving him exposed. They all watched in silent amazement as Bokuto hopped across the bar while the old man calmly cleared his path by removing little bowls of peanuts and drink menus right before Bokuto's feet would have crushed down on them. 

_Cuz' I love the way you move_  
_When I'm inside of you_  
_When I'm inside of youuu~_

A short instrumental part followed and Bokuto used it to jump down from the bar, directly into a knee-slide towards Tsukishima, edging closer with more hip-thrusts when he couldn't quite reach him. It looked... well, Akaashi couldn't really blame Tendou anymore, because by now, he had to cover his own mouth with his hands in order to not salivate too obviously. He could barely hear the ladies screaming and cheering anymore, he barely noticed the annoying, vibrating phone. There was just Bokuto, and his incredibly small shirt, which had ridden up so much that his entire stomach was exposed.

_For now I'll play the game_

Bokuto swung himself back onto his feet almost effortlessly.

 _And I'm waiting for your move_ , he sang, totally focused on Tsukishima, who had subconsciously turned in his chair to face Bokuto. His mouth hung slack open.

_But I've got to say-_

Bokuto reached out a hand, grabbed Tsukishima by the back of his neck, and pulled himself right into Tsukishima's lap. _That I never loooOSE_ , he roared, head thrown back, hips thrusting forward, and Tsukishima moaned, long and loud. As did pretty much the rest of the restaurant, save for the old man at the bar. 

_What do I have to do_  
_To get inside of you?_

The rest of the song was essentially just Bokuto giving Tsukishima a better lap dance than he would have gotten at any strip club. He was really outdoing himself this time – even Akaashi was impressed, and he had been serenaded this way many times before. 

_To get inside of youuu~_

Tendou obviously needed some distraction, because he finally dug that stupid phone out of his pockets and tried to concentrate on that instead of Bokuto dryhumping Tsukishima in the middle of a bar, with a bunch of screaming ladies watching.

“I'm gonna fuck you to this song someday!” Bokuto yelled – thankfully not into the microphone, but it was a close call, as he was already bringing it back to his mouth for the chorus. 

_Cuz' I love the way you move_  
_When I'm inside of you_  
_When I'm inside of youuu~_  
_youuu~_  
_youuu~_ , Bokuto roared in Tsukishima's face, until Tsukishima got annoyed and ripped the microphone from his hands and pulled him down into a laughing kiss. The ladies still cheered and whistled, Kuroo was grabbing Akaashi's thigh tightly, as if to say 'look, LOOK!', and Tendou was reading his texts, getting paler and paler by the second.

“Akaashi...” whispered Tendou, pulling at his sleeve. “I think we have a problem.”

“What?” Akaashi hissed. He was not happy to have this moment interrupted, because this was all he had wanted for months now – this happy, sexy, _public_ relationship – and it was only for this one evening, so couldn't he at least have that?

Tendou wouldn't back down, though. “Read!” he said, pushing his phone into Akaashi's hand, and Akaashi reluctantly tore his eyes away from where Bokuto and Tsukishima were still making out. 

The phone showed a collection of texts from Tanaka.

 **Ryuu**  
hows it going? I can join u if u need backup  
we r passing the villag on our way bakc  
just got the tsukishima parents from the station  
they cool

 **Me**  
oh man they DO NOT care man  
makin out the whole time  
dnt care abt any1 seeing  
esp not me  
I cry

 **Ryuu**  
lmaooo  
srsly what r akaashi n bokuto doing???  
remind them of PLAN?!

 **Me**  
they so gone  
dude  
they look happy I dun wanna interrupt 

**Ryuu**  
ur hopless  
its the same karaoke bar as last time rite?

 **Me**  
Yeah y?

 **Ryuu**  
its a place for old people  
so its fine  
we r on our way back  
im bringin in the cavalry

 **Ryuu**  
tell them keis parents are coming k?  
That ll make em stop lmao

 **Ryuu**  
bro?

 **Ryuu**  
we r almost there bro  
u there?

 **Ryuu**  
are u getting my texts? 

**Ryuu**  
bro srsly we r HERE  
noya just parked  
pls answer

That last text had been sent while Akaashi had been reading. Which meant that, if Tanaka hadn't come up with a really good excuse to stall, they would be walking in the door right about...

Akaashi turned his head just in time to be met with Tanaka's and Noya's horrified stares. Behind them stood a man and a woman, both blond with gray streaks, both looking to be in their fifties, both staring at Tsukishima with amused smiles. 

Tsukishima, who was still making out with Bokuto.

Tsukishima... and Bokuto.

Fuck.

FUCK!

The music had long stopped playing and the light had gone back on, but Tsukishima was still holding the microphone in one hand, arms slung around Bokuto's neck, lips joined, _smiling_. Akaashi set down the phone on the table and wished for a comet to hit the earth.

Kuroo – despite being captivated by Bokuto's and Tsukishima's kiss, seemed to notice his sudden distress, and followed his line of sight to where Tsukishima's parents were standing. It took him only a few seconds to understand.

“No!” he gasped, just as Tsukishima's mom started to laugh.

“Wow, I did not think I'd ever see this,” she said, walking up to their table, smiling at all of them. “Coming here was a great idea, Ryuunosuke – I finally get to see my son in his natural habitat.”

Tsukishima must have recognized his mother's voice, because he immediately pushed Bokuto off him and kept staring straight forward, obviously hoping that he had just imagined it. Akaashi, Tendou and Kuroo couldn't do anything but sit there and silently watch this train wreck unfolding.

“Don't look so shocked, Kei!” - Tsukishima's father was grinning, too. “We always knew that you could actually have fun.”

“Yes, it's not the first time we see you drunk. I have a nice collection of pictures from family gatherings around the years, if you need a reminder,” said his mother, smiling down at where Bokuto now sat on the floor, looking up at them confusedly. 

“Mom...” said Tsukishima, hoarse. “Dad. What the hell are you doing here?” He was shaking with tension.

“Ryuunosuke mentioned that you wouldn't be home when we got there, because singing karaoke is apparently more important than seeing your parents after almost five months,” chided Tsukishima's dad. “So we decided to come to you.”

“That's right~” fluted Tsukishima's mom. She reached out a hand for Bokuto, who still sat dumbstruck on the floor. “Anyway, it's so nice to finally meet you, after all we heard about you. Or rather – after all we managed to squeeze out of Kei.”

Bokuto took the hand, and let her think that she actually had the power to help him get up from the floor. The panic in his eyes made it clear that he was starting to understand what was happening here. He tried to look at Tsukishima for help, but he just continued to stare into nothing.

Now the dad advanced on him, too. “I'm sorry, we did not mean to be so invasive, but you don't have to be afraid about bad first opinions or anything – we are more than happy that Kei found a boyfriend who can get him to be so open with his feelings.”

“We'd be really happy if you called us mom and dad, Kuroo,” smiled Tsukishima's mom.

Next to Akaashi, the real Kuroo buried his face in his hands.

“Ah... uhm... right,” stuttered Bokuto, frantically looking at everyone for a sign of help. But nobody knew what to do – Nishinoya, Tanaka, Tendou, Kuroo, and Akaashi too – they all just stared at him, most of them peeking from behind their fingers. Bokuto had no other choice but to say: “Yeah... I'm Kuroo. That's who I am. Kuroo." An unsure chuckle followed the words. "Nice to meet you, too – mom and dad.”

The microphone fell out of Tsukishima's weak grip on it and hit the floor with a loud screech that perfectly voiced Akaashi's thoughts at that exact moment. 

They were _fucked_.

And not in the good way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bokuto's grand performance now has grand [art](http://screamingshark.tumblr.com/post/140485917519/i-do-plan-to-line-and-color-this-sketch-tho-a) (and MORE [art](http://screamingshark.tumblr.com/post/141060887299/more-scenes-from-daredevil-on-the-slope-by-the)) by [screamingshark](http://screamingshark.tumblr.com/)!!! (and i _really_ advise you to click those links, because... ah, you will never be the same again! *wipes nosebleed*)


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I advise you to look at the end notes of the last chapter, if you ever feel like getting a nosebleed. The lovely screamingshark did some absolutely wonderful sketches of Bokuto's karaoke performance! I don't know how much time I spent just looking at them - it's probably why this chapter took so long to write lmao!
> 
> anyway, guys - here come the parents! :D

„ _Why_ did you have to say you're Kuroo, when you're not Kuroo? _I'm_ Kuroo! I should be the one to call them mom and dad, not _you_!“

They were all squeezed into the small – very, very small – washroom of the karaoke bar, and Kuroo – the real one – violently shook Kuroo – the fake one – by his shoulders.

“Shut up!” groaned Tsukishima. He looked a bit livelier than just minutes before, but still very, very close to being brain dead. “It's okay. This is okay. We can work with this.”

“No, we can't!” said Kuroo. Ironically, he was the one overreacting the most. “I can't be represented by Bokuto in front of your parents! What will they think of me?”

“Hey!” pouted Bokuto. “That's not fair. Old people love me!”

“Don't call them old people,” sighed Akaashi.

“I'm just saying! “ Bokuto crossed his arms in front of his chest and huffed. “I can be Kuroo for two days. That's not a problem at all.”

“The problem is that we just lied to Tsukishima's parents.” Akaashi tried to shed some light on the real issue here, but nobody seemed to actually think that far. They were all dead-set on going with their story and the only problem they saw was that Bokuto was a _terrible_ actor.

“Look – we just need to survive these two days somehow, and then there will be hundreds of miles between us and my parents again,” Tsukishima said. “So it doesn't really matter. Until I am ready to tell them about us, Bokuto will simply be Kuroo and that's that.”

“But Tsukki!” whined Kuroo. “I was looking forward to meeting them for so long!”

“Then I guess you're out of luck!” spat Tsukishima. He sounded extremely annoyed, so Kuroo didn't push the issue, but everyone could see that he was silently fuming.

Fuck! They couldn't end up making Kuroo angry _again_ , after just a few hours had passed since he’d exploded on them. Akaashi's nerves were still sore from all the ups and downs today, so he tried to calm Kuroo down by reaching for his hand and squeezing it comfortingly. It seemed to work, more or less. Kuroo released a long breath and after he was done, there was a little less tension in his grip.

Unfortunately, it didn't last for long.

“Two days,” said Tsukishima, shaking Bokuto's shoulders slightly, “you only have to be Kuroo for two days. Can you do that?”

“Can I- of course I can!” Bokuto quickly grabbed a few strands of hair from his head and pulled them over his right eye. “Howdy there, my younguns! Have you ever heard of Bokuto? I hear he's a cool son-of-a-gun!”

Kuroo screeched and was just about to jump on Bokuto when the door to the washrooms opened and Tendou squeezed in beside them.

“What do you want?” barked Kuroo while he was clawing at Bokuto's hair.

“Uhm...” said Tendou. He was looking between them as if he was trying to read the mood. It was not a thing Akaashi would have thought him capable of. “I wanted to apologize before you all fuck off and never talk to me again?”

“What do you even mean?” sighed Tsukishima. “Can't you see we have other problems right now?”

“Well, yes. Because of me, right?”

Tsukishima turned around to throw him a quizzical look. “Okay?”

“This is definitely not your fault, Tendou,” sighed Akaashi. If anything, it was Akaashi's and Bokuto's responsibility, because they hadn't thought about telling Tanaka that they were done with the plan. Confessing all of this to Tsukishima would be fun... but right now, Tsukishima was right. They had other problems.

“Look, you can explain all of this later. The more people there are in here, the more suspicious it will look, so... Let's just go, okay?” said Tsukishima. “We can meet up on the slope tomorrow.”

“I can't,” said Tendou. “My dad is making me meet some important people who are supposed to teach me business and stuff.” He made a face as if he couldn't think of anything more awful to happen to him. “He wants me to take over the pool someday and he says I have to stop almost burning it down or he'll disinherit me.”

“A true tragedy,” said Kuroo, patting his back. “Do we have to give you a ride home?”

“Nah, I already called a taxi.”

“Bullshit, I bet he intends to spend the night with one of those charming ladies,” Tsukishima whispered to Bokuto. If he was already back to making jokes, then he was taking all of this better than Akaashi had anticipated. Or maybe it was just due to him being drunk. In any case, it was a good thing he seemed to get along with Bokuto so well right now, because that would help a lot with this idiotic farce. Akaashi just had to make sure Kuroo wouldn't sulk too much.

God, it was like they had gone on a trip through the looking glass, where everything was backwards. Tsukishima's parents had really thrown them out of balance. Not for the first time, Akaashi felt like he was the only normal person in the room.

“Bokuto,” Akaashi tried to give one last tip and hoped that he would be listened to. “Remember – you don't have to _act_ like Kuroo. Just be yourself, except that now your name is Kuroo, and you're a physiotherapist. Those are literally the only things you have to remember, okay?” Looking at Tsukishima, he asked: “Or is there anything else?”

“Not really.”

“Is that seriously all you told your parents about me?” sniffed Kuroo.

Akaashi and Tsukishima pressed their eyes closed in an attempt to fight a headache. Who would have thought that a sulking Kuroo would be even worse than a sulking Bokuto? At least they had experience in handling Bokuto.

“Bokuto, could you please make him shut up for a while?” said Tsukishima.

He might as well have been an actual mob boss, because Bokuto immediately jumped on Kuroo and pressed him up against the wall to plant a wet kiss on him. Kuroo got in one 'Get off me, shithead!' before he gave in and let Bokuto push his tongue down his throat.

Maybe handling a sulking Kuroo was easier than Akaashi had thought.

Meanwhile, Tsukishima threw his arms around Tendou's and Akaashi's shoulders to form a secretive huddle.

“Okay, so – can we trust Bokuto with this?” asked Tsukishima.

“Absolutely, one hundred percent no,” Akaashi answered honestly.

“That's what I thought,” said Tsukishima.

Tendou looked a bit lost in the huddle, but he tried to contribute some ideas as well. “Just make sure to have someone chaperon him at any given moment,” he said. “That way you can just feign a coughing fit as soon as he starts to say something weird.”

“I guess we don't really have another choice,” said Tsukishima. “Not that I had planned on leaving him alone with my parents anyway, but... coughing fit, good idea.”

Tendou beamed proudly.

“Anything else?”

“Yes,” said a voice from the open door. They all looked up to be met with Tanaka's unbelieving stare. Behind him, Nishinoya's head poked over his shoulder, sporting a huge grin. “If you want this to work, you should probably try to act a bit more _normal_!” Tanaka gestured towards where Bokuto still had Kuroo pressed against the wall, tongue still halfway in his mouth, despite both of them having turned to look at the intruders.

Tsukishima's arm slowly slid down Akaashi's back, until it hung limply by his side. Akaashi really did not want to turn around and check on Tsukishima's facial expression right now.

“Come on, Kei – don't look at us like that. You already know that we know,” said Tanaka.

“Doesn't mean I couldn't at least hope,” Tsukishima groaned. “But I guess it's better, in the end. Otherwise, this would have been really hard to explain.”

“Not _that_ hard,” Nishinoya piped in. “I mean – everyone who saw you guys together for at least one day should see how you are all just made for each other.”

“Which is why you should tell them,” Tanaka added. “Come on, Kei, your parents are super chill! They don't deserve to be lied to.”

The two of them seemed to have an impromptu staring contest, until Tanaka turned away with a sigh. Great, if not even dinosaur-face could win in a staring contest against Tsukishima, they were all doomed.

“You and I will have a lengthy conversation once we get back,” said Tsukishima.

“Fine. But for now, we should go. Your parents are waiting by the car, and they’re probably wondering what's taking you so long.” Tanaka turned around on his heel and almost collided with Nishinoya, who was still hovering behind him.

Akaashi exchanged a glance with Tendou, who just shrugged his shoulders and shook his head a little, then turned to look at Bokuto and Kuroo, who were... making out again?

“Hey!” Akaashi protested. “Stop that!”

Kuroo broke away from Bokuto with a huff and gave a slightly pained grin. “Sorry,” he said. “We won't get to do that for a while, apparently. Besides, I'll probably want to punch Bokuto in the dick every few minutes for the next two days, so...”

“Well,” said Tsukishima. “You had your five seconds. Now let's go.”

They said goodbye to Tendou outside, on the parking lot. His taxi had already arrived and three blue-haired ladies had somehow squeezed themselves in it, leaving only one free space for Tendou – and it was not the front seat either. Tsukishima lifted an eyebrow when he noticed it, sarcastic comment already on the tip of his tongue, but then it happened:

His parents bounded out of Nishinoya's Mercedes, ran towards Bokuto, and linked arms with him from both sides. Bokuto was ushered away and thrown into the car within seconds. Akaashi only heard Tsukishima's mother yell: “Drive, Yuu!” - then he was too busy keeping Tsukishima from throwing himself in front of the car to pay closer attention. 

“Fuck!” Tsukishima barked. “I knew they would pull this shit! I will kill Noya when we get back.”

“So much for never leaving Bokuto alone with them, huh,” Akaashi groaned. “What do we do now?”

“There's only one thing left to do,” said Tsukishima, and burped.

Kuroo grabbed his arm with a screech and led him behind the restaurant to throw up in the snow without everyone watching. Akaashi was left behind with Tanaka and Tendou. They all stared at each other awkwardly for a while.

“Well,” Tendou finally said, glancing towards his taxi. The three ladies were waving at him to hurry up. “I'm sorry, guys – I really need to go now. But, uhm... good luck, I guess?”

“Yeah,” Akaashi and Tanaka sighed at the same time. “See you around.”

They watched Tendou shuffle away towards the car and squeeze himself into the last free back seat. He was just barely able to close the door, but Akaashi couldn't even laugh at the way his cheek was pressed against the window as the taxi pulled away.

“So...” he said, turning towards Tanaka. “We should have mentioned. Some things have changed.”

 

By the time they arrived at the chalet, the Mercedes was already parked and Bokuto and the others were nowhere to be seen. Tsukishima looked a bit better, at least. Less green. Which might have been because every single color in his face drained as soon as they stood in front of the house.

“Relax,” said Kuroo, laying an arm around Tsukishima's back. “It’s barely been twenty minutes. He can't possibly have fucked up that much yet.”

“It's Bokuto,” said Tsukishima. Just that, nothing more. He didn't have to say more to make everyone around him nod gravely.

“Well, we shouldn't leave them alone any longer, so,” Kuroo said, giving Tsukishima a little push, until Tanaka grabbed his arm.

“Uh, maybe you shouldn't go in like that?” Tanaka said. “Your only boyfriend is Akaashi, remember?”

Great – they would have probably fucked it up themselves, if Tanaka weren't here. He’d been the one to remember to call Akiteru and Saeko, too. To warn them of what was happening. By the sounds of it, Saeko had run through the house yelling, 'I knew Kei couldn't be friends with angel-face without thirsting! You owe me one tattoo, Akiteru!', to which Akiteru had replied that they never made a bet, and that this was a grave affair which required some tact, so she should probably just leave the house for the night. 

Now they were all waiting inside, and no one on the outside knew whether or not the parents had already found out. Like some kind of Schroedinger's family.

“Well then,” said Kuroo, stepping back to lay his arm around Akaashi's back instead. “After you.”

The very second they opened the door, they could hear the sound of feet skittering across the wooden floor, like a cute little pet running to greet them. Except, it wasn't that little – more like the size of an adolescent hippo, and it wasn't that cute either – more like a ruffled, panicked owl creating an uproar. The pet part was fitting, at least.

“You're back!” cried Bokuto, throwing himself at Tsukishima. “I thought you would never return!”

"What did you do?" sighed Tsukishima.

"Well," said Bokuto, "just a heads up, in case you didn't know this about me... I'm not just a physiotherapist, I'm also a part-time dancer, I speak Dutch, and I make the best balloon animals."

Akaashi tried to suppress a groan when he heard more footsteps coming from the living room. Bokuto looked like he would jump out of his own skin any moment now - standing between Tsukishima, who still hadn't said anything about his stupid lies, and Tsukishima's parents, who undoubtedly came to retrieve more weird stories from him, he was reduced to a nervous, trembling mess.

Luckily, Tsukishima still seemed to be oddly tenderhearted towards him. "Okay, that's fine. My parents don't speak Dutch, so they can't prove anything. You actually _can_ dance, so if they want you to show it, you'll manage. As for the balloon animals - I don't think anyone brought balloons here, so... Well done. You actually held up under their pressure. Consider me impressed."

"Oh, thank God," Bokuto breathed. "Love you, babe!" he said, just as the parents walked through the door. He pressed a kiss to Tsukishima's lips, probably to keep himself from coming up with any other weird stories. Moments later, he leaned back, making a face.

"I may have thrown up," Tsukishima shrugged. Over Bokuto's shoulder, he threw his parents a glare. "Are you done with him already? We're tired."

"Come on, Kei," laughed his dad. "Just let him show us how he makes a balloon animal, that sounds fun. Doesn't that sound fun, honey?"

"Tons of fun," smiled Tsukishima's mom.

Bokuto turned around with a wavering smile. "And it is. Unfortunately, we didn't bring any balloons, so... Unless I go and get a condo-"

Four people broke out into a coughing fit at the same time (they really had to coordinate this better) - even Akiteru seemed to have joined in. He stood in the door frame, behind his parents, and looked like he was trying to pantomime his deepest apologies to his brother.

“No balloon animals!” groaned Tsukishima. “Please, just let us go to bed already.”

“Will you be nicer in the morning?” asked his mother, walking around Bokuto to reach up and ruffle her son's hair. “We haven't seen you in so long, we almost forgot how grumpy you are.”

“I'm not grumpy.”

Of course you aren't,” she laughed, giving his hair one last ruffle. “Good night, Mister Grump. Can't wait to meet my fresh and shiny Kei in the morning.”

Well, she was pretty cute, if kind of embarrassing. Not that Akaashi disliked that – he would have given a lot for parents like that. Tsukishima didn't seem to be too grateful, though. “Are you done embarrassing me now?”

“She'll think of many new things by tomorrow,” her husband laughed. “But you know how she is.”

“Uhm...” Akiteru still stood in the door frame, looking like he wanted the floor to swallow him. “Actually, Kei – I didn't get to tell you yet, but... since we didn't have another free room for mom and dad, we had to give them Ryuu and Noya's, so-”

“We're roommates!” beamed Nishinoya, who came skipping into the corridor from behind Akiteru. “Isn't that great?”

“Awesome,” said Tsukishima, voice devoid of emotion. It didn’t even sound sarcastic, it sounded like he genuinely didn’t care anymore. Akaashi just wanted to reach for his hand and squeeze it, but he had to wait for Bokuto to catch up with Tsukishima’s mood and lay a protective arm around his middle.

“Okay then, mo- mom, dad… I think we'll go to sleep now. Good night!” said Bokuto.

“Yes, we promise we won’t sleep in too long,” promised Kuroo, with a broad, fake smile stretching his face. “I hope you have a good night and sweet dreams!”

“Don’t exaggerate it,” Akaashi whispered as they turned around with a wave and stalked away towards the bathroom to brush their teeth.

Tanaka and Nishinoya took a bit longer to follow, but they had already brought all their stuff to the attic room. Tsukishima kicked their bags all the way to the two mattresses at the end of the room, and slunk down into his own bed, letting Kuroo pull off his clothes for him.

“Are you okay sleeping in your boxers? Or are you too cold?” asked Kuroo.

“I’ll be okay sleeping forever,” groaned Tsukishima.

“Come on!” Kuroo used one of Tsukishima’s jeans legs to slap his ass lightly. “Don’t be overdramatic. Bokuto, we need some heat over here!”

“Like, _heat_ heat, or just cuddling for warmth?” asked Bokuto, already skipping over. As long as it usually took him to get dressed, he never had any problems getting _un_ dressed, so he was already in his underwear, although Akaashi hadn’t even seen him peel out of his jeans. Akaashi would definitely need help with his own jeans.

“You are aware that we’re not alone tonight, right?” Akaashi reminded them.

“Who cares,” came Tsukishima’s voice, muffled by the pillow he had pressed his face into. “Everyone already knows that I’m some kind of sex-obsessed gay foursome fetishist. You may as well give me some _heat_ heat.”

“What’s that even supposed to mean?” groaned Kuroo, and threw the multi-colored pajama pants at Bokuto’s head. “Wear them!” he ordered. “You already turned one guy gay today.”

“What? Who? The old bartender?” gawked Bokuto.

“Tendou, obviously, you idiot!” Kuroo rolled his eyes and looked like he contemplated throwing a pillow after the pajama pants.

“Tendou?” Bokuto repeated, disappointed. “When was he not gay?”

A snort rose from the pillow Tsukishima had buried his head in and Kuroo threw his arms up in a defeated gesture. It was almost ridiculous how Bokuto was the only one able to handle Tsukishima in this state. Akaashi tried to suppress a fond smile as he shuffled over to where Kuroo was kneeling on the mattress.

“Can you help me with my jeans?” he asked. “I don’t think I can get them off myself without a pair of garden shears."

Kuroo gave a long sigh and made some space between Tsukishima and himself for Akaashi to lie down. "Sure thing, babe. I wish this would be a sexier moment, though."

"This moment is plenty sexy," said Bokuto - he was already cuddled tight against Tsukishima, pajama pants still hanging over his shoulder, where they had landed. "All I ever wanted to do on this trip is to cuddle for warmth. My dream has finally come true."

"Could you stop being this unintentionally sweet? You're giving me cavities," complained Kuroo.

"You're just jealous!" Bokuto yawned.

"Of what exactly?"

"Me being a better Kuroo than you!"

Tsukishima cackled into his pillow again, and Akaashi felt a traitorous grin tug at his own lips. He kept it under control, because he promised himself to make sure Kuroo wouldn't get into a bad mood. He should probably signal Bokuto to stop.

"You said you speak Dutch and make balloon animals!" gawked Kuroo. "You did a terrible job!"

"Tsukishima said 'well done'!" Bokuto countered. "Besides, can _you_ speak Dutch and make balloon animals? Hah!"

"Neither can you! Not really!" said Kuroo and pressed a thankful kiss to Akaashi's forehead when Akaashi hit Bokuto with a pillow.

"Shut up, both of you!" said Tsukishima. "Let me sleep. Forever."

They settled into a comfortable position - none of them caring about what Tanaka and Noya would think when they entered the room - although Kuroo did spread a blanket over Tsukishima's and Bokuto's underwear-clad butts before he turned Akaashi around to open his fly. Akaashi was too tired to move on his own accord, so he just lay there limply and let Kuroo handle him.

Getting the jeans off felt like having a band-aid come off. The lines of the seams were pressed deeply into Akaashi's skin. Kuroo tried to massage them away just as a careful knock came from the hatch door.

"Can... can we come in? Is it safe?" asked Tanaka.

"No, there are wild tigers on the run," yelled Tsukishima. "They're juggling grenades.”

The hatch opened to a shy manbun peeking in, then Nishinoya appeared above the bun - apparently, he had simply climbed over Tanaka.

"Sorry to intrude," he said. "Are you all okay?"

"Yeah," said Kuroo. "Well, Tsukki's being dramatic, but that's nothing new."

"Are you kidding?" Tsukishima finally turned his head to glare at Kuroo. He looked a lot less angry than he was trying to sound. "You're the most dramatic one out of us all."

"The most dramatic one is obviously Bokuto," Kuroo protested.

"You _are_ Bokuto," said the real Bokuto, grin very obvious in his voice, even though he still had his face pressed into the crook of Tsukishima's neck.

While they bickered, Nishinoya turned to his best friend, of which there was still nothing more but his bun visible through the hatch. "They're fine," he called. “Come on, Ryuu, you can stop shitting your pants already!”

“I'm not – I'm not shitting my pants!” Tanaka protested, but there was a high note to his voice. Apparently, he was expecting that 'lengthy conversation' Tsukishima had threatened him with. Akaashi wasn't sure if Tsukishima was still up for it – he looked way too comfortable with Bokuto cuddled up to him.

“We need to talk!” said Nishinoya, stalking towards Tsukishima and tugging at the blanket he was lying under. Bokuto got a hold of it just in time.

“Bad idea,” he said. “I'm wearing my pants on my shoulder.”

“Huh?”

“There's nudity,” sighed Kuroo. “Just give him a minute – you can wait over there.” He pointed to the end of the line of mattresses, where Tsukishima had kicked their bags.

They watched the two of them shuffle over to their beds and search their bags for a shirt to wear to sleep. Meanwhile, Tsukishima had his own pajamas pushed in his face by Kuroo.

“Go over there and talk to them,” Kuroo ordered. “And don't say you don't want to hear it. It's important, understand?”

“Don't order me around!” said Tsukishima, but he slipped into his pajamas anyway, and a minute later he was gone from the mattress to talk to his old teammates.

Akaashi had to keep himself from listening in on the conversation. It wasn't his place to do so. He was glad that Tsukishima would finally hear about the plan, and it was probably better for him and Bokuto if Tanaka told him, because he would take his fair share of the blame, and maybe more. But it didn't sit right with Akaashi, somehow. He was not some victim who got confused because of his concussion – he had genuinely tried to sex-starve Tsukishima into confessing his feelings, and even though in hindsight that was stupid and would have never worked, it did somehow lead to the situation they were in right now.

However, he was still drunk and tired, and paired with the Tsukishima parents residing in the same house for two days, this was not a conversation that should happen right now. Hopefully, they would have a lot of private time once they came back from the trip, to figure out their relationship.

Kuroo's hand was back on the painful dents in his skin, drawing slow circles around them. Bokuto had reached out a hand to intertwine their pinkies, but he didn't close the space from where Tsukishima had left, hoping that he would lie down in the same place again, between Bokuto and Akaashi, even after talking to his not-brothers. The sound of whispers in the background and the comforting press of Kuroo's hand on his thighs finally lulled Akaashi to sleep.

 

When Akaashi woke up again, it was from a long-lasting, groaning sound, worthy of the Grudge. It seemed to come from Tsukishima, who was lying beside him, face pressed into a pillow, as if to blend out everything around him. It didn't seem to work.

"For fuck's sake!" he yelled, shooting up from the mattress, and Akaashi was suddenly very awake. "Stop _grunting_!"

"Morning, babe!" chirped Bokuto. Akaashi's eyes still weren't fully open and he had troubles figuring out what was going on. He could see the fuzzy silhouettes of Bokuto and Tanaka over by the hatch, doing push-ups. Blinking some more, he even recognized Nishinoya, who was sitting on Bokuto's back with a huge grin on his face. Surprising absolutely no one, they turned out to be just as annoyingly cheerful early birds as Bokuto.

"Don't 'Morning babe' me! Whose idea was it to sweat in here?" Tsukishima moaned.

Truly, a room where six men had slept in, especially after a night of drinking, did not need to be converted into a gym in the early morning, when no window had been opened yet. Akaashi could feel his own head pound from lack of air.

"He hasn't been to the gym in almost a week," Akaashi said, nonetheless. "He'll go crazy if he can't get rid of the extra energy."

"Still, he could do it anywhere but here!"

"And be unchaperoned in front of your parents?" Akaashi countered, reaching out a weak hand to try and pull Tsukishima back down. “Come on, just tell them to open a window and go back to sleep.”

Unfortunately, he had seemingly alerted Tsukishima of another catastrophe with this simple statement.

“Where the fuck is Kuroo?”

Akaashi didn’t have to turn around to know that Kuroo was gone. The warmth that had engulfed him yesterday had long seeped out of the covers.

“Oh, he went down to help with breakfast a while ago,” Bokuto grunted, still in the middle of his routine.

“And you _let him go?_ ” shouted Tsukishima. Akaashi knew what this tone meant. It meant 'bye bye sleepytime'. With a groan, he untangled himself from the blanket and sat up next to Tsukishima.

“Awww,” Bokuto cooed when he looked up and saw them sitting next to each other, both still squinting in the light, mussed hair pointing in every which direction. It was not the right reaction to Tsukishima’s outburst.

“Bokuto! What were you thinking? You should have held him back – what the fuck are you even training for if not for that?”

Looked like the Bokuto-can-do-nothing-wrong day was over.

“Hey, cut him some slack,” Tanaka panted – he had trouble keeping up with Bokuto, even without having another guy sitting on his back. “It’s just Kuroo, right? He seems prudent.”

“No, he gets really weird when it comes to impressing Tsukishima’s parents,” Akaashi admitted. “We should go and check on him.”

Tsukishima was already ahead of him, throwing away the covers and stomping over to the shelf to look for clean clothes for himself and Bokuto, apparently.

“Come on!” he said, throwing something that looked like a book at Bokuto's head. He missed, luckily, and the book fell down through the open hatch, so Tsukishima went over to kick at his arms instead. “Shower. Now.”

“We’re going to shower together?” Bokuto beamed. He didn’t even whine about having his work-out cut short, and jumped onto his feet, Nishinoya tumbling off him unnoticed.

“There’s no other way I can get you to shower. And I need you down there right now, playing my boyfriend.”

“But I _am_ your boyfriend!”

“Playing my other boyfriend.”

“This is really fucked up,” Nishinoya observed the obvious.

Tsukishima didn't dignify his comment with more than a glare. Once he and Bokuto disappeared through the hatch, Akaashi flopped back onto the mattress.

“So... I guess the conversation went well?” he asked, clutching at his blanket. So far, all signs pointed to it, but then he didn't know what exactly Tanaka and Nishinoya had told him.

“Told you we could handle Kei,” said Tanaka. He sounded much more confident than yesterday. “Well, he was drunk and kind of docile, but we did a good job anyway, right Noya?”

“You mean I did a good job. You almost cried, Ryuu!”

“What? No way, it must have been the weird lighting in here!”

Akaashi closed his eyes again, relief washing over him. Maybe, when the Tsukishima parents had thrown them out of balance, they had also softened Tsukishima's reaction to the plan. His focus just seemed to be elsewhere right now, which gave Akaashi some more time to think about what he would say once they finally had the talk.

God – as nice as Tsukishima's parents were – he couldn't wait for them to be gone.

 

Everyone was already sitting at the table once Akaashi, Nishinoya and Tanaka walked into the living room. They had shifted the table from the kitchen, since there was not enough space there for this many people. Kuroo was buzzing around in an apron, carrying plates of rice and salmon.

“I do all the cooking at home,” lied Kuroo, setting a much too big portion in front of Tsukishima's mom. “It's just one of my passions.”

“What are the others? Smoking weed and taking school children's money?” asked Tsukishima. He sat next to his mother and immediately began to take half of the rice off her plate.

“Very funny. Very funny indeed,” said Kuroo. “No, actually, I volunteer at a library for... uh... disabled orphans on Sundays.”

“Right,” Tsukishima nodded. “How could I forget about the disabled orphans.”

Akaashi didn't understand why they had to spin an even bigger web of lies than the one they were already trapped in. He had to make a bold move to distract Kuroo from his relentless attempt at impressing the parents, so he went to hug Kuroo and pressed a kiss to his mouth in front of everyone. He thought he could hear Saeko give a soft wolf-whistle.

“Good morning, _sweetheart_ ,” he smiled, but he hoped his eyes were shooting the daggers he intended to. “Come on, sit down – you already did so much.”

“It's cute when you call me that,” Kuroo whispered. Apparently he had not noticed the daggers. At least he finally stopped buzzing about and sat down on a chair, blissfully mute for almost a full minute. Unfortunately, he seemed to have caught Tsukishima's mother's attention enough for her to try and engage in small talk with him.

"So what do you do for a living, Bokuto?" she asked, making the real Bokuto turn his head in shock, until he noticed that she wasn't actually talking to him.

"I work at a nursing home," Kuroo said pleasantly, pouring himself a glass of juice. "You know, my heart just goes out to the elderly. So many of the residents are abandoned by their families, even though they devoted their whole lives to them. I just want to make sure they get to spend their last years in dignity."

"Ain't much dignity involved in wiping their asses for them," whispered Bokuto, making Tsukishima almost spit out his juice. At least the parents hadn't heard.

"Now this is what I call commendable!" complimented Tsukishima's dad. "You really are a selfless man, Bokuto."

"Oh, not at all," said Kuroo, nodding towards Bokuto, who was busy shoveling rice into his mouth. "The real hero here is Kuroo, who-"

Okay, Akaashi really had to make him stop talking, because this was getting ridiculous and they would just end up with more things on the list of qualities that Bokuto didn't actually have. Kuroo didn't seem to see his hand signals, so Akaashi cleared his throat to gain his attention.

"Bokuto, dear," he said, voice honey-sweet to convey his annoyance. "Sweetheart. Darling. Could you please pass me the juice?"

Ironically, Bokuto seemed to be jealous of Kuroo for getting called all of these ridiculous names. Akaashi knew exactly what the tug at the corner of his mouth meant. Seriously - trying to keep either Bokuto or Kuroo from sulking and at the same time keeping up the act for the parents was like playing Russian roulette. You never knew which situation would be the one to escalate.

Saeko had the right idea. She had foregone all dishes on the table and was holding onto a bag of popcorn, watching all of them intently. She ignored Akiteru and his plea to eat something real for breakfast with a rebellious munch. 

In the end, the situation to escalate didn't come until evening, although there were some close calls throughout the day.

The Tsukishima parents were as "chill" as Tanaka had said. Akaashi would have liked them, if he didn't have to concentrate on lying to them the whole time. They were kind of hard to lie to. They both had an intelligence to them that let them see past outdated ideas of their generation, and their small town lives. Although some ideas seemed to have stuck - at one point, Tsukishima's mom jokingly asked Saeko if the irregularity in her diet meant that she intended to live up to the only hope she had to have grandchildren. After that, Saeko copied Bokuto's style of piling up rice on her plate and shoveling it into her mouth with a spatula.

Other than that, the breakfast went by without a hitch - or any more hitches than usual. It wasn't until they were all back on the slope that another dangerous situation arose.

The Tsukishima parents refused to stay locked in the chalet and insisted on coming along, claiming that none of them had as much experience on skis as them.

They were right. Only Tsukishima and Bokuto were able to keep up. When Akaashi finally caught up with everyone, they were just about to praise Bokuto for his skiing, which sounded like a good thing, until Tsukishima's dad said: "Kei made it sound like you were a baby deer on ice."

Kuroo couldn't keep his mouth shut. " _That's_ what you told them about m... Kuroo? Of all the things-"

"Sweetyplum. Honeybee," Akaashi tried to intervene. "Sugar... uh... slug."

Kuroo actually let the issue drop, but he was very obviously fuming. This time, a simple hand squeeze wouldn't make it better, either. Akaashi only had one choice left. After everyone had turned around to go down the next slope, he took a deep breath and sang:

 _Near, far – wherever you are_  
_I believe that my heart will go on..._

He didn't have to sing any more than that, luckily, because Kuroo had already tackled him into the snow and covered what was visible of his face with kisses.

Another situation was successfully handled, even if it came with a price.

The next time they came dangerously close to being discovered was back in the restaurant, when they ran into Terushima, of all people.

“Isn't there one of your boyfriends missing?” the teenager asked, as he appeared out of nowhere and let himself fall into a chair next to Kuroo.

Kuroo handled the situation with as much grace as he could muster.

“E...eh you mean Tendou?” he coughed, very obviously stepping on Terushima's foot under the table. Stomping on someone's foot with skiing boots usually didn't make for discreet hint-dropping. No one could blame Terushima for jumping out of his chair, still holding on to the tray with food on it, and accidentally catapulting his plate of noodles onto another patron's head.

No one except for Misaki, who appeared at their side like a summoned demon – or angel, rather, if Akaashi had any say in it – making a huge scene, which distracted everyone from counting boyfriends for a while.

Situation two; taken care of by angels.

They were already on the way back to the cars once situation three came around.

“You know,” said Tsukishima's mother, catching up to Bokuto with faster steps than one would expect of a woman wearing skiing boots. “Tadashi already told us that you call Kei 'Tsukki' – you don't have to hold back in front of us. I think it's super cute.”

Akaashi could see all color drain from Bokuto's face as he threw Tsukishima a helpless glance. Tsukishima slowly drew his finger along his throat in a threatening gesture.

“Aaah, I don't know... It's kind of embarrassing,” Bokuto stuttered.

The truth was that Bokuto had lost his permission to call Tsukishima by his nickname once and for all when he had tried to lure Tsukishima into joining their volleyball team at university – with a megaphone and a random cheer squad of people he had chatted up on campus. They followed him around for three days, chanting “Tsukki, Tsukki, he's the moon, he's a star!” - until Tsukishima had snapped and yanked the megaphone out of Bokuto's hands. The problem was that it was deep winter, and the ground was extremely slippery, so the sudden movement had caused Tsukishima to lose his footing and he went down in front of everyone, a surprised “hyaaa!” sounding through the megaphone and across the whole campus.

Following that incident, a lot of people had taken up the habit of singing “Tsukki, Tsukki, he's the moon, he's a sthyaaar!” whenever Tsukishima walked past, to the point of it becoming some kind of university motto. There had been art projects focusing on it. There had been remixes. There had been t-shirts.

It had taken Bokuto two years to even get Tsukishima to talk to him again – on the condition that he was never allowed to say the word 'Tsukki' ever again. To this day, Bokuto had never even uttered the word 'moon'. He had invented a fitting synonym he could use instead, until Akaashi had threatened to leave him if he ever referred to the moon as a `big ass shiny night orb' ever again.

Judging from Tsukishima's reaction, he still hadn't forgotten.

“It's not that embarrassing,” Tsukishima's mother chatted happily. “Tadashi says it all the time. And I even heard Bokuto call him Tsukki!”

Tsukishima turned to give Kuroo another death glare, before he asked his mother: “Why are you talking with Yamaguchi about my boyfriend?”

“Because getting anything out of you is like trying to draw secrets from a brick wall,” said his father. “We knew you had a crush on Kuroo since you were a teenager, and in all that time, we didn't even find out what he looks like.”

“So excuse us if we want to get to know him a bit better,” his mother joined in, patting Bokuto's shoulder. “You know, Kuroo – you don't have to try and make a good impression on us. We like you – you're a lovely boyfriend to our son, and you obviously make him happy. So – just be yourself, okay?”

“Just be myself,” Bokuto repeated with a weak laugh. “Just the same Kuroo Tetsurou that I always am. Sure thing!”

Luckily, they arrived at the cars just then, Nishinoya and Tanaka already waiting for them. They had wanted to take the difficult slope today – probably because the difficult slope was still easier than being part of this train-wreck of a situation.

Once they had loaded all of their skis and snowboards onto their cars, they finally got a moment to breathe. The parents were driving with Tanaka and Nishinoya, which gave them almost a quarter hour to themselves.

“You have to let me call you the name!” Bokuto said as soon as he closed the car door. Akaashi was riding shotgun, but he already regretted it – he should have sat in the back, to function as a buffer between Bokuto and Tsukishima. The Tsukki-incident was kind of a low point in their relationship – one that didn't need to be brought up right now.

“Don't you dare take advantage of this situation. I told you that you can't call me Tsukki for a million years. I know you're bad at counting, but even you should know that a million years haven't passed yet.”

Bokuto gave an exasperated huff and crossed his arms in front of his chest. “I'm not trying to take advantage. But it's not fair – the one who caused the incident was obnoxious college Bokuto, not me.”

“I'm sorry, what are you now? Obnoxious geriatric nurse Bokuto?”

“No, well yes, well – scratch the obnoxious, okay? I don't know why I said that.” Bokuto put his bottom lip out for a pout, but it had no effect on Tsukishima. “The point is, that was ages ago. I was a different person back then. I realize that I shouldn't have bothered you so much and that I acted like an ass and I deserved all the punishment you bestowed on me. But things have changed.”

“How?” asked Tsukishima. His voice was suddenly gentler than before. He probably hadn't expected this kind of insight from Bokuto.

“Well, for one – I am your boyfriend now. And I love you. And I just really want to have a cute name to call you, like Kuroo does.”

Akaashi wondered what had prompted this – perhaps it was the abuse of stupid pet names he had thrown at Kuroo's head during the day.

“I want something that shows how we changed – how I'm not just stupid, obnoxious Bokuto who you refused to speak to for two years because he turned you into a meme, okay?” Bokuto sniffed, looking out of the window opposite Tsukishima, so he didn't see the change in Tsukishima's expression.

“Bokuto,” Tsukishima said, softly.

“Hm?”

“Call me Kei.”

They all jerked forward at the same time as the car jolted to a halt. Kuroo had hit the break out of shock. Luckily, there was no one driving behind them - Nishinoya's Mercedes had left them behind a while ago. For a few minutes, they just sat in silence, replaying Tsukishima's words in their heads, not caring if anyone came up from behind.

Finally, Bokuto sobbed, “Are you serious?”

“You don't have to _cry_!” said Tsukishima, growing a deep shade of pink. “You know, we should... we should all just...” he gestured vaguely, never finishing his sentence, but they all knew what he meant.

They should all just call each other by their first names already.

Honestly, Akaashi felt like crying, too. Because if this was the moment Tsukishima suggested something like calling each other by their first names, then he had to be pretty sure about his feelings. Even when he knew what Akaashi and Bokuto had tried to pull. Even when they were stuck in this awful, shitty situation with his parents. He really wanted to be with them.

So he didn't have a stick up his ass at all. Good to know.

“Actually,” Tsukishima said, when he noticed how the tears were pooling in Akaashi's and Kuroo's eyes as well, “I don't really get why none of us do. Like – not even you two. After ten years.”

“It's just... by habit, you know?” Akaashi tried to explain. “We started out as Akaashi and Bokuto in high school, when we got together, and... after some time we were so used to it that we never even thought about changing it. We call each other by our first names in really important moments, but in everyday life, we just... got stuck.”

It sure sounded stupid, when he thought about it like that. But it was true – calling Bokuto by any other name would have felt weird, like he was another person altogether.

On the other hand. They were new, now. They were something entirely different from before. And if there was a time to change, this was it.

“Can you say my name, please – Kei?” Kuroo asked, trying to keep his voice steady and failing miserably.

“Oh my God, don't make this weird!” Tsukishima complained. He buried his beet-red face in his hands, but they could all hear him breathe a muffled “... Tetsurou”.

Akaashi had to stop Kuroo from pounding the car horn and probably causing an avalanche in the process. Bokuto just sat in the back, knees drawn up to his chest and head hidden underneath his hood, bawling. Akaashi almost thought of mirroring him, if he hadn't suddenly felt like laughing.

“He's right you know, Koutarou. We should really-”

“KEIJI!” Bokuto howled, without even letting him finish. Akaashi was also quite sure that he had felt a drop of snot hitting his cheek. “I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!”

Akaashi really did laugh, after that. He couldn't help that when it came out, it sounded like a sob.

“Look at us,” said Kuroo proudly. “Four grown ass men sitting in a car in the middle of the road – just calling out each other's names and crying. We really are the jackpot.”

“It's because we were made for each other,” Bokuto said earnestly – or as earnestly as he could while little sobs were still shaking his chest. Tsukishima still hid his face behind his hands, but Akaashi could see even his shoulders trembling.

Situation three... had somehow led to the cheesiest, happiest moment they had ever shared.

Huh.

They didn't move an inch until an actual car came up from behind them and started honking wildly. Kuroo honked back, shouting something about interrupting important moments, but he turned the motor back on when Akaashi reminded him of the avalanche hazard.

This weird turn of events somehow lulled Akaashi into a false sense of security. After situation three had culminated in a defining moment in their relationship, he didn't really expect any other situations to be an issue anymore.

He was wrong.

Situation four crept up on them when they were all sitting at the dinner table, thinking themselves long past making mistakes.

It was the biggest dinner yet – they had barely found ten chairs for everyone to sit, and then to fit next to each other around the table. Bokuto was practically sitting in Tsukishima's lap, but he seemed happy there, and Tsukishima looked like he didn't mind either.

“So, how was your day?” Akiteru chatted happily. Relief was written across his features ever since they had returned with their little play act still upholding. “Did you have fun on the slopes? Old bones still holding up?”

“Very funny,” his mother said. “We made everyone eat dust, as usual. Or, well, snow.”

“Although I did pull something in my back,” said Tsukishima's father. “Nothing bad, it will probably disappear overnight.”

Akaashi noticed Kuroo's hand twitch slightly, but he remembered not to speak up, and muted himself by sipping on his tea. The subject changed quickly after that, when Tanaka shared an anecdote about the moguls and how Nishinoya just sped into one of them and, instead of flying over it, got stuck and had to be dug out.

“Tomorrow's the last day, so I'm going back to the dangerous slope, too!” Bokuto announced, patting Tsukishima's back. “You're coming with me, babe, right?”

“Nobody wants a repetition of day two, so yes, I'll come and babysit you.”

“What happened on day two?” asked Tsukishima's mother. She and her husband both listened intently as Tsukishima told them about how Bokuto – well, Kuroo, in this case – got lost and everyone thought he had fallen into an abyss, so they all had to go down the dangerous slope – even Akaashi, who had a fresh concussion and had started to panic and accused Tanaka of plotting Kuroo's demise.

Saeko cackled wildly throughout the whole story – it wasn't clear if she was amused at the story itself, or because she knew where all the white lies were hidden. Akiteru finally muted her by pushing a piece of bread into her mouth. Her only reaction was to swallow the whole thing with one bite and wink at him, licking her lips.

So far, they all managed fine. It was only when Tsukishima's dad leaned over the table to reach for a piece of bread, and suddenly grimaced in pain, that it went all downhill.

“Honey, what's wrong?” asked Tsukishima's mother, helping her husband lean back into his chair.

“Just the back again. Maybe I should have just admitted that I'm not as fresh on the skis anymore. Anyway, I have some painkillers in my bag upstairs, so it's fine.”

“Nonsense,” his wife decided. “Kuroo here is a physiotherapist – he probably knows how to do that thing your chiropractor always does. Right, Kuroo?”

An eerie silence fell over the dinner table as everyone looked at Bokuto, who had just stuffed his mouth with food, luckily, so he had a few more seconds to chew before he had to come up with an answer.

“Can't you let my boyfriend eat in peace?” Tsukishima asked quickly, just as Bokuto swallowed.

“It's just one quick move, honey – you father's in pain!”

Bokuto took a sip of his tea to wash down the food, but after that, he had no more excuses. He had to say something.

“Uh... I mean – I probably could, but... uhm. Bokuto could probably do it better? Because... he... uh. He works at an old people's home, so he's more accustomed... to...”

Akaashi tried to shake his head discreetly, and he was pretty sure that his whole side of the table was doing the same. If Bokuto said “brittle bones” now, Tsukishima was going to kill him.

Tsukishima's father just laughed. “Come on, I'm only in my fifties. I'm not going to fall apart. You don't have to be embarrassed, I promise I won't fart or anything.”

He was already getting out of his chair and turning around to show his back to Bokuto. Maybe, if they were able to distract Tsukishima's mother, Kuroo could go up to him and do it without them noticing, but... they were standing just in front of the huge glass door leading outside, and the whole living room was clearly mirrored in it.

Fuck! This was just like back at the karaoke bar – Bokuto looking at all of them for help, and no one coming up with anything. Even Tsukishima was back to his spaced-out stare. Except, when Bokuto actually got up, he snapped out of it to quietly hiss, “What are you doing?”

“I've seen this in movies,” Bokuto mouthed back. He looked sure that he could do it, but it probably wouldn't work like that – not if Kuroo's hands coming up to cover his eyes were anything to go by.

“Alright, I'm gonna do it now!” Bokuto announced, cracking his knuckles. “Ready?”

Tsukishima's father's nod was almost audible, because everyone collectively held their breaths. Bokuto's arms were already hooked under his armpits when Tsukishima suddenly shot out of his chair.

“Bokuto, STOP!”

Everyone released their breaths at once, except for the parents, who just turned to look at their son in confusion.

“If you could not break my father's back, I would appreciate it.”

“What do you mean, honey?” asked Tsukishima's mother, watching Bokuto shuffle back to his chair and slumping down in it, a sheen of sweat clearly visible on his forehead.

“I'm sorry, mom, dad... we kinda lied to you,” Tsukishima admitted. His hands were trembling, and he was slowly backing away from the table. “This isn't actually Kuroo.” He nodded to where the real Kuroo was sitting, giving a weak wave. “That one's the real Kuroo.”

His mother didn't look like that cleared anything up for her. “Okay?” she said, looking between Kuroo and Bokuto. “Can you maybe explain this in a way that makes sense?”

“Sure,” said Tsukishima, taking a deep breath.

Then he turned around and ran.

“Tsukki, wait!” yelled Kuroo, shooting out of his own chair, but Tsukishima had already grabbed a jacket that someone had hung up to dry on the radiator, and slid the glass door to the side, escaping into the darkness of the night in nothing but his houseshoes.

“What on earth is going on?” Tsukishima's dad demanded. Everyone was on their feet by now, half ready to run after Tsukishima. “Can someone explain?” He looked at Kuroo, who just opened his mouth and closed it again, like one of his beloved tunas.

“They'll have to explain later,” said Nishinoya, pointing to the radiator once everybody turned to look at him. “Kei just took my jacket, so... He's probably going to freeze if we don't find him soon.”

Bokuto had run out of the door three seconds later.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uhh... sooo... it's been a while? :3  
> Sorry for taking so long! I got a horrible case of writer's block, but I'm BACK BABY!
> 
> Btw, I _grossly_ underestimated how much of what I planned on writing would fit into a normal-sized (which already means huge) chapter, so.. I'll have to extend the story juuust a bit. One more chapter. Then we're FINISHED. I promise. 
> 
> Once again, I have the awesome [siredtosourwolf](http://archiveofourown.org/users/siredtosourwolf/pseuds/siredtosourwolf) to thank - and if you're getting certain cravings after this chapter, you can always go to her for the best TenTsukki ever written. I mean it. She's awesome.

Seeing as Akaashi was apparently the only person with half a brain, he turned around and dashed off in the opposite direction to gather all of their jackets and boots. Kuroo waited for him, at least – he hadn't offered Tsukishima's parents a better explanation than Tsukishima had, but he relieved the father's back pain with a quick move which came very close to looking like martial arts.

Akaashi had no time to be impressed by it. He tossed one of the jackets and a mismatched pair of boots at Kuroo's head, slipped into his own boots, and stumbled out of the glass door, Kuroo in hot pursuit. They didn't have to search too long until they found Bokuto. He was pacing in front of the woods behind the house, calling for Tsukishima.

“Babe, come out, please! I'm sorry for fucking up!” he yelled, voice unstable. “Please don't run away! You'll freeze to death!”

“So will you,” said Kuroo when they caught up to him. Bokuto's socks were already soaked, but he didn't even seem to notice. “Come on, take your jacket...”

“What if he's gone forever?” Bokuto sobbed without listening to Kuroo. Akaashi had to wrestle him into his yellow jacket.

“Where would he even go?” Akaashi asked, trying to calm Bokuto down. “You think he'll just start living in the woods because of us? Don't worry, Koutarou – it was just a shock response. We'll find him and bring him back, and then we'll talk about everything. It'll be fine.”

Akaashi didn't really believe his own words, but at least they worked for Bokuto. It was probably due to being called by his first name, but Bokuto took a deep breath and put a brave face on. Kuroo patted his back encouragingly.

“Come on, let's see if we can find any footprints,” Kuroo said.

Their venture into the woods was delayed by a buzz of voices behind them. Turning around, Akaashi noticed that the rest of the Tsukishima family was also stepping out onto the terrace, all in their winter clothes, except for Nishinoya, who had simply wrapped himself into a blanket that had been lying on the couch ever since Kuroo had fallen into the flooded cellar.

“We still don't know what's going on, but I won't let my baby freeze in the woods over something stupid,” Tsukishima's mother said when she noticed them staring. “Now, you better bring him back in one piece.”

They all nodded their heads yes and finally stepped behind the tree line. There were no footprints to be seen – firstly because the light from the house didn't reach too far into the forest, and secondly because almost no snow had made it through the dense blanket of treetops.

“Do you all have a flashlight app on your phone?” asked Saeko, putting her own light on strobe until Akiteru took the phone from her with a sigh. “Geez, babe, have you never heard of a search _party_?”

Akiteru didn't take this whole situation as lightly as his wife. “My little brother is missing,” he said, worried expression lighting up again and again in the strobe light. “This is no laughing matter.”

Saeko pressed a quick kiss to his nose in what would have been a consoling gesture if she hadn't had to yank down his head to do so. “He's probably just hiding behind some tree. We'll find him in no time,” she said.

They did not find him in no time.

Even after forming four different little search parties and scanning the woods in every direction, they could not find him. They looked behind every tree, even tried to point the light to the treetops, to see if he climbed up there. They called his name again and again. They searched for a whole two hours – until Akaashi's nose was running and his teeth were clattering and his voice was hoarse. But to no avail. Tsukishima was simply... gone.

“Please come back!” Bokuto shouted, still refusing to give up. Most of the other voices had long since disappeared – Akaashi wasn't sure if they had simply stopped shouting or if their little group had wandered so far into the woods that they couldn't hear them anymore.

Both Bokuto's and Kuroo's phones had already run out of battery, with the flashlight app constantly running, and Akaashi's didn't have much battery left. They would barely make it back before they were left in the total dark.

“We have to turn around,” Kuroo said grimly. “Or we'll have to wait until morning to find our way.”

“We can't!” Bokuto insisted. “Not until we find him! What if he fell into a hole and broke both legs? What if he's unconscious? Maybe he's only meters away, and we simply walk past him, leaving him to bleed out into the forest ground, and by tomorrow foxes and weasels will be living in his carcass!”

Akaashi was too tired to point out the many things that were wrong with this picture, so he just reached for Bokuto's hand to intertwine their fingers.

“It's a much safer bet to say that the others already found him and brought him back to the hut,” said Kuroo. His voice didn't sound like he believed in what he said, even when he was right.

“They would have called us!” said Bokuto, still pulling them forward. “We can't just give up on him, he's our _boyfriend_!”

“Yes, but we're not doing him any favors by getting lost in the woods while it's freezing – if we get back, we can call for help, or we could at least get real flashlights and then head out again. You can't just turn your night vision on, you know? You're not an owl!” Kuroo said, desperation giving his voice an irritable edge.

Bokuto immediately picked up on it. “So what, you're just gonna leave him here?” he barked back, kicking at a loose branch. “Is that really the kind of boyfriend you are?”

“I'm doing the _logical_ thing! It's exactly what Tsukki would want.”

“Well, I’m not going back,” said Bokuto, letting go of Akaashi’s hand to stalk further into the woods. “You can stick your logic where the sun don’t shine.”

“Bo- Koutarou!” Akaashi called after him. “Don’t run away!”

All Bokuto had to say was: “What, so you’re taking his side now?”

“I have my own side,” said Akaashi. “Which is that this is not the right time for a fight. We have more important things to worry about, so don’t you dare giving us another thing, you understand? Both of you!”

Akaashi saw Kuroo’s shoulders drop in the dim light from the phone, but Bokuto’s silhouette was still melted with the shadow.

“Let's... let's try calling him again. On the phone, I mean,” said Kuroo. “I know he's not picking up, but if he's close-by and hurt, then maybe we can hear it vibrate.”

That brought Bokuto back, at least. He almost slapped the phone out of Akaashi's hand with his sudden enthusiasm. “Do it!” he said. His whole body was in motion, from the cold and his inner turmoil.

Akaashi cast a worried glance at the battery symbol on his phone. It was already in the red, and calling people would not make it better, but if it kept Bokuto and Kuroo from fighting, then it was worth giving it a shot.

“Okay, I'll call him – but Koutarou, you have to stop vibrating if we want to hear the phone.”

“I'm trying!” Bokuto huffed, but his body continued trembling until Kuroo sensed his chance to make up with him by wrapping his arms around Bokuto's middle, one hand drawing circles on his back to warm him up. Bokuto melted into him after a while. He burrowed his nose into the crook between Kuroo's neck and shoulders, and let Kuroo press a soothing kiss to his hairline.

“Don't worry too much, okay? Tsukki is actually smart, you know? He's an idiot, but he's smart. He's probably already back at the hut, chilling in the attic with his stupid book while we're all freezing out here,” Kuroo said softly, and Bokuto's shoulders shook in a weak attempt at laughter.

Akaashi waited for them to calm down, and as soon as it was completely still around them, he dialed Tsukishima's number. Even if his phone was on vibrate, they should hear it. The forest was almost eerily quiet – the thick blanket of snow on the treetops didn't allow for a single gust of wind, and there were no leaves to be rustled by nocturnal animals. The dial tone was the loudest thing in the whole forest for a while, and when someone picked up on the other end, they could hear it loud and clear, even when Akaashi hadn't put the speaker on.

“Yooooo my guys!”

They all turned to give the phone an incredulous look.

“Did...” began Kuroo, narrowing his eyes. “Did you dial the wrong number?”

Akaashi certainly didn't. The screen on his phone clearly read 'Tsukishima Kei' – and yet, the voice on the other end was definitely...

“Tendou?” Akaashi asked, finally putting the speaker on. “What are you doing with Kei's phone?”

“Well, well, well,” Tendou chirped. “It seems like I have something of yours~”

“What the _fuck_!” said Kuroo.

“If you ever want to see him alive again, I'll need you to-”

“This is not a laughing matter!” Kuroo interrupted him. “We've been searching for him for over two hours now. We're stuck in the middle of a dark forest with no light, so don't give us that shit!”

The line went silent for a moment, until Tendou gave an apologetic “Oh!”, followed by a weird sound, which was probably him clearing his throat. “Sorry. The first sentence came out unintentionally gangstery, so I just ran with it.”

“Okay, I'll ask again,” said Kuroo. “What the _fuck_ is going on?”

“Your boyfriend called me out of nowhere – told me to come and get him, and not to tell you guys under any circumstances. He needs to think about some things,” Tendou explained. “I knew I shouldn't have put my number into his phone...”

“Wait,” Akaashi interrupted, suddenly feeling very stupid. “Where did you pick him up exactly?”

“Uh... from your front porch?”

It was silent for a while, as everyone just stared at the phone in Akaashi's hand, thinking about what had just been said. Tsukishima had never even set foot into this stupid forest – he had simply run around the house and waited for Tendou to come and get him. Maybe he had even hid in that stupid fort Kuroo and Bokuto had built yesterday, until he realized that no one was looking for him there.

The quiet was suddenly interrupted by Bokuto bursting into laughter. It was more a relieved laugh than a happy one, but it was great to hear anyway.

“Told you he wasn't fucking stupid,” Kuroo chuckled, still holding on to Bokuto. “Unlike us.”

“I'm just glad he's safe!” Bokuto half-laughed half-sobbed.

“Me too,” said Akaashi. “It means that I get to break every bone in his body myself!”

Bokuto and Kuroo both turned to look at him, clearly taken aback, and Akaashi suddenly realized that he was _furious_. They had stalked through this ice-cold forest for two hours, and it would be a whole lot longer until they would find their way out – all because Tsukishima didn't want to talk to them. They had been worried _sick_. Kuroo and Bokuto had almost gotten into a fight, and they would probably all have a cold by tomorrow. Meanwhile, Tsukishima was sitting in Tendou's house, probably wallowing in self-pity while sipping on hot chocolate with a shot of rum.

“Oh shit,” Bokuto breathed. “Keiji's angry...”

“Oh... shit,” repeated Kuroo, and even Tendou fell in with an “oh shit” of his own.

Granted, it didn't happen that often, but how dare they act like this was a situation where it was uncalled for? Akaashi made sure to hit them all with an icy glare.

“Why am I suddenly shuddering?” cried Tendou.

“It's the evil eye,” Bokuto whispered back. “You should probably exorcise your phone after that.”

“Where is he?” Akaashi demanded to know. “Get him on the line right now!”

“I can't,” said Tendou. “Last time I saw him he was piss drunk and not wearing pants. And now he's locked into a room with my dad.”

There was another pause on their side, until Bokuto and Kuroo synchronously yelled, “What!”

“Well, otherwise I wouldn’t have his phone, now, would I?”

“Tendou!” Kuroo looked like he would soon run out of patience. “Please imagine that you’re telling this story to a bunch of people who have no idea what’s going on, and then try to tell it in a way that makes sense to them!”

“Okay – so your boyfriend sat in a patch of snow while he was waiting for me, so I made him lose the pants if he wanted to come into my car – which is expensive, you know? I really don’t need a muddy butt-print on my white leather seat-“

“I really don’t have that much battery left!” groaned Akaashi. “Hurry up!”

Tendou gave an annoyed huff, but he continued telling the story. “Okay, so to my surprise, he did it – said he didn’t even care anymore. I was wondering what’s going on, but I could guess, you know? Anyway, I brought him back to my house, got our butler to make something to warm him up, bring him a blanket and so on… Then my dad waltzes into the living-room, demanding to know where I went with his car late at night. Sees Tsukishima, is surprised to find his son has made friends with a guy his own age – someone with manners, even, so yeah… he’s instantly enamored.”

“Less creepy, please,” sighed Kuroo.

“I’m just saying – dad is constantly on the lookout for good influence on me, so he was over the moon to find mister stick-up-the-ass in person, sitting on our couch next to me. Anyway, he notices that Tsukishima’s not feeling well, so he gets his secret medicine, which is basically just… I don’t know. Absinthe, possibly. But yeah, for the last few minutes, they’ve been sitting in dad’s office, talking – or rather singing – about weird business models or whatever. Maybe even planning to murder me and have Tsukishima take my place, I’m not sure. I just suddenly noticed the muddy pants vibrating, so – tadaa!” Tendou finished with a click of his tongue, right as the phone finally ran out of battery and left them standing in the total dark.

“Okay… that’s a lot to take in,” said Akaashi. “They have a butler?”

“That’s really not the weirdest thing here,” Kuroo chided. “Think about what Tsukki must look like right now – too small jacket, oversized house-shoes, no pants on. What kind of guy would want to invite him into his office to discuss business?”

“Oh my God!” gasped Bokuto. “You don’t think…”

“Shit, I don’t know!” said Kuroo. “But we have to get him out of there!”

“You’re right, Donald Duck roleplays are nothing to joke about!” Bokuto said earnestly, and Akaashi could practically hear Kuroo furrow his brows in anger.

“Koutarou, don’t make me hit you!”

“First we need to find our way back,” said Akaashi, because if there was one thing this situation didn’t need, it was another one of their ridiculous fights. “I’m guessing downhill is the way to go.”

Kuroo’s hand suddenly slapped his face – by accident, Akaashi hoped. “No, I forbid you to move; you’ll just fall and end up with another concussion!”

“And slapping me will help?”

“I’ll carry you on my back!” said Kuroo, this time grabbing at his arm instead of his face, and pulling him closer.

“Not again!” Akaashi groaned. “Can't we just walk, like normal people?”

Bokuto didn't even seem to hear him. “I know!” he said. “I could climb one of the trees, and maybe I'll see the house in the distance!”

“You're not the fucking hobbit,” said Kuroo.

“Also, how will that help?” Akaashi added. “We already know that we have to go downhill. Our only problem is that we can't see when we're about to walk into a rabbit's hole!”

“Well, seeing as Kei is currently high on absinthe, we will probably find him in Wonderland,” Bokuto mused.

“ _Enough_ with the pop culture references!” Akaashi was seriously sick of them. He was cold and tired and mad, and there was not a single light on the horizon to change any of that.

Or maybe he was wrong.

“I just saw something!” Kuroo suddenly yelled, shaking Akaashi's arm. “Light! There was light, right over there!”

“I can't see where you're pointing to,” said Akaashi, but he didn't really need to, since he had seen the light himself.

Bokuto was already shouting. “HEY! OVER HERE! WE'RE OVER HERE!”

“OH THANK FUCK!” another voice shouted back – Akaashi was pretty sure that it belonged to Tanaka. “WAY TO MAKE US WORRY EVEN MORE, YOU ASSHATS!”

It was indeed Tanaka – he and Nishinoya, who was still wrapped up in a blanket, navigated their way towards them via more back-and-forth shouting with Bokuto. Apparently they had been clever enough to go back and get a real flashlight before their phones gave out.

“What about Kei?” asked Nishinoya. His blanket had gotten tangled up in a few branches on his way through the woods, and made him look like a porcupine.

“Found him,” Bokuto said proudly. “Well, not in the flesh, but we know where he is, so we're going to get him now.”

Tanaka was on the phone two seconds later to pass the good news on to Tsukishima's family. Apparently they were still searching for him, but had started to look around the house instead of wandering deep into the woods. Seemed like they knew Tsukishima better than to believe he would start a life as a hermit in a mountain forest. 

In hindsight, Akaashi should have taken Kuroo’s offer of carrying him. The walk back was long and arduous, the cold had seeped through to his very core, and he felt like punching something innocent. Both Bokuto and Kuroo sensed his discontent and buried a supporting hand in each of his back pockets. That didn’t make it any easier to walk, but he accepted the gesture anyway.

“I don’t know when we’ll be back,” Kuroo said, once they finally reached the house, and the rest of the family greeted them from the terrace. “He’s at Tendou’s right now. You shouldn’t stay up – we need to have a long talk with him before we come back here. Just know that he’s safe.”

“Well, I for one am more than ready to find out what this whole drama was about,” said Tsukishima’s mom, right before she fell into a big yawn. “But take your time. I still haven’t come up with a proper punishment for Kei.”

“How about you make him wander through the woods in the middle of the night for two hours?” Saeko suggested. Her nose was running, her make-up was smudgy, and she looked about as happy as Akaashi did. In fact, Akaashi really liked her idea.

“Don’t be too hard on him,” Kuroo tried to placate her. “Let’s see what he has to say first.”

“I’m hoping for a big fat SORRY,” grumbled Saeko. 

“Don’t worry, I’ll get that for you,” Akaashi promised. “Along with a lifetime supply of chocolate cookies.”

“I knew I liked you for a reason.” Saeko nodded and then turned around with her hand thrown up for a goodbye.

One after the other, Tsukishima's extended family all went back into the house, wishing them luck with whatever scene Tsukishima was going to make. Tanaka even gave them his phone so that they could call Tendou for the address, as long as they promised not to look into his picture folder. 

Kuroo and Bokuto wished everyone a good night, then they each pushed their hands back into one of Akaashi’s pockets and maneuvered him around the house – probably the exact route Tsukishima had taken. Akaashi even imagined seeing the footprints from a pair of over-sized house shoes. 

Bokuto still had the most energy out of them, so they let him drive for once. He was unexpectedly happy about it – usually he wasn’t too keen on driving. 

“I get to be the hero who rushes through the town at night to save my boyfriend,” Bokuto explained, once they all sat in the car. 

“No rushing!” said Akaashi. “You’re driving on ice.”

“Then I’m the hero who carefully navigates his way along an icy road in the middle of the night to save his boyfriend, fine!”

“What are we even saving him from?” Akaashi asked. “Making an even bigger ass of himself?”

“Creepy rich dads!” Kuroo explained. “I'm telling you, there's something seriously wrong here.”

Akaashi didn't really believe that Tendou's dad was trying to seduce Tsukishima. Sure, giving him absinthe and then inviting him into his office was weird, but the Tendous seemed to be a weird family to begin with, and Akaashi was sure that Tendou would never let something like that happen under his very nose. 

But Kuroo had always been over-protective, and Bokuto was just happy to be a hero, so Akaashi let them think whatever they wanted to think, and decided to start worrying about more realistic things, like how Tsukishima kept fighting his problems with alcohol, and how their perfect polyamorous relationship was already starting to crumble. 

Akaashi wasn't sure if he could take another relationship with someone he constantly had to worry about. He had never expected Tsukishima to be so... illogical. So impulsive. It seemed like he had more in common with Bokuto than Akaashi had thought. Maybe that was why he ended up being so attracted to him – which was kind of cute in theory, but in reality, it was just too much. He couldn't constantly be the mother of the group, he simply didn't have the energy for it. Bokuto had adapted to that after all these years of being together – as soon as Akaashi was weak, Bokuto became a strangely more mature version of himself. They didn't even have to talk about it.

With Tsukishima he didn't have that kind of bond yet. And maybe Akaashi was just getting old already, but he was _exhausted_. He was so sick of worrying, of being insecure about overstepping boundaries, of being unable to fully understand his other boyfriends the way he could with Bokuto. He knew that relationships were complicated – logically he knew. But the truth was that sometimes, Akaashi just got caught up in his wishful thinking, and when reality rolled in, he was disappointed in how it all turned out.

“Keiji.”

Kuroo's voice almost made him jump – he had become so lost in his thoughts that he had forgotten about everything around him. And Kuroo had said his name with so much weight to it, he was almost afraid of what was to come.

“Yes?”

“Kiss me!”

“Oh...” - well, that was not what Akaashi had expected. “Why?”

“Because I can practically hear you thinking, and I feel like I should take your mind off of things,” Kuroo said, a fond smile tugging at his lips. “There's steam coming out of your ears.”

“No, there isn't,” Akaashi said lamely. He was too surprised to come up with a snarky response. 

“But you're angry.”

“Of course I am!” Akaashi huffed. “And I'm even more angry about none of you being angry! What kind of person just runs away from their problems like that? Leaving all of his lovers and all of his family to think that he escaped into a forest in the middle of the night. Thinking that he fell into a ditch somewhere, unconscious and freezing. And then it turns out he was hiding away in a warm house instead, drinking himself stupid.”

“A very self-centered person, I would say,” Kuroo shrugged. “Which is just what Kei _is_. We all knew that. But it usually shows in his insecurities, how he always thinks he isn't good enough and doesn't see what others like in him. When we first got together, he spent months being as difficult as possible, just to see if I could take it. If I could take what he thinks he's actually like.”

“What if I can't take it?” Akaashi asked, quietly, almost unsure if he should actually speak it at all. 

“Then you don't have to,” said Kuroo, simple as that. “I'll just take it for you.”

Bokuto, who had been surprisingly quiet, finally decided to join the conversation. “He's right, babe – you're not just in a relationship with Kei – you're with all of us. We'll find our balance. Just give it some time.”

Okay, so this was probably Bokuto being mature in one of Akaashi's weak moments. A small chuckle got stuck in Akaashi's throat when Kuroo's fingers intertwined with his.

“Also, I don't think this is a case of Tsukki being purposefully difficult,” Kuroo said. There was absolute faith in his voice – he had so much trust in Tsukishima that Akaashi felt a pang of shame for being so distrustful. “He's just out of his element. He could barely handle being loved by one person – so three may seem like overkill to him, and he's afraid that it will come at the cost of losing another kind of love, like his friends' and family's.”

Fuck... Kuroo really had a gift for putting emotions into words, making them understandable. It was a talent Akaashi had never possessed. He didn't understand his own emotions most of the time, let alone other people's. Bokuto was a big exception – Akaashi had just connected with Bokuto early on, but there was never a need for Bokuto to explain his feelings. Akaashi just _got_ him. And now he expected to get other people as well – people who were probably just like him and didn't understand their own emotions.

Maybe he just had to accept that he was not the one in charge when it came to understanding Tsukishima. That was Kuroo's job. And whatever that may say about their relationship – it was a thing that could only be changed with time, so that's what they had to invest, if this was ever going to work out.

“I'm still angry,” Akaashi said, and Kuroo barked a short laugh. 

“Please, you have every right to be. And Tsukki probably needs at least one boyfriend to actually be angry at him instead of us idiots who would forever coddle him and keep him from changing for the better. I'm too understanding sometimes – with Kenma, too. It's my biggest weakness.”

“It's definitely not your _biggest_ weakness,” Bokuto commented from the front seat.

“Excuse me?”

“You can't whistle,” said Bokuto. “That's your biggest weakness.”

“I can whistle!” Kuroo protested.

“Only if you form your mouth into the biggest duckface I have ever seen – it's super embarrassing. So I'd rather have you think you just can't whistle.”

Kuroo's mouth hung open for a moment, and Akaashi had a sudden impulse to kiss it, but then Kuroo was already leaning over the backrest of the front seat, glaring at Bokuto. “Are you fucking kidding me? We're talking about whistling – you _have_ to make a duckface to whistle! That's just how it works.”

“Naha – listen to this, this is how all men should whistle!” Bokuto made a sharp sound by blowing air through his teeth. “What you're doing is the songbird version and it looks stupid.”

“If you're seriously telling me that my biggest weakness is that I prefer the duckface whistle over the wolfwhistle then I think I'm gonna have to start checking for songbirds in your head.”

“Uhm...” said Akaashi, having caught a glimpse outside the window, where houses were suddenly lining the road. “We've reached the village. It's probably time to call Tendou and ask where he lives?”

Kuroo leaned back into his seat, still looking grumpy, but he fished for the phone Tanaka had given him. 

“His background is a photo of Noya – this is ridiculous,” mumbled Kuroo, as he scrolled through Tanaka's contacts. “Also, how the fuck am I supposed to know which one is Tendou's number? None of these are saved under their actual names, and there are at least ten entries just titled “Bro” with a differing number of o's!”

Akaashi was pretty sure that he would recognize the last few digits of Tendou's number – he had been called by the guy often enough in these past few days. Indeed, Tendou turned out to be the Bro with nine o's. 

“Ridiculous,” Kuroo mumbled again, taking the phone back from Akaashi. Well – if Kuroo said so, it really had to mean something.

They listened to the dial tone for a few seconds before Tendou finally picked up.

“Where do you live?” Kuroo opened without even explaining why he was calling from Tanaka's number.

“Uh... hi, again,” Tendou sounded confused, but he seemed to catch up with the situation quick enough. “Just drive all the way to the pool – our house is the first and only one after that.”

“Okay, great,” said Kuroo. “So, any news? Are there any... weird sounds coming from the office?”

“You mean except for the off-key singing?”

“Oh right, would you please record that if you get the chance?” Bokuto yelled from the front seat. “I never heard Kei sing!”

“Then you are a very lucky man!” Tendou yelled back. 

“Look – please just tell me he's okay. We'll stop pestering you after that, I promise,” Kuroo said, suddenly back to his serious self. 

“He's fine, he's just really, really embarrassed. Well – he was. Not so much since he had the absinthe, you know – he's... very not embarrassed. By anything. Now. He even told me that I would make a very cute gecko, so... that was nice, I guess?”

Great – sounded like Tsukishima was so far gone that having a conversation with him would yet again have to be postponed. Akaashi was seriously annoyed by the continuous delay of their talk, even though a few days ago it had been his best-case scenario to not have a talk at all. But now he was ready for it, and he needed for it to happen in this probably very short window of time before he would revert back to his cowardly self, who liked to tell himself that things which were meant to happen just _happened_.

Kuroo ended the call with a promise of arriving soon just as they reached the end of the village and found themselves on the lonely mountain path leading to the pool. They still had a few minutes until they would arrive, so Akaashi leaned into Kuroo, planning on just napping his anger away.

It wasn't that great of a plan. Some time later, he woke up disoriented and disgruntled, Kuroo shaking his shoulders without even looking at him. He was looking outside instead, mouth slack open again. 

When Akaashi turned around, he could see why.

The house was _huge_. And it was not actually a house, it was a mansion. It had a gate and marble pillars holding up a balcony, and what looked like a huge ice sculpture of Tendou and his father. No wonder they had an actual butler. 

“This can't possibly be the right address,” Bokuto said, gawking at the huge gate blocking the way. 

“Yeah, some other obscenely rich guy probably put up an ice statue of Tendou in his garden,” said Kuroo. “Happens to me all the time, too.”

“But!” Bokuto protested, gesturing vaguely towards the mansion. He didn't get to actually form a sentence, because the gate suddenly came to life and opened up for them to drive through. “This is just weird,” Bokuto mumbled, but he set the car into motion again, slowly driving up towards a set of pompous stairs leading to the entrance. A man was standing there to welcome them. He was tall and lanky and wearing a suit – probably the butler, then. He even looked like the ones in the movies, which made the situation even more unreal.

The poor butler was shoved aside before they had even gotten out of the car, but Akaashi heard him cursing loud and clear, so maybe he wasn't _exactly_ like the butlers in the movies. 

Tendou flew down the stairs to throw himself at Bokuto with a huge smile.

“You're finally here! Quick, you may just be in time to stop me from being disinherited!”

“Sounds like you didn't perform well with those businessmen who came to teach you stuff?” Kuroo said, patting Tendou's shoulder in way of greeting.

“Depends on how you look at it. I fell asleep a grand total of twelve times, so that's a new record, at least.”

“Now you just need to find a way to make money out of that,” Akaashi said. “That's all there is to business.”

“I don't see why I should make even more money, when we already have all of that,” grumbled Tendou as he led them up the stairs and towards a door which was so big that there was a second, smaller door built into it. The butler was already waiting for them, holding the smaller door open. Apparently they weren't important enough for the big one. Tendou continued grumbling as they stepped through it, into the entrance hall. “If we stopped buying unnecessary things like personalized ice sculptures and inception doors, and started living in a real town with real people and real houses, we probably wouldn't need to ever work again.”

If that wasn't insightful for such an obscenely rich only child... Akaashi started to like Tendou more and more. He didn't have the time to further reflect on it, since there was a scream suddenly resounding through the hall. It seemed to come from somewhere upstairs, and it was definitely Tsukishima's voice, screaming for help. 

Kuroo and Bokuto were halfway up the stairs before Akaashi had even blinked, both calling Tsukishima's name. Tendou managed to catch Akaashi by the sleeve before he ran after his boyfriends.

“He's not actually up there, it just sounds like that in this stupid huge hall. My father's office is over there – he doesn't really like climbing stairs. The whole upper floor is just furniture wrapped in sheets and plastic.”

Tendou dragged him over towards another door leading to the right wing of the house. It looked heavy, but it was open, so maybe that's why they could hear Tsukishima's scream so well. Akaashi tried calling for Kuroo and Bokuto, but they were already on the second floor, running around like two chickens with their heads cut off. 

Akaashi was just starting to believe that the Tendous were a family of cannibals living in a creepy mansion in the mountains, who lured unsuspecting people with relationship drama into their home and then split them up to overpower them, when he suddenly heard Tsukishima's voice again, much clearer than the first time.

“Leave me alone! No matter how drunk I am, I will never do that!”

Okay, so that did sound kind of worrying. 

“No! Get that thing away from me, I won't even touch it!” 

Fuck, had Kuroo been right after all? Akaashi found himself running towards the door from which he could hear the voices coming. It was slightly ajar, and Akaashi just kicked it open, not caring about what Tendou's father would think of it. 

“Akaashi!” he heard Tsukishima's voice yell from somewhere, but it took a while until he found him sitting on a cupboard, hunched under the ceiling, like a gargoyle. He was swatting at something Tendou's father tried to hand him. 

“Akaashi, save me! He wants to make me the God of children's pee!”

He sounded dead serious. There even were tears in his eyes. Akaashi tried to concentrate on the man standing before the cupboard – he was holding a piece of paper, and the thing he tried to hand Tsukishima looked like a simple pen.

Akaashi really didn't know what he was supposed to say to that, so he just stuttered, “It's... it's Keiji now. Remember?”

Tsukishima just looked at him with wide eyes, so Akaashi tried to turn to Tendou for help, but he was already gone, probably to collect the head-less chickens from the second floor.

“What the fuck is going on?” he asked, not really expecting either of these drunk idiots to give an understandable answer.

Tendou's father finally turned around, trying an apologetic look. “I can't leave this business in Satori's hands, so I'm just trying to convince his boyfriend-”

“I'm _not_ his boyfriend!” Tsukishima screeched. “I'm Keijis boyfriend! You see him? He's right there!”

“But if you marry my son, you'll get this whole mansion and an indoors pool with it – you'll be rich! You can't possibly say no to that!” Tendou's father insisted, pushing the pen against Tsukishima's chest. “I will even add an ice sculpture of you to the garden!”

“I don't want an ice sculpture of myself, are you crazy? I just want to go and hug my boyfriend!” Tsukishima sent Akaashi a pleading look, tears still prominently shimmering. “Keiji, please! I'm so sorry about running away – I know I deserve this torture, but I never, ever want to leave your sides again. Please, I'll tell my parents, and my friends, and everyone. I'll scream it from the rooftops, like you wanted. Just, _please_ get me away from here!”

“I don't know... it's strangely satisfying to watch you turn down a life of luxury with such vigor,” Akaashi said, crossing his arms and leaning against the door frame. “Almost makes me feel important. Like you didn't just leave us standing there, thinking you went to live in the forest. We looked for you for two hours!”

Tsukishima stared at him, bloodshot eyes unblinking. A bare leg distractedly kicked at the pen in Tendou's father's hand.

“Keiji,” he said, with finality. “I would love to have this conversation with you. And by love I mean dread. But you are slowly turning into a unicorn right now, and I'm afraid that you're going to impale me if I say anything wrong, so... can we maybe... not?”

“What, because you're conveniently drunk again?” Akaashi said, voice still neutral, but Tsukishima looked like he had just been hit. “We can't dance around the topic forever, you know?”

“My Satori would never be this angry with you!” Tendou's father piped up. “He's very easy-going. He'd let you do whatever you want, with the business too!”

Tsukishima pressed his eyes closed, probably trying to blend him out, or to will his state of drunkenness away. 

“I'm... I'm sorry!” Tsukishima hiccuped. He looked like he was trying hard to make sense of everything, but Akaashi was merciless. “I didn't know this damn drink would be so strong.”

“Is that what you're sorry for?” Akaashi asked.

“No,” said Tsukishima. “I'm sorry for making you worry. And for making such a fuss about my parents. I _know_ that they wouldn't mind. But you don't know them – they would try to be so proud of me. Like they did when they found out I was gay. They'd just tell everyone. 'Oh, I have a gay son, blabla, did you know my son is gay? blabla, our younger son, who is gay, blabla.' They were obsessed with only being involved with people who were okay with it. Like I care if the baker my mom gets her bread at thinks I'm a freak! She shouldn't have to walk an extra mile to the next baker just because of that. They're... they're over-supportive!”

“Boohoo!” 

The word was out of Akaashi's mouth before he could stop himself, but he meant it with every fiber of his being. Maybe sober Tsukishima would have been able to make a more compelling argument, but this... this was weak. 

“It must be really awful to have such great parents. Oh, I'm sorry... they're _too_ great, my mistake!”

Tsukishima's still outstretched leg slowly sunk down until it hung limply down the cupboard's side. 

“That's... it's not the only reason!” Tsukishima argued. “I'm not... I don't usually. I'm really composed, you know?”

“Usually, you are,” Akaashi said. “I don't know what happened lately!”

“You guys happened. There are just... so many _feelings_ \- I couldn't deal. I got overwhelmed.”

Akaashi could practically see Tsukishima's attention dwindling. He even got slightly cross-eyed for a second. The fact that he was still able to talk to Akaashi so seriously was impressive, but Akaashi still hadn't reached the limit to his sadism.

“That doesn't mean you can just ignore them!” he said. “Like when you found out about the plan. You were angry, weren't you?”

“I... no! I wasn't!”

“What, then? Disappointed?”

“A bit, maybe...” Tsukishima hiccuped again, and Akaashi knew that he had lost him to the alcohol. Tsukishima definitely wasn't just 'a bit disappointed' – after all, their plan had led to his parents finding out about all of this, and consecutively to this whole situation. But the end to their fight was not only nearing in the absinthe's powers, but also in a pair of heavy footsteps running towards them. 

Kuroo and Bokuto reached the office two seconds later – Kuroo only saw Tendou's father at first, and tackled him to the side for good measure. Bokuto was the one to detect Tsukishima on top of the cupboard.

“ _Babe!_ ” he yelled, almost colliding with the cupboard when he ran towards Tsukishima's outstretched arms. “What did he do to you?”

“Just tried to marry him off to Tendou, don't worry,” Akaashi explained.

Tendou himself, who had reappeared in the door frame, gave a loud gasp. “What? Why would I have to marry _him_?”

“Get him down from there!” said Kuroo, even though Tsukishima had already wrapped his arms around Bokuto's neck and jumped down on him. Bokuto fell to the floor with a surprised 'uff', clinging to Tsukishima so he wouldn't get hurt. 

“What the hell is this?” asked Tendou's father, when he saw Bokuto press a long kiss to Tsukishima's mouth. “I thought he was with the naggy one?”

“They're all together, dad!” Tendou sighed, leaning against the other side of the door frame. 

Tendou's dad threw a wide-eyed glance to Kuroo, who was still towering over him.

“Seriously?” he yelled, looking excited. “Then it's no problem at all, is it? You can just all marry my son! This is perfect, actually. The house is too big anyway. I mean – the ice sculptures will be expensive, but-”

“You can't just go and marry off your own son!” said Kuroo. “You should get out of your stupid mountain mansion sometime – gay marriage isn't even legal yet.”

“It's fine, it's fine!” Tendou's dad was already rustling his papers again. “We can just make a contract and-”

“Dad!” Tendou interrupted, walking over to collect his drunk father from the floor. “Let's give them some space, okay?”

“You should really think about it. The gray-haired one lying on the floor is a real looker,” Akaashi heard him whisper when Tendou led him out of the door. Well – at least Tendou's father seemed to have noticed his son's sexuality long before Tendou himself had. He even seemed to be supportive of it – in a really weird way, but hey. Akaashi would take what he could get.

Inside the room, the others hadn't even noticed that the Tendous were gone.

“Koutarou, stop hogging him, I wanna hug my boyfriend, too!”

“I'm not done yet!” Bokuto complained, hugging Tsukishima even tighter. Akaashi was surprised that Tsukishima hadn't passed out from lack of air yet, but he was actually giggling a bit – probably from the alcohol, but it was still a funny sound. One that Akaashi loved to hear, no matter how angry he wanted to be.

“Don't spoil him too much,” he said, fully aware that no one was listening to him anyway. “He needs to learn his lesson. I think a bucket of cold water to the face would sober him up a little.”

“I will take three buckets for you!” Tsukishima said. Apparently he had listened after all. “Three and a half, if you're gentle.”

“Don't make it sound so wrong!” Kuroo groaned. “Also, are you done yet? Where are _my_ cuddles? I was worried too, you know?”

“Don't listen to him. He wanted to leave you to die in a ditch!” Bokuto said, rolling over Tsukishima to get him out of Kuroo's reach.

“Koutarou, I swear to God, I will _hit_ you!” barked Kuroo.

Akaashi watched them wrestle for a while, until Tendou came back – without his father this time, but the butler was with him, looking down at the wrestling trio with disgust. Again, a very un-butlery thing to do.

“Are you gonna stay the night?” asked Tendou. “If so, Kobayashi here will prepare a room for you.”

“If I can find a big enough bed,” Kobayashi said in an annoying, nasal voice. At least his voice sounded like what Akaashi would expect of a butler.

“Just shove two together, it'll be fine,.” Tendou skipped into the room to pull at the bundle of wrestling boyfriends. “Hey, you guys need to stop or Tsukishima will puke again.”

Tsukishima's retort consisted of a barely intelligible babble from the bottom of the pile. Akaashi thought it sounded suspiciously like, “I haven't puked once. In my life!”

The butler gave a last annoyed huff before he stalked away. He didn't look like he'd have the strength to shove two beds together, but Akaashi didn't plan on worrying about him. Instead, he went over to where Tendou was pulling at Tsukishima's arm, and helped free his drunk boyfriend from his two sober-but-behaving-drunk boyfriends. 

“Come on, let's go to sleep. I can't wait to see you have the worst hangover tomorrow morning,” Akaashi said, once Tsukishima's head appeared above the pile.

“Stop being mean to him, Keeeeijii!” whined Bokuto. Great – so he didn't plan on pronouncing Akaashi's first name like a normal human being either. “Aren't you glad that he's okay?”

“If this is what you consider 'okay'...” Akaashi started, but he got interrupted by the butler, who was already back.

“I found a room upstairs. It has a big bed. I already unwrapped it from the plastic,” Kobayashi said. Without specifying which room he meant, he simply left again, ignoring Tendou's half-open mouth, which would undoubtedly have given him more orders to follow.

“I shouldn't have fucked him in that closet earlier,” Tendou sighed, grinding his teeth. “Now he's pissed that I didn't stay to cuddle.”

Akaashi paused for a moment, to give Tendou a shocked look. 

“You fucked your butler in a closet?” he asked, hoping that he had misunderstood.

“What? I have to explore my new sexuality, and the businessmen were all old as fuck.”

“You just realized that you liked men _yesterday_!” Akaashi argued. “You could have given it some time!”

“Oh man, relax! I just wanted some confirmation!”

“And?” Bokuto piped up, seemingly having caught on to the conversation – or maybe he had just finally lost Tsukishima to Kuroo and needed another thing to entertain him. “Did you confirm?”

“Not sure – he's too lanky. Not really my type,” Tendou shrugged. “I like muscles, if you haven't noticed.”

“Up high!” Tsukishima burped, freeing his hand from Bokuto, who was still clinging to him. To everyone's surprise, he lifted his hand for Tendou to high-five. Tendou did so with a proud beam on his face. 

“Okay, that's unexpected, but back on topic,” Kuroo said, giving Tendou a disapproving look. “That was not cool of you!”

“Huh?”

"Dude, you can't just go around and fuck your butler in a closet - you'll break his heart!" Bokuto explained wisely.

Tendou just scrunched his nose. "You're not exactly my go-to-person about not breaking hearts," he said. "Besides, I was bored from all that business-talk, so what was I supposed to do?"

"Not fuck your damn butler," Kuroo suggested.

"God, you guys are so boring - Tsukishima gave me a high-five for it!"

" _Tsukishima_ is currently high on absinthe," Kuroo pointed out, nudging his boyfriend's cheek with his nose. When Tsukishima just fluttered his eyelashes, Kuroo dropped the topic of the fucked butler. " _Tsukishima_ should also really get up so that we can go to bed. Alright, babe?"

"I can't go to bed yet," mumbled Tsukishima. "Still got something to take care of."

"Whatever it is, I'm sure it's not so important that it can't wait until tomorrow," Kuroo decided, grabbing Tsukishima under the armpits to lift him up like a very long and heavy cat.

"It _is!_ ," Tsukishima insisted, but he didn't put up a fight when Bokuto and Kuroo scooped him up between themselves and gently carried him out of the room. Akaashi earned himself a wistful glance and a whispered promise that was too garbled to understand. He wondered what Tsukishima had in store for him.

"Follow me!" Tendou instructed, as he led them back to the main hall and up the stairs.

Akaashi walked behind the others, trying to get a better look at the mansion. The butler seemed to be the only guy around here to do any kind of housework, and he was obviously not able to clean such a huge mansion all by himself, so there was a ton of decorative dust lying around. It gave the whole mansion a surprisingly dignified atmosphere, like its inhabitants weren't two very peculiar people with ice sculptures of themselves out in the garden. It made the house seem older than it really was. Akaashi could suddenly see why someone who lived in a house like this would get the idea for those caves underneath the swimming pool.

"We could just follow the dusty footprints to the room Kobayashi found, but unfortunately, a pair of panicked hens was just running around up here, so..." Tendou made a vague gesture with his hand, to point out the mess of footprints covering the second floor.

"Dude, this is your house. You _live_ here! How the hell do you not know about a room with a bed?" Kuroo asked. "Maybe then you wouldn't have to fuck your butler in a broom closet!"

"Whatever, it adds to the atmosphere," said Tendou. "Come on now, it's probably one of the rooms over there."

Tendou led them over towards the left wing of the house, where a narrow ladder not unlike the one back at the chalet led even higher up. Akaashi really wanted to know what the attic here looked like, but when he asked, Tendou said that the ladder just led straight to the roof.

"I'm not really allowed up there anymore," he said, sighing. "My dad would disown me. Pity - the view is pretty damn great from up there."

"Is there anything you won't get disowned for?" asked Kuroo.

"Marrying four guys at once, ironically," Akaashi said, just as Tendou came to a halt in front of a closed door.

"This one should have a king-sized bed, I think," Tendou said, opening the door a split, and fumbling for the light switch. When it finally turned on, there was indeed a king-sized bed standing in the middle of the room. Or rather, a bed fit for a whole dynasty of kings.

"What the _fuck_!" Bokuto yelled, already letting go of Tsukishima to skip into the room and dance around the bed, checking it out from every angle. Four pillars were rising up from each corner - they held up a beautiful, lustrous drape of dark green and red satin, elaborate patterns embroidered into it with golden thread. The same kind of patterns were carved into the dark wood of the bed frame, and the tops of the four pillars were all adorned with golden eagle heads. Bokuto turned back to Tendou, eyes glowing. "Dude, I'm sorry, but we're _so_ gonna have sex in here!"

"Yeah, I wasn't really expecting otherwise," said Tendou.

"Not while Tsukki is still in this state," Kuroo chided, gently leading Tsukishima over to sit on the bed. He wasn't wearing the house shoes from the chalet anymore - at least the Tendous had given him new house shoes, even though they had conveniently forgotten about the pants. The current location of Nishinoya's jacket was also a mystery, albeit not one Akaashi had to solve right now.

"Fine then, morning sex is great too," Bokuto shrugged, jumping onto the bed and squealing in joy when it made him bounce. "Holy shit, you guys! This is the most amazing thing ever!"

"Yeah..." Tendou said, clearing his throat. He was watching Bokuto do his childish gymnastics on the bed and it looked like his throat had gone very, very dry. "I should go now..."

"Not yet," Akaashi said, a sudden impulse taking him over as he stepped into the middle of the door to block Tendou's way. "We still have to thank you for saving our boyfriend. Right?"

"Uh..." said Kuroo, looking at Akaashi with one eyebrow raised high. "... right?"

Tendou just stared at him with his weird lizard-eyes, as Akaashi closed the door and shooed him over to sit on the bed. Bokuto rolled over to make space for him, and Tendou sank down as soon as the back of his knees hit the bed frame.

"You're a very good friend, Tendou," Akaashi said, because he knew that it would mean much to him. "I'll probably even save your number one of these days."

"O... kay," Tendou breathed, and suddenly bounced right up on the mattress when Bokuto's arm sneaked around his shoulders. "Holy fuck!"

"You should visit us one day!" Bokuto babbled happily. "We have this super cool cockatoo that you should meet. Also, our attic back at home is the best, like - even better than the chalet one. You have to see it, it's magic! It has a popcorn machine and a trampoline and a stuffed zebra and-"

"Oh!" said Tendou, sounding kind of disappointed. "That sounds great and all, I just... thought you wanted to thank me in another way."

"We're not going to have sex with you," Akaashi said. Maybe he should have clarified before he made Tendou walk backwards to the bed, where Bokuto was just waiting to get handsy with him.

"Oh, God - I thought that's what this whole thing was leading to, too!" Kuroo laughed. "Damn, Akaashi - you and your stupid seductive voice, seriously!" He had just finished tucking Tsukishima in, and rolled over to nudge Akaashi with his toes. "Give me a hint next time!"

"I didn't do it on purpose!" Akaashi insisted, and he was telling the truth. Toying with Tendou's feelings was the last thing he wanted to do right now. "I'm sorry, Tendou! I mean, you're... you're very... cute?"

"You _are_ cute, don't think he's just saying it out of pity," Kuroo said, laying another arm around Tendou's shoulders. "And I'm sure there's someone out there somewhere... someone who's not a butler who just happens to be there, okay?"

"Yeah, when you visit us, we'll make sure to introduce you to every eligible bachelor we know!" Bokuto promised.

Tendou gave a long groan and let himself sink backwards into the bed, taking Kuroo and Bokuto with him in the process. "He better be worth it!" he finally said. "And it won't be easy to find someone who's worth lying in a huge bed with four hot guys without getting any!"

"Come on, one of them's a passed-out drunk!" said Kuroo. "This really isn't the moment for a five-some."

"Uhm..." Bokuto added. He had turned his head to look behind them, and when Akaashi did the same, he suddenly knew why Bokuto looked so confused. "Are you sure about the passed-out thing?"

Kuroo and Tendou shot up from their positions immediately, and Akaashi pulled at the heavy duvet Tsukishima had been buried under only a minute ago.

It took an impressive amount of time to search this huge bed for a guy the size of Tsukishima, but five minutes later, they were sure of it.

Tsukishima was gone. AGAIN.

"It's official," Akaashi said, throwing the last blanket to the floor. "This time, I'm really going to kill him."

"I'll join you," said Kuroo, even though he was already tearing out his hair and worrying his lip bloody. "But first..."

"We need to find him," Bokuto finished, dashing out of the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comparing this chapter end to the last, and knowing that there's still the same number of chapters left, i feel like i accomplished absolutely NOTHING here, GEEZ!


	13. Chapter 13

Searching the Tendous' huge mansion for Tsukishima turned out to be equally as difficult as searching a forest in the dark.

Thanks to Kuroo's and Bokuto's dusty footprints, which covered the entire second floor, it was impossible to deduce where Tsukishima could have run. Not that anyone would be in the state of mind to play detective right now, but Akaashi still preferred to consider about where Tsukishima might have gone off to before they ended up feeling like idiots again.

Bokuto didn't seem to agree with that sentiment - he was already busy digging through a bunch of bric-à-brac while suggesting for Kuroo to turn a whole canapé upside down.

"He's high on absinthe, so there's no use trying to understand him," Bokuto reasoned, once Akaashi stopped him from breaking all the porcelain he came across.

"That still doesn't mean that he suddenly got the powers to shrink himself and hide in a vase!" Akaashi argued. Even Bokuto had to understand that, so he stopped shaking the china cabinet and ran towards the next room, which Akaashi sincerely hoped didn't harbor any more breakable stuff.

"Didn't he say that he still had something to do? Something important?" Tendou asked when he found Akaashi in a small bathroom a few minutes later. Akaashi had just been inspecting the bidet with a strange kind of fascination, and jumped when he heard Tendou’s voice, embarrassed to be found playing with a bidet when his boyfriend was still missing.

"You're right..." Akaashi mused. He remembered Tsukishima mumbling something about not being able to go to sleep yet, because he had something important to do first. "But he never said what it was."

"Well, I just checked on my dad - Tsukishima's not with him at least, but dad already climbed out of his bed, too. He said he wants to take a walk outside. Maybe Tsukishima went outside, too."

"Maybe he's trying to break the ice sculpture?" Akaashi suggested. "It's offensive to the eyes."

"Dude!" Tendou said, looking pretty offended himself. Right - Akaashi had totally forgotten that it was a sculpture of him. "Remind me again why we're friends?"

"Because you're a sad and lonely creature, desperate for love," Akaashi said truthfully, walking out of the bathroom to tell Bokuto and Kuroo that they should look for Tsukishima outside.

Tendou followed him, looking like he was seriously considering hitting Akaashi.

“You’re a moody pain-in-the-ass, aren’t you?” Tendou grunted, just as they came across Kuroo, who got his head stuck in an umbrella stand.

“Not usually!” said Kuroo. Akaashi thought it was sweet of Kuroo to defend him even while having more acute problems, like being unable to breathe. His voice sounded hollow and far away. “He’s stoic most of the time,” Kuroo explained. “But since he got that concussion at the start of the week, he’s been experiencing a cocktail of emotions.”

“My emotions are pretty constant right now,” Akaashi said, lightly kicking against the umbrella stand. “I’m annoyed.”

Kuroo’s only response was to roll weakly to the side and lie there until Bokuto caught sight of his state and came over to free him from his metallic prison.

“We think your boyfriend might have run outside to fight a bunch of ice sculptures,” Tendou explained, once Kuroo could breathe again. “So you better go and stop him, because if he damages my beautiful glacial face, it will cost him dearly.”

“Of course!” Bokuto howled, like he should have long concerned the prospect of Tsukishima running outside to fight an ice statue.

They didn’t have time to think about it further, because Bokuto just grabbed everyone’s hands and pulled them down the stairs. It was a miracle that no one stumbled and split their head open. No one got to look for their jackets either, so once again, they would be out in the freezing cold. There was a high possibility that they would all spend the last day of the trip with the flu and Akaashi couldn’t even decide anymore who he wanted to blame it on.

“Koutarou, slow down!” Kuroo gasped when they had passed the door to the outside, and were running down the icy steps of the entrance stairs. “Can you guys hear that?”

Bokuto came to a sudden halt, and Akaashi was glad that they were still holding hands, because otherwise, nothing would have kept him from flying down the stairs and getting another concussion.

“Screaming!” Tendou noted, like they all hadn’t heard it, too. “This is definitely Tsukishima’s voice, isn’t it?”

“But I can’t see him by the statues,” Kuroo said. “Where the fuck-“

Akaashi knew exactly where the fuck.

Because Tsukishima had actually _told_ him.

“Look up,” he said, turning back towards the house and pointing to a silhouette clearly outlined against the moon shining down on them. Akaashi had already noticed how clear and bright the moon and the stars looked in these mountains – especially compared to the city, where the smog made it seem like the sky was empty.

Right now, Akaashi would have preferred an empty sky, because when he gazed up at it, he suddenly felt like being sick.

“No, no, NO!” Kuroo yelled as soon as he saw Tsukishima standing on the roof. “KEI! GET DOWN FROM THERE RIGHT NOW!”

“You don’t actually expect him to listen, do you?” Akaashi asked. He could hear his own voice getting smaller and smaller with every word.

Bokuto seemed to have already lost his own voice. He was just staring up at Tsukishima, eyes wide, mouth dry, looking utterly helpless.

“Shit – stay here, keep him from doing anything stupid – I’ll run up and try to get him down!” Tendou said. He seemed to be the only one who hadn’t turned completely useless upon spotting Tsukishima swaying on the roof.

Akaashi tried to pull himself together.

“KEI!” he yelled. “STOP THIS SHIT ALREADY!"

Bokuto came back to life as soon as he heard Akaashi yelling. “PLEASE DON'T JUMP!” he cried, sounding so hurt and confused that Akaashi would have liked to punch himself for not thinking about how this must look to the others.

“No, no, no – he's not up there to jump, Koutarou. He's-”

“I LOVE YOU, AKAASHI KEIJI!” Tsukishima yelled, pointing in Akaashi's general direction while swinging from side to side. “AND YOU, BOKUTO KOUTAROU, I LOVE YOU, TOO!” This time, Tsukishima's outstretched finger swung to the right, and he almost turned around with it. Luckily, he regained his balance by changing direction to point towards Kuroo, who stood to Akaashi's other side. “AND KUROO TETSUROU, OF COURSE – I LOVE YOU TOO!”

“WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING!” yelled Kuroo. “WE ALREADY KNEW THAT!”

“BUT THE REST OF THE WORLD DOESN'T!” Tsukishima yelled back, throwing his arms up and making everyone gasp in the process. “SO I'M SHOUTING IT FROM THE ROOFTOPS!”

Kuroo pressed his hands to his face in what should have been an over-dramatic gesture, but expressed exactly what Akaashi felt like. Anger surged through him two seconds later, turning his veins cold – he realized that it was only there to replace the helplessness, and he was almost thankful for it.

“WE DON'T NEED YOU TO SHOUT ANYTHING FROM THE ROOFTOPS!” Akaashi yelled. “NO ONE CAN HEAR YOU ANYWAY!”

“No, I could actually hear him quite well,” another voice spoke up from behind them. When Akaashi turned around, his eyes met with Tendou's father's, who was wearing a top hat and carrying a walking cane, otherwise still dressed in his pajamas. Akaashi decided not to question it.

“Don't encourage him, please,” Kuroo groaned. “I don't know what I would do if anything happened to him.”

“STAY PUT!” Akaashi yelled again, when he turned around and saw Tsukishima climb over the tiles towards the roof of the left wing, which rose up even higher. Why couldn't this stupid mansion have a flat roof? Why was there even a ladder leading to a roof like that? Akaashi had half a mind to hunt down the architect and throw some broken porcelain at him. But first, he had to make sure Tsukishima survived this night. “KEI, IF YOU MOVE ANOTHER MUSCLE, I WILL RIP OUT YOUR SPINE!”

“Babe!” said Bokuto, bracing Akaashi with a heavy hand on the small of his back, but Akaashi shook him off – he didn't need any warmth right now. The cold and the anger worked for him just fine. He didn't need for anyone to think him sane – he just needed for Tsukishima to stop _moving_.

“I'M IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH THREE MEEEEEEEN!” Tsukishima howled, hands leaving the tiles to cup his mouth.

Akaashi broke out in a sweat, never mind the freezing temperature. His hands were trembling, trying to clutch at his pullover and never getting a grip. His three boyfriends would probably kill him someday. Over the course of only one week, he had thought he'd lost Bokuto, he had witnessed an angry Kuroo, and now he watched Tsukishima dance on the roof, threatening to slip and break his neck any second.

“Who in God's name is Freemen. Another boyfriend of yours?” Tendou's dad asked from behind them.

By now, even Kuroo looked like he wanted to punch him. “Three men,” he said. “One, two, three!”

Tendou's father made an understanding “ah!” sound, right before waving his walking cane. “HEY, HOW ABOUT A RELATIONSHIP WITH FOURMEN?” he yelled. Akaashi had to dive for Kuroo's hand before it could connect with Tendou's father's face.

“Take it out on the ice sculpture later,” he gasped, turning back to Tsukishima, who was still swaying on the roof. “Right now, he's our only problem.”

“Where the fuck is Tendou!” asked Bokuto, who was nervously biting at his bottom lip while staring up at his drunk boyfriend. “He should be up there by now!”

“HEY, TSUKISHIMA!”

Everyone released a breath of relief when they heard Tendou's voice sound from the rooftop. Akaashi had to squint to make out Tendou's redhead somewhere in the middle of the roof – so that's where the ladder led to. Tsukishima had to have climbed to the top of the roof all by himself, before they had even found him. Right now, he was already on the way to the even higher roof of the left wing, way out of Tendou's reach.

“HEY, COME BACK HERE, SPECS! I NEED TO SHOW YOU SOMETHING!” Tendou yelled – not that Tsukishima would want to see anything Tendou had to show him, so it had little effect.

Tsukishima just continued to shout nonsense.

“MOM, DAD! CAN YOU HEAR ME? I LOVE ALL THREE OF THEM! YOU BETTER TELL YOUR NEW BAKER!”

“What the fuck is he on about?” asked Kuroo. He was biting his nails so hard that they were already bleeding, but Akaashi was not in the right condition to do anything about it. He felt like puking. Hot and cold shivers seized him in turns. Maybe the fever had come quicker than he had anticipated.

“KEI, I WILL KILL YOU, YOU HEAR ME? I WILL MURDER YOU AND DROWN YOU IN A POOL OF CHILDREN'S PEE AND TURN YOU INTO AN ICE SCULPTURE AND I WILL-”

Akaashi didn't really know anymore what exactly he was yelling, he was just yelling, and he was the only one doing so. Kuroo and Bokuto were standing there, biting at their lips and nails, like they had already lost all hope, and how _dare_ Tsukishima turn them into _this_? This was not who they were – either one of them. Akaashi felt the anger pulsing in his veins, and he knew that it didn't belong there, it was not a part of him, it was a foreign matter Tsukishima had somehow planted there, and now it was taking over him and turning him into a new person.

“OKAY, JUST STAY WHERE YOU ARE – I'M COMING TO GET YOU!” Tendou promised as he climbed out of the little hatch he had opened in the roof. It looked like there was a second, smaller ladder embedded into the tiles, leading up to the very top of the roof, where it was easier to hold on to the edge. Tsukishima had not chosen to go that way.

“There he goes again,” sighed Tendou's father. He didn't sound particularly worried about his own son doing acrobatics on the roof in the middle of the night. By now, Akaashi almost wished Kuroo would get a second urge to slap him, because Akaashi wouldn't stop it anymore.

“I AM IN A POLYRA- POLYMURA- POLYMUROS RELATIONSHIP!” Tsukishima continued yelling.

Akaashi's trembling hands formed into fists. “SHUT UP!” he heard himself shout. “THIS IS NOT WHAT I WANTED!”

If Tsukishima fell down this roof, it would all be Akaashi's fault. He would never be able to forgive himself. And neither would Bokuto and Kuroo. He didn't really want to think about that right now, but he couldn't help it.

“FOR FUCK'S SAKE, STOP CLIMBING!” yelled Tendou, who was gaining on Tsukishima, but still hadn't reached the second wing yet. Akaashi held his breath when Tendou's feet slipped on the tiles, accompanied by a loud curse – Tendou was still holding on to the edge, but it only went to show how slippery the roof really was. It had been a relatively warm day, so the snow had melted, but over the course of the night, there had to be a thin layer of ice spreading across it.

It was actually a miracle that Tsukishima hadn't slipped yet. Maybe it was thanks to the material of his socks, but Akaashi didn't believe they would hold forever. Tsukishima was still swaying heavily – more so with each passing second. He looked dazed, couldn't even think of another thing to shout. Akaashi just hoped he wouldn't pass out before Tendou reached him.

“Oh my God!” Kuroo gasped, when one of Tsukishima's socks finally gave in and he slipped down a couple of inches. Akaashi didn't make a sound – like Bokuto, he had reached a state of frozen shock. He couldn't feel anything anymore. Not the cold, not the fear, not the anger – the pounding heartbeat in his head was everything there was. That, and Tsukishima's dazed, blurry face.

Akaashi didn't even notice that Tsukishima's blurry face came from the tears that had gathered in his own eyes. Only when he blinked and they spilled over his face did he realize he was crying.

“Oh my God!” Kuroo said again – with a sob, this time. “He's gonna die. He's gonna _die_!”

“He'll be fine,” said Tendou's father. Akaashi had totally forgotten about him. “Believe me, I have a lot of experience with this. Satori is my son, after all.”

Tendou didn't look too light on his feet, as he was making his way over to the left wing roof, finally leaving the more-or-less safe edge he had been holding on to. Seeing Tsukishima's state, he stopped trying to be careful and climbed over the roof as fast as he could.

“KEIJI!” Tsukishima yelled. He sounded like his tongue was numb and heavy. “I'M SORRY!”

“DON'T MOVE!” Tendou screeched, throwing himself across the roof, but it was already too late. Tsukishima didn't even slip on the tiles – he just lost balance and stumbled over his own feet.

Tendou's outstretched hand held on to Tsukishima's sleeve for almost two seconds. Then the fabric slipped out of his hands and Tsukishima rolled down the roof, nails scratching over the tiles, feet reaching for a halt, all in vain.

Time stopped before Akaashi's eyes. He could hear Tsukishima's surprised yelp, Bokuto's and Kuroo's heartbreaking screams, the last scraps of Tendou senior’s assurance that everything was alright. But all Akaashi could see was Tsukishima's body, hanging in the air over the edge of the roof, mid-fall.

Nothing changed about that picture for the longest time. Akaashi's world had simply... stopped.

When he blinked, another flood of tears welled over his eyes, leaving a hot trace across his ice cold face. He blinked again.

Tsukishima was still floating in the middle of the air.

“What… what’s going on?” asked Bokuto’s small voice. He had probably pressed his eyes closed and wondered why there was no splattering sound, no screaming, no crying.

“Is this a dream?” Kuroo breathed to Akaashi’s other side.

From behind them, Tendou’s father cleared his throat.

“I told you it was alright. How many times do you think Satori ended up on that roof? I installed that net years ago. Got a nice deal when the chairlift station exchanged their old ones.”

Indeed – now that Akaashi actually paid attention – even if it was still difficult to see in the dark; there was a net akin to the ones at the stations, which were there to prevent overexcited people from jumping out of the chairlift before they were on safe ground. Tsukishima was currently entangled in such a net.

“There… there was a net…” Akaashi began, quietly, but his voice suddenly rose in volume. “And you didn’t _tell us_?”

Next to him, Bokuto just fell down to the ground, sobbing, while Kuroo weakly collapsed against Akaashi, apparently expecting Akaashi to be able to hold his weight, but they immediately fell on top of Bokuto.

“I told you that it was alright!” Tendou’s father shrugged. “Didn't I?”

Akaashi had no more words. He imagined seeing actual steam coming out of his head, but it was probably just his breath turning to fog in the cold air.

“I’LL SEND HIM DOWN TO YOU!” yelled Tendou from up on the roof, sliding down towards the net. When he reached it, he climbed into it next to Tsukishima, and fumbled for something that turned out to be a lever attached to the gutter. Suddenly, there was a mechanic, buzzing sound coming from the net, and then it was moving along the downpipes.

“Hey, are you still alive?” Akaashi could hear Tendou ask. Tsukishima, who had been quiet so far, suddenly broke into a laughing fit. It was probably just the nerves, but Akaashi saw red.

Freeing himself from Bokuto’s and Kuroo’s limp bodies in a sudden fit of power, he stomped up the stairs towards the mansion, where the net was just coming down. He wasn’t yelling anymore – he was too exhausted for that. At least that’s what he thought, before the net finally reached the ground, and Tsukishima looked up at him, a laugh still edged into his lips.

Akaashi suddenly had him by the collar, shaking him, screaming. He wasn't even screaming any words, he was just screaming spit and snot in Tsukishima's face. Bokuto and Kuroo were already by his side, trying to calm him down, but all Akaashi could see were Tsukishima's wide, unfocused eyes, blinking slowly.

Akaashi's voice went quiet after a while, and he couldn't see Tsukishima's eyes anymore – his vision had blurred too much through the tears – however, he was pretty sure that he was kissing Tsukishima. He had pulled his body so close that it felt like they would melt together soon. Bokuto's and Kuroo's bodies were also there, somewhere, clinging to them, but right now, nothing but Tsukishima existed in Akaashi's world.

He continued pressing kisses all over Tsukishima's face, until he changed his mind and suddenly shook him by the collar again. Words made their way back to his tongue.

“You _asshole!_ ” Akaashi sobbed. “You're supposed to be my partner! You're supposed to be the smart one! What the fuck was that?”

Tsukishima was probably too drunk to be shaken like this, but he still had a soft smile on his lips. Akaashi either wanted to kiss or headbutt it into oblivion. He hadn't decided yet.

“Why do I always have to be the composed one?” Tsukishima coughed. The words sounded oddly familiar, but Akaashi couldn’t quite place them. “I can flip my shit once in a while.”

Akaashi suddenly remembered where he had heard them before. Well - _said_ them before. Tsukishima was quoting Akaashi back to Akaashi – except that Akaashi had only been afraid of a bug, and hadn't threatened to jump down from the roof, so... he really, really wanted to be angry again, but it was just impossible.

Tsukishima's answer was so cheeky, and so inappropriate, but at the same time undeniably true, Akaashi couldn't help but love it. And love the bastard who said it. A laugh bubbled out of him, and it wouldn't stop, because Akaashi had just reached the peak of his crazy. He gasped for air, thinking that he could finally get the laugh to die out, but then he looked at Tsukishima's askew glasses, and he just laughed more and louder.

“Whoa there, rollercoaster!” said Kuroo, reaching out an arm to steady Akaashi. He gently pulled Akaashi away from Tsukishima, cradling him against his chest, like he had back on the slope, when Akaashi's concussion had been at its worst.

Bokuto was doing the same with Tsukishima, muttering something about having the craziest boyfriends, which just made Akaashi laugh even more.

“I'm... I'm gonna send Kobayashi to prepare a hot bath for you guys,” mumbled Tendou, who stood awkwardly to the side. Looking down at his father, he added: “Come on, dad, you could also need a bath. Sober up a little. Geez, I thought you _told_ them about the net!”

“I did!” claimed Tendou senior. “I said it was alright.”

That was all Akaashi heard before Kuroo’s fingers found their way back into his hair, massaging calming circles into his temples. Darkness started to edge into his vision. He couldn’t pass out now. He had to stay there and look at Tsukishima for as long as he could. 

Tsukishima, who had immediately noticed that something was wrong with Akaashi when they started their trip. Who had secretly kissed him under a blanket, in front of a beautiful mountain sunset. Who had massaged his scalp when everything felt like too much, and called Bokuto out on his sexual healing method.

Tsukishima, who lifted him up onto a sink when they were alone in the bathroom, who made a pickles sandwich just for him, who claimed to be his boyfriend to a total stranger, who’s first instinct was to pull Akaashi out of the firing line in a food fight, who read a book about polyamory without telling anyone, who refused to know about the plan just so he wouldn’t get angry at them. Who had proven his love to Akaashi in so many ways. 

Maybe, Akaashi thought. Maybe he could take a little dancing on the roof now and then, if he got all the other things, too. 

Then the darkness overwhelmed him.

 

He came to just a little later – naked this time, and engulfed by warm, incredible smelling water. Nobody acted surprised when they saw him with his eyes open, so Akaashi probably didn’t black out completely, he was just having a small case of amnesia. 

“Pass me the shampoo?” he heard Kuroo’s voice ask somewhere to his right.

Another body, which Akaashi was currently leaning against, suddenly moved behind him, rummaging around in a box with little bottles and cans. That had to be Bokuto, then.

“How the fuck am I supposed to know which of these are shampoo?” Bokuto whined. “They’re all labeled in… like, French or something!”

“The French word for shampoo is shampooing,” Akaashi said.

“What? That’s ridiculous!” 

“Just hand him the red one, Koutarou,” sighed Akaashi. It was a happy sigh, not an exasperated one. He had no idea how he ended up in this bathtub – or small swimming pool, by the size of it. But he was glad that he was here, surrounded by his boyfriends, and _warmth_. 

Bokuto did as he was told and handed a red bottle to Kuroo, who emptied half of it into Tsukishima’s hair. Tsukishima gave a content moan when Kuroo’s fingers started to rub the shampoo into his hair. Even though Kuroo had bitten off half of his fingernails, it must still feel incredible. 

“Do that to me,” Akaashi suggested to Bokuto, even though he knew Bokuto would be terrible at it. “I’d like to be this content.”

“He’s still high,” said Kuroo. “That’s probably why he looks like that.”

“No, you’re just really good at this. I’m completely sober,” Tsukishima lied. 

“Sober my ass.” Kuroo splashed a handful of water into Tsukishima’s face and made him splutter. “You’re _humming_ under your breath.”

“This is what I’m always like.”

“God, I can’t wait until you’re back to your usual frowns and wrinkled noses and creased eyebrows,” Kuroo sighed. “You never know what you have until you lose it.” He faltered at his own words, apparently unable to breathe for a few seconds, until Tsukishima turned around and wrapped his arms around Kuroo’s chest. 

“I’m still here,” Tsukishima mumbled. “I didn’t want to worry you so much.”

It really did look like he had sobered up an impressive amount ever since he had come down from the roof. Akaashi had missed most of the process, and he really wanted to cling to this realer, more sober version of Tsukishima. But he had no right to claim Tsukishima for himself right now – he had already hogged him at the most crucial moment, and right now, Kuroo needed him more. 

“I hope you’re aware that every time someone gets drunk and does something extraordinarily stupid, we’re gonna call it 'pulling a Tsukki',” Kuroo threatened, a weak chuckle blowing against Tsukishima’s skin. Akaashi could see how they had loved each other for a long time, even though they hadn’t been together, like Bokuto and himself. It was still an impressive bond, and Akaashi hoped to live up to it one day.

Tsukishima didn’t even give a retort. He probably knew that he deserved it.

They bathed for a long time, until the water was cold, and their skin was wrinkly. Akaashi didn’t want to know what time it was. This felt like the longest night he’d ever lived through, but it was alright now. He liked this part of the night.

Kobayashi had prepared a fluffy bathrobe for each of them. They all had the indoor pool’s logo stitched into them, so Akaashi would make sure to take his home as a souvenir. 

Tendou was conveniently waiting in front of the bathroom to lead them back to the room with the big bed, because none of them would have found it again. 

“I found some clothes for you to sleep in, if you want. Old ones of mine, so they won’t fit Bokuto. Sorry, buddy, you’ll have to go commando.”

“Yeah, weird coincidence,” Kuroo chuckled. 

“I don’t know what you’re implying,” said Tendou, feigning innocence. They had just reached the door to their bedroom, and Tendou opened it for them to go in. “Shouldn’t you thank me for all I’ve done for you, instead of accusing me of wanting to steal your man?”

“He’s right,” said Tsukishima and gave Kuroo a weak shove. Turning to Tendou, he added: “Thank you, Tendou. You’re a real friend.”

Akaashi wondered if Tsukishima was just repeating what he 'd heard him say some hours earlier, when everyone had thought Tsukishima had already passed out on the bed. In any case, his intentions were different, because the next thing he did was exactly what Akaashi had neglected. He leaned in and kissed Tendou right on the mouth – not just a peck, a real kiss, with open mouths and a hint of tongue. A kiss that left Tendou ruffled and gasping for air, eyes wide with shock. 

“Uh… uh!” he spluttered, watching Tsukishima walk into the bedroom without blinking an eyelid. “I’m… uh. Yeah. Goodnight?”

Kuroo just threw his hands up in a slightly exasperated gesture, and sighed. “Fine then, come here!”

Before Tendou could react, Kuroo had cupped his face, and pulled him in for another kiss – a bit softer than Tsukishima’s, but no less deep. And no less surprising, it seemed.

Tendou didn’t even have anything left to splutter after Kuroo pulled back, patted his shoulder, and followed into the room after Tsukishima. He just stood there and gaped. 

It was the gaping that made this whole thing really enjoyable for Akaashi, because he got to press Tendou’s mouth closed with a finger before leaning in and opening it up again with his tongue. Something about shutting up guys like Tendou just felt _right_. He had surprisingly soft lips – softer than any of Akaashi’s boyfriends. Maybe it was the expensive French cosmetics. In any case, Akaashi was glad that Tsukishima had started this whole thing, because Tendou’s face after was amazing. His pupils weren’t even moving anymore. He almost looked brain-dead. 

“See you tomorrow,” Akaashi said, and followed the others into the bedroom, leaving only Bokuto outside. 

Kuroo and Tsukishima were already changing into the clothes Tendou had put out for them. Tsukishima’s glasses rested on the nightstand, so Kuroo was trying to guide him under the covers without hanging himself on the decorative drapes. Upon Akaashi’s arrival, Kuroo showed a huge grin.

“Do you think he’ll survive?” he asked, trying to escape Tsukishima’s arms, which were pulling at his neck and refused to let go.

“Hard to say…” said Akaashi, just as a loud thud could be heard from outside. “But the odds are long.”

“Help!” Bokuto cried. “I think he fainted!”

“He swooned, how lame!” Kuroo laughed. Tsukishima was still pulling at him, and he simply gave up resisting, and flopped down onto his drunk boyfriend. 

Bokuto entered the room, carrying Tendou in his arms. “What should we do with him?” he asked. “Do you think the bed is big enough for all of us?”

Akaashi would have _really_ liked to see Tendou’s face when he woke up in the same bed as all of them, but it wasn’t meant to happen. A cough from the open door made them all turn around to where the butler had appeared out of nowhere, a sour expression on his face.

“Could I please have my master back?” Kobayashi asked.

"Dude!” gasped Bokuto. “You call him 'master'?”

“That's kinky,” Kuroo grinned, wriggling his eyebrows. The butler's expression darkened even more. He was probably not happy about getting called 'kinky' by a guy who was in a relationship with three men.

Bokuto looked a little disappointed, but he passed Tendou along to the butler, although Kobayashi was barely able to keep him upright. Once the butler was outside, Akaashi was sure that he suddenly heard Tendou complaining about being saved.

"I wonder what crawled up his ass and died," Kuroo yawned. He was already sprawled across a passed-out looking Tsukishima. Akaashi would never again be sure if Tsukishima was sleeping or not, but as long as Kuroo lay over him, he wouldn't be able to get up and run away again.

"I pity him a little," Akaashi admitted. Being ordered around by Tendou and his father must be a real nightmare. Having a crush on Tendou must be an even bigger nightmare. Akaashi really didn't want to be in his shoes. Anyway, it didn't matter right now, because all Akaashi wanted to do, was sleep.

Bokuto had the right idea - he closed the door and then came to swoop Akaashi up in his arms, and carry him over to the bed, peeling him out of the fluffy bathrobe with one fluid motion. "Do you really need clothes?" Bokuto smiled as he laid Akaashi down into the bed.

"You know I hate sleeping naked," Akaashi mumbled. Somehow, as soon as Bokuto's arms had wrapped around him, his brain had just decided to shut down. He was so tired, he felt like he couldn't move a single muscle anymore.

“Boo, I thought we were _wild_ today,” said Bokuto, but he was already pulling an old T-shirt over Akaashi’s head, and kissed the tuft of black hair as soon as it appeared above the hem of the shirt. “Maybe we’ll be wild again tomorrow.”

“Please, no!” Akaashi yawned. He barely knew what he was saying anymore. “Anything but that.”

“Goodnight, Keiji,” said Bokuto, or Kuroo – maybe even the passed-out Tsukishima, Akaashi wouldn’t have been surprised about it. But he never found out whose voice it was, because he finally, finally drifted off to sleep.

It was not the sunlight that woke him, and it wasn’t the heavy snores directed at him from two sides. It was the bed suddenly moving when a body plumped down in it.

Eyes still heavy from sleep, Akaashi tried to make out who had woken him so rudely. All he could see was a shock of blond hair, but he was suddenly wide awake. What was Tsukishima doing out of bed? He did _not_ want a repetition of last night ever again.

“Where have you been?” Akaashi demanded to know, his sleepy voice sounding much less stern than he would have liked. “Don’t run off!”

“I just needed a drink of water. My mouth felt like cardboard,” said Tsukishima. He was already crawling back into the bed, shoving Kuroo to the side a bit so he could fit in next to Akaashi. “Did I wake you up?”

Akaashi just hummed a, “hmmm” and closed his eyes again. Tsukishima seemed to be completely sober, so it was alright. Now that Akaashi knew there was nothing to worry about, his consciousness was already dwindling. They couldn't have been asleep for too long. The light outside was dim, the sun still busy climbing its way up from behind the mountains. It took Tsukishima a while to fight his way back under the covers and find a comfortable position. Akaashi barely noticed the hand resting on his waist. It was cool, but in a good way, since the rest of the bed was hot and stuffy. 

“Keiji,” whispered Tsukishima. “Hey, Keiji!”

“What!” Akaashi grumbled. It was too early to talk.

“Do you still like me?”

Akaashi forced his eyes back open, but he didn't manage more than a squint. Tsukishima looked strangely vulnerable without his glasses. 

“I'll probably like you better in another four hours,” said Akaashi, but he lay a placating arm around Tsukishima's middle and buried his face in the crook of Tsukishima's neck. This had to be enough, for now.

It wasn't though.

“Keiji. Can I kiss you? Please.”

“What – with your cardboard mouth?”

“I just drank some water, I'm okay now,” Tsukishima said hopefully.

“But I didn't!” Akaashi groaned. 

“I wouldn't care. Please, Keiji – I just need to know that you still want to kiss me.”

Akaashi pulled his face out of the crook of Tsukishima's neck, to give a disgruntled blink. Tsukishima really was a pest sometimes – he was lucky that he was cute. And that Akaashi had a weakness for guys who were high-maintenance. Even when it was barely morning. 

“You really are a pest sometimes,” he voiced his thoughts. “And you're lucky that you're cute.”

“Is that a yes to the making-out?”

“We were talking about a _kiss_!” Akaashi protested. “Not a making-out. I don't need a tongue in my mouth so early in the morning!”

“Just a little. Not past the teeth.”

“NO tongue!” Akaashi insisted, swatting at Tsukishima's arm.

“You're a tough negotiator,” said Tsukishima, a twinkle in his eyes. “But I'll take what I can get.”

“Then come and get it. I won't do all the work for you,” said Akaashi, observing the edges of Tsukishima's mouth form into a fond smile. 

Akaashi couldn't help but return it.

“Thank you,” Tsukishima said. 

Akaashi let him brush their lips against each other, then. 

He didn't pull back, even after a long while, but he did not give any input either. Tsukishima had to work for this kiss. He had to nudge his nose into Akaashi's cheek to get him to turn his head away from where he had sunken into the pillow, searching for a way to escape the creeping daylight. He had to slip his bottom lip between Akaashi's lips, to open him up without using his tongue. Fingers grazed across the naked skin under Akaashi's T-shirt, fumbling along the waistband of his borrowed boxers. Akaashi could feel the fingers tremble a little.

Their kiss was a gentle, fragile thing – sleep still pulled at Akaashi's consciousness, trying to lull him back. But every time he was about to give in, Tsukishima's lips brushed against his skin and kept him interested. He opened his eyes and watched Tsukishima's light eyelashes throw shadows over his face. He really was beautiful. 

Tsukishima slowly coaxed him into moving; angling his head for better access, meeting the soft caress of his lips with a breath. It was slow, at first. Hazy. Akaashi could live with that – his eyes were fluttering shut again, and he surrendered himself to Tsukishima's touch. Hands roaming over his skin, nothing deliberate, just touch for the sake of touch. Sometimes his fingers stopped to fondle at an edge or curve, but they weren't trying to work him up. 

Akaashi could have fallen back asleep at any time. Despite that, he found himself getting more and more involved. His fingers drew slow lines across Tsukishima's spine, feeling the little humps of the bone until it led to the curve of Tsukishima's lower back. There was a spot there somewhere – a spot that, when pressed by the right hands, could make Tsukishima moan louder than Bokuto. But so far, Kuroo was the only one to find it. Every time. Without fault.

“Keiji,” Tsukishima whispered again, voice already going hoarse. It sounded sexy, and intimate, which was unfair, because Akaashi really didn't want to be in a sexy mood right now. He wanted to get a good night's sleep, so that he would be fit to sort out all the things that needed sorting out in the morning. “Hey, Keiji!”

“Hey, broken record,” Akaashi whispered back, pulling away a bit so that he could look into Tsukishima's eyes. “What?”

“I love you.”

“Hmmmm,” Akaashi hummed, hiding another smile in Tsukishima's skin. “Little bit cheesy, but a much better place to say it than on a rooftop.”

“It depends – rooftops can be quite romantic,” said Tsukishima. 

“Not when your drunken boyfriend is climbing around on them, shouting nonsense into the void.”

“It wasn't nonsense,” Tsukishima whispered. “I meant it.”

Akaashi didn't say anything to that for a while. He had his face pressed against Tsukishima's neck, one hand on his chest, feeling it rise with every breath. If he could stay like this forever, he would be happy. But in the end, he was the one to move – the one to push against Tsukishima's chest to make him lie on his back – the one to roll over him and straddle his lap – the one to accidentally kick Kuroo to the side, resulting in a thunder-like snore and a sleepy swatting of hands. Then Kuroo turned around and obliviously burrowed his face into the pillows. 

“Oops,” Akaashi said, breathlessly. 

Tsukishima gave an equally breathless laugh. “He's a real catch.”

“Oh, I know!” Akaashi agreed. Kuroo had buried the blanket underneath himself when he had turned onto his stomach, and his butt rose up high, towering on top of the piled-up blankets. Akaashi gave it a good grope and caused a grunt to rise from the pillows. “Irresistible.”

Tsukishima snorted. “Are you seriously getting distracted by that guy while you're straddling me like that? I'm insulted.”

“Sorry – I'm new to this poly thing,” said Akaashi. “I have no idea how I'm supposed to distribute my affections fairly.”

“I think the whole point is,” whispered Tsukishima, coming up to meet him in a quick kiss. “That we don't have to worry about what goes and what doesn't. Because everything goes.”

Akaashi leaned back in to hum against Tsukishima's lips. “Hmmm, that's a relief. If I had to come up with positions for foursomes for the rest of my life, I'd probably join a monastery.”

“Well, not for the rest of your life, I'm sure – even you will become old and impotent someday,” chuckled Tsukishima. 

“Please – if you don't think I'll be the randiest grandpa around, then you don't know me at all,” said Akaashi, rocking into Tsukishima's lap to emphasize his point. “My wrinkly hands will be all over you all the time,” he purred, drawing a slow line up Tsukishima's T-shirt. 

Tsukishima gagged in the middle of a laugh. “I think you should join that monastery after all!”

“Don't be fooled – I only want to go there because of all the sexy virgin grandpas.” Akaashi slowly drew his nose along Tsukishima's neck until he reached his ear, where he pressed an open-mouthed kiss to his jawbone. It wasn't clear if the sound Tsukishima made was supposed to be a moan or a groan. It sounded like it was both at once. Then Akaashi realized that the groan had come from his right, where Bokuto was hugging a huge pillow, heavy-lidded eyes watching them attentively.

“So this is what you guys talk about when you think we can't hear you?” Bokuto mumbled. He seemed to be still half-asleep. “I thought you only talked about... like. Pythagoras' theorem and stuff.”

“In bed?” said Tsukishima.

“Well, it's better than talking about sexy grandpas!” Bokuto protested, groaning again. “How am I ever going to go back to work without seeing Keiji in every old dodderer slurping on his pudding?”

Akaashi tried to put on a serious face when he asked: “You mean 'in' as in you imagine me as an old dodderer eating pudding, or you imagine me _inside_ -”

“Aaaaaaaaaaah!” Bokuto screamed, almost ripping his pillow apart. 

“Well, it wasn't clear!” said Akaashi, and turned back to Tsukishima. “Right?”

“Right!” Tsukishima nodded. “But please don't make him scream again – I _do_ have a headache from hell.”

“Really,” drawled Akaashi. So far, Tsukishima hadn't shown any symptoms of a headache, but then there hadn't been a lot of screaming until now. Akaashi realized that he wasn't too compassionate about it. “Pity,” he said, and leaned down to kiss Tsukishima for real, the force pushing his head back into the pillows as Akaashi worked his mouth open with his tongue. It was too late to go back to sleep anyway. He might as well make it worth it. 

Eyes opening just a little to watch Bokuto watching them, Akaashi slid his hands up Tsukishima's sides, taking the shirt with him. Tsukishima lifted his arms as soon as the shirt was past his nipples, and let Akaashi pull it over his head. Throwing the shirt in Bokuto's face, Akaashi closed the distance between his and Tsukishima's lips again, a slow rhythm starting to rock his hips. 

Bokuto made an appreciative sound at the back of his throat. Kuroo gave a less appreciative snore.

“Oh!” Bokuto suddenly started up from the bed, as if he'd just remembered something. “Tendou left us a gift!” he said, turning around to rip open the little drawer of the nightstand. He used too much force, and the drawer flew out of its hinges, scattering its contents through the whole room. Contents which consisted mostly of little bottles of lube and a lot of colorful condoms.

“Please tell me those aren't flavored,” groaned Tsukishima. 

Bokuto was already fishing for some of the condoms, trying everything he could to reach them without leaving the bed. He managed to grab a bottle of lube and a condom without dislocating his arm, by some sort of miracle.

“Glow-in-the-dark,” Bokuto said, shrugging. “But do we really need them?”

“Of course not, because there's no way we're going to fuck with my head pounding like that,” said Tsukishima. “But I guess you can pocket the lube.”

“Come on!” whined Bokuto. “I'll be gentle!” 

“Wake up Tetsurou, maybe he wants to try your zucchini,” Tsukishima grumbled, wrapping his arms around Akaashi's neck to pull him back down. “I'm perfectly happy with this.”

Akaashi happily let him press their lips together again, but he had no intentions of keeping this sweet and lazy. It was Tsukishima's own fault for not letting him sleep. 

“So, how bad is your headache?” he asked, fumbling for Tsukishima's borrowed sweatpants. “Does it hurt bad?”

“Pretty bad,” Tsukishima mumbled against his lips. “But it's-” a yelp interrupted his sentence. Akaashi had just pulled down the sweatpants, leaving him exposed.

“Shhh,” Akaashi said. “No yelling. It's bad for your head.”

“You demon!” grunted Tsukishima. “What the hell was that for?”

Akaashi sat back on his legs and counted down on his fingers: “Midnight forest hike. Early morning mansion search. Intoxicated roof tango.”

“Also, I'm pretty sure you ate my last Smint Cool Mint – the box was suddenly empty when I checked yesterday, and you're the only one who likes them!” added Bokuto.

Akaashi put down a fourth finger. “Ate Koutarou's Smint Cool Mint.”

“Okay, okay, I got it!” Tsukishima rolled his eyes and sat back up to wrap his arms around Akaashi's middle. “Tell me how I can make it up to you.”

He didn't actually leave Akaashi any time to tell him what to do, because they were already kissing again, hands pulling at Akaashi's T-shirt. Akaashi let him pull it over his head, leaving his hair in a state of even greater disarray than before. From Bokuto's side of the bed came a wolf-whistle. From Kuroo's side came a wolf snore. 

Just... what exactly was this guy able to sleep through?

Akaashi was certainly about to find out.

“So, are you just gonna watch the whole time?” asked Tsukishima, when Bokuto continued just sitting there, still hugging his pillow and holding on to the stupid glow-in-the-dark condom. 

“I don't wanna interrupt. That'd be rude,” said Bokuto.

“My, aren't we self-aware today.” Tsukishima rolled his eyes again. “Don't I have something to make up to you, too? I _did_ eat your Smint Cool Mint after all.”

“And you think you can pay me with your body?” Bokuto acted shocked. “Dude, I had to _import_ those things!”

“Please don't call me dude,” groaned Tsukishima. “I'm asking you to touch me, not ruin the boner I'm working on despite this damn headache.”

“Excuse me, I believe _I_ am working on that boner,” said Akaashi, rocking his hips into Tsukishima's lap again. “And I'm doing a good job of it.”

Tsukishima agreed by pulling him back in for a kiss, leaving it to Bokuto to get a move on and roll over to join them. Bokuto stayed where he was, just gnawing at the edge of the condom wrapping while he watched them dry-humping each other until they were both hard and sweating. 

“Fuck!” Akaashi cried when the friction became too much – he let himself fall down to the side, where Kuroo was still lying on his stomach, and tried to catch a breath. Tsukishima gave him a worried look, but he just waved a hand. “It's fine, I just need a break. It's too hot in here.”

“Want me to open a window?” came a mumbled question from between the pillows Kuroo had buried his head in.

Akaashi didn't ask for how long he'd been awake – he just said thanks and watched Kuroo roll out of the bed and shuffle over to the window. Actually, it didn't really look like he was awake at all. But it was nice to know that his first instinct, even before waking up, was to look after his boyfriends. 

“Koutarou, could you take over for a while?” Akaashi asked. 

He didn't have to say it twice – Bokuto had already rolled over Tsukishima and spit out the condom so that he could lock their lips together. It didn't take long for things to heat up between them, even with the window open and the cool winter air flowing into the room. That was just how it was with Bokuto. 

Akaashi waited patently for Kuroo to sleepwalk back to the bed, falling into it like a bag of wet sand. Akaashi welcomed him with a kiss to the nest on his head. 

“Ugh, I think I swallowed a baby bird.”

“Haha,” Kuroo grumbled, snuggling into Akaashi with every intention to fall back asleep. “Don't force me to come up with snarky comebacks at this early hour.”

“What are you going back to sleep for? There's something going on here, if you hadn't noticed!” Bokuto yelled, even though he was only on the other side of the bed. Tsukishima hit him with a pillow for being too loud, but he seemed to agree with the sentiment of Bokuto's words.

“We'll never get a bed like this again,” Tsukishima reminded them. 

“What's with the sudden peer pressure?” groaned Kuroo. “I'm too old for this shit!”

“You're twenty-seven,” said Akaashi.

“Erectile dysfunction is not an uncommon thing even for twenty-seven-year-olds, have some respect.”

“You're already hard!” Akaashi pointed out – he could feel Kuroo against his thighs and he didn't think that Kuroo was sleeping with a gun in his pants. 

“Oh,” said Kuroo, looking down at himself. “Would you look at that.”

“Want me to take care of it?” Akaashi whispered, leaning in to press a kiss to Kuroo's lips. Kuroo heaved a sigh into his mouth, but he sneaked an arm around Akaashi's waist and thrust up into his thigh and that was all the answer Akaashi needed.

 

In the end, it didn't even take that long to get Kuroo into the mood. The fresh gust of wind entering through the window was enough to make Kuroo and Akaashi cover themselves with blankets while Bokuto and Tsukishima seemed entirely undisturbed by the cold. However, under the covers, things between them were no less heated than between their boyfriends on the other side of the bed. 

Akaashi was facing Tsukishima, leaning forward to exchange a kiss now and then – but mostly, Akaashi just observed Tsukishima's face as Bokuto thrust into him from behind, putting the lube and glow-in-the-dark condom to good use. 

Meanwhile, Kuroo's dick moved between Akaashi's thighs, which felt weird and kind of exciting. He'd tried this with Bokuto a few times, but Kuroo was way more enthusiastic about it, grabbing at his legs to press them closer together, and moaning when Akaashi tensed up his muscles. It was slick, and hot, and Akaashi could feel the Reverse-Prince-Albert piercing scratch against his inner thighs when Kuroo angled his thrusts differently. 

Kuroo's hands were on Akaashi's dick, but he mostly forgot to do anything with it, too distracted by the feeling of Akaashi's plump thighs around him – Akaashi didn't complain about it. He was distracted, too. Tsukishima had his eyes pressed closed, his body rocking with Bokuto's thrusts. Bokuto was the one moaning the loudest, but Tsukishima certainly looked like he could top him, if he only opened his mouth.

“So, how's your headache now?” Akaashi ground out, reaching out a hand to bury in Tsukishima's locks. 

“Pounding,” panted Tsukishima.

Akaashi forgot to say anything for a moment, because Kuroo remembered to use his hand just then, his lips parting instead on a drawn-out moan.

“Oh my God!” said Tsukishima. “My suffering turns you on, doesn't it?”

“Tell me more...” Akaashi decided to just go with it – he already had the reputation of a sadist anyway. And maybe – just a little bit – it actually did make him feel good to hear about Tsukishima's hangover. 

Because he _deserved_ it!

“Fuck, I'm... fuck, Keiji!” moaned Kuroo – so he had reached the cursing stage, which meant that orgasm wasn't too far away. Akaashi tensed up the muscles in his thighs again, exchanging a conspiratorial grin with Tsukishima. 

Tsukishima's smirk didn't hold for too long. Bokuto must have hit the right angle, because Tsukishima's eyes just widened with surprise, and then a sound escaped him – loud and fervent. Akaashi leaned in and tried to drink it up, but Tsukishima was too out of it, grasping at Akaashi's skin, so caught in his euphoria that he wasn't even trying to hold back the sounds anymore. 

Bokuto lifted his head from behind Tsukishima and threw Akaashi his brightest smile. He was saying something, maybe. His mouth was moving. But the words were drowned out by Tsukishima's cries and Kuroo's curses.

It didn't matter, though. Akaashi had never needed actual words to understand Bokuto. He knew exactly what he was saying.

They were going to work out just fine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> only one more chapter to go whaaaat??  
> also i kinda wrote porn whaaaaat??  
> note how they never reach an orgasm. i'm such a cheater...


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i am lying in a puddle of sweat and blood and tears, but i am FINALLY done. this story is now COMPLETE.  
> it'll probably still take a while until it fully registers, but... AAAAAH!!!!!

They spent their morning outside, in the Tendous' garden, all packed in their winter jackets – or borrowed winter jackets, in Tsukishima's case – eating breakfast off a blanket they had thrown over the snow.

Akaashi didn't even remember whose idea it was, but suddenly, Kuroo, Bokuto, and Tendou were dead-set on having a picnic outside, so that's what they did, because Akaashi wasn't opposed to some fresh winter air, and Tsukishima was too hung-over to argue. 

“This is your last day here, isn't it?” asked Tendou, looking uncharacteristically gloomy. “Tomorrow morning you're already leaving.”

“Tanaka and Noya are still staying for a while,” said Tsukishima. “I thought Tanaka was your super-bro or something.”

“Yeah, I mean... yeah, he is. Doesn't mean I can't miss you guys.”

Bokuto and Kuroo both looked incredibly touched by his words, making a huge show of sniffing into their toasts. 

“Don't worry, Tendou – we will write you every day!” Bokuto promised. He made it sound like he were a soldier leaving for the war and Tendou the wife he left behind. Akaashi thought it was all a bit over-dramatic, but honestly, he was touched, too. Tendou had turned out to be a really nice guy, and Akaashi was going to miss him. Just a little bit. 

“You can visit any time, as long as you're staying at Koutarou and Keiji's place,” Tsukishima offered generously. 

“Well, obviously I'm going to stay at their place,” Tendou smirked, and Tsukishima looked like he instantly regretted his offer, but he just bit into his toast, not saying anything. Meanwhile, Tendou got distracted by something happening over by the mansion. 

“The curtains in my dad's room were just pulled back. I should go and see how he's doing,” he said when Akaashi turned his head to look. “I'll come over later, okay? Just leave this stuff when you're done, Kobayashi will take care of it.”

He was gone before anyone could get a word in, and left them to their own devices. Akaashi wondered if he would really come over later, or if he was just allergic to parting scenes. Then again, Tendou didn't strike him as the guy who was embarrassed easily. Besides, not everyone just ran away from their problems like that – it was just Akaashi's luck that he had picked the one guy who did as a boyfriend.

“Why are you glaring daggers at me?” asked Tsukishima, munching on his toast. “I thought we made up!”

“Oh. Sorry, I was just in deep thought.” Akaashi turned back to his own plate, picking at a piece of cheese with frozen fingers. “Ugh,” he groaned. “Whose idea was it to eat out in the freezing cold!”

He lifted his head to three faces looking at him blankly. 

“Babe,” said Kuroo. “It was _your_ idea.”

No way... Akaashi had no memory of this, and it didn't really sound like something he would come up with anyway. But when he looked at his other two boyfriends, they both nodded slowly and continued to stare at him. Great, so Akaashi was officially losing it now.

“Sorry,” he mumbled and pushed the cheese in his mouth. “Just a little amnesia.”

Kuroo put down his toast with more force than was necessary – now he was the one glaring daggers. 

“Just a little... are you kidding me right now?”

Akaashi slowly chewed his piece of cheese, wishing he hadn't said anything. Angry Kuroo was awakening again, and so soon after they had finally resolved all of their issues. Couldn't they get a break already? Just one day without unnecessary drama?

“I didn't mention it, because we had other problems at the moment,” he said carefully, feeling bad when Tsukishima looked away, ashamed. “It's no big deal, really.”

“What the fuck, yes it is!” said Bokuto. “Keiji, you should have told us!”

“Okay, that's it!” Kuroo said with finality, putting his plate away for good. Akaashi wondered what that meant, what exactly Kuroo was so done with, and for a moment, cold fear gathered in his stomach. 

“We are going to talk. Now!” said Kuroo. When Akaashi exhaled, he noticed that he had forgotten to breathe. “I don't care how long it takes – we're going to talk about _everything_. No matter how seemingly unimportant it is, no matter how unrealistic and unnecessary. When we're done, I want to know all of your hopes and fears concerning this relationship, I want to know every little quirk I haven't picked up on over the years, I want to know all the names of all your relatives, I want to know your bowel movements-”

“Tetsurou,” Tsukishima interrupted. “You're overreacting.”

“I usually go in the morning, before Keiji wakes up, but when I'm not home, I always get clogged up for a few days, which really sucks-” Bokuto started to explain, and Tsukishima waved a hand in his direction.

“See?”

“No wait, this is actually quite interesting,” said Kuroo. “The same happens to me, too.”

Akaashi buried his face in his hands, giving a long groan. “Okay, fine!” he said when he was done. “Let's talk. About _us_ , not our bowel movements!”

Kuroo shot him a grin that was supposed to look like this was what he had planned all along, but Akaashi saw right through him, and he hoped his returning glare expressed that properly. 

“We'll have turned into icicles by the end of this,” said Tsukishima. They all agreed, but none of them suggested to go back inside. Instead, they huddled closer, putting the rest of the breakfast away to have more room on the blanket. Bokuto's arms encircled both Akaashi and Kuroo, who were sitting next to him – he was obviously excited about cuddling for warmth, and by now Akaashi fully understood what was so great about it. 

Tsukishima was pulled into the cuddle pile by Kuroo, and he willingly laid an arm around Akaashi's shoulders – it was still cold, and all Akaashi could see and smell was the material of their jackets, but he knew this would soon change. Warmth was already starting to rise in their middle, their breaths clearly visible in the cold air, mixing with each other when they talked.

And they talked. 

They talked _a lot_.

They talked about things Akaashi hadn't even consciously thought about yet – about how Tsukishima and Kuroo had realized they liked Akaashi and Bokuto differently than as best friends, how they had come to terms with it – or not – about how difficult it had been for them to accept it at first. They were still new, in a way, so developing feelings for other people so soon had looked like a bad omen, but then Tsukishima's roommate had given him the polyamory book, knowing that reading about it would make Tsukishima understand it better. And it did. 

They talked about how Bokuto and Akaashi had pretty much seen this whole thing as a relationship already – they were all so close and intimate with each other even before figuring out what they were exactly – Akaashi couldn't help but imagine their next step to be a bigger one than you usually took at the beginning. 

They talked about their families and how they would deal with this relationship, they talked about their friends and their jobs, and about their stupid plan, and about Tsukishima's reaction to it, and by the end of it all, Akaashi couldn't feel his nose anymore – he was sure that it was frozen solid.

But they finally talked, and it was everything Akaashi had been ready for – and it was so much easier than he would have imagined. He never got angry, not even for a second, and neither did the others. For once, they were entirely serious, and it was such a relief to see that they _could_. 

They set rules. Boundaries they were all able to compromise upon.

One of them was that Akaashi had to go to the doctor's and give himself at least one week off work to get better. 

They also agreed that if Tsukishima's family knew, then all of their families should know – immediately. 

And they settled upon not hiding their relationship, but also not flaunting it around – no one at their jobs had to know, and they wouldn't go around putting up flyers in their apartment building either. The people they cared about, they would tell – and everyone else was allowed to think whatever they wanted to think when they saw Bokuto holding Akaashi's hand one day, and then Kuroo's the next. 

They agreed to give it time, and vowed again and again to _communicate_ \- because they weren't bad at communication per se, they were just bad at noticing when it was necessary. 

“It's three o'clock,” Tsukishima noticed, when the subjects began to become repetitive. “We should go back before my parents send out another search party.”

“Awww, but this is nice!” whined Kuroo, snuggling closer to Bokuto, who was somehow still able to radiate warmth.

“For you guys, maybe, but I have no direct contact to the human furnace,” said Tsukishima. He really did look cold – his skin was blotchy red, especially the ears, which looked cute, but probably wasn't too comfortable. 

Bokuto beamed as if he had just received the greatest compliment in his life, and jumped forward to bury Tsukishima underneath him – Akaashi and Kuroo were pulled along, faces pressed into the snow by accident.

“Better?” laughed Bokuto as Akaashi and Kuroo groaned, but Tsukishima wrapped his arms around Bokuto's neck and kissed him.

“Better,” Tsukishima sighed and continued to kiss Bokuto even when Akaashi started to shovel snow onto them. 

“At least let go of us!” he tried to reason, but Bokuto didn't budge an inch. On his other side, Kuroo's floundering remained unsuccessful as well. 

It took the weight of another man suddenly falling down on top of Bokuto and Tsukishima, to make them stop. 

“What the hell, you guys! It's been hours and you're still making out in my garden? Go _home_!”

Tendou had come back, apparently – Akaashi was more than glad about being saved from his idiot boyfriends. 

They all scrambled with each other for a minute, one trying to get on top of the other, rolling around in the snow, until they sat there laughing, except for Akaashi, who had wrapped himself into the blanket and glared at anyone who threatened to make him come in contact with snow again. 

“Seriously, though!” Tendou panted. “My dad still thinks I should marry one of you, though he regrets his approach from yesterday. If you stay any longer, you will probably have to witness a grown man try and seduce you into marrying his son with the help of a musical number.”

“What?” snapped Tsukishima. “That is _worse_ than his approach from yesterday!”

“Yeah, my dad is a hopeless romantic when he's not drunk – as soon as there's a drop of alcohol in him though, he's pure business.”

Akaashi didn't really see how Tendou senior's approach yesterday could be considered business... well, except that he had tried to make Tsukishima sign a contract, but he doubted that the contract would have held up under scrutiny. 

“So the ice sculptures were a sober decision?” Akaashi asked warily. 

“Of course not,” said Tendou. “Every self-respecting businessman should have a sculpture of themselves in their garden, is what dad says. Pure politics.”

“This is confusing,” said Akaashi.

Tendou just shrugged. “I agree. This is why I'm not cut out to be a businessman.”

“No, I totally get it,” said Bokuto. “You have to show off to intimidate your opponents and to gain allies. An ice statue of yourself is obviously the best way to do that.”

“Congratulations, looks like you'll have to marry Koutarou out of the bunch of us,” Kuroo told Tendou, who pumped his fist in the air. “But first, we really need to go back. It's getting late.”

They started to collect the plates and leftovers from their breakfast to at least carry them over to the stairs. None of them had a butler, so they didn't know what the rules were, but Kuroo decided that Kobayashi didn't deserve to dig out a bunch of cutlery from the snow, no matter how much he was paid. Whatever it was, it probably wasn't enough to begin with. 

Tendou accompanied them to their car, and since Kobayashi was nowhere to be seen, went to open the gate for them. 

“Call me when I can come over. I'll bring some snacks,” Tendou said in parting. 

Bokuto waved goodbye through the back window of their car until he was out of sight, then he turned to Akaashi with an expectant grin.

“What?” Akaashi asked, wondering why Bokuto was wearing his sex-face. 

“He wants to make out. That's kind of your job back there,” Tsukishima explained from the passenger seat. 

“My _job_? I don't remember being a sex worker.”

“Keiji!” whined Bokuto. He looked honestly distraught. “Why am I the only one you won't make out with in the backseat?”

“I didn't say I _wouldn't_ ,” Akaashi clarified, shuffling over into Bokuto's open arms. “I just can't believe you guys take this for granted.”

“I'll pay you!” Bokuto said immediately. 

Akaashi let himself be manhandled into a proper hug, and pressed a kiss against Bokuto's forehead. “Okay then,” he said, pressing another kiss to his nose, then his cheeks, then his mouth. 

Tsukishima, who was watching from the front seat, gave an amused snort. “Didn't you just complain about being a sex worker?”

“It's not my fault if you guys are stupid enough to pay me for this. If my job is to smooch my own boyfriends for money, then I'll gladly be a sex worker. You owe me quite a bit, by the way.”

“Good thing I have two other boyfriends who are more than willing to do this for free,” Tsukishima said, patting Kuroo's thigh. 

Akaashi pressed his smile back against Bokuto's lips when he heard Kuroo snort. “Ah, ah! That'll cost you 2000 yen.”

“Seriously!”

“What? Keiji does have a point.”

“Who would even pay money to have sex with you when you always look like you spent the night sleeping in a dumpster?”

“Tsukki!”

Akaashi listened to his newer boyfriends bicker in the front seat while his older boyfriend had his arms wrapped tightly around him, tongue sliding past his lips to deflect all temptation of joining in the conversation again. Akaashi let it happen, let Bokuto hungrily lick into his mouth, let his hands stroke up his sides, crumpling up the winter jacket to get a touch of skin. Bokuto moaned happily when Akaashi buried his hands in his hair to give it an affectionate ruffle.

This time, no one in the front seats commented on them being disgusting.

By the time they reached the little chalet, Bokuto and Akaashi sat in their own seats and looked decent again. They were too anxious about the approaching talk with the parents to really get distracted. But even though Akaashi could feel the butterflies flutter through his stomach, he was nowhere near as nervous as Tsukishima.

"Hang in there," said Kuroo, opening the car door on Tsukishima's side, since it looked like he would just keep sitting in the car until he started to decay. "You'll be fine. Besides, the same fate awaits all of us, remember?"

"Yes, but none of you has to look your parents in the eyes while all life instantly seeps out of them!" said Tsukishima. At least he didn't put up a fight when Bokuto ducked into the car to drag him out into the open.

"Come on, babe - you already reached the maximum state of unnecessary drama," Bokuto chided. "The more you resist now, the worse you'll feel once you see Keiji's parents' reaction."

That finally made Tsukishima shut up. Akaashi sent Bokuto an impressed thumbs-up. To be fair, he didn't dread confronting his parents, the way Tsukishima did. He didn't really care what they thought - it was impossible to please them anyway. Maybe, deep down, he was actually looking forward to it.

"Look, maybe you won't even have to be the first," said Kuroo, looking around the parking lot. "I can't see the Mercedes anywhere. If you're in luck, your parents went skiing with the loudmouths. Although, if that were the case, I'd really have a bone to pick with your father. Going back on the slope with his fragile back is super irresponsible."

"Good thing I was only chopping wood then."

Kuroo blushed an aggressive red when Tsukishima's dad suddenly appeared from behind the chalet - he had probably been chopping wood in the back yard and got alerted by motor noises when they pulled in the driveway. Akaashi had to swallow a laugh when Kuroo began to splutter something intelligible.

"Uhm... I'm sorry, sir. I... of course you're a responsible adult, who can do with his fragile back - I mean, strong, beautiful back... as he pleases? Yeah... although. Chopping wood is really. Not advisable. Uhm."

"Hang in there," said Tsukishima dryly, patting Kuroo's back. "You'll be fine."

Tsukishima's dad gave a deep belly laugh and waved them over to the door. Akaashi and Bokuto were the only ones to follow immediately.

"Come on, your mother has been glued to the window all day long. There's no way she hasn't seen you yet," Tsukishima's father said when he turned to find his son still frozen to the ground. As if on cue, the door opened to a small, blonde flash storming out towards Tsukishima.

"Finally!" she yelled, bending down to form a snowball with her bare hands and throw it at him. She missed by about five feet, but Tsukishima still hid behind Kuroo, just in case. "I am _so_ angry with you! I hope you know what this means, you stupid little turnip!"

Bokuto repeated the name with a mischievous glint in his eyes, and Kuroo looked like he had a hard time not falling into full-blown laughter. But he held it together, protecting Tsukishima from his furious, snowball-flinging mother like the good boyfriend he was.

“You ruined our vacation! Spending all night and half a day worrying about if you'll come back in one piece really isn't how I imagined this!”

“You can say that again,” Akaashi mumbled more to himself, but Tsukishima's mother promptly turned towards him and Bokuto, waving her hands. 

“Everyone – inside! Gather around the sofa, we're doing this now!”

“Mom, no!” Tsukishima protested. He apparently knew what was awaiting him and he was not happy about it. But his mother didn't listen to his complaints and stomped through the door instead, still waving for everyone to follow her. 

Akaashi didn't know what to expect once he sat on the sofa, awkwardly squeezed between Tsukishima's mother, who was whipping out a tablet, and Bokuto, who was leaning into him, trying to see what's going on.

“Do you always call Kei a stupid little turnip or did you just come up with that on the spot?” Bokuto inquired. How exactly he was able to chat with her so casually was beyond Akaashi – personally, he didn't dare give a single squeak in her presence. 

“Oh, you're about to find out exactly why,” said Tsukishima's mom. She had a look of grim contentment on her face. Kuroo, who sat to her other side, curiously watched her open a picture folder on the tablet. 

Akaashi startled when Kuroo suddenly gave an excited little screech. 

“No way! Are you showing us pictures of Tsukki as a child?” Kuroo asked, shaking the whole sofa with his excited jumping. “He always refused to show me any, I can't believe I get to see this!”

“Tetsurou, if you really love me, you will close your eyes right now!” said Tsukishima. He stood in front of the sofa, next to his father, refusing to take a look at the pictures his mother was opening on the tablet. 

Akaashi didn't really get what his problem was – he looked exactly the same as a child. Glasses, annoyed look on his face, short blond hair, weirdly tall... he was cute, though. His parents hadn't given him any weird haircuts or dressed him in really embarrassing clothes. Sometimes he was actually smiling, though only when he wasn't looking into the camera. 

There were a lot of pictures of him and Akiteru, sometimes with a shy, freckly kid who Akaashi recognized as Yamaguchi, Tsukishima's roommate. The pictures were mostly just bad photos of older photographs, with too much reflection in it to really see what was pictured. Still, Kuroo seemed to have the time of his life, cooing and awing at every picture, demanding to hear the stories to go with them while Bokuto tried to guess how old Tsukishima was in each picture.

“Forty-six!” he said, pointing at a picture where Tsukishima was leaning over the morning paper, eyebrows furrowed in concentration.

Tsukishima's mom gave a funny little giggle. “He was only just learning to read,” she explained.

“With the newspaper?” Bokuto asked, shaking his head. “Sounds suspiciously like something a forty-six year old child would do!”

“I'd rather be a forty-six year old child than a twenty-seven year old child, like _some_ people!” grumbled Tsukishima. “So, are we done now?” He sent his mother a pleading look.

“Of course not,” she said, turning to Bokuto. “You wanted to know about the little turnip story, right?”

“There's a story?” Bokuto beamed.

“Well... there's a picture to tell a story,” said Tsukishima's mom, dramatically swiping her finger to the left while her son still pleaded with her to stop. “Tadaa!”

The picture was... Akaashi wasn't sure how to describe it. That thing had to be a newborn baby, but it wasn't cute at all. It was bright red, face scrunched up to the point of incognizability. The head was indeed in the form of a turnip – especially since the baby was bald except for a little tuft of blond hair sticking straight up from the middle of the head. 

Out of the corners of his eyes, Akaashi could see Kuroo cover his mouth with his hands, no sound escaping. To his other side, Bokuto was practically shaking with joy, but he managed to keep a comment to himself. Not for long though.

“OH MY FUCK!” 

The words finally broke out of Bokuto.

“BABE, YOU WERE THE UGLIEST FUCKING BABY I HAVE EVER SEEN!”

Akaashi felt like puking laughter. He was pressing his mouth shut so hard that he was afraid he would accidentally swallow his lips. Thankfully, Tsukishima's mom didn't seem to mind the comment – quite the contrary – she almost dropped her tablet laughing. 

Tsukishima, on the other hand, was emitting waves of murderous intent. Not that Bokuto noticed. Turning to Tsukishima's mom, he asked in all seriousness: “What did you do?”

“Never left the house without a curtain in front of my baby buggy,” she said, wiping a tear from her eyes. “When people wanted to see him, I told them he had a terrible illness.”

“No you didn't!” said Tsukishima. “I wish you had, to be honest!”

His father had walked around the sofa to swipe to another picture from behind Tsukishima's mom. “Here's what she really did,” he said, and everyone immediately turned to look at the second picture of newborn Tsukishima.

This time, he was sitting in a garden – well, actually he was still too young to sit up by himself, but he was propped up against a scary looking, red-faced garden gnome. More gnomes were surrounding them, one uglier than the next. A caption was printed underneath the photo.

_'They came to claim him!'_ , it read.

Tsukishima's father swiped left again, and there was the same photo, but with a different caption.

_'Nice try, but I know your name, Rumpelstilzkin!'_

A third one read, _'Help, I can't find my son!'_ , another one, _'It's a gnome!'_ , yet another one, _'I hope my husband doesn't question the resemblance to Gnominic'_.

“Those were our 'the baby is here' cards,” explained Tsukishima's dad. “Every person got a different caption.

“And they still wonder why I grew up to be so bitter,” said Tsukishima, shooting his parents a glare. “I was bullied from the very second I was born.”

“That's not true, I loved my little turnip baby. Besides, I always knew you'd grow up to be a handsome young man, once the rest of your hair started to sprout,” his mother said, voice still shaky from laughter.

“Uhm...” said Akaashi, who had suddenly noticed that Kuroo had been uncharacteristically quiet. “Is Tetsurou crying?”

It really did look that way – Kuroo was totally transfixed on the pictures before him, hands still pressed to his mouth, eyes glistening with tears.

“No, no...” he sobbed, once he noticed that everyone was looking at him. “It's just... so cute!” He sounded pained, saying it.

“You don't have to lie,” grumbled Tsukishima.

“I'm not! It's honestly... so, so cute!”

Akaashi couldn't even tell if he meant it seriously or not, but he didn't get to reflect on it further, because Bokuto was already shaking the sofa again. 

“Hey, doesn't that mean that you were a meme all along? I didn't turn you into one, it's just the way you were born!” Bokuto yelled, pumping a fist in the air. 

Akaashi decided to overlook Tsukishima's flared nostrils. “The chosen one,” he said.

“The meme king,” nodded Kuroo.

“Okay, that's it,” said Tsukishima. “We're done. I'm breaking up with all of you.”

Everyone held their breath when Tsukishima's mother suddenly slammed the tablet down on the coffee table. Akaashi had to admit – she really did have a flair for the drama. 

“So,” she said, crossing her arms. “There it is. Time to spit it out.”

The atmosphere in the room suddenly changed. No one was laughing anymore – or in Kuroo's case, crying. They were all just looking between Tsukishima and his mother, who were silently trying to stare each other down.

At least Tsukishima didn't look nervous anymore.

The deep rumble of Tsukishima's father's voice was the first thing to break trough the silence. “Come on, son. You know us. We love you no matter what – whether you look like a garden gnome, or like other boys, or want to be polygamous...”

“That's not what this is,” said Tsukishima. He looked extremely uncomfortable to be standing there with everyone facing him, so Akaashi got up from the sofa to join his side. Tsukishima reached for his hand before he gathered enough courage to continue talking. “I'm not trying to build some kind of harem,” he said. “I... I just happened to develop romantic feelings for all three of these idiots here.”

“And all three of these idiots reciprocate those feelings,” Kuroo added, when Tsukishima didn't elaborate and just awkwardly stood there. “So... yeah, I guess polygamy is usually associated with more... patriarchal values, whereas what we have is a-”

“Polyamorous relationship,” Tsukishima's mother cut in, looking entirely too pleased with herself when everyone gave her a shocked look.

Akaashi had no idea how a middle-aged suburban mother like her would have ever even heard of that word, let alone understand what it meant. Maybe Akiteru had already explained it to her, but Akaashi doubted it. Akiteru would never out his little brother like that, no matter how good his intentions were.

“How... when did you-” Tsukishima began, more confused than anybody.

“Well, I found this book just lying on the floor,” his mother said, shrugging. “I had nothing better to do, since you ran off for the night and your brother was busy getting his wife in a better mood... so I spent all night reading it.”

None of them really knew what to say to that, so they all just continued to stare at her. She was obviously basking in it.

“I have to say, it was quite intriguing literature,” she continued. “I should recommend it in my book club. There are some pretty uptight ladies there who could use some enlightenment.”

“Please don't be like this,” groaned Tsukishima. “Look, I'm glad that you're fine with this, but I really don't need you to-”

“Oh, please tell me there's a flag!” his mother interrupted him, clapping her hands. 

“Actually, we decided that we don't need to shout anything from the rooftops ever again,” Kuroo explained, while Bokuto mumbled to himself that there _should_ be a flag, and Tsukishima's father picked up the tablet to google for it.

“I can't believe she found the book,” Tsukishima sighed. Neither could Akaashi – how come he and Bokuto were the only ones to never see it anyway? This was ridiculous. “How did it even end up on the floor?”

“I believe you threw it at Bokuto's head yesterday morning, to get him to shower, but you missed and it fell through the hatch,” Akaashi said. He distinctly remembered the scene. He just hadn't noticed that it was he polyamory book.

Tsukishima pinched his nose as if in agony. “I am an idiot,” he said.

“Well, _I_ am just delighted!” his mother beamed, turning her head left and right to look between Bokuto and Kuroo. “I do trust you to make my son very, very happy. I guess that sometimes, getting him to be happy can be quite a bit of work – maybe even enough work for three people.”

“Excuse me!” said Tsukishima. “I am a joy.”

“You are to us,” Kuroo agreed, throwing him one of his brightest smiles. 

Tsukishima had to turn away from the sofa. Having five people look at him with so much love was probably a bit much for him. Akaashi squeezed his hand with a secret smile. 

„Well then!” his mother said, jumping up from the sofa and clapping her hands again. “Now that the awkward part is finally over, we can continue to live life as normal. Before you came back, we were busy building a little fire pit in the backyard to grill some meat outside tonight. It would be nice if you could help before your father breaks his back for good.” She pointed towards the huge veranda window, through which Akaashi could see a bunch of heavy stones assembled in a ring. 

Tsukishima opened his mouth to explain that they had something to take care of first right when the noise of the front door opening and different voices talking over each other rang through the house. Akiteru, Saeko, and the loudmouths had come back from the slope, and they seemed to still have more than enough energy to help build a fire pit.

“FOOD!” yelled Tanaka, as soon as he appeared in the living room. “HUNGER!”

“This caveman here will be able to help you just fine,” Tsukishima told his mother. “We will be right with you, but first, we need to call some people, if you don’t mind.”

“Kei, welcome back!” Tanaka yelled, already running towards the kitchen. “I’ll kick your ass later!”

“I won’t wait that long though,” Nishinoya warned, stomping towards Tsukishima with a grim expression on his face – even though he was only about half as tall as him, Tsukishima immediately fled behind the sofa. 

“Fuck off, Noya – this is none of your business!”

“Says the guy who stole my winter jacket and then made me wander through the woods in a woolen blanket!”

Nishinoya chased Tsukishima around the sofa twice before he hopped onto the sofa and simply tackled him from there. He was too light to make Tsukishima fall, but he clung to his back like an annoyed little monkey, ruffling Tsukishima's hair with one hand.

Even if Tsukishima denied it – Nishinoya seemed to take his role as a brother very seriously. 

“You need a little more balls, you lanky scaredy-cat!”

“Get _off_ me! I'm not 15 anymore!” Tsukishima protested, but he fell on deaf ears.

“And yet, you've only gotten worse at handling your problems!” Nishinoya accused, pulling Tsukishima's glasses off. “Do you even have any idea how lucky you are?”

“Yes, now leave me alone!”

“You better!” 

Nishinoya finally hopped off him, putting his glasses on his own face. “Oh!” he said. “Your eyesight has also gotten worse.”

“Give them back!” Tsukishima demanded, reaching for them, but he didn't have very good aim, for obvious reasons. 

“Tell me about the situation first – then I will decide whether or not you deserve them back”

“The situation is that everyone knows. Are you happy now?”

“Everyone knows what?” Tanaka yelled from the kitchen.

“Yeah, everyone knows what?” Nishinoya repeated. 

Saeko and Akiteru walked into the living room just then, looking around with eyebrows raised. Saeko suddenly had a grin on her face when she noticed that Tsukishima was being tortured.

“Ooooh, this should be good!” she said, skipping over to the sofa and squeezing herself between Bokuto and the armrest. “After that stunt you pulled, you owe us a real explanation, don't you think?”

Tsukishima turned around to give everyone a mean look, but since he didn't have his glasses on, it looked like he just squinted because he couldn't see anything. 

Akiteru was the only one to look even slightly apologetic. “Come on, little bro,” he said. “Just once more, then it'll be over.”

“Fine!” Tsukishima said through gritted teeth. “Fine! Once more, for everyone who was too dense to get it. I – am – in – a – relationship. With all three of them. With Tetsurou. With Keiji. With Koutarou. Three. Boyfriends. Now – fuck off!”

“OFF WE FUCK!” Nishinoya yelled, pushing the glasses back onto Tsukishima's face and almost breaking them in the process. “IT IS FINALLY DONE! HALLELUJAH!”

“Hallelujah yourself!” Tsukishima called after him, because Nishinoya was already sprinting off to god-knows-where. “Also, you better call Tendou to tell him he can join us for dinner. We kind of have something to take care of first!”

Tsukishima's mother was already dragging Saeko into the kitchen, waving everyone else away. “You boys go do whatever you need to do – I will be here to teach this fine young lady how to make a nice marinade.”

“It's called ketchup,” Saeko said, rolling her eyes. “It's not that difficult.”

 

Since it was extremely loud with everyone back home, Akaashi suggested to lock themselves in the attic to remain undisturbed.

It really was a lot more quiet up there. However, during the one night they had been gone, Tanaka and Nishinoya had managed to spread all of their stuff throughout the room, so that they first had to free a space on the mattresses to sit. Kuroo pushed some boxer shorts to the side with his toe, grimacing with disgust even though they looked clean. 

"Who wants to go first?" Bokuto asked as he let himself fall down on the mattress, dragging Kuroo down with him. Kuroo lost his balance mid-fall and landed in an awkward straddling position over Bokuto's lap, which immediately distracted them from their task. Bokuto made an appreciative sound and lay back on the mattress, hands grabbing at Kuroo's thighs to keep him from moving.

"Stop it - I won't talk to my mom while sitting on your half-hard dick!" Kuroo complained, struggling to get out of his grip.

"Then you should probably stop moving," Bokuto said simply.

Kuroo rolled his eyes, but he gave up relatively quickly and leaned down to press a compliant kiss against Bokuto's lips.

Akaashi already knew that this would take forever if he didn't intervene, so he simply grabbed Kuroo's phone from his back pocket and handed it to Tsukishima. 

"I'm sure you know his code," he said.

Tsukishima took the phone with a snorted "obviously", and a few seconds later he was dialing Kuroo's mother's number. He didn't yell once he started talking, so her caretaker must have picked up the phone. 

"Hello Maeda," he said, grinning when Kuroo suddenly jumped off Bokuto with a screech. "No, it's Tsukishima - remember me? I visited last month... yeah, his boyfriend. Anyway, I was wondering if she is able to talk for a while? Tetsurou needs to tell her something."

Kuroo finally managed to free himself from Bokuto's grip and threw himself at Tsukishima to grab the phone from his hands.

"She just woke up," Tsukishima filled him in. "Maeda went to ask her if she wants to talk."

"Oh, okay." Kuroo squeezed himself between Tsukishima and Akaashi, stretching out a foot to keep Bokuto in check, since it looked like he would start a new attack soon. In the end, Bokuto decided that Akaashi was the better target, and tackled him down on the mattress just as Kuroo turned the loudspeakers on to Maeda's gentle voice affirming that Kuroo's mother was fit to talk.

_"Hello?"_ a quiet voice asked from the other side of the line.

Kuroo brought the phone as close to his mouth as possible and yelled: "Hello, mommy!"

_"Is this Tetsurou?"_

A huge smile spread on Kuroo's lips upon her recognizing him. It looked so genuinely happy that Akaashi couldn't help the swarm of butterflies going wild in his stomach. While Kuroo usually had something parental about him, it was his role as a son that really defined him as a person. Even Bokuto turned to give him a soft look. 

"Yes, mommy, it's Tetsurou! How are you doing?"

_"I just woke up,"_ his mother said, sounding slightly confused. _"Is this Tetsurou?"_

"It is!" he said, smile still unwavering. "It's Tetsurou - your son!"

_"Tetsurou!"_ she said again. _"Tetsurou - I'm sorry, I don't remember why I called you."_

"You didn't call me, mommy - I called you. I wanted to tell you something."

The line stayed silent for a while, but Kuroo patiently waited until his words registered with her. Akaashi hadn’t seen Kuroo interact with his mother all that often, but he had witnessed him calling her a few times, and it had always been like this. More so in the last few years than when they were younger, but even back in college, she had shown signs of Alzheimer’s.

Kuroo's mother had given birth to him when she was 43, with no husband to take care of a baby and first signs of dementia settling in only a few years into parenthood. She had turned 70 last year – Akaashi remembered because Kuroo had invited them to the birthday party he had organized for her. She was too tired to come all the way to the place he had rented, in the end, and Kuroo and his uncle had gone to visit her at home, leaving all the cake and music for the other guests. 

Other than that, Akaashi had never met her, but she sounded like a sweet woman, and she probably was, if she managed to raise a son like Kuroo. 

_”What did you need to tell me? Is it something bad?”_

“No, no – it’s something really, really good!” Kuroo said, smiling.

_”Something good,”_ she said. _”That’s wonderful.”_

“It is, mommy! Say - do you still remember my boyfriend, Tsukki? He came to visit you last month. Do you remember?”

She started to say something, struggling to find words, and finally giving up with a sigh when she couldn’t remember. Kuroo quickly told her that it was alright.

“We’ll visit again, okay? You can meet him again, it’s all good. He’s a pleasure to meet. And he’s right here with me, by the way – say hi, babe!”

“Hello… uh, hello mom – you told me to call you mom, I hope that’s okay,” Tsukishima said. She didn’t hear him though, so he had to repeat it.

_”You are my son’s friend?”_

“My boyfriend, mommy. We are in love. I told you, remember? I told you about Tsukki, my boyfriend.”

_”Yes,”_ she said, but it didn’t sound very convincing. 

“It’s alright, we will visit again, okay? I have two more boyfriends to introduce to you. That’s what I called to tell you. I have two more people who I love – do you understand?”

_”I don’t understand, Tetsurou,”_ she said, sounding defeated. _“What do you mean?”_

“Mommy, I mean that I have three boyfriends. You met Koutarou, haven’t you? Do you remember Koutarou? From when I was in high school?”

She suddenly sounded very excited. _”Koutarou! He brought me flowers!”_

“I DID!” Bokuto yelled, shooting up from where he was still pressing Akaashi down on the mattress. “I STOLE THE PEONIES YOU LIKED FROM YOUR ASSHOLE NEIGHBOUR’S GARDEN!”

_”Is that Koutarou?”_ Kuroo’s mother asked.

”It’s me, it’s Koutarou! How are you doing, ma’am?”

They listened to the two of them chit-chatting for a while – Bokuto worked with a lot of people who had Alzheimer’s, so he knew exactly how to speak with her. It also helped that she remembered him, although it seemed to be very random things she still knew. 

“Why does she remember him, but not me?” Tsukishima tried to sound like he wasn’t sulking about it, but Kuroo immediately lay a comforting arm around him. 

“Because she remembers stuff from the past much clearer. Also, Bokuto tends to leave an impression, whether he wants to or not,” he explained. “Don’t worry babe, sometimes she doesn’t even remember me.”

Bokuto talked to Kuroo’s mother until it was clear that she was having trouble keeping up, so Bokuto returned the phone he had snatched from Kuroo’s hand, and leaned back against Akaashi. He was heavy, but comfortable, and Akaashi wrapped his arms around his chest and rested his head on Bokuto’s shoulders while Kuroo said goodbye to his mother.

“Three boyfriends, remember? I will send a picture to Maeda’s phone. I’ll tell her to show it to you every morning and remind you, okay?”

_”Yes, Tetsurou, I would like that.”_

“Tsukki, Keiji, and Koutarou. That’s what they’re called.”

_”Yes, I remember Koutarou!”_

“Yes you do, mommy.”

_”He’s a nice boy.”_

“He is.”

_”Tetsurou. Will you bring him back for dinner?”_

“I will, mommy. But not today. I will bring all three of them and we’ll have a nice, big dinner together, alright?”

_”I will tell Maeda to make lots of meat. Koutarou likes meat. He’s a good, big boy!”_

“Okay, mommy. I will call you again soon.”

_“Yes, please.”_

“I love you, mommy.”

_“I love you, too.”_

“Goodbye.”

Kuroo ended the call with a content smile – the conversation had gone well. She had remembered him – had even remembered Bokuto – and she seemed to have more or less understood what he was trying to say. 

“So,” Kuroo said. “Two down, two more to go. Who’s first?”

“Me!” Bokuto said immediately. He probably thought that Akaashi wanted to put off talking to his family for as long as possible, but the truth was that Akaashi didn’t mind anymore. Somehow, his own, self-made family had suddenly grown, and each part of it turned out to be absolutely perfect.

In any case – Bokuto calling his family would probably take a while, so Akaashi made himself comfortable by cuddling up to Kuroo while Bokuto tried to find his cellphone, which he had managed to bury beneath Tanaka’s and Nishinoya’s stuff. Kuroo was in a good mood after the call to his mother, so he suddenly squeezed Akaashi without a warning, and rolled him over along the mattresses.

“Hurry up!” Akaashi could barely make out Tsukishima’s voice, because Kuroo grunted silly laughter into his ears. “Those two are getting way too comfortable.”

“I’m not _that_ comfortable,” Akaashi protested, because Kuroo was heavy, and had a knee pressed into his stomach, but he was also peppering Akaashi’s temple with kisses when his giggling attack stopped long enough for him to do so, and Akaashi loved that very much.

Bokuto finally found his phone inside a comforter sheet, once Tsukishima called it and all they had to do was figure out where the ringtone came from. 

“Come on, come on, come on!” Bokuto pressed, once he was ready. “We have to call my family!”

Well, this sure would be an adventure. Bokuto’s family was… wild. Yes, wild would be a good way to describe them.

“Here we go!” Bokuto said excitedly when the dial tone sounded through the room, and Kuroo and Akaashi untangled themselves from each other to shuffle back into their circle on the free part of the mattress. 

It didn’t take long for someone to pick up on the other side.

_“Helloo~”_

The voice sounded like it came from a girl – a younger one. So it had to be one of Bokuto’s sisters.

“Who is it?” Bokuto asked.

_“Bokuto residence, duh! Aren’t you the one who’s calling?”_

“I know, but who _are_ you? Which number?”

_“Thirteen!”_ said the girl.

“Ah, Reiko.”

_“No, it's Momo, stupid!”_

“What, I thought you were number eleven?”

_“I still don’t know who’s calling,”_ said the girl. _“Are you some kind of creep?”_

“What? No! It’s me, your big brother Koutarou.”

_“Hmmmmm,”_ Momo said - it wasn’t clear if she really didn’t remember him or just pretended not to. 

“Koutarou, number four – come on, you have to remember number four – big brother Koutarou, the ace with the number of the ace.”

_“Volleyball-bro!”_ Momo finally cheered. _“The one with the pretty boyfriend!”_

“ _Him_ you remember?”

“Hello Momo,” Akaashi said, although he only had a vague idea who she was. He tended to go into a state of frenzy whenever he was at Bokuto’s house – there wasn’t really another way to survive it. 

_”Akaashi, you’re there? I need to tell you something - you have to braid my pony’s mane again next time you visit. Everyone was so jealous!”_ Momo demanded.

Oh God. He had _done_ that? Really – visiting Bokuto’s family was like being on a drug trip, sometimes. You did things you regretted once it was over, but mostly you didn’t even remember them anymore. Tsukishima gave him a weird look. Whatever, he would soon understand. At least Kuroo looked like he could relate. 

It took a while until Bokuto managed to get his sister to actually listen to him and gather her whole family around the phone. Most of them weren’t even there, but both parents, one pair of grandparents, and seven out of fourteen siblings could be herded together. There were also some boy- and girlfriends, some regular friends, and some visiting cousins that Akaashi couldn’t keep track of. It was more than Akaashi would have guessed. Then again, it was a Sunday evening, so they were probably planning a big family dinner. 

“Okay, is everyone here?” Bokuto asked. He probably couldn’t be heard through all the chattering going on on the other side. “HELLO!” he yelled, trying to gain their attention.

Akaashi heard a muffled _“oh right, someone’s on the phone!”_ , then it suddenly got a bit more quiet.

_“Who’s there?”_ asked a woman’s voice. Akaashi was pretty sure that it was Bokuto's mother’s. 

“It’s Koutarou!” 

_”Koutarou? What’s all of this about?”_

Honestly – it would have been enough to just tell his parents, but Bokuto wouldn’t have any of it.

“I need to make an announcement!” Bokuto said. That was a mistake, since he was immediately drowned out by a cacophony of different voices guessing what the announcement would be.

_”You’re getting married!”_

_“Oh my God, another one’s pregnant!”_

_”No, wait – it’s Koutarou, so he’s probably in trouble.”_

_”How much money do you need?”_

“HEY HEY HEY! LISTEN TO ME!” Bokuto thundered. He had to repeat that a couple of times until everyone fell quiet again, and by the time they did, everyone in the attic and probably also everyone in a five-mile radius suffered from a tinnitus.

“Let me make my announcement, okay? So!” 

He clapped on his thighs in what should probably resemble a drum roll.

“I have not only one... not only two... but three boyfriends!”

In what was probably the biggest plot twist on earth, there was no sound coming from the other side.

“Hello?” Bokuto asked, just to check if he got disconnected.

_“Koutarou?”_ His mother’s voice again. _“What do you_ mean _you have three boyfriends? How… how serious are you with them? Do you mean you are in an open relationship, or-“_

“No, no, no – I have three boyfriends, like a normal relationship, but with… more people. You know? It’s called a polyamorous relationship!”

_”What…”_

“Their names are Keiji – you know him already, of course. Then there’s Tetsurou – you know him, too, but he hasn't visited in a while – and then there's Kei. You don't know him yet, but he's just as awesome, I know you'll like him!”

It certainly didn't sound like Bokuto's mom would like him.

_“Koutarou, are you out of your mind?”_ she screeched. _“I can't believe you're doing this to me!”_

Bokuto looked up at his three boyfriends, hurt and embarrassment clearly edged into his face. Akaashi had to admit – he hadn't expected this either. He knew Bokuto's mother as a really warm woman, who had immediately treated him like her own child. 

_”I'm already drowning in children! That's three more birthdays, three more Christmas presents, three more places to sleep when they're visiting, three more-”_

She didn't get any further, because Bokuto started relief-laughing, which was a laugh that could tear a house down.

_”Honey, I think you made that sound a little wrong,”_ Bokuto's father said on the other side of the line. 

_”I mean – I knew that some of my children would fall in love one day, but I didn't expect their number to rise exponentially!”_

The rest of the voices were back again, some congratulating Bokuto, some wondering how he even managed to find three people willing to put up with him, some asking if they could go back to do their thing now. Bokuto was still laughing and didn't hear any of it until his mother started talking again.

_”Koutarou, make sure to send me a list with their birthdays, and I need to know about their hobbies and the things they like, it's always so difficult to come up with suitable gifts for everyone, it's like a full-time job.”_

“Will do, momma!” Bokuto promised. “Okay, I gotta end the call now, we still have to call Keiji's parents – that probably won't be fun.”

_”I could put some pony-crap in their mailbox again,”_ Momo's voice piped up. _“Princess Spiderman had pretty bad diarrhea lately.”_

“Thank you, sweetie,” Akaashi said, shrugging when Tsukishima sent him another weird look. 

They all said their goodbyes, which took a while – Bokuto's phone bill wouldn't look too pretty after this. But it was worth it. His mother had already accepted them all as their new kids, despite having met only two thirds of them.

Still, they had to move on to something less pleasant, and the faster they could get it behind themselves, the better. Akaashi reached for his phone, weighing it in his hand before he began to type in the number. There was still a notable lack of dread inside him. His fingers didn't tremble, they steadily punched in the number as his boyfriends looked on, chewing on their lips.

“You know,” said Bokuto, interrupting him. “We don't have to tell them.”

“Yeah...” said Kuroo. His hand was already reaching out for Akaashi's phone. “Fuck this, they don't need to know.”

“No, I _want_ to tell them!” Akaashi protested, punching in the last number. So what if they wouldn't react the same way as everyone else – not telling them had never been an option to Akaashi. 

They all held their breaths listening to the dial tone. It kept ringing and ringing, and Akaashi almost thought that they would ignore his call when someone suddenly picked up.

_“Hey big bro!”_

So it was his little half-sister who had taken pity on him. Of course – who else. 

“Hello, Seiko. How are you?”

_“Oh, wow, I didn't know we were now calling each other up to chat like a normal family. I must have missed that in this week's achievement-plan.”_

Akaashi couldn't help a small chuckle. Seiko was growing up to be an extremely smart-mouthed girl. His parents must hate it. Thank God for teenage rebellion – the last time he had seen her in person, she had been nine years old, spoke three languages, and played the same amount of instruments. 

“You know me,” he said, although she didn't really. In their family, a thing like bonding- or play-time never existed, and the age difference had not helped them grow close either. “I was always bad at sticking to the plan.”

_”You should watch out, bro, I'm working hard to steal your crown. I'm going to be the baddest bitch in this house.”_

“Then you better be able to top what I'm about to do,” Akaashi said, fighting a grin. This little chat with his sister made what was about to come a hundred times sweeter.

_“Don't sound all high and mighty!”_ Seiko laughed. _“Just so you know, they are super disappointed in me right now. I got a little cupcake tattooed on my ankle, so according to father I now look like Yakuza.”_

“Please, when I was your age, I had just told them that I'm gay. How are you going to beat that?”

_“Shit, looks like I'll have to get pregnant after all...”_

Okay, Akaashi really hoped that she didn't mean that seriously. He didn't know her well enough to judge her character. Then again, that was a sure way for her to win this little competition.

_”Okay, I think father heard the word 'pregnant', because he's coming over here with a_ look _on his face. You know the one. What are you going to tell him anyway?”_

“Watch and learn, baby sister. Watch and learn.”

She didn't respond anything after that, because the phone was taken from her, and after a bit of rustling, Akaashi heard the voice of his step-father.

_“Keiji,”_ he said through gritted teeth. _“I would prefer it if you didn't spread your bad influence on my daughter. She is at a very vulnerable age right now.”_

“Yes, I know,” Akaashi said. He couldn't help himself – all these years of biting his tongue in his parents' presence – now that he was at a safe distance, he couldn't keep the sass at bay. “But look at it this way – if she catches my gay germs, at least you won't have to be afraid of teenage pregnancy.”

_”Very funny,”_ his father said, sounding entirely unamused. _”I knew her change in behavior had to come from somewhere. Keiji, I forbid you to talk to your sister without your mother or I knowing of it!”_

“I haven't talked to her in three years, but sure. It's my fault.”

_”Is this call going to lead anywhere? You know we don't like it when you call without announcing it first.”_

That actually wasn't a joke – his parents' days were strictly planned out. They didn't deal well with unexpected distractions. Although, of course, there was always a statistically logical amount of time planned as a placeholder, in case those unexpected distractions occurred. 

“Is mother at home?”

_”Your mother is busy right now.”_

“It's a Sunday evening.”

_”Which is no excuse to waste perfectly good time, is it now?”_

So he was wasting their time – fine. Nothing new. 

“Alright then. I guess you'll be the first to hear the good news.”

_”Please don't test my patience, Keiji. What is so important that you have to call in unannounced and make a scene?”_

“Well, you already know about my... how did you put it? 'Perverse urge to displease and disrespect the people who took care of me for so long – possibly a fetish, one never knows with those homosexuals.' Did I get that right?”

_”Is there a point to all of this?”_

“Of course – you see, in my latest attempt at satisfying this fetish of mine, I acquired a grand total of three boyfriends who will help me to defile our family name. Say hi to your new father, my darlings.”

He had been so swept up in this conversation that he had forgotten to look at his boyfriends' faces, and now that he did, he was almost ashamed that they had to see him like this. But unexpectedly, they all played along, chirping “Hi daddy” into the phone in an overly saccharine tone– even Tsukishima joined in, although his face was reddened with anger. When he looked at them, Akaashi could feel warmth spread in his chest.

Somewhere on the other line, they could hear Seiko curse. She knew that she would never be able to top this.

_”You win this round, Keiji!”_ she yelled, right before her father barked at her to get out of the line. 

Akaashi hoped that she would, because he didn't want her to get in trouble because of him. It was different for Akaashi – he didn't have to live with them anymore. But the psychological pressure his parents had put on him back when he was still living with them, had been extreme. He didn't know what he would have done without Bokuto there to show him a positive kind of love. Hopefully, there was a person who looked after Seiko just like that. 

_”Well, congratulations, Keiji. It looks like your descent into madness is progressing nicely. I hope you're happy.”_

“I am.” Akaashi said it without a hint of sarcasm this time, because he wasn't talking to his step-father when he said it, he was talking to his boyfriends. “I couldn't be happier, actually.”

_”Is that it then? Or is there anything else you want to shock your mother with? Any weird cults you have joined lately?”_

“Just the one where we send horse shit to unsuspecting people,” Akaashi said.

_”This really isn't funny, Keiji.”_

“Just be glad it wasn't bees,” Tsukishima said, the anger finally overwhelming him. “Next time, it will definitely be bees.”

_”Goodbye, Keiji. Don't call again.”_

One second later, a monotonous beeping sound replaced his father's angry huffing, and Keiji let the phone sink down to the mattress, taking a deep breath. 

This whole thing had been oddly therapeutic. To be honest – he felt pretty great right now.

“I need to apologize,” Tsukishima said in a sheepish voice.

Akaashi smiled at him – the smiles came really easy right now. “What – for making my father hang up on me? Because you threatened to send him bees in the mail? Don't worry – I am quite happy about that.”

“No, not that,” said Tsukishima. “I just never... I mean, I didn't realize how... _vile_ your parents are. I knew in theory, but I... I just never imagined...”

“It's alright,” Akaashi interrupted him. “You don't have to feel bad. I understand now that it's harder to tell someone you actually love, and who loves you back. I didn't really have anything to lose here – in all honesty, I think it was a lot of fun. Thanks for playing along.”

“You know we love you, right?” Kuroo said quietly. “And that you are amazing.”

“The most amazing thing to walk the earth,” Bokuto nodded, pulling Akaashi into a hug that threatened to squeeze every bit of breath out of him. 

“Yes,” said Tsukishima. “I'm sorry that I've been so afraid of this. You're worth climbing on a rooftop for. I'd do it again.”

“Don't you dare!” Akaashi said – he wasn't sure how he managed to say anything without any air in his lungs, but Bokuto still didn't let go of him, for what seemed to be half an eternity. And when he finally did, Akaashi didn't know where the wet patch on his shoulder came from.

Because he was really, really happy.

 

Tendou was there once they went back down. 

It had gotten dark, but someone had hung a lot of lanterns, and there was a nice fire going, meat and vegetables sizzling over it. The meat smelled delicious mixed with the smoky scent of the fire and the cold winter air. There were no chairs anywhere, but the loudmouths had found a bunch of tree trunks and one whole log in the forest – they were scattered around the fire, along with some blankets over the snow to act as seating accommodations. 

“Guess eating outside is kind of today's theme,” Tendou said, when he spotted them coming out onto the terrace. “Oh man, Akaashi, you look wrecked! What happened?”

Akaashi quickly rubbed at his eyes, but that only reddened them more. What a pain – he really didn't know why he had been crying like a baby up there, but he was fine, he really was. There was no need for anyone to take pity on him.

“You can go fill your plates with salads and bread in the kitchen,” said Tsukishima's mother, who had suddenly appeared behind him. Akaashi could feel her warm, comforting hand on his back. “There's also some tea – or beer, if you prefer that.”

“Thank you,” he said, when she gave him a private smile. “I think we had enough alcohol for... a while.”

He followed his boyfriends back inside to load his plate with salads – Bokuto was the only one to go straight for the meat, and Kuroo reminded them to hurry up before he emptied the grill all by himself.

Akaashi wasn't all that hungry, so he stuck to one piece of meat, watching the others gobble down everything in reach, and simply enjoying the atmosphere. They had chosen one of the blankets to cuddle up on, mirroring the scene from this morning, when they had talked about their relationship.

Looking at them now, it seemed like their talk was already coming to fruition – they were so comfortable with each other, nobody was unsure about how to behave in front of Tsukishima's family, and all in all, they just felt right. Like every piece of the puzzle had finally fallen into place.

“Fuck, I'm so full. I feel like I'm gonna burst at the seams!” Bokuto burped, when he finally pushed his plate off the blanket. 

“Learn some restraint!” said Tsukishima, throwing a piece of potato at his head. “I am sick and tired of your farts.”

“Come on, babe – once we're back home, you're gonna miss sleeping in the same room as me,” said Bokuto, burping again.

“I doubt it,” Tsukishima said dryly. 

“Maybe we should come up with some kind of rotating system?,” Kuroo suggested. “It's not fair that you two are the only ones to share a bed.”

“I'm not sure where the justice lies here,” Akaashi commented when Bokuto burped yet again. 

“It's fine, it's fine!,” said Bokuto. “I'm done now.” 

This was followed by him obviously swallowing a burp.

“Why,” was all Tsukishima had to say. 

Out of nowhere, Tendou suddenly fell down onto their blanket, giving them an odd look.

“Seriously, you guys,” he said, giving a fake sniff. “I thought this was some kind of goodbye-party for me, but you're all ignoring me to be shmoopy with each other!”

“We were talking about burps and farts,” said Kuroo. “Also, why is this a goodbye-party for you, when we're the ones leaving?”

“Because you're leaving me behind, I thought we went over this,” Tendou explained, shuffling over to Bokuto and unashamedly leaning with his back against Bokuto's chest. No one else would go near him anyway. 

“Don't try to make us pity you. You just want to get kissed again,” Tsukishima accused. He didn't see his brother raising a questioning eyebrow from where he sat on a tree trunk not too far away.

“No thank you, I have gotten over you relatively quickly,” Tendou said. “Lanky bastard.”

“This is what I get for starting something that led to Koutarou kissing you?”

Tendou gave a thoughtful hum before he decided to take back his words. “Alright,” he admitted. “That was worth putting up with you.”

“I feel so loved,” said Tsukishima. 

Akaashi let them have their banter – sometimes it seemed like they couldn't live without it. But he decided to lean back against Kuroo, and gaze up into the stars, which stood out clear and bright against the dark sky. This time, there was no silhouette of someone dancing on the roof to distract him from their beauty.

All in all, it was a perfect way to spend their last day here. Akaashi was sad about not getting to snowboard as often as he would have liked to, but this was better for his head. Kuroo's fingers were already entangled with his locks again, drawing soothing circles onto his scalp so that Akaashi had to fight to keep his eyes open.

Tsukishima's parents were the first ones to go to bed, telling them to leave everything as it was, except for the fire, which needed to be put out. They would clean it all up in the morning. Akaashi mumbled his thanks and wished them a good night, and watched them leave with a stupid smile on his face until Kuroo started to trace the smile with his fingers and laughed when Akaashi snapped at it.

Akiteru and Saeko were the next ones to leave, right about when the loudmouths, Tendou, and Bokuto started to wake up from their food-coma and got loud again. 

“If you wake us up, I'm coming out to kill you!” Saeko threatened, throwing a dirty spoon at her brother. “I mean it – I'm tired!”

“We'll be quiet,” Nishinoya promised. “Sleep tight!”

“I better,” mumbled Saeko, shuffling into the house after her husband. 

They weren't quiet, of course. At least not for long.

Bokuto and Tendou were already on their feet, running around the backyard with the loudmouths. Akaashi wasn't sure what was going on, because his eyes were already fluttering shut and Tsukishima and Kuroo were both sandwiching him between themselves to join him in stargazing. 

“None of us knows anything about stars,” Kuroo realized, when they all just lay there, quietly looking up into the sky. “Each couple should have the one person who's a little too obsessed with stars and starts pointing out constellations and shit. We're four people and we don't even have that!”

“Tragic!” yawned Tsukishima. “Sure sign that we aren't going to work out.”

“I can see Ursa Major,” said Akaashi. “If that helps.”

“Everyone knows Ursa Major,” Kuroo chuckled. “Might as well say that you can see the moon.”

Bokuto must have somehow listened into their conversation, despite being busy with his snowball fight or whatever they had been up to, because he suddenly plopped down next to Tsukishima. 

“I know about stars!” he said. “I can be your star person.”

“Dude, since when?” Kuroo asked.

“Well, I am a star, it's just natural for me to know about stars.”

“That makes no sense!” Kuroo snorted, throwing some snow over to Bokuto, but hitting Tsukishima instead. 

“Hey, watch it!”

“Look, this, right there, is Magnum Glacius,” Bokuto said, pointing up to the sky. “See it? It's that one bright star, and then the three little ones right beside.”

“No way!” said Kuroo. “You're just making that shit up!”

“Am I, though?” Bokuto threw him a mock-serious look. “Am I?”

“Yes you are, you freak.”

“You can't prove anything.”

“Magnum Glacius – you were just thinking of magnum ice cream,” said Tsukishima, poking Bokuto in the side. “Come up with something better next time.”

“You dare blow my cover like that! I can't believe you!” Bokuto yelled, rolling over Tsukishima without softening his weight. “I condemn you to five minutes of the smooch cell!”

“No, please, anything but that!” Tsukishima begged, but Bokuto was already blowing raspberries all over his face while Tsukishima struggled to get free. 

Kuroo came to his help by throwing another snowball at Bokuto's face – this time he even hit his target. 

“Tetsurou, you traitor!” Bokuto blindly grabbed for a handful of snow to return.

“How am I betraying you, I was clearly on Tsukki's side!”

“Still! You're my boyfriend, how could you?”

“I'm also _his_ boyfriend!”

“Shhhhhh!” Akaashi held up a finger, not really expecting them to stop, but luckily, they heard him. “My head!” he reminded them. “Also, Saeko will kill you if you continue to shout like this.”

“Right...” Bokuto whispered, wiping some more snow off his face. “I guess I need to punish you silently.”

“Koutarou, I swear-” Tsukishima began, but when Bokuto just leaned down to press normal, chaste kisses against his lips, he quickly changed his mind. “Oh, never mind. This is okay.”

“Do you feel punished?” Bokuto asked, continuing to kiss his way up to Tsukishima's ear. 

“Very,” Tsukishima said. 

Akaashi almost gave a snort, and Kuroo commented, “Ridiculous!”, to which Akaashi could only agree. 

“You're just jealous!” said Bokuto, quickly leaning over to press a kiss to Akaashi's lips too, but returning to Tsukishima right after.

“I have no reason to be,” said Akaashi. He reached his hand out to touch Tsukishima's face and turned it so that they were facing each other, then he leaned in to give him a real kiss, while Bokuto continued his butterfly kisses down Tsukishima's neck, and Kuroo buried his nose in Akaashi's hair.

For one second, Akaashi thought that he noticed something like a flash behind closed eyelids, but he didn't give it much thought. Right now, he was just glad that the others were apparently busy enough not to interrupt them, because this, right here – this was perfect. 

When they did get interrupted shortly after, it was not the loudmouths, it was Tsukishima's phone ringing.

“What the hell!” moaned Tsukishima, pulling his arm out from under Akaashi, who had apparently rolled over it somehow. “Who the fuck is calling at this hour?”

It must be someone he did not expect to call, because he looked extremely confused at the caller ID appearing on his screen. 

“Hello... Azumane?” he said, once he had decided to answer it. 

Akaashi was close enough to hear what the other person was saying.

_”Uhm... hello, Tsukishima. I'm... I'm sorry for calling so late, uhm... my wife made me.”_

“O... kay?”

Apparently that did not clear anything up for Tsukishima.

_”I mean, I knew you were still awake, I wouldn't have called otherwise. Also... uhm... congratulations, I think? Uhm... I'm actually calling for a favor... Maybe you could talk to Noya? He... he would probably listen to you, maybe...”_

“Azumane, what the hell is going on? Why are you congratulating me?”

_”Oh, right. I'm sorry – uh... your... your relationship, I think? You... you seem happy.”_

Akaashi could only mirror the look of total shock on Tsukishima's face, because... how did this person, who Akaashi had never heard of before, or didn't remember – know of their relationship?

“Okay. Again. What the fuck?”

The person called Azumane didn't explain anything – the phone on the other side of the line seemed to have changed speakers, because there was suddenly a female voice coming from it.

_”Hello, Tsukishima? This is Kiyoko – I'm sorry, Asahi is no good at this. We're calling about Nishinoya. He seems to have gotten it into his head that the three of us could have a similar relationship to yours. Just now, he sent us a picture of you and your boyfriends, captioned “This could be us, but you're playing” with a really bad spelling style.”_

“He did... what?” Tsukishima barked, turning under Bokuto's weight to look over at the loudmouths. They were busy building Tendou into a snowman and hadn't noticed that Tsukishima was talking on the phone yet. 

_”If you could just tell him that, while this sure is a nice concept, Asahi and I are married and not looking for-”_

“Please,” Tsukishima begged. “I got it. I'll take care of it. And I'm so sorry that you have to suffer because of that little bug – now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to smash it.”

He threw his phone to the side without saying another word, got Bokuto to get off him with one single look, and said Nishinoya's name in a way that had everyone in the vicinity get goosebumps. He didn't even have to get loud for it.

“Koutarou. I want him flattened like a pancake.”

Bokuto, as usual, was happy to listen to Tsukishima's every command, so he chased after Nishinoya, who had immediately run off into the forest. Both of them could be heard roaring like animals for a while. 

Akaashi turned back towards Kuroo, who regarded him with an amused smirk, and they leaned into each other to make out with the sounds of Bokuto and Nishinoya yelling in the background, Tsukishima giving orders, Tanaka and Tendou laughing, and some time later, Saeko clad in her pajamas and sporting an incredible bedhead, chasing after everyone else with a frying pan in her hands. 

If this wasn't the perfect way to conclude their little trip to the mountain, then Akaashi didn't know what was.

~~~

**Epilogue**

“She was right,” Akaashi told the cockatoo that sat perched on his shoulders, as he was turning the last page to the book that lay before him. “This _is_ pretty intriguing literature.”

“Shit shit shit,” Fuku-chan answered in return.

“No, I mean it. It was pretty eye-opening.”

Fuku-chan gave a fart noise, as he was bound to do, and fluttered his wings. “Help me, help me!” he cried.

Ever since Akaashi had come back from the mountains, Fuku-chan had gained a few more words to his vocabulary.

“What with?” he asked, not really expecting a coherent answer.

“Help me, I like both of them! What should I do, what should I do? Help me!”

Akaashi sat there for a moment, trying to make sense of the new words Fuku-chan was throwing at him. 

This couldn't really... mean what Akaashi thought it meant, right?

He looked down at his book again, suddenly remembering where Tsukishima had gotten it from.

No way.

That would be way too ironic.

Then again. 

History always repeated itself. Didn't it?

“Help me!” Fuku-chan cried again, nibbling at Akaashi's ear with his beak. “What should I do? What should I do?”

“Well, Fuku-chan. I seem to have a book that could explain exactly what to do.”

It took him a half hour to get showered and dressed, because... well, he was off work for a week, so he decided to look the part. Still, he couldn't leave his flat like that, no matter how short his visit would be.

Luckily, when he knocked on Tsukishima's door, someone actually opened.

“Hi,” Akaashi said, throwing the freckled man who had opened the door a mischievous smile. He still remembered the shy kid he had seen in Tsukishima's baby pictures, but the kid had grown up to be a tall guy, with way too many piercings in his face, and both arms tattooed, from what Akaashi could see. Despite that, he still had a soft look about him. 

“Oh,” Yamaguchi said, looking surprised to find him in front of his door. “I'm sorry, Tsukki isn't back yet. It should be another-”

“No, no. I came to see you.”

“Me?” asked Yamaguchi, pointing at himself, like there was another person Akaashi could confuse him with. 

“Yes – you're Kei's friend who looked after Fuku-chan, right?”

“Oh! Right, of course.” Yamaguchi suddenly smiled broadly. “He's such a good bird – I would have been pretty lonely without him to spend me company while Tsukki was gone. I'm sorry, I was in your apartment a lot. I hope that isn't too creepy – I didn't touch anything, I promise.”

“No, not at all. It's nice to know that there are people who can see how cute he is,” Akaashi smiled back. “You must have talked to him a lot, he seems to have expanded his vocabulary quite a bit.”

Yamaguchi looked unsure of how to take that – Akaashi's smirk probably threw him off. He felt sorry for the guy, but he couldn't control it.

“I also came to return a book,” he said, smirk still widening.

Yamaguchi looked down at the book Akaashi was holding, and immediately turned beet red.

Jackpot.

“So. Yamaguchi,” Akaashi said. 

Yamaguchi tore his eyes from the book, shaking in his motorcycle boots. He must have been just heading out. Well – he could forget that now. Akaashi had a week off work, and he was _bored_.

“Y... yes?” Yamaguchi said, gulping – he was actually gulping. Akaashi had never seen a person actually do that.

This would be fun.

“A little birdie told me that you could use some help.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> …
> 
> I CANNOT BELIEVE THIS!
> 
> IT IS DONE!
> 
> Thank you guys so much for staying with me till the end, aaaah – I'm getting kinda emotional. This is the longest fanfic I've ever written, and I never even planned on it getting so long.
> 
> Also, you guys left so many amazing comments, and nice messages on tumblr, and artwork, and it's even being translated into Spanish... I have no idea how I deserved all of this and how I could ever thank you enough!
> 
> I will continue to write for this series, of course. The end made it kind of obvious, I guess!
> 
> For everyone who hasn't found me yet:  
> [This](http://topftopf.tumblr.com/) is my tumblr – you can come and say hi anytime!!
> 
> [This](http://topftopf.tumblr.com/tagged/gifts-and-fic-art) is my tumblr tag with all the amazing artworks that were either gifted to me or inspired by my fics (mostly the series)
> 
> [This](https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11906378/1/Spiderman-es-el-indicado) is where the series is being translated into Spanish
> 
> Thanks again to everyone who read until the end!! You guys are the best <33333


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